A Thousand Heartbeats

For the first time in my life, I was the one helping Noemi into a dress. I wasn’t about to have her ride out beside me looking like a maid for fear the soldiers might think her expendable. And I couldn’t bear to leave her behind. We all knew what it was like to sit and wait for news, how sometimes that was far more painful than knowing the truth. I wasn’t doing that to her.

Her dress was one of mine, tailored by her skilled hand to her frame, and almost matching mine. Had my hair been darker or had she been kissed with freckles, we might have looked like sisters.

Using her perfect little invention, my sword was expertly hidden beneath my gown, but both of the small, leather hip belts she’d found were worn outside. We didn’t have much in them—hardtack in case we needed something to eat, a flint if this stretched into the night, a few pieces of gold should I need to bribe my way out of something—but knowing I wasn’t completely empty-handed helped me settle myself.

I braided her hair in the way I’d experimented the day before, and while the front pieces of my hair were braided back, the rest stayed down; I was going into this meeting looking both like the woman they’d murdered and the girl they’d failed to.

“Do I look acceptable?” Noemi finally asked, holding her arms out. “I feel a bit ridiculous.”

I chuckled. “Well, it suits you. As does the color. When we get back, I think we should do away with your uniform altogether.”

Her tentative smile disappeared. “What?”

“Would you not like that?”

“No, no, I would!” she replied quickly. “But people will assume I’m a lady-in-waiting, not a maid. It would be inappropriate.”

“People throw that word around a lot, don’t you think? ‘Annika, it’s inappropriate to sword fight. It’s inappropriate to leave your hair down.’ I’m starting to think I don’t care for the term at all.”

Noemi walked over, taking my hands in hers. “But a part of you does. You know it would be inappropriate to completely ignore your father, so you don’t. You know it would be inappropriate to abandon your title, so you press on.”

I frowned. “Those distinctions have much more to do with love than decorum. As such, no more uniforms when we return. I love you.”

“And I love you. So much so that I am willing to follow you into madness, so we’d better get a move on.”

I smiled. “Let’s go.”

We headed to the stables to choose horses. Grayson was attentive this morning, moving quickly as he completed his task.

“Thank you,” I said, tossing one of the coins from my bag his way. “I’m counting on someone to hold this place together while we’re gone.”

He smiled up at me. “Anything for you, my lady.”

Noemi and I mounted our horses, and I looked back over my shoulder at Grayson. I hoped I was wrong. I hoped that this was a straightforward summit, though even that left me uncomfortable. I just prayed that I had misjudged Lennox and that he’d either be there to receive this treaty himself or back in his damp castle. Anywhere, really, so long as it wasn’t on our doorstep.

We reached the front gate, only to find a huge party waiting for us. Noemi and I exchanged a glance, surprised at just how many officers Father had chosen to take with us.

“Absolutely not!”

I whipped my head up to find Escalus on his horse, trotting over. “What?”

He pointed to Noemi. “You will go back inside this instant.”

“Might I remind you that she works for me, not you,” I scolded.

“And might I remind you that I outrank you here.”

I wondered if the shock I felt was visible to everyone else. Escalus never pulled rank on me, not in private, not in public.

“Escalus, I’m bringing Noemi with me,” I told him, keeping my voice low. “If my guess is right, and Lennox comes to the castle, I’d rather her be with me.”

Escalus sighed heavily, looking at Noemi. Once again, they were having one of their silent conversations. I could see that her eyes were pleading. With every second, his will was fading. He was clearly desperate to keep her close, even if it might be dangerous.

“I want both of you behind me at every step, do you understand? Neither of you are allowed to cross my line of sight.”

“Of course,” I replied.

“As you wish, Your Highness,” Noemi answered with a bow of her head.

We collectively joined the head of the group where Father was speaking with Nickolas. They both seemed in steady spirits today; I took that as a good sign. Father looked over at me, catching Noemi.

“Ah. An attendant. That’s a good idea, Annika,” he said. His voice sounded strained. “Now, make sure that you both stay behind me. Escalus, Nickolas, you as well. I will be leading the procession. Let’s head to the ships. I want to make sure we’re on time.”

We marched along the wide road that led to the docks, a place I hadn’t seen in years. Mother and I used to travel, used to go out into the country, travel to the neighboring kingdoms. I still remembered those trips, the warm greetings of our countrymen, the gift of an apple from a stranger, the flowers we’d pick and bring home for our rooms. It felt like someone else had done all those things now; that girl and I were so far apart.

When we got to the docks, I was confused. Looking over to Escalus, I could see that he was as well.

“Your Majesty,” he asked, “why are there three ships?”

“Oh,” Father replied nonchalantly. “I’m bringing gifts. Peace offerings. We’ll be on the middle one, here.” He started his horse up the gangplank, and my stomach sank. Two whole ships’ worth of gifts? What was he giving them? Why was he doing this at all? It made no sense.

Once on board, we dismounted, and the horses were led safely belowdecks. Father was speaking to the captain of the ship, and Nickolas was at his side, taking everything in. He was so, so eager to please.

“How could you?” Escalus asked, coming up beside me. “How could you bring Noemi into this?”

“I didn’t feel safe leaving her behind.”

He shook his head. “I might not be able to protect you both. She could be hurt or worse.”

“She won’t be. I promise I’ll run if I need to run, and she’ll stay with me.”

Escalus stared at me with hard eyes, saying nothing before storming off.

“Escalus!” I called.

He looked at me over his shoulder. “Are you still here?”

I swallowed, waiting. He nodded but did not speak.

And that was almost worse than nothing at all.

I hoped the meeting with the Dahrainians was peaceful. That was all the battling I could take for one day.