Bittersweet Memories (Off-Limits)

My heart races as I hold the passenger door open for Alanna. What would have happened if I hadn’t been at the office tonight? Where would she have gone? Thoughts of her with Ryan assault me, and my stomach churns. Would she have gone back to him?

“Silas,” she whispers, a hint of fear in her voice. It kills me to see so much insecurity in her eyes and no acknowledgement of everything we used to be. She has no idea what she means to me.

“I have a spare bedroom,” I murmur, my heart heavy. “Since you’re shadowing me at me work, I prefer for you to be on call 24/7. Josh stayed in that room more nights than I can count, and so will you.”

She stares at me as though she doesn’t believe me, and I can hardly blame her. Josh was my mentee for nearly two years, but in that time, he only stayed here a handful of times. It was only ever when we were swamped with highly confidential work that he’d stay the night.

“Josh stayed here too?”

I nod and walk away before she can question me further. Alanna has always had an uncanny ability to see straight through my lies. She might not remember me, but I have no doubt that deep down, her heart still beats with mine.

I lead her through the house and pause in front of the guest room, holding the door open for her. It’s a nice room, done up in neutral colors, yet filled with the same luxury that surrounds the rest of this place. This home is my sanctuary, and that extends to this guest room. It’s another room that’s a fulfilled fantasy she can’t even remember. She doesn’t know it, but she designed this room, back when all we had was a handful of dreams.

Her gaze wanders over the interior, her discomfort apparent in the way she wraps her arms around herself. I’d give the world to take her in my arms right now and hold her until she’s feeling better.

“Alanna, you haven’t even received your first paycheck yet, so you won’t be able to put a deposit down, even if you find a place. I doubt you can afford a hotel, and I’m not so heartless that I’ll have you stay somewhere unsafe. If you’re worried about what people might say, then I’m happy to keep you staying here a secret. Will that make you feel better? It’s not like Josh and I informed anyone whenever he’d stay over.”

She stares at me, her expression unreadable. “I want to say no, Silas… but I have nowhere else to go. Would you let me stay here until I find somewhere to live? In the meantime, I can pay you rent, and I can help with chores, too.”

I smile at her even though my heart is aching. What would she say if I told her I designed this place with her in mind? This penthouse is everything we’ve ever wanted, our every dream and fantasy come true. This is exactly where she’s supposed to be.

“Just do some of the chores,” I murmur. “If you do that, I’ll consider that payment for the spare bedroom. Stay as long as you want.” Ideally, forever.

She starts to object, and I shake my head. “Do you have any idea how expensive a housekeeper is? It’s a good deal for me.”

Alanna hesitates, clearly unwilling to commit to living here, but eventually she nods. “Okay,” she whispers. “It’ll only be a few weeks. I won’t bother you for long at all, I promise.”

I’m so tempted to take a step closer to her. I want to bury my hand in her hair the way I used to and tip her face up toward mine. I want her body against mine and tell her that I’m never letting her go now that she’s finally found her way back to me. But I can’t.

“You’re not bothering me at all, Alanna. Do I seem like the kind of man that goes around doing his employees favors? The only reason you’re here is because it’s more convenient for me, and I happen to need a housekeeper. You don’t need to feel obliged, since this is a mutually beneficial deal.”

She looks at me and tilts her head, as though she’s assessing me. “You say that, but your words are never in line with your actions.”

I frown. “What do you mean?”

She smiles tightly and shakes her head. “It’s nothing. Would it be okay if I looked around?”

I smirk, unable to help myself. “Didn’t you see most of it last time? Or were you too focused on getting my clothes off?”

Her eyes widen, and a blush stains her cheeks pink. “Silas,” she says, her voice soft. “You can’t… we… we work together, and we’ll be living together for a little while too. We can’t… please don’t bring up that night. I really don’t want things to be awkward between us. Please, can we forget about it?”

I take a step back as her words pierce straight through my heart. That night was the first night I truly felt whole again, yet to her it’s a shameful memory. How did Alanna and I end up this way?

“I understand,” I tell her, and I do. I get it, but there’s no way I’m forgetting about that night. She wanted me then, more so than she ever has before, and that couldn’t have been fake. She might not remember me, but her body does. “Go ahead and take a look around. Nothing is off-limits to you, so just treat this place as yours.”

I force a smile before walking away, needing a moment to myself. What would she do if she knew how much she’s hurting me? If she hadn’t lost her memories, would things be different now?

I walk into my bedroom and look around, seeing it through fresh eyes. Would I be sharing this bedroom with Alanna, instead of having her sleep a few doors down? I inhale slowly as I sit down on my bed. I won her over once, and I’ll do it again.

Her being evicted is one of the best things that could’ve happened to me, but there’s no way this is a coincidence.

I grab my phone and call Amy. “Hey, I need you to find out why Alanna was suddenly evicted from the place she was renting. Something isn’t right, and I want to know what it is. Please also send someone over to pick up some boxes from the office and have them delivered to my house.”