And her name is…

We spent most of the day weeding in comfortable silence. By the end of it, my hands are covered in dirt and blood. I would start crying randomly through the whole thing. A stupid flower or the tug of a bundle of roots giving me a memory I didn’t want. My eyes are swollen, red, and tear stained when we walk inside and I try to keep my head down so I don’t need to talk about it with anyone else. Wulfric doesn’t bother letting me walk all the way to his room like that, picking me up before the stairs and cradling me into his chest. He carries me right to the bathroom and sets me down in front of the sink to wash my hands.

“Are you hungry?” He asks gently, tucking my hair behind my ear in a silent question.

I take the hint and let the glammer fall away. He sighs when I do, as he always does, like seeing me just a little bit different makes him uneasy. I nod a little as I pick at my nails to get the dirt out of the creases. My hands are healed now, siphoning the life from so many plants was more than enough for the little cuts and tears.

He kisses the top of me head. “Ok. I’ll go get us some plates. You can stay here and get comfortable.”

He seems to know I’m not going to argue and leaves me alone in his room. I’ve stayed here enough nights now that I know where he keeps the clothes I can borrow for the night. Each night I enter his room and I wonder if I should have ever come here. Maybe that first night, when I was too scared to sleep in my own room, I should have gone to Nyx.

Purely hypothetical, but what if Wulfricwasmeant to be mine. He clearly had an idea about that being the case well before our first time together in the prison, and even if we had talked about other things that I could no longer remember, being mates didn’t seem to have been one of them. He says that he had tried to get me out, but he clearly only did so in a way that he wouldn’t be caught or connected to it. All that considered, I’m not sure my cruelty in getting close to him now is justified. If he believes we’re meant to be, and Idie…

Will he feel guilty for not believing me?

That’s not what I want. He was a part of my hell for six long years, but that doesn’t mean I want him to feel guilt over what I chose for myself. I made a mistake staying here and getting to know these people, but if I left right away and missed this time I know I would have killed Wulfric when I went for Kheliq. That thought gives me feelings that hurt and fill me with a sense of despair. I shove that thought way far away and get naked. I’ve cried enough today and it’s opening me up to feeling way too much more.

I cross his room to pull closed the thin curtains, noticing only after I have that someone was outside. It isn’t in me right now to dwell on how embarrassing that is, because as much as I want to, I’m still trying to decide what I’m doing. I crawl onto his bed, getting to the middle and laying on my back. After a minute I feel self conscious and go to get up for one of his shirts. I flop back into the bed, feeling a little defeated and grab one of the books from from the table on my side to distract myself, falling immediately back into the fictional world.

-

“Fuck, Theo,” Wulfric groans.

I hadn’t even heard him come in but I look over the top of my book at him as he places the plates on the table. He walks slowly over to me and I raise an eyebrow at him. I don’t get an answer to the unasked question but he doesn’t take his eyes off me. I want to know if I’ve grabbed the wrong shirt, or someone told him they saw me naked in his window with the way his eyes look heated.

“Fuuck,” he says again but he’s beside the bed now. “Messy hair, with a book,myshirt, and no bottoms? If you want me to die of a broken heart just tell me I can’t touch you right now.”

I look at myself as he climbs onto the bed, his face coming up near mine, but as I think he’s about to kiss my cheek I feel his hand run up the inside of my thigh and jump. He doesn’t stop, kissing my cheek anyway while his hand grips my leg as high as he possibly could, the backs of his fingers brushing my centre. I whimper at the almost touch, my torso clenching in on itself.

“Wulf,” I gasp, reaching for his hand on my leg. “I don’t understand. I was going to…” I drift off, blushing brightly.

“Going to?… what?” He smiles and it’s warm.

“Seduce you,” i nearly whisper in embarrassment, “but chickened out. I’m just.. reading.”

“I disagree,” he growled gently at me. “This is definitely doing it for me, but if you want to read-“ he pushes against my hand holding his still like I wasn’t trying and slips a finger inside me, “-I’ll try to keep it down.” I look at him, my mouth falling open to pant slightly and he juts his nose toward my book. “Read to me.”

There’s a challenge in his eyes that I can’t ignore. Little does he know, I’ve been dissociating on command for years. I start to read, another mystery novel and there’s a thunder storm, so of course they’re being pursued by the killer through the estate. My voice wavers as I read, his thumb moves to stroke my clit, and then a second finger joins the first inside me. He’s pumping in and out gently, making my breaths come out unevenly around the words.

I’ve gotten five pages further before he grabs the top of the book and folds it closed to put on the table.

“Hey!”

“Page 167,” he returns, kissing up my neck. “I’ll remember for you, because I’m going to erase all thoughts from that beautiful head of yours.”

My core clenches around his fingers and he pulls them slowly free, making me feel needy for something to fill their place. He watches my face and his eyes drift to my breasts, my nipples are visibly hard through his shirt and he grins almost dreamily. I haven’t done anything for him but he looks as horny as I feel. He continues to watch my body twitch under his eyes like I can feel their touch, while licking the remnants of me from his fingers. I can’t wait forever, and reach for his shirt to pull him down against me.

He catches my hand and puts it far out to my side. “Don’t move,” he warns, doing the same to the other.

I shake my head and reach up to sink my claws through the material of his shirt and tear it. “Not now. Now I want to feel you.”

He looks surprised for a second, then smirks and removes what’s left of the shirt. “Yes, my Queen.”

“Pants next,” I command and he give me a small nod, complying before coming over, looking ready to take my shirt next. “No, mine stays,” I interrupt his movements and smile. “I want you to have this shirt, as a reminder that things get better.”

I try to keep the sadness from my face, aiming more for sarcastic as I smirk up. I can tell he searching for it though and need to distract him quickly. I wrap my legs around his waist and pull him down to me. I’m so wet between my legs he almost slips in the wrong way, but I’m not in the mood to try something new. My cunt is clenching, begging to be satisfied and I reach down to notch him at my opening before tightening my legs around him and pulling him inside me. He groans and I hear his hands beside my head gripping the pillows tightly. He braces himself on the bed, and I top from the bottom as he only lowers himself above me.

I’m close but as hard as I try I can’t go fast or deep enough from the bottom to tip myself over the edge. My moans turn to desperate whimpers as I near the point again and again but falter and lose the build. He chuckles, lowering his hips to rest against mine and then rocking into me. I see my vision go as he hits me deeply where I want him.

“Fuck, Wulf,” I gasp, digging my nails into his back.

He hisses with the pain and I realized I used my claws without meaning to. I look sympathetically to him and flex my fingers as I try to pull back but he moves his hand to keep my arm from moving.

“No, leave them. I want your marks on me.”

He rocks harder into me and I’m spiralling down towards my climax like a marble circling a funnel. My gasps are higher and more strangled with every thrust until he leans back, my claws pulling from his skin as he moves out of my arm span but claw over his hips and I continue scratching him over the V bellow his stomach. He groans in delicious pain and thrusts into me. He’s not rocking anymore, he’s plowing into me, getting us both to where we want to be with an eagerness I can mirror.

When my voice cracks I see stars and I’m overwhelmed with a tingling feeling as I climax. He reached up from my hips to pinch my nipples, sending me into another wave as he cums inside me. When he stops moving, lost in his pleasure, I lift my hips up rhythmically into him, squeezing my cunt around him to get every ounce of pleasure I can from him.

After a minute he pressed his hand down on my mound to hold me still and pulls out, moving to flop beside me. “Theo,” he whispers, but it doesn’t feel like he has anything to say.

I wait, and when he doesn’t say anything further I sigh. He can say my name as many times as he wants until I say goodbye. I will cherish every one.

We lay together until our bodies run cold and then go to the table to eat. Every moment with him I’m torn between enjoying it like it could be my last and worried about Wulfric turning out like my mother. For the rest of the day we stay in his room for everything. I end up reading for a while, laying between his legs on his chest while he plays with my hair and reads over my shoulder. Every so often I feel him pull one of my blue strands up to his nose and the tension I didn’t notice building in his body is released through mine and into the bed. Between this and the small kisses he plants on the side of my neck or cheek, no tension builds up for me and I eventually fall asleep.

Distantly I feel my hands drop the book into my lap and feel the rumble in Wulfric’s chest as he chuckles at me. I feel him sit up and the weight of my book is removed. A blanket is pulled up over me and I feel a little jostled before I feel pillows under my elbows at his sides. I smile as I realize he’s propping us up so I don’t need to leave his lap.

It’s not wrong to enjoy this, right? Am I wrong?

I warm into him, moaning a little in the comfort he provides. Going back to sleep is easy with him at my back and it isn’t long before the rise and fall of his chest is the only thought it my head.

I feel him kiss the top of my head and wrap his arms around me. “Theo?” I don’t reply, already so close to sleep, and he kisses the top of my head. “I love you, my Queen, and I don’t think you’d believe me now but I will spend the rest of our lives proving it to you.” He kisses me again and then settles into the pillows around us.

Correction. It is wrong. So wrong.

I feel a tear slip from my eye but don’t move to swipe at it and give away that I heard him. I get one more full day with him, and that needs to be enough to convince him to .. to what? Let me go? That I’m not worth it? That there is someone better for him than me? It’s definitely not enough time to find him someone else. Regardless of the worries that accompany his declaration, I fall asleep and have the same dream I’ve had almost every night since sleeping in his room.