SWNOVELS Beyond the Game: Chapter 21
It’s twelve-thirty when I feel his strong arms lift me from the couch. The smell of his cologne wafting into my nose as I snuggle into his chest.
His bare chest.
My eyes open lazily and I peer up at him as he carries me to my room.
“You’re home.”
He kisses my cheek. “I’m here, Tate. I’m home.”
“How long have you been here?”
I can barely see his smile in the darkness of my room. “Long enough to kiss Summer and get ready for bed before I came to get you.”
I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck inhaling him. “I’m really glad you’re here.”
“Me too, Babe.” He lays me down and then slides into my bed next to me. I turn toward him, nuzzling into his side. “Fuck, it feels good to finally be able to hold you.”
If it’s possible for my entire body to swoon, it just did. He makes me feel cherished. He makes me feel safe. He makes me feel like anything I could ever want out of this life is possible when I’m with him. His finger under my chin, he raises my head against his shoulder until he can see my face and then his lips are on mine soft, but demanding, hungry. His tongue slides against my lips and I open them welcoming him in and deepening our kiss, but what I feel from him isn’t what I expected.
He isn’t the primal man he was last summer.
This isn’t the carnal side of Dex Foster I once experienced.
This kiss is different.
He’s different.
He’s telling me how much he missed me.
“Tatum.” My name is a whisper as his hands slide gently down my body. I whimper at his touch because damn if I don’t want this man. All of him. I want to remember what it was like with him many months ago. I want to remember how it felt to be free with him. I want to relive the feeling of being alive and uninhibited with him. “Fuck, I’ve missed you.”
He grips the back of my neck and tilts my head, his tongue delving deeper inside me, swallowing my moans and feeding me his.
“Dex.”
He pulls me over him so I’m straddling his hardened cock and fuuuuuck if it isn’t hard. I nearly forgot what it felt like.
“Are you still bleeding?”
“A little.” I nod, disappointed.
He must see my sadness because he brings his palm to my cheek and says, “Hey. It’s okay. We don’t have to do anything tonight. I’m perfectly content right here. I just want to be near you. Touch you. See you. I never thought I would hate being away from someone but this week fucking gutted me.”
“Dex.” I lean down to press my lips against his again and when I do, my body shifts over his cock and, “Oooh. My. God.” I gasp. “You feel so incredible.”
Slowly, I move my hips against him, the friction sending my body into a frenzy of need and desire.
“Yeah? You like that?”
“Mhmmmmm.”
I sit up now, his hands on my hips as he guides me over his cock and back, again, and again, and again. “Dex, this body hasn’t seen much action in the last nine months and I am a desperate, desperate woman.”
“You need to get off, Tate?”
“Like. You. Wouldn’t. Believe.”
“Then ride me, baby. Take me. Use me. Whatever you need.”
He lifts his hips and I rock against his cock, the pressure on my clit just enough to give me the friction I need. Dex lifts my t-shirt over my head and reaches for my nursing bra but I shake my head.
“Dex, they’ll leak.”
“Good. Let them. I’m not afraid of a little breast milk. I play hockey, remember? Trust me, I’ve seen some awful shit and this ain’t it. Free yourself, Tatum. Allow yourself to feel what you want to feel. I’m right here. I’ll give it to you. Anything you want.”
I dry hump him while he helps me remove my bra and though they’re a little sore, I have to admit, freeing my heavy breasts from their constant bondage does feel amazing. Gently he brings his hands to the sides of my breasts, fondling them softly. My head falls back and my mouth opens as I moan through my pleasure and that’s when it happens. Milk draining from my nipples. Down my body. On Dex’s body. On his face.
God!
“Fuck! I’m sorry, Dex. I’m so sorry.” I move to climb off him and clean myself up but he holds me against his cock, thrusting up against me.
“Don’t you dare apologize.”
“Dex.”
“Tatum, look at me.”
I don’t want to meet his eye but I do what he asks because I know he won’t back down.
“This body right here,” he says, moving his hands up and down my rib cage. “This gorgeous body carried our child. Our child, Tatum. You did that. You carried her in this body and when the time came this body gave birth to her, and if that isn’t a magical, beautiful thing, I don’t know what is. And after all that, your body still feeds and nourishes her. Tatum, I watched your body do things I never imagined I would see in my lifetime and although at the time, I was a little freaked out and scared, as you were, I was and continue to be in awe of you. I’m not running away. I’m still here, and I want you. Okay?”
I don’t answer him.
But I hear him.
“What’s happening here is fucking natural and I’m not bothered by it one bit. All I care about right now is you, Tatum. Your pleasure. Your happiness.”
“But—”
“If you sucked me off and I came in your mouth or all over your chin, would you swallow it down?”
“You know I would.”
“Then how is this any different?”
“I…”
“There’s no judgement here, Tatum. Let yourself go. I’m not your ex.”
Tears spill down my cheeks. “I know you’re not. You’re a million times better than he ever was, Dex.”
“That’s right baby.” He shifts me over his cock with a hungry grin. “So, make a mess. I’ll clean it up. I don’t fucking care. This, whatever this is between us, this is what I’ve craved for months so take me. Use me. Grind on me. Spray my face, I don’t care. Just let go and take what you want.”
And so I do, and this time I don’t stop. I don’t stop until I’m coming against him, suppressing my moans so as not to wake the baby, and finally finding the relief I’ve so desperately needed.
Afterwards, he starts a warm shower for me and helps me step in, and then changes the bed sheets while I’m enjoying the warm water. He joins me for a quick wash and rinse. Never once pursuing more. He washes my hair and soaps my body, never asking for a thing in return. All I can think about when I’m lying in his arms before drifting off to sleep is how much I don’t deserve Dex Foster, but I’ll be damned if I don’t return the favor for all the love and compassion he’s shown me since he reentered my life. He deserves to let go too. He deserves to feel free the way he encourages me. I need to see him, hear him, and feel him fall apart at my touch again. And I need it to happen soon.
___
Maternity leave came and went faster than I ever could have imagined and I do not like the idea of leaving my baby for an entire day so that I can go sculpt the minds of other peoples’ kids. Ugh, when did I become so heartless? Or is it just that my heart is so full of Summer that I’m having trouble making room for anyone else?
Yeah.
That’s got to be it.
When I set out for Chicago late last summer, I thought this year was going to be a year of soul searching. A time of unbridled adventure. Meeting as many people as possible and making the most of my life, and then Summer happened. Now I can’t picture my life without her in it. Now, all I see when I look at her is pure joy and more love than I ever thought myself capable of giving to someone. I’ve heard it said that adults don’t know love until they have a baby, and while that might not be true for everyone, it’s certainly true for me. I would do absolutely anything for my little girl. I would walk through fire for her as would her daddy.
Dex has been here almost every waking moment he’s not on the ice. The minute he walks through the door he takes Summer in his arms and gives me a break, whether it’s a shower or a snack or some quiet time to read a book. He’s been a godsend and I am more appreciative of him than he could ever know. He was also instrumental in my not freaking out about having to leave Summer to go back to work. He registered Summer for the daycare housed in the arena and so far, he’s taken her with him to work every morning. At least if I can’t be close to her every day, one of us can.
“I swear to God the booger brigade is out to get me today.” Shelly makes her way to the sink and washes her hands, lathering herself in soap all the way to her elbows. “They’ve done nothing but sniffle and cough all morning. God forbid they cover their mouths.”
“T’is the season,” Rory says, tossing a grape into her mouth.
Nina stops scrolling on her phone and points out last night’s hockey score. “How many more games until Dex comes home this time?”
“Seven,” Rory and I both answer at the same time, giggling at each other across the table.
“Sorry.” Rory shrugs. “Force of habit.”
“Seven.” Nina cringes after swallowing a bite of her sandwich. “Ugh, that must be hard on you, Tate. You guys doing alright?”
“Yeah, we’re okay. Their first away stretch was rough but at least now I know what to expect. It’s a bit of a pain in the ass to have to drive into the city to drop Summer off at daycare and then drive back out to get here, but we’re making it work. Charlee and Rory have been great too, so I’m not always alone.”
Focused on drying her clean hands, Shelly answers, “Meh. It gets easier the more kids you have. Maybe you just need to have another one.”
I laugh. “You bite your tongue, woman. I just got my body back and I’m feeling like my old self again. I want to live in that for at least a little while.”
“Suit yourself.”
Rory smirks. “Now we just have to get Tatum to her very first Red Tails hockey game.”
“Ooooh,” Nina sings. “I bet Dex would love that.”
“He’s definitely been itching to get me there, but he’s been very understanding of Summer’s needs. And mine while I was on maternity leave.”
“He’s a good guy,” Nina swoons.
“He is.” I narrow my eyes at Rory. “Does he really dance to Taylor Swift before every game?”
“Every. Single. Game. It’s like his pregame ritual or something.”
“You mean like Colby Nelson and his Lucky Charms? Dex told me about that.”
“Yeah, kind of like that. They all have their own thing. It’s weird but if it helps them win, then, more power to them.” She nods.
“If you need a babysitter, I’m more than willing.”
“Thanks Nina. But I guess Dex has already worked it out for Summer to stay with the daycare in the building whenever I come to a game. Several other kids stay there too. Kids of other players and staff. So at least I know she’ll be in the building close by. Dex wanted to make sure I would have the night off so I can relax and have fun at the game.”
“Well, that’s incredibly sweet of him.” She smiles.
I send a quick wink to Rory. “He’s been way more attentive than I ever expected him to be. He cooks dinner when he’s in town and he spends his free time with Summer even if I’m working. He’s really a great dad.”
“Aaaaand?” Rory prods.
“Aaaaand, during his last away game stretch, he told me he wanted more. That he wanted…me.”
Nina squeals next to me, clapping her hands excitedly while Shelly nudges Rory’s elbow and smiles.
“Soooo we’re officially together.”
“YAAAAS!” Nina pumps her fist and Rory swipes her hand across her forehead.
“Phew, that took a while to say, huh?”
“I’m sorry.” I cringe with a laugh. “When I left Michigan to move to Chicago, I was excited for a new job, a new home, and a new me. Getting knocked up by a professional hockey player and having his child wasn’t exactly part of my plan.”
Rory reaches for my hand across the table. “But you’ve handled it with grace and all the bad-assary you have in you and I, for one, am very proud of you and happy for you aaaaand thankful because now I get to be the super cool aunt!”
“Well, I don’t know about badass, but Grace is my middle name.”
“So, are you excited about your first hockey game? I can’t wait to see how happy Dex will be to have you there.”
I can’t help the maniacal laugh that escapes my mouth. “Oh, Rory. How you underestimate my ability to pull a fast one on your brother.”
Her eyes grow huge. “What? What does that mean?”
“Oh, you’ll see.”