Bittersweet Memories (Off-Limits)

Yesterday was my first official day of work, but since it mostly consisted of setting up my laptop and learning about the numerous company rules and security measures, I didn’t do any actual work. I’m nervous and worried about far too many things that shouldn’t even be a factor. I keep thinking of Silas and the way he touched me last weekend, the way he provoked me in his office. Then my thoughts inadvertently turn to Ryan, and shame hits me hard.

I run a hand through my hair as I walk toward where Jessica and Josh are seated. From what I understand, I’ll be receiving my first assignment today, and I’m equal parts excited and scared. I’m worried that I truly don’t belong in this department, and that it’ll show. My team members all seem so extraordinary, and I don’t fit in. Josh graduated at the top of his class at Astor College and then worked for Grayson Callahan’s IT firm for years, and Jessica worked for the government before joining Sinclair Security. Though she’ll neither confirm nor deny what she did exactly, I know it’s something impressive. From what I can tell, our other team members are equally impressive.

“Alanna?” I freeze a few steps away from my desk, my stomach churning at the sound of his voice. Ryan. My heart starts to race, a familiar ache making me take a step back. The last time I saw him was when I overheard him talking shit about me… the night I slept with his brother.

“Alanna, what’s going on? You broke up with me over text and I haven’t been able to reach you since then. What happened? Did someone do something to you? Honey, there’s nothing we can’t resolve together. There must be a misunderstanding of some sort.”

He looks at me with the same gaze that won me over in the first place. When he looks at me like that, it feels like he’s laying his soul bare to me, showing me vulnerability that no one else gets to see. He looks so distraught that I find myself second-guessing what I heard that night.

“It’s nothing,” I murmur, aware of the curious looks we’re getting from my team. “This isn’t the right time or place to talk about this.” Silas must really have had his car towed, or Ryan would’ve been far more angry with me. Too bad he never saw the damage I did.

Ryan stares at me for a moment and grits his teeth before nodding reluctantly. “Fine, but I won’t let you avoid me any longer. We need to talk. Today.” He walks past me and straight into Silas’s office, and my stomach drops. Surely Silas wouldn’t say anything, right? I shouldn’t care, but the thought of Ryan finding out what I did fills me with shame.

“So you’re the boss’s brother’s girl, huh?” Josh says. “I was wondering how you got into the Ψ division. We’ve never had a rookie join.”

I stare at him, unsure what to say. “I’m not his girl. I get how this looks,” I tell him. “But I can assure you that I applied to join Sinclair Security long before I started dating Ryan. Give me a chance, and I’ll prove to you that I belong here as much as you do.”

I sound much more confident than I feel, and I wonder if Josh realizes it. He looks into my eyes as though he’s assessing me, and then he nods before sitting down, dismissing me.

“Don’t mind him,” Jessica says. “He’s just mad he’s no longer the youngest on the team. Silas mentored him because he was our newbie, but you’ve stolen that role and his mentor. He’ll get over it at some point.”

“Silas used to mentor Josh?”

She nods. “He always mentors our newest team member himself. We’ve all had the privilege of learning from Silas, but Josh definitely had him as his mentor the longest.”

I bite down on my lip, embarrassment washing over me. I accused Silas of mentoring me so he could get rid of me, but that isn’t what he’s doing at all. He’s granting me a privilege, yet I treated it as punishment.

I look up when Ryan storms out of Silas’s office. “Alanna!” Silas shouts immediately after, his tone filled with barely restrained anger.

I jump up, and Josh smirks at me. “You’re crazy if you think you’re going to be treated differently just because you’re the boss’s sister-in-law. He’s going to be just as tough on you as he is on us, so good luck with that. You’ve just made a terrible impression by letting your boyfriend come here during working hours. You’re doomed.”

“Shut up, Josh,” Jessica says. “The only reason the boss hired you is because he’s friends with Grayson Callahan, and you had a personal recommendation from him. So sit your ass down and mind your business.”

Josh glares at her, but she merely smirks at me, making me smile in return. “Go,” she says. “Best not to keep the boss waiting. He doesn’t get mad often, but he has a zero tolerance policy for unprofessionalism. This really wasn’t your fault, but you’ll be implicated nonetheless. Just beg for mercy. He’s not as bad as he seems.”

I nod at her gratefully and rush toward Silas’s office. Whatever Ryan just said to him can’t have been good. Is Ryan going to cost me my job?

“Close the door,” Silas snaps.

He grits his teeth and runs a hand through his hair as he walks around the desk. The anger in his eyes has me taking a step back, until I’m backed against the door.

“Explain to me why the fuck Ryan just asked to be transferred to the Ψ division.”

He walks right up to me and rests his forearm against the door, caging me in. Silas leans into me and looks into my eyes, a mere inch separating his body from mine. The scent of his cologne washes over me, the familiar smell sending a rush of desire through me. My heart starts to race, memories of the two of us dancing through my mind.

“I don’t know,” I tell him honestly.

Silas smiles humorlessly and lifts his free hand to my face, cupping my cheek tenderly despite the fury in his eyes.

“You don’t know, huh?” He murmurs. His thumb brushes over my lip, and my breathing accelerates. I can’t think straight when he’s this close. “He told me you two had an argument, and he wants a chance to make it up to you. Ryan all but begged me to let him join the Ψ division. He doesn’t seem to be under the impression that you two are over.”

Silas’s fingers slowly trail from my cheek to my ear before he tangles them through my hair. He tightens his grip and tilts my face toward his, making my body arch toward him until my breasts brush against his chest. “You saw the text I sent him,” I remind him. “I broke up with him before you took me home. I swear.” There isn’t just anger in his eyes, there’s pain, too. I can deal with his anger, but I can’t stand the thought of hurting him. It’s irrational, and it’s crazy, but my heart aches when he looks at me that way.

Silas takes a step toward me, pressing his body against mine so I’m fully trapped between him and the door behind me. “I did see that text, but I have no idea what you’ve said to him since.”

I look into his eyes, trying to decipher his expression. “Why do you care?” I ask, my voice soft. “Even if I get back together with Ryan, why do you care?”

“You won’t.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “What makes you so sure? He and I have history together.”

“History,” he repeats mockingly, his tone low and angry. “You want to know why I’m so sure, baby?”

I nod against better judgement, and Silas smiles. He untangles his hand from my hair and smirks as his fingers trail over my neck, down to my collarbone, until he’s brushing over my nipples. I bite down on my lip, resisting the urge to arch my back in a silent plea for more. “It’s because he can’t fuck you like I can. After being with me, you won’t go back to him.” I feel him harden against me, and my pussy clenches at the memory of him inside me. “Your body won’t let you. You’re standing here in my office, your pussy soaking wet for me when I’ve barely even touched you. You pretend you want to forget about that night, but you can’t. It replays in your mind, over and over again, just like it does in mine. That’s why you won’t go back to him. The question is… have you made that clear to him?”

I laugh nervously and try my hardest to control my breathing. He’s right. I haven’t been able to look at him without wanting him, and I’m not even remotely thinking of getting back with Ryan. Even worse, I’m not even heartbroken when I should be. Silas consumes all of my thoughts, making the pain fade away. “You’re so full of yourself. I haven’t thought about you once since that night, and no, Silas, I’m not wet for you. If anything, I’m just embarrassed on your behalf.”

He chuckles, some of his earlier anger replaced by lust. He leans into me, his lips brushing over my ear. “Your nipples are so hard, I can feel them straight through your bra,” he whispers. “The next time you want to pretend you don’t want me, make sure your body isn’t betraying you.”

He pulls away, looking far too pleased with himself, and I cross my arms, hiding my goddamned traitorous nipples from him. Silas smiles at me, and there’s something about that smile that hits me right in the chest. His earlier worries seem gone, and I shouldn’t care about that, but I do. Something about our interaction just now set him at ease, and I really shouldn’t encourage this, but I’m just relieved he’s no longer angry.

“Come on,” he says. “You’re attending a meeting with me. After that, I’ll brief you on your first project.”

He smirks as he walks back to his desk to grab his briefcase, and I stare at his back. Silas Sinclair… he’ll be the death of me, and I’m scared I’ll go willingly.