SWNOVELS Acts of Grace: Part 1 – Chapter 10
I‘m one lucky son of a bitch.
Keeping my gaze focused on the road ahead of us, I don’t let Ashley see my face. No, I’m not a very emotive person. But somehow she can usually tell if something’s off with me.
And right now, something’s definitely off.
“So, um… that was close.” She gurgles and coughs in what I think is a nervous laugh.
Okay, that definitely has me looking.
“That’s a new sound.” My lips tilt into a smirk, unable to hold back the playful jab.
Ashley’s hand flies up to swat at me and I can’t help but grasp her hand in mine, bringing it to my mouth for a nip. “Raise that hand at me again, and you won’t be able to sit for a week, little treasure.”
Ashley’s body trembles and her face flushes. “Are you into that? Spanking?”
There’s an awkward pause before I tell her a version of the truth.
“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Ashley. Things I would never dream of telling you. You’re too damn good for me to taint. I could never forgive myself.” I scoff as I fling myself back into the headrest. “Fuck. Your brother would never forgive me.”
The car screeches to a halt, sending me flying toward the dash.
“Enough with my brother! This, whatever this is,” Ashley waves her hands in the air like a madwoman. “Is between you and me. If you don’t think it’s worth the risk–that I’m worth the risk–then it’s best we clear that up right now.”
“Not worth the risk? Is that why I practically fucked you in front of your brother’s house?” I shake my head in disbelief. How can she possibly think that after what we just did? “It’s not that you’re not worth it, it’s that you’re worth far too much. I don’t want to ruin you. You deserve a normal relationship, with a normal partner who enjoys doing all the high-society things you like to do. Me? I can’t stand those things. I stick out like a sore thumb, feeling like an alien in a human suit. Trust me, princess. People don’t look at you and pair you with someone like me.”
Ashley snorts. She literally snorts. What the hell?
“Is that what you think of me? That I like doing all that hoity-toity shit?”
“Well, that’s what you did with Brad, and what you’ve done with all your friends back home for as long as I can remember.”
“My god. The only reason I ever go to those things is as a favor to my friends and then boyfriend. I hate those events just as much as you do.” Ashley raises a finger in the air and smirks. “And for the record, if you stick out like a sore thumb, it’s because you’re most likely the hottest man there. No socialite’s husband or boyfriend has their muscles practically ripping their suits at the seam. Have you looked in the mirror? What woman in their right mind wouldn’t like a ride on the Titus Express.”
Biting my cheek, I hold back a full-blown grin, “Hey, there’s nothing ‘express’ about me.”
Ashley rolls her eyes. “Don’t I know it. So, do you have any more excuses as to why you don’t want to be with me?”
“They aren’t excuses, and I never said I didn’t want to be with you. It’s more of a can’t.” I let out a breath of frustration. “Look. It’s for the best. You need something more than I could ever give you. I’m not the family type. I’m definitely not conventional. And my idea of a good time is definitely not mainstream. Why start something that’s only going to end up in heart break?”
“Well, you sure are full of yourself. Do I need to remind you that I’m a grown woman in charge of my own actions and emotions? It’s extremely arrogant of yourself to think that I’m some little damsel who’d fall at your feet like some dumbstruck fool, unable to look at a good time for what it is. Just some simple fun.”
Her words hit deep. If I were being honest, I wasn’t entirely referring to her feelings, but mine as well. She’s got a hold on me unlike any other, and I fear that I’d lose myself in her, unable to escape.
I care for her, and I want to make her whole. Letting myself enjoy her would only achieve the opposite, wouldn’t it?
“It’s not that simple, Ashley. Your brother has also tasked me with looking after you. I’ve already betrayed him with everything we’ve done. To keep doing it, keep lying to him. It wouldn’t be right.”
Ashley rolls her eyes, “I don’t need you looking after me. I’m not a helpless child. If you want to use that as an excuse for not fucking me, then that’s on you. I’m not going to beg you to be with me.”
My palm slams onto the dashboard, the loud thud echoing in the small cabin as Ashley’s body stills. “Enough! Those are not excuses! Someone is after your family and our fooling around has already cost me precious time, I should have been dedicating to finding out who’s behind it all. I will not risk your safety for a hot fuck, despite how much I want it. You’re worth more than that. Don’t you get that?”
Shaking her head, Ashley places the car in drive. “Oh, I get it. It’s crystal clear. Your job is to keep me safe. You don’t do emotions. And you definitely don’t fool around with your friend’s little sister.”
Tilting my head back, I ask for patience. “You’re infuriating, woman. One day you’ll see this was for the best.” The heels of my palms press at my eyes rubbing as I ask myself if that’s even true.
With what I’m giving up, it better well damn be.