Bittersweet Memories (Off-Limits)

I look up when Alanna walks into the kitchen at seven in the morning, biting back a smile when she freezes, her eyes running over my bare chest. I turn toward her, giving her a better view, and her gaze drops to my low-hanging shorts. If she keeps looking at me like that, I’m going to embarrass myself. She tells me she wants to forget about our night together, but she’s clearly lying. I’ve always been able to see through her lies, and I’m glad that hasn’t changed.

Too bad she’s already dressed for work. I want to see her in one of my old t-shirts, the ones she used to love. She has no idea how many times I imagined us having a lazy morning together. I’d make her coffee, and she’d sit on the kitchen counter wearing one of my shirts. This isn’t the exact future I imagined, but it’s close enough to make me smile like a fool.

My eyes roam over her body, taking in the pencil skirt she’s wearing and the pink blouse that’s just about low enough for me to catch a hint of her breasts, but not low enough to be indecent. She looks sexy as hell, and I almost wish I could just keep her home so her colleagues won’t get to see her looking like that.

“Morning,” I tell her.

Alanna snaps out of it, her cheeks turning rosy as she bites down on her lip, her gaze wandering all over the kitchen nervously. She clearly still wants me, and that’s enough for me. Even though she can’t remember me, it’s still me she wants. It’s still me she instinctively trusts, or she wouldn’t be here with me. After years of searching for her, here she is, exactly where I want her to be.

“Morning,” she says, her voice so soft I barely hear her.

“Coffee?” I hold up a coffee I’d just made her, and she takes it from me hesitantly. I watch as she musters up the courage to ask me something before shaking her head and raising the cup to her lips. Silly girl. Of course her coffee is oat milk with two shots of espresso and more sugar than she should have. It’s exactly the kind of coffee we couldn’t afford but that she loved before she lost it all. I wonder what she’d have done if I handed her a black coffee. Why won’t she just ask me for what she wants? Do I intimidate her?

Her eyes widen as she takes a sip, and I bite back a smile. “It’s perfect,” she says, giving me the biggest smile. Fucking hell. She’s still so fucking beautiful, and that smile of hers still disarms me. Alanna’s smile drops all of a sudden, her delight replaced by confusion. “How did you—”

“I made it for myself,” I lie. Shit. I need to be careful with my knowledge of her. “I wanted to try out something sweeter, but decided it isn’t for me, so you can have it.”

She nods as she takes another sip and I lean against the counter, enjoying the way she’s sneaking glances at me. It’s surreal to me that we’re standing here together. She has no idea how happy I am just having her around. I need to find a way to make her stay, because I don’t think I can ever let her go again. I don’t ever want to spend another morning by myself, not when I can have this.

“Wait for me,” I tell her. “Let’s go to work together.”

“Oh no,” she begins to say, but I hold my hand up and shake my head.

“Wait for me,” I repeat, my tone firm.

Alanna freezes, and I walk away before she’s able to throw any excuses my way. I get that she wants to keep our living arrangements a secret, especially because her team is already wary of her. In that regard, she’s still the same. She still wants to earn people’s respect and loyalty the honest way. Even at the shelter, she always worked harder than anyone else, wanting to earn her right to be there. A lot may have changed in the last five years, but deep down, she’s still my Ray.

My thoughts are so filled with her as I get ready that I almost miss the sound of my ringing phone. “Amy?”

“Boss,” she says. “I found out that Alanna’s landlord was paid ten grand to evict her. The payment was made in cash, but I accessed your brother’s bank records, and a few days ago, he took ten grand out of the account you let him use. From what I understand, Alanna has been avoiding him ever since he came to find her at the office, and since I took away his access to the top floor, he was probably getting desperate.”

That fucker. He’s trying to force her back to him. Thank fuck I was at the office last night, or she really might have gone back to him out of sheer desperation.

“Got it. Good work, Amy. Limit his transactions to $100. Anything above that will require my approval.”

I end the call with fury coursing through my veins. This motherfucker put my girl on the streets, nearly putting her through the same hell she barely survived the first time. Maybe Amy is right about him after all. This isn’t the first time he’s done something that made me question whether I’m just wasting my time trying to salvage our relationship, constantly choosing to see the best in him, even when he proves me wrong. The guilt I feel toward him is the only thing that’s holding me back. I haven’t just taken his home from him now… I’m taking Alanna back from him too.

I want to confront him, but if I do so, I’ll have to admit that I know Alanna was evicted. With her being as wary as she is, I don’t want to do anything that’ll give him a chance to swoop in and accomplish what he set out to do, forcing her back to him. For the time being, no one can find out that she’s living with me. Not until I’ve convinced her to stay.

Alanna looks up when I walk into the living room, her gaze searching. “What’s wrong?”

She still reads me the way she used to. I could never tell how she did it. Even when I try my hardest to keep my emotions from showing, she sees through the facade. What do I tell her? Would she believe me if I tell her about her landlord? I have no concrete evidence, because the money came out of my account.

“Nothing. Let’s go.”

She nods and follows me to the car. I hold the door open for her, enjoying the way her body brushes against mine as she gets into the car.

“I’ve never seen anything like this, you know? A car lift that goes all the way to your house and parks your car in the middle of the living room. It’s very… manly?”

I get into the car and bite back a smirk as I lean over her under the guise of buckling her in. I love how nervous she gets around me, how her breath hitches and her eyes widen. She thinks she’s acting reserved, but her body is betraying her in the very best way.

“You don’t like it? The floor of the lift is just marble tile, so if there’s no car in there, the living room floor is seamless. I can just park the car in the regular garage, where I park the others. It’s just that this specific car is quite expensive, so it’s an insurance thing.”

The seatbelt clicks into place, and she exhales slowly. I just love stealing these little moments with her. I can’t push her too far, or she’ll just move out and I’ll be back at square one, but this much I can do. At some point, she’s going to have to admit to herself that she wants me. Even if all she feels for me is lust, I’ll take that. The line between love and lust is a blurry one, after all.

“Oh, no. That’s not what I meant. I shouldn’t have said anything at all. I’m sorry. I just meant that it’s pretty cool.”

I nod and smirk at her. I’m going to have to find a separate garage for my Ferrari. She definitely doesn’t like having it in the living room.

“Your tie is the same color as my blouse,” she remarks as I start the car.

I glance over at her, pretending to only just notice her blouse. “Hmm, you’re right. We look good together.”

Alanna’s outraged expression makes me laugh, earning me a look of wonder and astonishment. “I’ve never seen you laugh before.”

She raises her hand to her chest, making me wonder if her heart skips a beat around me, the way mine does when she smiles.

“You’d better enjoy it,” I tell her. “It’s a rare sight.”

She turns to me and rests her cheek against the car’s headrest. “How so?”

“For the longest time, there wasn’t much in my life to smile about, let alone laugh. For years, I’ve felt like the most important part of me was missing.” Until now.

Alanna nods. “Yeah,” she whispers. “I know how that feels.”

I glance at her and smile. I’m going to have to make it my mission to make her laugh now. One way or another, I want her to feel the happiness she brought back into my life.

“Oh, please stop here, Silas.”

I frown. Why would I stop a block away from the office?

“Please, Silas.”

I sigh and pull up to the curb. “Why am I stopping here?”

She undoes her seatbelt and smiles nervously. “If we’re seen arriving together, everyone will be asking me questions about it and I won’t know what to say. When Ryan came to our department, I was teased about it for days on end, including by people I don’t even know. I just want to focus on work and not invite more rumors.”

I run a hand through my hair in annoyance. If it were up to me, I’d be shouting from the fucking rooftops that she’s living with me, but I don’t seem to have a say in this matter. “Fine.”

Alanna smiles at me before rushing out of the car, and I shake my head as I watch her for a moment. How long is it going to take to truly make her mine once more? I’m already running out of patience.