SWNOVELS Beyond the Game: Chapter 18
I called ahead to place an order with Freda’s Diner and then stopped at the closest Meijer to pick up some of Tatum’s favorites. Orange juice, goldfish crackers, her favorite tea, a bag of Hershey kisses, yogurt, and several restaurant gift cards she can use to order meals while I’m out of town. Not that her mother can’t cook for her, but this puts my mind at ease knowing she should eat well while I’m gone.
I’m beginning to hate that I’ll be gone.
Fucking hockey.
With my arms full of groceries and dinner, I open Tatum’s door to find her breastfeeding Summer on the couch while her mom cleans a few dishes in the sink. Watching Tatum breastfeed is nothing I haven’t seen before in the past couple days but being here…it feels like I’m invading her privacy. I give her a soft smile and then retreat to the kitchen to put away groceries and plate some dinner for her.
Once she’s done feeding, I make sure Tatum gets to eat while I hold our daughter. I soak her in as much as I can, her sweet scent, the sound of her breathing, the feel of her little warm body against my chest, the feel of her whole hand wrapped around just one of my fingers, the way my entire soul calms when she’s in my arms. She’s a whole new piece of heaven I never realized could exist for me.
Shortly after dinner and her feeding, Tatum and I work together to give Summer a light sponge bath, my hand cradling her tiny body while Tate sprinkles warm water over her. Her little eyes close as if she’s enjoying a relaxing spa treatment and it makes us both smile. Tatum’s mom watches on, snapping several pictures on her phone. I’ll be glad to have those pictures. A memory of a happy moment together with my tater tot and the woman who changed me from the king of one-night stands, to someone I never expected to be.
A dad.
Tatum lets me put Summer to sleep, so I spend a few minutes singing to her and whispering as many affirmations as I can come up with so she always remembers how much I believe in her. Once she’s out, I lay her down in her crib and step out of her room, a little unsure of what to do next. This entire situation is awkward. Partly because Tatum’s mom is here with us and I have no idea what she’s told her about us.
Does she think we’re together?
Does she know we’re not really together?
Should I stay?
Should I go?
The very thought of walking out Tatum’s door and leaving her and Summer here without me makes me physically ill. But on the other hand, I wasn’t invited to stay, nor have we talked about what might happen once they were discharged from the hospital. I have this deep sense of dread that this whole thing is going to be very bad for me, but what choice do I have? Tatum hasn’t said she wants me here and I have to respect that.
“Mom, I can get you some blankets and a pillow,” I hear Tatum say when I walk back to the living room.
“Don’t worry yourself, Tate. I know where they are in your hall closet.”
Since I’m standing right next to the aforementioned closet, I open it and pull out two blankets and a pillow from the top shelf, carrying them to Mrs. Lowe.
“Oh, thank you, Dex. I appreciate that.”
“Sure thing.” I hand her the blankets and then rub my hands down my sides and catch Tatum’s eyes. “I guess I’ll uh, leave you two alone for the night then…if there’s nothing else you need?”
“Oh. Uh…” Her brows pinch and she glances toward her mother as she steps up toward me. “Right. Uh, I’m sorry.”
She didn’t ask me to stay before we got here. It wasn’t in the plan, not that we had a plan to begin with. I sweep her hair back, cupping her face in my hand.
“You have nothing to be sorry for, Tatum. You need your rest and I um, I have to be at the arena for morning workout anyway.”
That’s a lie.
Or an excuse.
Whichever.
Her shoulders fall and dammit I want to scoop her up and carry her to bed and hold her all night. The mother of my child. She’s fucking Wonder Woman and I want to make sure she knows that. How much I appreciate her. How amazing of a human I think she is.
“Oh. Okay.”
I smooth a hand down her shoulder. “But I’ll stop in before practice, to check on Summer and make sure you don’t need anything, alright?”
“Dex, you don’t have to d—”
“I want to, Tatum.” I cup her face in my hands gently, my fingers playing with a few strands of her hair. “I’ll make you breakfast. You have to eat. For you and the baby.”
She smiles. “I know.”
I say goodbye to Tatum’s mother and then turn to leave, but Tatum catches my hand with hers when I turn for the door. “Dex?”
“Yeah?”
She squeezes my hand. “Thank you. For everything.”
Fuck I hate that I’m leaving.
Why can’t I be man enough to tell her I’m staying?
Why didn’t she just ask me to stay?
I wouldn’t turn her down.
Not knowing what to say because why the hell is she thanking me when I feel like I should be constantly thanking her, I squeeze my eyes closed and kiss her forehead, lingering there longer than I know I should because fuck, I can’t tear myself away.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”
And then I walk out the door, leaving Tatum and my newborn daughter to spend their first night at home together.
Without me.
___
“I didn’t expect to see you tonight,” Rory states when I step inside our condo and find her working on lesson plans at the table.
Sulking into one of the chairs across from her, I release an overexaggerated sigh. Partly because I’m exhausted, but also because I’m…fucking sad.
“Believe me, I didn’t want to be here tonight. At least not like this.”
Rory cringes. “What happened? Is everything okay?”
“Everything is fine,” I mumble. “Summer is great. Tatum is exhausted but she’s a fucking trooper.”
“So why are you here and not there?”
“Because I wasn’t invited to stay there.”
“Since when has that stopped you?”
“Since we’re not in a relationship, Ror. We’re not…sleeping together and her mom is there with her. I have no idea what Tatum may or may not have told her about me and us and it felt awkward as fuck once I put the baby to sleep. I did what I thought was best and left…even though it’s killing me to be away from her.”
“Her who?” Rory’s brow lifts and she grins at me.
“Summer Grace, of course.”
“Ah.” She nods. “Okay. For a moment there I thought maybe you were talking about Tate.”
My jaw ticks as I watch her expression change. Like she’s challenging me to deny my feelings for Tatum.
“Okay, yeah. Tatum too.” I avert my eyes from my sister, shaking my head. “I like her.”
Rory scoffs out a laugh. “Tell me something I don’t already know.”
“I mean, like her, like her, Ror.”
She feigns shock and surprise, bringing her hand up to her mouth. “Bring me a sweater. I think Hell must be freezing over.”
“What?”
Her head snaps to the windows. “Did you see those pigs flying around earlier? I swear there were so many—’
“Rory,” I deadpan.
“I mean, am I in some kind of alternate universe where my brother sleeps with women more than once and actually has relationships with them?”
“Alright, alright, smartass.”
Her eyes grow huge. “Oh. EM. GEE, DEX! What if you have lots of little baby Dex’s all over the country from your past sexscapades? What if other women have gotten pregnant and just not told you?”
I’m pretty sure all the blood drains from my body in this very moment as the thought of my fathering multiple children with multiple mothers makes me immediately sick to my stomach and I very nearly vomit.
“Whoa! I didn’t really mean it, Dex.”
“Rory!”
I like Tatum too much for that to happen. The possibility of having to ever tell her I have other children out there shatters my nerves. “I can’t hurt Tatum like that, Ror.” I shake my head. “I won’t. Fucking Christ, that would be my worst nightmare.”
“Relax, Brother.” She pats my frigid hand. “Is Tatum the only woman you’ve slept with who didn’t know who you were?”
“Yeah. I’m ninety-nine percent sure.”
“Then I’m certain you have nothing to worry about. Any other woman in that predicament would’ve come forward by now because they would’ve wanted fame or money.” She bobs her head. “Or both.”
“Tell me what to do, Rory.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s my baby girl’s first night at home and I’m not fucking there and it’s killing me. I want her here. I want Tatum here.” I rest my elbows on the table, my head in my hands. “While we were in the hospital, we were this little, tiny family. Just the three of us in this bubble of fucking perfection. And the whole time it felt…right. I could see it all. I could see Tatum holding our baby while I was on the ice. I could see them cheering for the team. I could see me celebrating with her. I could see me putting Summer to sleep and then taking care of Tatum. I wanted that feeling to be real.”
“It can be real.”
“How?” I jerk my arms out in frustration. “How can it be real when I wasn’t even invited to stay with her tonight? She doesn’t want me there, Rory.”
“You don’t know that, Dex. Maybe she’s scared.”
“Of what?”
“Of…” she shrugs. “I don’t know. This is yet another new thing for her this year. Motherhood. Being a responsible parent. She has more than just herself to think about now.”
“And I can’t help her with that when she’s there and I’m here.”
“Soooo get rid of the roadblock.”
“The what?”
“The roadblock. Nut up and tell her how you feel, Dex. Make a nursery here for Summer. Show Tate you have space for her here. Invite her here. It’s not like we don’t have the room.”
“You would be okay with that?”
“Are you kidding me?” she squeals. “Baby time anytime I want? Hell yes, I’m okay with it. And we could ride to work together. I could babysit while you…you know, woo her and shit.”
“How do I do that? The…wooing?”
“Acknowledge her. Romance her. Take her out on dates. Make sure she feels appreciated and loved and desired. I promise if you can do all those things, she may just be the best thing to ever happen to you.”
Pretty damn sure she is the best damn thing to ever happen to me.
“Do you think you might be willing to help me with a slight redecoration project? I mean I know it’ll take a little time to put together but I wouldn’t mind getting your decorating help. You’re good at that stuff.”
The beaming smile on her face is all I need to know her answer, but she gives me a resounding, “Absolutely!” anyway.
___
Using the key she gave me to her apartment, I let myself in around five in the morning and hear Summer crying in her room.
Yes!
Daddy’s coming, tater tot!
But when I step into the doorway of her room, Tatum is already up.
“Hey,” I whisper, smiling at my favorite ladies. “How are my girls this morning?”
Tatum yawns. “Tired. This little one was a bit fussy last night.”
She wasn’t the only one.
Must run in the family.
“Has she eaten?”
Tatum nods. “I just fed her about fifteen minutes ago. She must have some gas.”
“Why don’t you let me handle it while you go back to sleep. Then I’ll make you some breakfast, alright?”
“You sure?”
“Absolutely.” I reach out my arms to lift Summer from Tatum’s arms. “Daddy’s here, tater tot. Let’s let Mommy get some more rest, okay?” I kiss her sweet face several times and then hold her against my shoulder, patting her back. “Does my little girl have a tummy ache?”
Her quiet little cries are adorable. It’s almost as if she can understand me.
“You sure you’re okay with her?”
I inhale a deep breath as I sway back and forth continuing to pat Summer’s back to help relieve her of her gas. “I’m exactly where I want to be, Tate. I promise I’ve got this.”
She smiles at the two of us, Summer and me. “I know you do. I’m glad you’re here. We missed you last night.”
I fucking missed you too.
Tatum retreats back to her bedroom and I sit in the glider happy to have my girl in my arms.
“Did you miss Daddy last night, tater tot?” I murmur to her as her crying settles. “Because I missed you like crazy. Daddy didn’t sleep much last night either because I wanted to be where you were. You’ve been such a cuddle bug these past few days and I fucking missed that. And don’t tell your mommy this, but I really missed her to.”
We sit in silence together for several minutes. Summer falling back asleep, me gliding back and forth in the chair so she’s in a constant state of soothing motion.
“I think I really like your mom, Summer Grace,” I whisper against her, my hand slowly rubbing across her tiny back. “She was all I thought about most of the summer. It’s like she was lost to me and then I found her again only now things are very different and I don’t know what to do about that.”
Though I’m pretty sure she’s asleep, I keep talking to her anyway. It’s not like I have anyone else to talk to. “You think you can put in a good word for me? Maybe tell your mom I’m a good guy? I mean I know I’ve had my wild moments, but there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, Tater Tot. And nothing I wouldn’t do to make your mom happy.”
I close my eyes for a good twenty minutes or so, Summer peacefully sleeping in my arms. Somewhere in the late six o’clock hour, I finally stand and place the baby in her crib and then head to the kitchen to make breakfast for Tatum. I pour her a glass of orange juice but keep it in the fridge to stay cold and make a pot of coffee so it’s ready for her. Then I grab the ingredients to make us all omelets and pop a few pieces of toast in the toaster.
“You really know your way around a kitchen.” Mrs. Lowe stands in the doorway watching me.
“Good morning Mrs. Lowe. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. Just wanted to get breakfast started before I have to be at practice.”
“You didn’t. I promise. I’m used to being up early. Well, that and the coffee smells good.” She smiles at me. “And please, call me Theresa. Mrs. Lowe is my mother-in-law and just between us, she’s a fucking piece of work.”
Her words make me laugh, but I make sure to do so as quietly as possible. “Oh, well, that sounds like a story and a half.”
She hums. “Yep. And I would need a day and a half to tell it. Trust me. So how did you become such a master in the kitchen?”
I scoff softly. “I would probably need a good day and a half to tell you all that too, but let’s just say I didn’t uh…I didn’t have quite the upbringing that Tatum was blessed with, from what she’s told me.”
Theresa nods. “She is pretty close with her siblings. I guess we were pretty lucky that way. Is Rory your only sibling?”
“Yes. And you could say I sort of raised her…raised us both from about fifteen on.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry.”
I shrug off the pity. “It is what it is. She needed me and I needed…someone. Anyone, I guess, back then, so I made sure she was taken care of. Dad was nowhere to be seen and our mother…” I sigh as I flip an omelet over in the pan. “She enjoyed drugs and alcohol more than she enjoyed being a mom.”
“If you don’t mind my asking, how did you get into hockey with all that responsibility?”
“Oh, we weren’t a poor family. My parents both had money. Mom got half of Dad’s when he left and that coupled with her own salary was enough to…shall we say keep her kids busy and away from the house for hours at a time?”
“That must’ve been hard.”
“At times, yes. Others, it was an escape. Like I said, it is what it is and now this is where I am.”
She pours herself a cup of coffee, nodding silently. Feeling me out, I’m sure.
“So, you met Tatum in Key West, huh?”
I snort a laugh as I remember that day so clearly. I’ll spare her mom the kinky details.
“I did, yeah. My teammate was getting married down there and the uh…” I clear my throat. “The friend she was there with actually encouraged me to talk to Tatum.”
I steal a glance her way and Theresa is smirking at me as she listens. “Of course, she did. That Eliza is a sneaky friend sometimes.”
“But I need you to know this thing we have going on now…”
“A baby…”
“Right. The baby. This isn’t something I take lightly. I’ll be here one hundred and ten percent for Tatum and Summer. They’re important to me. Both of them. They’ll want for nothing. I’ll make sure of it.”
“And what if she wants you?”
My head snaps up from glancing back down at my pan. “What?”
There’s that knowing smirk again. “I asked what if she wants you? Are you prepared for that?”
“I…”
Is her mom really asking me this?
Does she know something I don’t know?
“How many one-night stands did you have on that vacation, Dex?”
My cheeks heat at her question. “Just…uh…just the one.”
God that’s embarrassing to admit to my one-night stand’s mother.
“And how many had you had before meeting my daughter?”
My eyes grow huge and my ass clenches because fuck me, Tatum’s mom is seriously asking me how many women I’ve slept with. As if I keep track.
Swallowing my pride because I want to be as honest and open with her as possible so she knows I’m genuine, I answer her. “Uh, Theresa, I’m not the kind of guy who keeps track, so I don’t have a number to give you if that’s what you’re asking for, but if I’m being completely honest, that number is probably higher than it is lower.”
“Uh huh.”
My shoulders fall. “Look, I know you have no reason to think I’m a decent guy. Yes, I’ve slept with several women in my day. They hang on us after games when we’re out. It’s offered up all the time, so yes, I’ve… taken advantage a few times.”
“A few times.” She smiles.
“But then I met Tatum. And she was…different.”
Theresa’s eyes narrow. “How so?”
Well Mom, she stuck her finger in my ass and brought me to orgasm faster than anyone ever has and I haven’t forgotten.
“She had no idea who I was.”
“Yes, that sounds like my Tatum.” She chuckles softly. “She was never one to pay attention to a lot of sports unless her brothers were around hogging the television.”
“It was a refreshing change to meet someone who wanted to talk to me. Just me. Not hockey player me. Not celebrity me. Not millionaire me. Just…me.” I shake my head. “I’d never had anyone treat me like that before.”
“You know she’s divorced?”
“Yeah. She told me.”
“That was a horrific time for her. She’s resilient and strong but walking in on her husband and best friend being unfaithful hurt her a lot.”
“I can only imagine.”
“Have you ever been in a relationship before, Dex?”
“Are you asking me if I’ve ever cheated?”
“Yes.”
“No. Not all men are douchebags. Some of us are decent men.”
Unless we’re talking about the things I did with your daughter in the bedroom because that was anything but decent.
“So once again I’ll say, you want to be in your daughter’s life, but what if my daughter wants you to be in her life too?”
“Then I’m all in.”
Her brows raise. “Just like that?”
“Just like that.”
“You’re sure?”
I plate her an omelet and slide the plate in front of her. “Theresa, if Tatum wants me in her life, she has me. One hundred percent. I would do anything for her.”
“And only her?”
I pull out the chair opposite her and take a seat, making sure she sees how serious I am right now. “If this helps me pass this interview I seem to be having right now, I’ll tell you this. I haven’t slept with anyone in ages. Certainly not since Tatum walked back into my life unexpectedly, and she’s all I thought about all summer long. If we would’ve shared contact info back then, I assure you I would’ve been in touch.”
A genuine smile spreads across her face. “You’re good for her Dex. You did a wonderful job delivering Summer and taking care of Tatum at the hospital. And I have a strong feeling you’ll continue to do the same now that she’s home. You keep playing your cards right, and you just might be the best thing to ever happen to her.”
“That’s the second time I’ve heard that in the last twenty-four hours. You must’ve been talking to my sister.”
Theresa laughs. “Nope. But now that I know that I can’t wait to officially meet her.”
So, she’s giving me the go-ahead with Tatum, but she’s not giving me any indication of Tatum’s feelings one way or the other.
Why are relationships so overwhelmingly confusing?