All I Wish for Christmas

When things start looking up ~

1. Enneagram #4 (Individualist): Self-awareness, and her sensitive side appears, though she can still be reserved. She becomes emotionally honest and creative.

2. Enneagram #1 (Reformer): Conscientious, summoning up a strong sense of right and wrong, while striving to improve things.

Tilly knew she couldn’t cocoon herself within her branches forever. What she didn’t expect was to have her old beau, Captain Tinsel visit first thing the next night. “Hey! You in here?” The handsome nutcracker peered through the branches where Tilly had already unhooked herself, huddled next to the trunk.

“You can give your fireplace safety assessment to Olivia, she’s handling that.”

Captain chuckled lightly, “Uh, that’s not why I’m here.”

Pulling herself out of her self-inflicted depression for a moment, Tilly motioned for him to join her.

“Tilly, we’ve been friends for a long time. When you get stressed out, you hide away.”

She frowned, reflecting on the consecutive years she’d stressed herself out attempting to make Captain see her as more than a friend, so much that she’d destroyed their chance at having a romance altogether. Not that she regretted that now. After all, she had Trevor, and Captain was perfect with his lady nutcracker, Candy.

She sighed, “I know. It’s just been so much. I want it to be the perfect wedding, but every time I turn around, it just seems like there’s something else that needs to be figured out or changed. I’m worn out.”

He smiled ruefully, “I know; we all know. Nobody faults you for feeling like that. It’s just, well, I don’t want to see you distance yourself from Trevor and Sammy because of it. Trev’s a good guy and there’s nobody else I could see you being happy with. You guys deserve to be happy right now. I told Olivia to ease up and to quit loading you down with all the details. You just need to make the big decisions and she needs to handle the little stuff on her own or with everybody else’s help.”

“Really?” Tilly was surprised, sure she was weak, but now feeling justified in her anxiety. Yet, she understood where Captain was coming from, and didn’t want to make the same mistake with Trevor. “Alright. I’ll try it again. Thanks Captain,” she rose from her hiding spot, giving him a hug, then set off to find her boys.

The rest of the evening spent with Olivia was tentative. Her friend seemed afraid that she would make matters worse, so was hesitant about telling Tilly any information. Finally, Tilly opened up, “Olivia, I’m sorry I panicked. I know you’re trying really hard to make this super special and it means the world to me. I’m just a bit nervous about the whole getting married thing, too. I mean, I know Trevor and I have been together for a few years now, but making it official is just, I don’t know... I’m excited and scared all at the same time.”

Olivia’s serious expression finally broke and she laughed, giving Tilly a hug, “Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry, too. I’ve never done this before and I do want it to be perfect. I don’t think either of us realized just how much goes into getting married. Remind me never to do it!”

They both relaxed, laughing into each other’s arms and finding a new rhythm to their planning.

~~~~~

Three days out from the wedding, Tilly was still consciously willing herself not to stress out with Olivia’s concerted efforts when her most respected friend, Balthazar, met her on her way down the tree. “Tilly, I told Olivia to take a break. We need to discuss the wedding, if that’s okay.”

“Sure,” she replied, sitting with the eldest of the Nativity set wise men on a gift under the tree. She’d been meaning to pay Balthazar a visit, his advice always helping her through the deepest of problems, but there’d been so little time.

“As the one presiding over you and Trevor’s ceremony, I wanted to take a moment to counsel you on the step you’re about to take. To see if you have any questions or concerns, and to make sure everything is going okay.”

Tilly nodded, “I think everything’s going well, I mean me and Olivia have all the preparations just about done.”

Balthazar smiled, but shook his head, “No, that’s not what I’m talking about. I know Olivia has everything covered as far as the physical wedding. But I just want to reiterate just how special the love between you two, and with Sammy is. You three will become a family in the eyes of the Heavenly Creator, and while I know you don’t love anybody lightly, it is still a big responsibility.”

Tilly’s heart thumped loudly and she whispered, “Oh, yes! I’m so glad you brought that up. I’ve been, well, feeling very nervous for some reason.” She hoped no one else could hear. “I don’t understand why. I mean I love Trevor and Sammy with all my heart and soul, yet it seems kind of scary. Why?”

Balthazar smiled warmly, “What you’re feeling is very natural and normal. If you weren’t nervous, then I might think you weren’t going into this with the right mindset. Do you remember when you were a brand new ornament and we discussed the different types of love? And I’d explained that when the right couple is ready to step beyond romantic love, they begin to find family love? Well, in your case, because Sammy has been both Trevor and your child in many ways, you three have already touched on family love, which blossomed into romantic love between you and Trevor. But getting married and being officially attached to the both of them solidifies the relationship, and as you know, changing relationship dynamics can be a little frightening, even if you are doing so willingly and for love.”

“That’s exactly what I’ve been feeling. I guess a part of me feels like I’m a third wheel in their father-son relationship, being that I was the newcomer when Trevor showed up the year after Sammy. They just have such a special relationship, I don’t want to mess it up. Not that either of them ever act like I’m in the way or coming between them or anything. It’s just my personal fears.”

“Tilly, you’re going to have to let that fear go. Once you marry into the Snowman family, you will be just as equally invested in both of them as they already are in each other. And they will be equally invested in you. If you keep at a distance, you will hurt the relationship and hinder the closeness you can have. Truth be told, the wedding only makes it official outwardly, but inwardly, you three already have that love. You just can’t be afraid to allow yourself to feel it.”

Tilly swallowed hard, “Oh! I want to feel it! I do love them, I do! Oh, thank you Balthazar!” She reached up to give him a hug, feeling more clarity inside than she’d felt in a while. “I’m done feeling stressed out and scared about this wedding. It’s not the wedding that’s important after all, it’s the marriage! Why have I been so blind? Oh, thank you!”