A Thousand Heartbeats

I had rules. I’d ingrained them into myself until they were second nature.

Never look away. Never walk away. Never explain away.

This was how I survived.

But looking away from Annika? Walking away from Annika? That felt more like dying than living.

I paused when I was far enough away that I knew the mouth of the cave would be blocked by the roll of the hill. I could see the mountain, jagged and foreboding. If I looked close enough, I could even see the place where the rocks that had nearly blocked off the entrance had come from. It left a strange, hollow feeling in my chest. This made perfect sense, seeing as my heart was happily tangled in the hair of Annika Vedette.

I held out my hand, looking at the loops of lace. I loved it.

I loved it, but I couldn’t wear it. They’d see. They’d know I was with someone, and if they figured out it was her, they’d expect her to be dead. I’d have to explain more than I was prepared to. I stopped for a moment, looking around to make sure I wasn’t being followed. Beneath a tree, I slowly unwound it, though it pained me to undo anything Annika had made. It was so, so dirty from the ground of that cave. I shoved it into my belt and shook out my hand, already feeling naked without it.

There. That was it. All the proof of my entire life being changed was gone.

My best guess was that the army would head south toward where the boats we’d stolen were docked.

The few glimpses of the sun I was getting from behind the clouds were telling me I was heading in the right direction. I soldiered on, and crested the horizon just before the slant to the sea.

There they were.

The survivors—more than I could have guessed—were all here, looking for salvageable boats and scavenging wreckages for usable parts. Ever resourceful, ever determined. I found myself swelling with pride. We were still here.

“Lennox!” someone called out. Not someone. Blythe.

And to my shock, once she said my name, the entire army went up in cheers. I could see Blythe running toward me, eyes bright, smile plastered across her face.

“I knew it,” she said when she approached. “I knew you’d make it through.”

“Of course,” I said. And then I kissed her cheek.

She was so eager, so happy to finally be kissed, that she embraced me, too, trying to make the moment last. And I? I was hoping to do as Annika said, move on with someone who cared about me and put our time together in a jar, never to be forgotten.

It took about four seconds to realize that would never, ever happen.

I saw my mother running through the sparse crowd, tears in her eyes. For the first time in years, my mother threw herself into my arms, reaching up and touching my face.

“I never worry,” she said. “You are so strong and smart, I know you’ll find your way out of anything. But this time? This time I thought that storm might get the best of you.”

“It tried.”

Her smile was sad. “Sometimes it aches that you look so much like your father . . . but watching you walk back from the dead . . .” She shook her head, unable to say any more.

“How did you survive the rain alone?” Blythe asked.

The girl I’m destined to love helped me build a fire. She fed me and held me. She mended my long-dead heart. I owe her my life ten times over.

“I found a cave to shelter in. Where were you all?”

Blythe shook her head. “We were able to build a crude sort of covering. It was starting to fail at the end, so it’s good the rain stopped when it did.”

I turned to my mother. “You?”

“Hid in a thicket of trees with really tight branches with three others.”

“Inigo did that, too,” Blythe said.

“Inigo made it! Oh, thank goodness.”

Blythe laughed. “Don’t let him hear you talking like that or he’ll say you’ve gone soft.”

I shrugged. “Maybe I have. Come on. Let’s find a boat.”

We walked down to the coast together, but as Kawan came into view, my mother distanced herself from me. I tried not to let it sting.

“You’re alive,” he said as a way of greeting. His tone implied an air of disappointment.

“Yes. What’s the plan?”

“We’re waiting—”

“Lennox!” Inigo said, running up the coast. I held out a hand to shake and wrapped the other around his back, and he did the same to me. Smiling, he turned to Kawan. “There are more boats just around the rocks. It looks like most are seaworthy. We’re in better shape than we thought.”

“Good. Start mobilizing the soldiers.” Kawan waved a hand at us, and we started walking.

“I heard a cheer earlier,” Inigo said. “That for you?”

I nodded. “I didn’t know anyone cared.”

“It’s a lot more than that, my friend,” he said, looking back over his shoulder to make sure we were far enough away. “When Kawan came over that hill, no one was happy.”

My face shifted. “You’re joking.”

“No,” Blythe confirmed. “It wasn’t just that they didn’t care, they were angry. I’m angry. He nearly got us all killed. No one’s pleased he made it out of his own stupid plan alive.”

“Well, that’s none of my business,” I said. “Not yet anyway.”

“Let me know when it is,” Inigo said.

I looked to Blythe, who nodded.

“I will.”