Bittersweet Memories (Off-Limits)

“Where are we with the lawyer?” I ask, frustrated. I’ve been on edge ever since Alanna came over for dinner. I’ve always wanted to see her in the home I grew up in — I just never expected she’d be sitting there as my brother’s girlfriend. It fucks me up endlessly.

I’m at a loss. She doesn’t remember me, and even worse, she seems happy with Ryan. I suspect that Mona orchestrated them meeting each other, but his feelings seem sincere. From what I can tell, he’s innocent in this situation, a mere pawn in his mother’s schemes.

What the fuck do I do? What am I supposed to do when she seems to be in love with my brother. I don’t want to hurt either of them, but I can’t just sit back and watch them together. My heart can’t take it. I can’t fucking stand watching him drape his arm around her, I can’t stand to see her look at him the way she once looked at me. Fuck that. I can’t do it.

I spent years searching for her, only to find her in my little brother’s arms. Had it been anyone else, I may have been able to walk away and wish her well, but Ryan? He’s the one person she can’t be with. Especially because I’m certain Mona orchestrated this somehow. Ever since I took back what she owed me, she’s been trying to find a way to gain the upper hand, and I’m scared she’s succeeded. She found a way to manipulate me, and neither Alanna nor Ryan appear to be aware of the role they’re playing in her plans.

Amy straightens and shakes her head apologetically. “One of the two witnesses that oversaw the signing of your father’s will passed away recently, and the other still hasn’t been found. As far as we can tell, he left the country shortly after your father died and hasn’t returned since. The moment he steps foot into the country, we’ll know.”

I nod, my thoughts reeling. In the last few years, I’ve managed to gain back most of what I lost, fighting dirty to get it. For years, I anonymously purchased my father’s stocks until I had enough to make an impact. Then I sold it all off, sinking the share price until it was nearly nothing, allowing me to buy back a larger share at a lower price. I brought Mona to the brink of bankruptcy and then pretended to save her from it. I never should’ve had to play such dumb games at all. It all should’ve been mine from the start.

“What about Alanna? Have you figured out how she ended up with Ryan? Is he even remotely aware of our past?” Part of me wishes that my brother is in on this. If he is, I can tear Alanna and him apart without a single ounce of remorse. If he isn’t… then that complicates matters. I’ve already taken so much from him as it is. I took his home away from him the way Mona once took it from me, evicting them both. I couldn’t risk letting him stay, because she’d just use him to regain access to the house. I want to keep Ryan out of my revenge on Mona as best as I can, but I can’t shield him entirely. Now that Mona has involved Alanna through him, I’m not sure what to do. My hands are tied. I don’t want to hurt either of them.

Amy shakes her head. “Alanna doesn’t have social media accounts, which is part of the reason we could never trace her. Ryan, on the other hand, has never posted anything about her. We’re still checking both of their location data history, but it’ll be a bit longer before we’ll have any meaningful conclusions. I thought checking whether their location data intersected at specific places would give us a clue, but nothing so far. The best I can come up with is that they met at the beach like they told you and started dating shortly after, but there must be more to it than that. I can’t prove that their initial meeting was orchestrated by Mona, but I suspect it was. From what I’ve observed, there has been no indication that Ryan is aware of your past with Alanna.”

I nod and run a hand through my hair. Five years, and all I’ve found is a fucking mess. My girl doesn’t remember me, and everything I’ve regained feels empty without her.

“Silas,” Amy says, her voice soft. “I know that the current circumstances aren’t ideal, but I firmly believe that the two of you are meant to be. If you give it some time, she’ll find her way back to you. I just know it.”

I smile at her, a spark of hope lighting in my cold heart. “I suppose in many ways, this is a new start. It’s like we’re meeting all over again, but this time I have a lot more to offer her. I guess it’s a chance to win her back and treat her the way I’ve always wanted to, right from the start.”

Amy grins at me. “Exactly. Besides, you know what your brother is like. Alanna can’t truly be happy with him. I suspect she’s only with him because somehow, he reminded her of you.”

I lean back in my seat, taking in the disgust in her eyes. “Why do you hate my brother so much? You’ve always been my most professional employee, yet you’ve always failed to hide your hatred for him.”

Amy looks away. “I don’t hate him, per se.” She hesitates before she looks back at me. “I just see what you refuse to see. When you look at Ryan, you see a chance to make up for lost time. You see him as the kid he used to be, and even though I think it’s too late, you see a chance to save him from his mother’s influence. I get it, boss. I do. I’m just worried about you. He’s using you, and you’re letting him. Him dating Alanna? There’s no way there’s no foul play there, Silas. It’s true that so far, he seems innocent, but I just don’t believe that he is. I can’t prove how or why yet, but I can’t be wrong about this. You’re blinded by him, blinded by your guilt and your shared past, so you don’t see it, but I do.”

She starts to pace in my office, looking back at me with anguish burning in her eyes. “You once saved me, Silas. You took a chance on a young widow with two kids I could barely keep fed, and you saved us all. Throughout the last couple of years, you’ve become family to me. To me, you’re the brother I never had, so keep that in mind when I tell you that your real sibling is using you as a walking, talking ATM. He isn’t interested in a relationship with you — he’s only interested in not losing the lifestyle he used to have. When you bought out Mona, she wasn’t left with enough money to maintain their previous living standard, so they came after you. I know you don’t want to believe me, but you need to be careful. It doesn’t sit well with me that he went after Alanna. This cannot be coincidence.”

I rub my face and nod. “I hear you, Amy,” I murmur. She’s been worried about me from the moment Ryan became part of my life again, disliking the fact that I’ve given him access to whatever he wanted. I know what she’s saying, but I don’t think Ryan is beyond salvation, and while it would be convenient for me to believe he went after Alanna with an agenda, there’s no proof of that. He truly seems to love her, and though it fucking kills me, she seems to feel the same way about him. My brother isn’t that good of a liar, and there wasn’t a single hint of deception in his expression over dinner. If he was faking it, I’d know. He loves her.

I sigh as I run a hand through my hair and stare up at the ceiling, unsure what to do. I still remember how hard it was for me when Mona threw me out, and I’m trying my best to shield Ryan from my actions as best as I can. Suddenly losing everything pushed me into a downward spiral, and though I wasn’t willing to give up on my revenge, I’m trying my hardest to shield Ryan from the consequences of it. I want Mona to suffer, but I don’t want Ryan to be caught up in it. I know he’s spoiled, but deep down, he isn’t a bad kid. He was just raised by a terrible person.

Had I been around, he wouldn’t have been the way he is now. When Dad died, I promised him that I’d protect Ryan, and that’s exactly what I’m trying to do. Maybe it’s too little too late, but I have to try. I owe it to our dad.

If I can, I’ll give Ryan everything he would’ve had if I hadn’t stepped back into his life and forcibly taken it from him — except for Alanna. It’s going to kill him to lose her, but one way or another, I’m making her mine… even if it comes at the cost of my relationship with my brother.

My only worry is that it’s no longer me she wants. If Alanna really is happy with Ryan, can I truly take away that happiness? Can I knowingly break her heart because of my own selfish desires?