Alpha Lucias’ Banished Luna by ANNA

Chapter 33

“Okay… but… it’s better if you visit Luan from time to time since he’s already gotten used to being with you” I said, betraying all the feelings I had in my chest.

To me, I think it’s a good idea to move out from here and live somewhere else because I clearly know that I need to maintain a peaceful mind since I’m pregnant again. I don’t want to let myself go through painful feelings. But at the same time, I don’t want to be selfish to make Luan lose his father’s love.

After all, a son needs his father. I was always thinking about raising Luan without his father because I never expected I would cross paths with Lucias ever again. But now everything happened and I was with him for months. Luan already calls him daddy and has accepted Lucias as his father. Therefore, I can’t bring myself to ruin the relationship that they both share. I should never do something like that. As Luan’s mother, I should think about the need he has towards a father.

“You don’t mind it?” Lucias asked me. I know why he’s asking me something like that. It was because I was so rude to him since yesterday. I told him to stay away from both me and Luan. I said some things that I shouldn’t have. All words came from me because of the anger I held in my chest. I just couldn’t control myself. I know that my words hurt him so much, my words must have hurted him more than I would ever imagine and now I’m feeling so painful because of the way I talked to him.

“No…. it’s fine” I muttered and lowered my head without facing him.

I was so happy with the fact that I was living with him and our relationship has improved well. I was so happy because he was being such a good father to Luan and a good husband towards me although we were divorced. I thought everything would be fine. I thought we would not have any problems again and we won’t separate again. But it happened again. Maybe this time the fault is on my hands. because I didn’t hold back the emotions I had in me and shoot everything out in a painful way for him to endure. And I was the one who said that I wanted to stay away from him. I was the one who looked for peace but am I really wrong? I don’t understand yet… but I don’t need to suffer any emotional damages while being pregnant.

My first pregnancy was such a hard thing to me because I was always thinking about Lucias and I was alone and at the same time I was suffering from the rejection I got unexpectedly, so yes… everything was difficult for me and it was painful to give birth to this Luan. I sighed and threw all the thoughts away from my stupi d head. Thinking and thinking… always overthinking. No wonder why my

Chapter 33

wolf always shouts at me. When I think about the past and get sad, her emotions are becoming worse. My sadness is affecting her.

“May I come once a week then? To visit Luan?” Suddenly Lucias spoke. I looked up at him and thought about what he said. Once a week? I can’t say no to him right? I nodded at him. He smiled. His smile didn’t reach his cheeks. It was a small and sad.

smile.

“I’ll arrange you somewhere safe and will ask Lisa to be with you” He muttered.

I nodded at him. Lucias stared at me for a moment and then let out a deep sigh as he turned to leave. I watched him leaving while my mind was screaming and begging me not to let him leave. I wanted him to stay but at the same time part of me wanted to be free from all the depressed thoughts and feelings I’ve been experiencing all the time. I closed my eyes, hugging Luan against my chest. He’s sleeping. I couldn’t even ask Lucias how my baby was but I didn’t see anything that I should be worried about on Luan. That means, he has not faced any difficulty. I know that he must have been crying all the time but that doesn’t matter because he’s safe and sound in my arms again.

I don’t know how Lucias found him or where he found him and I didn’t even ask. Lucias about anything because I was just… my mind was just filled with so many things and I was totally messed up. I will just sleep… I want to sleep hugging my son. I was crying all night yesterday and missing him so much. Now I need to rest…. I was just so tired…. tired of everything that is happening in my life. I tried to sleep but I just couldn’t do it because Lucias’ face kept appearing in my mind and the way his facial expression changed every time I hurt him with words.

I bit my lower l*p and got up from the bed. I can’t control myself. I thought that I’ve already stopped my feelings for him, I thought I just-stopped loving him. There was a burning anger in me yesterday after Isabella came here and said all those things. Her words didn’t affect me much but the words which are written by Lucais tore me completely and that’s why I was angry.

I was angry because he fooled me, betrayed me and lied to me all the time while I was crazily in love with him thinking he did the same. But still… but still look how my heart melted for him again! Why do I suddenly feel like forgiving him and asking him to stay with us? He has already agreed to let me go and I can live a life. where he’s not a part of it. Yet, my emotional and weak hearts want to go after him and be with him crazily.

I wonder what kind of love that I have for him. What kind of love is it? Just to forgive him all the time and get him back? I was angry… I felt disgusted and I felt like killing him but now, all that rage has disappeared while my heart was feeling

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love again. Is it because I saw him again or is it because he agreed to let me go? I don’t understand at all. What am I even doing? Just keep the attitude you had earlier and yesterday! I warned myself but still I found that I’m walking out of the room as if someone else was controlling my b*dy.

‘Emilina! If you can’t keep the feelings you have for him aside, just forget about everything he did and move on. But if you want to punish him and vent your anger on him for everything he did to us, just don’t go to him and be a crazy woman who changes the mood from time to time! Be thoughtful! You are making things even harder for us because of y o u r stupid decisions and feelings!’ My wolf snapped at me, making me halt my steps at the staircase without going down.

I was wondering why she didn’t snap at me earlier because I was troubling her with my thoughts until now. Maybe she couldn’t hold back anymore and that’s why she began to blame. I sighed and thought about everything she just said. She was right… Either I should forgive him or leave him. I just can’t do both because I’m so weak when it comes to this man.

‘What do you think I should do? Luan needs his daddy… what should I do?’ I wanted her help. I know that she’s always angry at me because of my behavior and because of the way I always think about the past and be sad. She doesn’t like it because it hurts her but I keep doing it which makes her get tired of me and furious. But I can’t do anything without her and she also can’t do anything without me. We are bound to be together for the rest of our lives. So we need to make decisions together and help each other.

“You want him, don’t you? You can’t forget him or let go of him, Emilina. You take the decision. I always do whatever you want. So you choose’ She said, making my heart tighten.

She was right, I want him and I can’t forget about him. How can I ever forget about him? I don’t know even if my death could make me forget him. The feelings are so deep and carved to my heart and they will never die. But at this point, I can’t let my heart take the decision. I’m… I’m pregnant again which I never expected to happen this soon but somehow it happened. At the same time, I feel like I don’t want to be alone in my second pregnancy without him. First, he wasn’t there and he didn’t even know about the baby. So I don’t think I can let myself go through the same process. The last part is that I need peace! I need the peaceful men t a l i t y to have this baby. I have to keep my mind away from the problems.

When all those things came into my mind, I didn’t know what to do, I sighed and turned as I walked back towards the room again. I will think about the baby and choose the peace of my mind.