A Winter Dream

Dana and Lila were curled up on their old couch, each with a warm blanket, watching reruns of old sitcoms on TV together when the doorbell rang. Lila jumped up and opened the door. The living room of the small house was also the entryway of the house, so the front door opened right into the room.

There was no one there and it took Lila a few seconds to register why the doorbell had rung in the first place. There were ten bags of groceries on the front steps. Lila looked back at her mom in confusion. It must be a mistake.

Dana smiled and explained, “I ordered groceries online. I always wanted to have groceries delivered so I did.”

Lila’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “How did you afford this? I thought we were nearly out of money?”

Dana grinned mischievously, “I got approved for unemployment pay and the first check was direct deposited this morning. We should have enough to pay the utilities and eat well until…” her voice drifted off sadly.

Lila knew what this was. Her mom was trying to enjoy the rest of their time together. She didn’t want to live sadly and sparingly in her final days. She wanted to make a few final memories that Lila could cherish. If that’s what she wanted, then Lila would oblige.

She began carrying the groceries in and setting the bags on the kitchen counter. Her mom moved into the kitchen while she brought the food in and started emptying the bags and putting things away in the small fridge and tiny pantry.

Lila helped when the bags were all inside. There were things they hadn’t eaten in ages, like beef, butter, and cheese. There was pasta, potatoes, and bread, but there were also cookies and fresh fruits and vegetables. Lila’s mouth began to water at the abundance of food unlike anything she’d seen since her grandmother had died.

When she unpacked the last bag, she squealed. There was a cannister of barbecue flavored stacked potato chips in a can. They were her favorite, and mom remembered.

Dana was leaning up against the counter to rest and she smiled at her daughter’s delight over something so small. It wasn’t going to be easy to leave Lila behind, but she was strong, and she was going to be ok.

When the food was all put away, Dana piped up, “What should we make for dinner?”

Lila’s eyes lit up, “I saw beef, lettuce, onions, tomatoes and cheese…was there any mayo?”

Dana nodded.

“Let’s make some burgers! I haven’t had a cheeseburger in ages!” she said happily.

Dana walked to the pantry and pulled out a couple of potatoes, “And French fries?”

Lila’s eyes sparkled, “I’ll go find grandma’s air fryer,” and she pranced off to the dining-room-turned-storage-space.

The dining room was where they’d moved all of her grandmother’s things that they didn’t quite want to get rid of but didn’t have any reason to currently use. It kept the house uncluttered except for the dining room. And they always ate at the kitchen table anyway.

The house wasn’t very big. The living room was at the front of the house, and just behind that was the kitchen and eat-in area that led to an old sliding glass door. This opened into the tiny, fenced backyard. Between the kitchen pantry and the living room wall was a small hallway that led to the dining room and a single bathroom on one side and two bedrooms on the other. That was the entire house. Before Lila’s grandmother had passed, Lila and Dana had shared the second bedroom.

Inside the dining room, Lila carefully stepped over a couple of boxes and saw the air fryer on the far side of the fancy table in the middle of the space. She picked it up and headed back to the kitchen.

Lila plugged in the air fryer then set her mom up on a chair at the kitchen table to peel the potatoes. Lila started spicing and forming the hamburger patties while the pan heated up on the stovetop.

While they worked, they chatted about the TV shows they’d seen that day. Dana told her about the popular shows that were out when Dana had been a teenager, and they laughed together at some of the jokes and catch phrases that were popular at the time. After an hour of talking and working, the two of them sat down at the table together. They each had a plate with a juicy cheeseburger and perfectly golden-brown fries on it. Lila scooped out a little extra mayo onto her plate to dip her fries in and Dana ate hers plain.

They ate together happily, chatting lightly every now and then, but mostly enjoying the food. Once they were finished, their bellies stuffed, they carried the dishes to the sink. Lila washed, while Dana dried then put them away in the cabinet.

“Mom?” Lila asked in a serious tone while they were working.

“Hmmm?” Dana hummed back pleasantly.

“Have you ever had dreams that felt real?”

Dana paused in her movements for a moment, her expression changing briefly before reverting back to her pleasant expression, “I suppose I may have. Why? Are you having vivid dreams again?”

Lila looked confused, “Again? When did I have them before?”

Dana didn’t answer right away as she placed a plate in its place in the cabinet.

“When you were little…five or six…you used to have dreams that you thought were real. You were so convinced that sometimes you were confused when you woke up.”

“Confused how?” Lila stopped washing the pan she’d used to fry the burgers and turned to face Dana.

Dana sighed heavily and replied, “You would ask for the people from your dreams and wonder where they’d gone and why they weren’t here. If you didn’t have a dream on any given night, you’d cry when you woke up about how your friends weren’t coming to see you. It wasn’t just crying like a sad kid, it was sobbing. It broke your heart on the nights where you didn’t see them. It took your dad and I hours to calm you down.”

Lila suddenly felt anxious and uncomfortable, “Why don’t I remember that? I barely remember dad at all.”

Dana nodded, “Your dad died when you were six and that’s when we moved in with Grandma. Once we settled in here, the dreams stopped. You rarely talked about dad, and I was grieving, so I didn’t have the energy to bring it up to you.”

Lila’s heart cracked a little thinking of her mom grieving and having to care for a six-year-old, “I’m sorry, Mom. That must have been hard for you.”

Dana smiled sadly, “It was hard, but I’m grateful to be your mom. It’s been a privilege to see you grow into the beautiful woman you are now. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you an easier life, but you grew up well, anyway. I’m just sorry that I won’t be here to…” her voice trailed off as tears filled her eyes.

“Mom,” Lila whispered as she wrapped her arms around her mom and hugged her gently to comfort her, “I’ll miss you, too. But who knows? Maybe you’ll get to see dad and grandma again.”

Lila blinked through her own tears until Dana pulled away from the hug and wiped the tears on Lila’s cheeks.

“My brave girl,” she said as Lila smiled softly and resumed washing the frying pan.

They didn’t talk much more that evening. One of the local television channels they had access to was playing a romcom movie and they made themselves comfortable on the couch again to watch it together.

Lila knew her mom secretly loved romantic comedies, but she preferred action and adventure flicks. The movie was boring to her, so she spent most of the time watching her mom enjoy it. Lila was glad to see her smile and laugh throughout. After some time, Lila shifted on the couch so she could rest her head on the back and her eyes started to feel heavy.

At some point Lila closed her eyes and then opened them to find herself resting on a different couch. She was dreaming again. Slowly sitting up, she looked around the room.

It looked like a library or a study with two walls of full bookcases and a large desk near a vast window. Lila stood and walked past the desk to look outside. Snow blanketed the lawn and there were towering evergreens in the distance. Beyond the trees, quite far away, she could make out mountain peaks, also covered in snow.

The house she was in must be very grand, she thought, as she turned back to face the room and noticed the little details. The rich wood of the bookcases and the floors, the fine rug on the floor beneath the fancy sofa and armchairs that surrounded a low wooden table covered in books. She could smell the scents of old leather and paper and she loved it. Lila always thought the aroma of old books was captivating. There were many adventures and lives lived within the pages and the thought somehow comforted her. She’d never understood the appeal of reading books in digital format, although she was never able to afford a device that could give her that ability. She believed she’d still rather read an actual book.

Lila felt delighted as she walked slowly around the room running her fingertips along the spines of the books on the shelves. They were nothing like the crackly plastic covers that her local library put on every hardcover book to hold the publisher’s cover in place. These books were made with leather covers and smelled amazing.

Lila realized suddenly that the room felt familiar to her. It was like she’d been here many times. Maybe she’d even read the books that lined these very walls and that’s why she felt happy and nostalgic to see them. The thought didn’t make logical sense to her, since she couldn’t remember ever being in this place, but it felt right somehow.

Someone cleared their throat behind her, and she spun around to the door that led to the rest of the house. A man stood there, leaning against the doorframe. He was older, about her mom’s age, and he had salt and pepper hair at his temples and the rest was black as night. His eyes were dark blue and shining with happiness.

“Fancy seeing you here, pumpkin,” he said in a familiar voice.

Lila felt as if she had been punched in the gut as the air rushed out of her lungs and memories flooded her brain. She stared at the man in shock and then gasped, “Daddy?”

Lila’s eyes flew open to find herself back on the couch and her mom shaking her gently.

“Go sleep in bed, sweetie. You’ll get an ache in your neck if you sleep like that on the couch,” Dana said gently.

“Mom!” Lila exclaimed.

“Are you ok, sweetheart?” Dana asked with concern.

Lila sat up and nodded, “Sorry, yes, I’m ok mom. I just had a weird dream. I’ll go sleep in bed.”

Dana smiled in the soft way she had that was motherly and comforting, “I’m headed to bed, too. Let’s hang out again tomorrow, ok?”

“I’d like that,” Lila smiled back while she stood and stretched.

Lila followed her mom down the hall, and she waved goodnight to her before entering her own room. She changed into her pajamas, which were really just a t-shirt and shorts, and then crawled under her pile of blankets. She suddenly felt more exhausted than she had in months. What was that dream? She’d forgotten what her dad looked like, and her mom didn’t have any pictures out on display. But Lila felt absolutely sure that man was her dad. Her dad was dead, wasn’t he? First the strange talking snow creatures and now her dad?

Lila groaned aloud in frustration and flopped over onto her back. What in the world was happening to her? She continued to toss and turn for over an hour before she drifted into a restless, dreamless sleep.