Bittersweet Memories (Off-Limits)

“You look beautiful tonight,” Ryan says, his eyes lingering on my chest. “Don’t be nervous, okay? You’ll do great.”

I look up at him and smile tightly. I should be nervous about meeting Ryan’s family, but I’m still thinking about Simon. That look in his eyes… what was that?

I bite down on my lip, my stomach twisting with anxiety. The things he said… I should be scared, but I’m not. There’s something about him I can’t quite place, something familiar and safe.

“Hey,” Ryan says, his arm wrapping around me. “You aren’t still worried about that weirdo from the coffee shop, are you? I’ll take care of him, I promise.”

I shake my head, my anxiety turning to dread. I never should’ve told Ryan what happened, but I just couldn’t help myself. That entire exchange with Simon just felt so… sinful. I know I did nothing wrong, but somehow I felt like I did, like hiding what happened would be wrong.

“No, that’s not it,” I lie. “I’m just nervous about meeting your family.” It’s not a total lie. I truly am nervous about meeting them.

I know next to nothing about the Sinclairs. I know they come from old money, but googling them mostly resulted in investment reports and financial news. There was no tabloid news. Nothing to tell me who they are. I briefly met his mother when I was volunteering at the beach, on the day Ryan and I met, but we haven’t been formally introduced before, and I’m not sure she even remembers me.

“It’s just my brother and my mother tonight, sweetheart. You’ll do great.”

I nod and stare at myself in the mirror. I’m wearing a dress I can barely afford, and I’m worried I look as uncomfortable in it as I feel.

“You look like you might actually be even more nervous than I am,” I murmur.

Ryan looks away and sighs. “I am. My brother and I… we aren’t that close. We haven’t really spoken in years, and we’re only just getting to know each other again. He reappeared in our lives under somewhat strained circumstances, and we’re kind of trying to find a way to be a family again, he and I.”

I frown, confused. “You never told me that. In fact, you never really talk about your family at all.” I haven’t dared to ask, because I don’t want to seem like I’m prying. I’m scared asking too many questions will make him think I’m after him for who his family is, but I’m also scared of saying the wrong thing tonight simply because I don’t know enough about the Sinclairs.

Ryan stares at me and runs his hands down my shoulders, nodding. “Well… it’s complicated. My brother, Silas… he’s my half-brother. Our father passed away when I was young, and Silas left home shortly after. He kind of fell off the grid until recently. I want us to be close again, like we were when I was younger, but it isn’t that simple.” He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “Tonight means everything to me. We only really have dinner together every few months.”

I bite down on my lip, worried. “Are you sure I should be there tonight? It sounds like it’s a family occasion.”

Ryan lifts his hand to my face and brushes the back of his hand across my cheek. The move has a tremor running down my spine. Simon touched me in the exact same way, but his hands were bigger, rougher… and when he looked at me, it truly was like I was all he could see. Ryan isn’t even looking at me. He’s lost in thought — he always is.

“Of course you should be there. You’re bound to become part of our family, and my brother is going to love you.”

My eyes widen and Ryan smiles. We’ve only been together for a few months, and marriage hasn’t even been on my mind yet. To have him mention it so casually… that’s pretty special.

“He’s a lot like you,” Ryan says, a sad smile on his face. “He cares about giving back to the community, and he does a lot of volunteer work like you do. You two will get along great. Having you around will break the tension.”

I smile nervously, the pressure weighing down on me. I can’t shake that nervousness as Ryan leads me to his car, and my anxiety only increases as I get in. Ryan loves this car, and every single time he picks me up, I’m scared I’ll damage it somehow. There’s no way I could afford repairs on a car like this.

“Hey,” he says as he places his hand on my thigh. “Relax, okay? It’ll be fun tonight. The food will be good, and my family will love you.”

I nod, trying my best to control my breathing. I feel so out of place. I feel like a fraud, and at any second Ryan is going to realize that I don’t belong in his world, that he can’t introduce me to his family after all.

My heart starts to race when a large iron gate swings open to reveal an actual mansion. The house makes me feel the same way this car does. Inadequate. Out of place.

I’m only barely keeping myself from shaking by the time we reach the front door and I glance at Ryan for support, but his attention isn’t on me. He’s staring up at the house with an expression I’ve never seen before… almost like a mixture of longing and contempt.

I follow him through the house, my heels clicking loudly on the marble floors. Somehow that just adds to my embarrassment, even though I can’t help it.

“Mother,” Ryan says as he walks into what appears to be the dining room. “I didn’t realize you were here already.”

I take in the long table and the woman sitting at the head of it. She stands to kiss Ryan on the cheek before turning to me.

“Alanna, right?”

I nod as I walk up to her, hesitating. I’m not sure how to greet her, but thankfully she takes the decision out of my hands by wrapping me in a brief, firm hug.

“I’m Mona,” she tells me. “It’s great to finally formally meet the woman that has my little boy so smitten. Ryan hasn’t shut up about you since that day at the beach.”

I smile and breathe a sigh of relief. “It’s lovely to officially meet you too.” She’s nice. It seems like I was worried about nothing. Maybe tonight won’t be so bad after all.

Mona’s eyes widen, an excited glint in her gaze. “Oh, Silas! There you are, darling.”

I tense. Silas Sinclair. Ryan’s older brother and the CEO of the country’s largest security firm. The same firm I just applied for a job at. He’s a man shrouded in secrecy, allegedly one of the most dangerous people in the city. I’m nervous as I turn around to greet him.

My heart skips a beat when I look into his emerald green eyes, the same eyes I haven’t stopped thinking about since earlier today.

“Simon?” I whisper.