A Thousand Heartbeats

I stifled a yawn as Escalus trotted over.

“Are we boring you, Your Highness?” he teased.

“I didn’t sleep well. Strange dreams. I think I’m just anxious about today.”

He sighed heavily. “Can’t say I blame you. We can stay together, the four of us, if you prefer.”

“No. I hate to say it, but I don’t think I can take Father’s dark mood and Nickolas’s sternness at the same time,” I admitted. “Besides, I have a favor to ask of my fiancé. I’m hoping he’ll be amenable.”

“Then I’ll hope for that, too. Ah, yes,” he said, turning to the page who was approaching with his sword. “Thank you, young man.”

“Why do you get a sword?” I muttered. “I wish I could bring mine.”

“I know. Here, I promise I’ll come by your room tonight. And if you behave, we can take the binding off and you can properly chop at something. So long as it isn’t me again.”

“For the last time, it was an accident! And you hardly even bled.”

“Tell that to my favorite shirt! Not even Noemi could fix it, and she can fix anything.”

“I am profoundly sorry to your shirt,” I replied sarcastically, which he took as the joke it was. I loved how he took so many things in stride. He turned his horse so he was right beside me and bent over, kissing my forehead.

“My poor shirt has been long buried, but I shall update the headstone with that fine tribute.”

I giggled.

Nickolas was finally affixed atop his horse and heading my way.

“Good luck,” Escalus said as he went off to join Father.

“That stable boy is a disaster,” Nickolas claimed.

In the distance, Grayson, the young stable hand we paid to keep our practices secret, was picking up a brush and extra blanket from the ground, looking disheartened. He never looked like that.

“One would think a royal stable hand could properly tack up a horse. I had to redo the entire thing myself.”

Our stable hands were excellent. But leave it to Nickolas to invent standards above the needs of even a king.

“I’ll make sure the head keeper speaks to him,” I lied.

“Excellent idea, my pet.”

I cringed at the name, but he didn’t seem to notice.

“And your hair is much better today,” he said, pointing to where I had it pinned up.

I reached back to touch it. I was so used to it down, even when I rode; I liked the feel of the wind in it. I was looking forward to rejoicing with Noemi this evening when we took every last pin out.

“It feels a bit heavy like this,” I admitted.

“But you look like such a lady,” he commented.

I was more than a lady; I was a princess. He seemed to keep forgetting that.

“Thank you. I was hoping I could ask you something. You see—”

“Are you all set?” Father asked, coming up beside us. The anxiety in his eyes was acute. “You know, Escalus and I could join you.”

“Escalus offered that as well, but don’t fret, Father. It’s just a quick jaunt to the countryside, waving to the fieldworkers, and riding home. Nothing to it.”

He paused. “Perhaps we should stay together. . . .”

“Father, we’ll be fine.”

“It’s just . . .”

“We’ll have guards with us, and I have a personal escort,” I said, gesturing to Nickolas. “One could only see how safe this will be.”

He nodded. “I’m sure you’re right.”

But he didn’t look sure. He looked nervous. And I realized then that this was the first time in the three years since Mother vanished that he was letting me out of his sight while off palace grounds.

“All will be well, Father. I will see you tonight when we toast Kadier’s future,” I promised.

“Until then,” he said. There was so much broken between us that he couldn’t say I love you. Even if he had, I wasn’t sure I could have said it back.

Instead, we turned our horses and trotted off in different directions.

I was so disheartened by the way I said goodbye to Father that I couldn’t bring myself to speak to Nickolas for most of our ride. Instead, we traveled in silence past field after field. Seeing the royal standard one of the guards was holding, children ran to the roadside to hand me flowers, and I tucked as many of them in the back of my hair as I could. The news of our engagement had spread as quickly as we’d anticipated, and Nickolas and I were showered with well-wishes from the subjects of Kadier. At any moment, I could have turned to talk to Nickolas. I should have. But I found myself feeling unwelcome to do so.

Before I’d realized, we’d ridden much farther than I’d meant to. A short wooden bridge over a very shallow gulley marked where Kadier ended and Kialand began. The guards knew all too well that I’d hardly been outside the castle in ages, so leaving the country was unheard of. Nickolas didn’t seem to know we were at the border at all, so I bypassed him and turned to the head guard. Abandoning propriety, he nodded his head forward and gave me a wink. I couldn’t hide my smile at the glimpse of freedom.

“Earlier you mentioned you wanted to talk about something,” Nickolas began. “The last time you said that, it ended in a proposal. So what is it, my pet?” He laughed at his own joke.

Ugh, he was going to call me that all the time now, wasn’t he?

“I was wondering if we might live away from the palace when we get married. Just in the beginning,” I added quickly, taking in the bewildered look on his face.

“Why would you want to live anywhere else? The palace is grand. The grounds are perfect. Your father has made your home so fine.”

“Don’t mistake me. I love my home.” I looked into the distance wistfully. “But you and I . . . Nickolas, for all our years together, I feel I hardly know you. If we’re going to have a successful marriage—a marriage that is an example for all of Kadier—then I think we should know each other better. And I don’t think I can do that under the watchful eyes of every person at court. I just want us to be happy.”

It would have been nice if I could explain that I wanted to form my opinions of him away from the eyes of everyone in the palace, and away from the protocol. I needed to know him.

He pulled the reins on his horse so that he was trotting in circles around me. “No one in the world will be as happy as us,” he claimed. “I know you think I am a little . . . rigid, but you will see I’m right in the end. I am trying to take care of you. You will see, Annika, I will tend you so well.”

I tried not to roll my eyes. “And I will be so thankful for that. But I’d still like to give ourselves some space away from the palace at first. I’d hoped for a year, but even a few months would do.”

“A few months?” he replied, clearly still surprised by my request. “Annika, I can’t imagine what would be gained. We will be together all the time as is, and if we stay at the palace, we benefit not only from the comfort of your home but also the wisdom of your father and brother. And how do you think they’ll feel if we go? They’ll think I’m stealing you away from them.”

“Not if we explain,” I pleaded.

“Annika, I have to say, I just—”

He broke off, and I turned to see what caught his eye. To his left and ahead of me, just at the breaking tree line, five figures on horses were emerging. They were average enough, if a bit of a surprise with how quietly they came upon us. There was one girl in a faded dress accompanied by a quartet of gentlemen, and they looked windswept and a little unsure . . . but that wasn’t the thing that held my gaze.

The young man at the center lead of the pack was staring dead into my eyes. There was something so unnervingly familiar about his face that it sent chills all over my body. And what’s more, he was blinking at me as if he were looking at a ghost, his skin growing paler with each passing second.

Shaking his head, he spoke to his companions. “New plan. Take them. The girl is mine.”

In an instant, Nickolas was off, bolting in the other direction. I turned my horse as quickly as I could, following suit. The guards drew their swords and galloped alongside, keeping me protected. Nickolas was within my sights, but he was moving swiftly and with an air of determination.

I wished with all my heart I’d not cared what anyone might say and put my sword on the horse. I wished I had allowed my father to come with us. I wished I had anything to protect me now. I raced as quickly as I could through a dense patch of trees, trying to weave through them and shake off my attacker. I could hear his horse behind me, and I refused to look back and let him see just how terrified I was.

Nickolas was ahead of me to my right, and I saw that one of the riders had caught up with him. He got close enough to reach out and hit Nickolas with the hilt of his sword, and Nickolas slumped down in his saddle, leaning forward heavily on the neck of his horse.

“No!” I screamed, switching course immediately and heading in his direction.

By the time I’d gotten to Nickolas, his assailant was on the run, being pursued by one of the guards. I jumped from my horse and ran to my fiancé, searching for a breath, a heartbeat.

It was a foolish move, because as soon as I was on foot, my attacker was behind me.

I turned, watching him dismount so he could take me. I was cornered, but I had to try. I reached up, unsheathing Nickolas’s sword, and took my stance.