Awake At Dawn (Wildflower Series Book 2)

I FOUND GEMMA on the roof.

Julian pointed me in the right direction, which only reaffirmed I was making the right choice. The only choice I could make at this point.

Gemma stood beneath the glass panels of a greenhouse that the hotel had converted into a rooftop bar, and tonight, it was where Juniper and Julian would be getting married. I wasn’t sure how they found this place, but it was hard to deny the magic that lingered here, an oasis amidst a concrete jungle. Strings of floating lights lined a path they’d walk down, and I followed it, looking for my own loves.

Gemma walked up and down the aisles of chairs, straightening them unnecessarily. Everything was already perfect, even though there were several hours until the ceremony still.

Julian and Juniper wanted to get married at night.

She moved with grace and ease, reminding me once again of something—or someone—unearthly, heavenly. The flowers surrounding her matched the late-fall landscape, blossoms of deep red and burnt orange. The glowing petals highlighted her curled hair, which flowed around her shoulders like a gorgeous curtain.

My heart caught in my throat. The chill in the air had nothing on the chill that ran down my spine when I looked at her.

This wasn’t attraction. This emotion I felt when I looked at Gemma Briggs…it wasn’t just attraction. I wasn’t sure when it had become so much more, when it had blossomed into this unnerving need to be near her all the time, to care for her, to protect her, but I knew it wouldn’t be fading anytime soon.

And I couldn’t hold back telling her any longer.

“Hi, Em.”

She stilled at the sound of my voice, of her name that was just for me. Her head lifted slowly. She moved like she half expected it to be a dream, like I wouldn’t really be here when she looked in my direction.

But I was here.

I’d always be here.

Her breath visibly hitched when her eyes landed on me.

“Noah,” she whispered.

Her voice lilted at the end of my name, though. A question lingered there. She wanted to know what I was doing here. I wanted to know why she thought I’d be anywhere else.

I walked toward her. It took everything in me to take it slow when all I wanted to do was run to her. But the torture of the last couple of weeks had been my fault. She was the one who was pregnant and scared, and yeah, maybe she’d said some things that had triggered my insecurities and doubts, but I never should have let that keep me from seeing the truth.

Now, I had some making up to do. And I wasn’t going to rush it.

Gemma watched me approach with curiosity and anticipation in her eyes. Vines curled up the walls of the glassy greenhouse, and I ran my fingers over them as I strode toward her, weaving between skinny tables overflowing with potted flowers.

“How long do you think it took for all of this to grow?” I asked softly.

She laughed, and nerves coated the pretty sound. “That’s more of a Juniper question.”

I nodded. I didn’t really need to know the answer to that. I was much more interested in other things that were growing. Like the feelings I got whenever I looked at her. And that little bump she carried, the one I was falling in love with, too. And us…just us. But before I could talk about any of that, I needed to clarify how goddamn regretful I was.

“I’m sorry.”

She cocked her head to the side, and I shoved my hands into the pockets of my dress pants.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to wake up and grow into the kind of man you deserve. But I’m here now, hoping it isn’t too late.”

She started to shake her head, so I cut her off with honesty.

“I hate that you didn’t feel like you could ask me for more and I’d give it to you. All I want is to give you the world. I want to be that man. I’ve been learning how to be that man. Especially over the last couple of weeks, Em. Because not being with you has been destroying me.”

Everything I was about to say would be coated in honesty, no matter what. If she rejected me, then so be it. But I couldn’t hold anything in anymore.

My feet had stopped moving. It hurt not to close the distance between us, but even though I’d touched every inch of her in the past month, I felt like somewhere in the last week, I lost permission to be the one who got to hold her. God, I wanted it back.

“I should have set things straight long ago,” I admitted hoarsely. “We’re not friends, Gemma. With benefits, without benefits—it doesn’t matter. We’re not friends. We never were, and we never will be. I don’t care about you like a friend. I don’t think about you like a friend. Never have.”

Gemma looked at me, her eyes watery. “I know that now. But I didn’t know what to think,” she said in a small voice. “You looked me in the eyes that night in the fort and told me you didn’t date. And I wanted you in whatever way I could have you, even if you didn’t want to date me or be with me. Even if you didn’t want me like that.”

It hurt to swallow. Emotion scraped my throat with every breath. The fact that she’d been walking around thinking I didn’t want her? Fuck, that killed me.

“I said that I wasn’t the kind of guy girls date,” I acknowledged because I knew it was true. “But I’d like to change that. I want to be that guy, Em, because I want you like that. I want you like that so fucking bad.”

Her eyes grew round and wide, big blue windows into the prettiest soul I’d ever seen. Her lips parted, but several heavy moments passed before she managed to slip my name out of her mouth.

“Noah…”

“Ask me,” I said, daring to take one step toward her. “I want you to know that you can ask me for anything, Gemma. From now on, anything you ask for—it’s yours. Ask me.”

“I can’t,” she choked out.

“You can’t? Or you don’t want to?”

“I can’t,” she repeated.

“Why not?”

I knew why, especially after that conversation with Juniper, but I needed her to say it so I could make my feelings on the matter clear.

“I told you. I’m so much…more, Noah. I can’t just ask you to be with me,” she whispered. “It’s not just me.”

I nodded reassuringly. “I know. And I still want you to ask me.”

“Do you know?” she asked, wrapping her arms around herself. She looked like she needed the biggest hug, and I couldn’t wait to give it to her. “Do you know how big that is?”

“I know exactly how big it is.” My eyes found hers, and I prayed she’d be able to see everything in my gaze. How much I meant that, this, everything. “Now, ask me.”

She sucked in, squeezing herself tighter. “Are you sure?”

“Goddamnit, Gemma.” I raked a hand through my hair, starting to feel desperate. She couldn’t see it. She couldn’t see it, and I needed her to understand. “I’m sure, angel. I’m so fucking sure. And do you want to know why?”

She nodded, and I let my arm drop back to my side and pleaded with my eyes for her to see the truth as I said it.

“Em…I’m in love with you. I’m so desperately in love with you. You, and every part of you. Every part. And while, believe me, I’m utterly terrified and more scared than I ever have been in my entire life, I’ve also never been more sure of anything. I love you so goddamn much. Now, ask me.”

Gemma’s breath hitched as her arms loosened around her, slowly falling to her sides. We stood there like mirrors, only feet apart. And I waited for what felt like an eternity as I watched tears well in the lashes of Gemma’s eyes.

Her lips started to spread, and it was the slowest, most agonizing smile I’d ever experienced. But even as she smiled at me, she stayed silent, cocking her head to the side as though assessing me and my words.

“If you ask me if I’m sure that I love you, I swear to God, I’m going to lose it,” I rasped. “That’s not what I want you to ask.”

She shook her head, copper curls bouncing around her face. “I know it’s not,” she said, a laugh hiccuping out of her.

She better know.

“Okay,” she began, pausing to wipe away the tears that had started to fall even as she grinned. Meanwhile, I held my breath, waiting to hear more. “Noah, do you…” Her words caught in her throat, and she had to clear it before continuing. “Do you think we could be more? More than roommates and more than friends? Because that’s…that’s what I want, too. I want it so, so bad.”

“Fuck being friends,” I grunted. “I dare you to call me your friend one more time and see what happens.”

Another laugh escaped her. Her obvious happiness brought my own smile out. It crept over my face until it was hard to contain. I couldn’t hold anything in anymore, and my feet started moving, unable to stay still. Gemma’s eyes sparkled as I closed the distance between us, welcoming me back.

“I wouldn’t dare me if I were you,” she giggled. “I’m way too curious for that.”

I rolled my eyes. “Shut up,” I whispered, slipping my arm around her waist and tugging her into me. She flew into my chest in a way that felt so right, her hands automatically snaking around my neck. God, it felt amazing. This felt amazing.

“Make me,” she whispered back, tipping her head back to look up at me.

I grinned, more than happy to give her what she wanted, slamming my lips to hers.

Gemma immediately groaned my name, sending more shivers down my spine, and I melted into her. Fuck, I’d missed this. The feel of her, the taste of her, the sounds she made. Everything. It hadn’t even been that long, but I’d missed her so much.

“We can be more, baby,” I breathed against her lips. “We can be everything.”

“Good because I love you,” she whispered. “More than I even understand. I’m so in love with you, Noah.”

I groaned, kissing her harder as a wave of euphoria nearly knocked me over. The only thing keeping me grounded was her—her lips on mine, her arms around me, her body against my chest. God, what was she doing to me? I’d dreamed of Gemma millions of times, but I never dreamed I’d hear her say that.

And now I needed to hear her repeat it.

I ripped my lips from hers. “You what?”

She looked up at me with shining eyes. “I love you, Noah. Stop acting surprised. I’ve been in love with you. I was just too afraid to admit it. Even to myself. Because I thought⁠—”

She clamped her mouth shut, and I felt like I was suddenly sifting through an ocean of guilt.

“I should have made sure you knew,” I said, hoping she heard the sincerity in my voice. I pulled back, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “All those times when I told you how much I wanted you, I meant I wanted you. More specifically, I want to be with you. It was never just sex. Not for me, Gemma. And if I’m honest…”

I paused, not wanting to ruin this moment.

“I want you to be honest,” Gemma said earnestly.

I sighed. “It hurt, Em. It hurt that you expected so little of me when it came down to it. It felt like you didn’t think I was good enough to give you more. Like I wasn’t good enough for all the parts of you.” I let my hand drop, curving down her sides, my fingers lingering over her bump.

Her jaw half dropped, and her eyes traced my face, her pain evident in them. “Never. Oh, Noah. Never.”

My heart leaped into my throat as Gemma slipped her hand beneath my suit coat, placing it on my chest.

“I’ve never thought of you the way you think of yourself,” she said, her words strong. “When I look at you, all I see is the best man I’ll ever know. You are the best man I have ever known, Noah. And for that reason, I wanted you to know you didn’t owe me anything. The last thing I wanted was for you to commit to me because you felt you had to. Or before you were ready. To give me more because you felt guilty or responsible or pitied me instead of⁠—”

“I don’t pity you, Gemma,” I interrupted with a frown. “I know you don’t need me or any man.”

“But I want you,” she whispered. “I want to be with you. And I just needed to know it was what you wanted, too.”

“I promise I want that, too. I really do, Em. The next few months will be busy, and I’ll have football getting in the way of us, but⁠—”

“I don’t think it’ll get in the way,” she insisted. Because she knew me so well, and she knew what I was worried about. “It hasn’t gotten in the way so far. And I can come to more of your games and events. I think as long as I can be with you, I’d fly anywhere.”

I raised a brow. “You don’t have to fly for me, baby.”

“I want to,” she whispered. “I want to try. If you want me with you, that is.”

I nodded, covering her hand with mine. “Fuck, of course I do. I’ve hated leaving you. All season long, I’ve hated it. I miss you so goddamn much when I have away games.”

Gemma’s eyes widened as though she’d never realized, and I knew I had so much I needed to tell her, so many words and thoughts and feelings I’d kept to myself over the last few months. And she needed to know everything now.

“I fell in love with football because it was the one thing I was good at,” I said honestly. “It felt like everyone else in my family was good at things I didn’t even begin to understand, but damn, I could throw a football. So I held on to that, the feeling of being useful at something, and for a time, I only focused on that. I distanced myself from everything else—all those other things I felt useless at. And then, at some point, people started looking at me like I was one-dimensional.”

Gemma’s expression started crumbling, but I wasn’t done. I hadn’t said the most important thing yet.

“I started to believe it, too,” I admitted. “That football was all I was good at. But I think I could become a man who is damn good at loving you, too.”

“I don’t think you need to become anything.” She cupped my face with her free hand, forcing me to see her conviction. “I think you’re already that man, Noah. I think you always have been. You’re a good player but an even better person. An amazing brother, son, and friend.”

My breath momentarily caught in my throat. “What about boyfriend?”

I wanted a hell of a lot more than that, but it would work for now.

She grinned, letting her fingers slide off my cheek and wrapping her arm around my neck again. “That, too.”

And then, just to make matters incredibly clear, I added, “You’re not moving out.”

Her brows rose, and I interrupted before she could question it—me—again.

“I’m serious, Gemma. You’re not selling your mugs. You’re not looking for a new place. You’re not moving out.”

“I’m pregnant,” she said pointedly, as if she thought I didn’t fucking know that. “There’s a baby coming.”

I looked at her and said what I did when she sat in my bathtub that morning. “I know.” I leaned down to deliver a soft kiss before murmuring against her lips. “And once we move into the same bedroom, we’ll have more than enough space for our nursery. I’ve been researching cribs, and I’ve narrowed it down to three that are highly rated, but if there’s a different one you want, I⁠—”

“Noah. You what?” I felt her soft gasp against my mouth and kissed her again to interrupt any possible argument. Except this time, I got a little carried away, dragging my tongue along the seam of her lips until she let me in to taste her. It made it impossible to pull away, but I knew I had to. Because I knew I had to make sure she knew how serious I was.

“I’m well aware you’re a two-for-one deal,” I said when we came up for air. “But that sounds like the best fucking deal I’ve ever heard.”

Gemma leaned back, clearly stunned. Her hand slipped from mine, moving to cover her mouth.

“Are you sure?”

“I told you not to ask me that,” I groaned, knocking her hand away. I refused to allow any space or anything between us, chasing her lips back down to nip at them. “I’m sure, angel. And if you even think about going to one more doctor’s appointment without me, I’m going to lose my goddamn mind.”

She bit down on a tiny but sad smile. “I love Juniper, but it just wasn’t the same without you this week.”

I slid my hand between us until I found the gentle swell of her belly again. I spread my palm over it like I’d done so many other times. Except this time, I fully accepted the possession that’d been growing within me.

Mine.

I didn’t say it yet because, ultimately, it was Gemma’s decision what role she wanted me to play in her child’s life. But if she gave me a chance, I’d love this baby like it was my own.

“I want you to tell me everything I missed,” I said. “And I mean everything.”

She nodded as she leaned into me, her body molding to mine. “Can I tell you later? I think we’ve talked enough for now.”

Perfect. She was so perfect.

“Yes—”

Gemma didn’t wait for me to say more before she tugged me down for another gravity-defying kiss that made me feel like I was floating. She groaned into my mouth as she took control, sneaking her tongue into my mouth, teasing me in a way I wasn’t sure I could handle right now. But it was the best kiss of my life, and I didn’t know how to stop it, either.

“Gemma,” I moaned, desperately needing more. Without breaking our kiss, I walked her backward until her ass hit the edge of a table. Then I gripped her waist and lifted her on top of it, sitting her in an empty space between potted flowers and winding vines and stepping between her legs. She wrapped them around my hips, pulling me closer, and I couldn’t resist leaning in to feel all of her. “Fuck, baby.”

As if I wasn’t already losing it, Gemma started running her hands all over me, letting her fingers explore my body as if she’d forgotten what I felt like. And all the while, our lips remained locked in a heated, fierce kiss that I never wanted to end.

“You look so good in this suit,” Gemma gasped into my mouth, tugging on the lapels of my black suit coat. “So good that I want to rip it off you.”

“Funny,” I muttered, smoothing my hand up her body until my fingers flirted with her cleavage. “That’s kinda how I feel about this dress, gorgeous girl.”

“Do it,” Gemma encouraged, and that’s how I knew she was just as lost as me. She had to know that if I ruined her maid of honor dress for her best friend and brother’s wedding, we’d both get an earful. And Gemma would never do anything that might jeopardize this important day.

“Later,” I chuckled, reluctantly breaking our kiss. Gemma immediately pouted at the loss of my lips, so I decided to taste her neck instead, nibbling up to find her ear. “Later, I promise.”

“But I need you,” she whimpered, knowing I struggled to resist her.

Fuck me.

“Gemma, please,” I growled into the crook of her neck. “You know I want to fuck you right now, so hard that you scream my name while I fill you up. I want to watch you walk down that aisle later while my cum drips from your cunt beneath this pretty dress. But you know what I want even more than that? To watch you spend the rest of the night thinking about what it’s going to feel like when I slide inside you again. I want to know that you’re getting wetter and wetter for me until I get you alone again.”

“I think we can make both things happen,” Gemma gasped, arching against me.

Fuck, I forgot how insatiable she was.

Reluctantly, I stepped back, forcing my feet to move. Gemma glared at me until her eyes dropped to my prominent erection, and then she couldn’t help but smirk, looking awfully satisfied with herself.

I raked my hand through my hair, taking a steadying breath. “I’m not afraid of Julian, but I do respect him enough not to fuck his sister before his wedding ceremony and have both of us show up looking like a mess for the photos in a bit.”

To my surprise, Gemma’s lips tipped up. “See?” Her grin grew. “The best man I’ve ever known.”

I raised one brow. “Don’t expect me to be such a gentleman later tonight.”

Gemma grabbed my tie, using the leverage to pull herself off the table of flowers. She grinned seductively, and I wondered how the hell I was going to make it through my friend’s wedding while I tried to hide a hard-on for his sister.

“I can’t wait,” Gemma whispered.

I couldn’t, either.