Accepting My Twin Mates

Evie

They were memories I tried not to dwell on.

The well incident truly was a blurred mess at times, although I did remember the important parts and currently the events rang clear. These memories of Astennu and Badru always cut me the most and now I knew why. My opinion of them hadn't changed much, as of yet. I still saw them as privileged and entitled. Privileged because they had daddy to dig them out of their s**t, cover over their actions like nothing had happened. They never had to think of the consequences of their actions before now. Entitled because they were used to getting what they wanted and tured mean when they were denied... at leas Badru did... but they were identical twins. If one was, surely the other was too?

If I turned Badru away again... would he show me his hurtful side once more?

4 years ago

The Summer Solstice celebrations were over and I was cleaning up the last of the mess in the great hall that was used for th pack's big celebrations and meetings. I was finishing up on my own, clearing the last of the plates and stacking them on the trolley to be taken away. I usually volunteered to work holidays such as these. Having no family, it wasn't as though I was missing out on anything and it meant those that had, could go enjoy themselves.

The two biggest holidays that werewolves celebrated were the Solstices; the Summer and, the most anticipated, the Winter; which was the one wolves would go all out for, with seasonal decorations and huge feasts. But any phase of the moon was a cause to celebrate with wolves. I always heard them talk about how they felt a certain vigour when they sensed the moon was closest and its gravity was at full effect, regardless of day or night. I couldn't wait to feel it for myself. At I9, I could go through my first shift anytime and while I was waiting for my wolf to show, I was being put through my paces with specialist training sanctioned by the Alpha himself. Very few wolves received such special training, but Alpha Isaac saw a great potential in me to be a top warrior to the pack. But until that time came, I was on pack house duty. It wasn't as though I could be on patrols or tracking and facing possible dangers without the ability to shift.

I spotted a final couple of plates, sneakily hiding from me on the plush seat in one of the bay windows. As I bent down to pick them up, I was aware of an intense gaze on my back, one that shivered its way to my centre. The intensity I felt was like the ghost of a hand, slowly sliding the length of my spine and tingling around the pulse point of my neck... where my marking site would lay. I turned to be met with the beautiful set of sapphire midnight eyes, identical to his brothers. Badru.

For some reason, I always knew which was which, but it didnt stun me any less that he was there. What was he doing down here? Had he come to nab some leftover food? It wouldn't be the first time. They had gotten me in trouble before when they tried to sneak food I had made. It would go missing and I got blamed for not making enough. The two of them had never spoken to me and ever since the well fiasco, Astennu wouldn't even meet my eyes.

The plates in my hand slipped as the rest of the world seemed to disappear for the briefest of seconds. No matter how muc I disliked the twins, their presence always triggered a certain excitement thrumming through me.

The ringing crash startled me out of whatever world I had been in and I looked down, seeing the plates smashed into pieces on the parquet floor. I shook my head and bent down to pick up the larger pieces, only to hear a deep silken voice speak out and a pair of large, perfect and deeply tanned hands appear in my vision.

“Here, let me help.’

I was so taken aback by his offer, I made the mistake of looking up and straight into his deep blue irises. In the low light of the hall, I could swear their colour held a faint glow, swirling in every midnight shade. I noticed his eyes flickered down to m lips which were slightly parted as I became lost again in this moment. His face leant towards me, his whole broad and defined body approaching me. I wanted to kiss him, to lose myself in all of him... but I wanted my mate. I had decided long ago that my first kiss belonged to him.

As Badru's lips neared, I pushed his chest away and he stopped, looking confused and oddly hurt at my rejection of his advances. He didn't press forward again trying to take what he wanted, he just looked at me with furrowed brows.

“..'m saving my first kiss for my mate..." I stupidly said, blushing a litle.

“Mate?” He almost looked angry as he said the word, jealous even. “You think I wanted to kiss you? Why would I want you? Even your own mate wouldn't want you... rogue...”

I always had a smart mouth response to everything and the one time I needed my best quip, my tongue refused to work. I broke my promise to myself that no one would see my tears, that neither Badru nor Astennu would see me cry. I couldn't stop the tear that slipped down my cheek or the way my lip quivered, threatening to send me over the edge and have me break down.

His expression softened, as though he was shocked. Did he seriously think his words wouldn't hit their mark? I may have given the impression that I was unbothered by the world, unbothered by being a rogue-born.. but it was my biggest insecurity. That no matter what I did, or how good I was at something, peoples’ first opinion of me would always be “that rogue’.

Istood up and quickly left, not caring that I was still in the middle of my job and that I still had duties to carry out. I left via the open french doors that led out into the garden and hid myself behind the large tree, letting my tears flow and hating the I let his words affect me so much. I was called “rogue’ many times, it always stung, but I brushed it off.

Coming from Badru, though... the sting was far more brutal.

“That one better be good at grovelling’ Evva grumbled. “And he better invest in some knee pads because he's gonna be on them for a while!

She had some empathy with Astennu and his actions, offering me insight that until I heard him out, I would never know the full truth. Badru, on the other hand, she seemed more hostile towards, as evident by how she snarled at him. But if I was going to hear Astennu out, then I would hear him out too; they were a package deal after all. I could never accept one without the other. Their wolf spirits were tied permanently, a bond stronger than even the mate bond, because theirs could never be broken.

The knock at my door made me involuntarily flinch out of my thoughts.

“It's just me. Can I come in?’ Lucy mind-linked from the other side.

“Yeah! Goddess, even the voice in my head sounded small.

The door opened and her steps faltered a little, “have you been crying?” Her brows drew together in concern.

She shut the door behind her and threw the items in her hand on the bed. I reached up to my cheek, wiping away the damp. trickle down my skin. I hadn't realised I was crying, again. Damn these “feelings’!

“What happened?” She turned to me. “And can you come down to my eye level? It hurts to crane my neck up to you sometimes.”

I couldn't stop the giggling fit pouring out of me. She always knew how to make me feel better, even though she rarely ever saw me cry. We both slipped to the floor, leaning against my mattress and I wrapped my arms around my legs, resting my chin on top of my knees.

“They're your mates, aren't they? Astennu and Badru,” Lucy guessed immediately.

“Is it really that obvious? Tamlyn seemed to guess that there was something too and that was before I got my wolf...” I knew I wouldn't stay secret long, if at all. But I needed time to figure out whether they deserved forgiveness.

“Not particularly. We just knew you well enough to hear that there was a certain edge to how much you disliked them and you always blushed when you mentioned how much you disliked them. It was kinda cute actually” she laughed.

“I never blushed!” I exclaimed... feeling my face heat as I said it.

“No, of course you don't. You so obviously don't; Ewa's sarcastic monotone voice in no way helped cool my cheeks down. Hell, Tamlyn was blind and even she could see I was hopelessly hung up on the twins. The mate bond was truly screwing me over here. And that thought made me realise, in all of this, I hadn't asked Lucy how she was now that Finley was back!

“Oh, Luce, I've been such an a*s! How are you doing with that fucknuts-for-brains being back?” I scooted around onto my side. “He hasn't done anything to you... has he?”

Her face fell and a ghost of the broken Lucy slipped through, “I've not run into him and I haven't felt anything yet. But our bond is so broken and frayed, I don't know anymore.”

“But don't worry about me. I'm gonna hide in the kitchen during the whole party and pretend he doesn't exist for tonight,” Lucy heaved out a deep breath and knocked her head backwards with her legs spread out in front of her. “Why do men have to make things complicated?”

“Because they have two heads and, unfortunately, they listen to the one without a brain most of the time,” I rested my head against her shoulder.

“Ok, enough sulking” Lucy slapped my thigh and got up onto her knees, dragging the black folded items on the bed towards us. “Let's get dressed and focus on finishing up before the guests really start piling in"

She unfolded the black fabric and held it against me. “It might be a little tight, but what do you think?”

I looked down at the dress that was cut impeccably. This was the uniform Luna Qamar wanted us to wear?