All I Wish for Christmas

Tilly left Glint behind at the base of the houseplant with a renewed feeling of hope and love, sparked to life again. Maybe it wasn’t too late and maybe, just maybe, Captain would tell her that he loved her, too, and it would be just like the fairy tales she adored so much.

Soon, she found Captain Tinsel who was unsuccessfully trying to get the skater children to quiet their voices. She smirked inside, any hopes she had of him coming around to accepting children for their disorganization and inability to maintain tranquility was long gone.

“Captain!” Tilly called out as she alighted on the tabletop.

Surprised to see her so excited, the soldier looked up and smiled a bit wide-eyed, “Tilly? What’s up?”

Out of breath, Tilly pulled at his arm, “Please, I need to talk to you. Can we go somewhere a little more quiet?”

Captain frowned at the noisy kids and said half sarcastically, “I’d love to go somewhere more quiet.”

They made their way beneath the table where no one played, and to Tilly’s relief, Rose couldn’t see them from her perch on top of the tree.

“What is it, Tilly? I haven’t seen you this excited in a long time,” Captain Tinsel laughed, apparently missing the positive attitude that had seemed to vanish from her of late.

Quelling the nerves which had suddenly risen to the top, Tilly stood in front of him so that she could hold onto his hands. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes briefly, then opened them again as she smiled, “I love you!”

Captain smiled warmly back at her, easily replying with a laugh, “I love you, too, Tilly. You’re my best friend!”

Seeing that he hadn’t understood, Tilly exclaimed, “No, not like that! Well, yes, like that, because you’re my best friend, too. But no, I love you! I love you, Captain.”

The smile fell from his face, replaced by one of sorrow, “Oh Tilly, you don’t mean what I think you’re saying, do you? Now?”

Faltering slightly, Tilly swallowed heavily, urging herself to continue, “Yes. Now. I’ve loved you for a long time now.” When he didn’t move or smile Tilly felt she had to continue her explanation. “I’ve just been afraid that if I said something, you’d feel obligated, but now I realize that if I didn’t tell you, then you’d never know. So, I guess I’m telling you now.” He looked pained, and Tilly braced herself. This wasn’t going at all like she envisioned moments ago.

“Ah, Tilly... My dear, Tilly.” Captain Tinsel got on a knee in front of her, and looked into her eyes. He grasped her hands tightly, and winced again, “How do I say this? There was a time when I thought I loved you, too. Especially our first couple of years together. You were so much fun—we had so much fun together. But, after a while you changed. You’re still wonderful. You’ve always been wonderful, but things got kind of... dull. We just started doing things I liked doing, and I really never knew if you were happy because you were happy, or if it was because I was happy.”

Now, it was Tilly’s turn to cringe. Realization washed over her. While she was hoping to make him think that she felt his needs and wants were important by doing everything he wanted, he had in turn felt as though he couldn’t make her feel equally happy and important. The more agreeable to his wishes she became over time, the lesser his feelings grew for her.

She squeezed her eyes tight, willing her tears to stay dammed behind her eyelids, “I’m so sorry, Captain! I can change, we can do things differently, can’t we?”

He looked at her with pity, a lump forming in his own throat. “I’m sorry, Tilly. I should have been honest with you a long time ago, too. But it’s just too late now. I will always love you like a friend, but I just don’t have feelings for you beyond that anymore.”

Tilly pulled away from him, her heart effectively shattered.

“I’m sorry, little one,” Captain pleaded again, hating to see her hurting so. “Hey,” he brought her attention back to him. Tenderly, he continued, “Maybe we’re not meant to be. I mean, neither one of us found the courage to tell each other how we felt before, not when we both would have been ready for it. So, maybe that means there’s love elsewhere for both of us.”

He flicked his eyes ever so briefly towards the tree, and Tilly knew he was talking about how he hoped Rose would be the one for him. He didn’t need to say it aloud.

“Perhaps. Just make sure you tell her how you feel, sooner rather than later,” came her trembling reply.

Captain looked down in shame as Tilly turned and flew out of sight. She wasn’t sure where she was going, but she knew she needed to be anywhere that Captain Tinsel and Rose weren’t. Finally, she plopped down on the far side of the living room behind the recliner, deciding it was as good a place as any to allow her tears to fall in privacy. Sitting cross-legged on the floor, Tilly wept into her hands, never having felt this much pain and grief in her fifteen Christmases.

After a while, when she had no more tears to cry, she heard a noise from the other side of the plush recliner. “Tilly? Tilly? Are you back here?” It was Olivia.

Tilly tried to wipe her face, dabbing her eyes with a feather from her tutu, hoping she wouldn’t look like she’d been crying, though she knew that was impossible at this point. “I’m over here,” she called out to her friend.

“Oh, Tilly! Thank goodness! Captain told me he’d hurt your feelings and that you flew off upset. He was worried about you and wanted me to help find you.” At that, the floodgates opened again, and Tilly cried into her feathers once more. Olivia rushed over to the little angel, wrapping her arms around her shoulders tightly, “What happened, sugar plum?”

“Ohhhh, Olivia... I finally told him that I loved him, but it’s too late! He doesn’t love me anymore, and now I’ve lost all hope for finding love that I can fall into!”

Olivia pulled away, holding her by the shoulders and looking perplexed, “Love you can fall into?”

Tilly tearfully explained everything, from how Balthazar had explained the different types of love and how Mary told her about how falling in love felt. Then she explained how she fell in love with Captain Tinsel, and how Glint told her to tell him how she felt, now. And finally, how she messed everything up between them by trying too hard.

“Olivia, I just don’t understand! I did exactly what you said. Every year I’ve made my wish to Jesus. It’s always been to find love that I could fall into. Then when Captain came along, I wished that he would fall in love with me. But it didn’t work, Olivia! Jesus couldn’t help me get my wish!”

The slender elf stepped back a moment, putting a hand on her hip, accessing the situation. “Whoa! What are you talking about? You’ve been making your Christmas Wish about you?”

Now it was Tilly’s turn to be confused and Olivia shook her head with exasperation, “Your wish to Jesus isn’t supposed to be something for yourself! It’s supposed to be bigger. Much bigger. Like love for the world, or something for Alexa or your friends. Something intangible and untouchable.”

Olivia frowned and Tilly’s eyes sprang with a new set of tears once more, “Oh, I am a fool! Just a stupid, silly, selfish fool!”

Olivia’s frustration faltered as the tiny angel wailed and she softened, putting her hand on Tilly’s shoulder, “Hey, don’t cry, Tilly. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be upset. It’s my fault, really. I probably didn’t explain how the wishes were supposed to work properly when I introduced the idea to you. You were so new to Christmas that year, I just assumed you understood. Oh, don’t cry!”

The pair embraced in a tight hug and Tilly sniffled before finally quieting her tears. Pulling her back, Olivia grasped Tilly by the shoulders once more, forcing the younger ornament to look her in the eyes, “Tilly, listen to me. You don’t make wishes for yourself because you don’t know what the Powers of Christmas, the ultimate, heavenly Life-Bringer has in store for you. You may think you want something, but perhaps it isn’t right for you when you think it is or isn’t right for you at all. But, if you wish for something bigger, something for the greater good, that wish will reverberate across the world, ultimately coming back to you. What you give out, you will receive.”

“So, if I wished for everyone to find love, then love would find its way to me?”

Olivia nodded, “Exactly. But you must mean it. Not just say it because you want it for yourself. The wish has to be completely from the heart.” Then she let go of her friend and again placed her hands on her hips. “Tilly, you might not have romantic love, but you do know that you have lots of other love, right? We all love you very much.”

This time Tilly bowed her head. “I know,” she murmured before looking up again. “And I love you guys, too. It’s just that I feel like something is missing.”

“I understand, Tilly, but you can’t make love happen. All of us, Captain Tinsel included, love you because you give out love and kindness to all of us. Maybe it’s not romantic love, but when, or if it’s supposed to happen, it will come, so long as you don’t force it. And just keep being you!”

“Olivia, I just don’t know what to do now. I’ve made such a mess of things.”

Olivia smiled weakly at her, “Tilly, the only thing you can do is move forward. I’m so sorry about Captain, but, you know, he might be right. If it didn’t come naturally for either of you to come forward about your feelings, then perhaps it really isn’t meant to be. But I do know that he feels bad, I could tell and I didn’t even know what happened when he came to me worried about you. He’s still your friend. Why don’t you come back to the tree with me now and talk to him again? Don’t let your friendship be ruined. But you’re going to have to put this behind you, okay?”

Tilly took a deep breath and hugged her friend again, “Okay. I can try.”