A Thousand Heartbeats

“Here, my lady,” Noemi said as she pinned the front of my dress to my stomacher. “This is the last one.” She bit her lip, looking like she was debating something.

I tried to give her my most reassuring smile. “Whatever it is, just say it. Since when are there secrets between you and I?”

She nervously touched her dark curls. “It’s not a secret, my lady. I’m just wondering if you’re ready to see him again. To see anyone again.”

Noemi chewed her lip. It was one of her many endearing habits.

I took her hand. “Founding Day is tomorrow. The people need to see their princess is well. My presence at court encourages our countrymen, and that is my primary role.” I ducked my head.

If Noemi had been my real sister, she might have argued with me. As my maid, she simply replied, “Very well.”

With my hair brushed and dress set, Noemi slipped me into my sturdiest shoes, and I headed out.

Though I had lived here my entire life, I was still in awe of Meckonah Castle, with its wide-open windows, vast marble floors, and an array of galleries. But above all Meckonah’s beauty, it was home.

My mother and father had forgone a church wedding in favor of exchanging their vows in the field outside.

I was born here. My first words, first steps, first everything happened for me here. I was so proud of it all, so in love with this palace and this land. There was very little I wouldn’t do for it. Indeed, there was apparently nothing I wouldn’t do for Kadier.

I walked slowly toward the dining hall. As I approached the door, I paused. Maybe Noemi was right—maybe it was too soon. But I’d been seen, and now it was too late.

Escalus noticed me before my father did, and he stood quickly, coming across the hall to greet me. The first real smile I’d had in weeks spread across my face as he embraced me.

“I’ve been aching to see you, but Noemi said you weren’t up for company,” he said quietly. He reached up, brushing a lock of hair from his face. Escalus and I had both been gifted our mother Evelina’s ashy-brown hair and her warm brown eyes, but there was no mistaking that it was Escalus who was the echo of Theron Vedette.

“It was dull, I assure you. Nothing but me sighing about my state. Besides, I’m sure you had much more important things to tend to.” I tried to sound breezy, but I sensed I was failing.

“You look different,” he said, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.

I shrugged. “I feel different.”

He swallowed hard. “Is it all settled, then?”

I nodded and lowered my voice. “It’s all left to Father’s timing now.”

“Come and eat. ‘There’s no sorrow cinnamon cannot fix.’”

I giggled as we walked, thinking of our mother’s words. She had many cures for what ailed the soul. Sunshine, music, cinnamon . . .

But my laugh was short-lived as I came around to the other side of the table, curtsying to my father. Who was he going to be today?

“Your Majesty,” I greeted him.

“Annika. Glad to see you’re well again,” he said pointedly. In seven words, I knew the darkness that sometimes descended on his mind was low and thick today.

Downhearted, I took my place on his left and gazed out upon the courtiers quietly eating their breakfasts. It was musical in a way, the forks and knives tinging against the china plates, making chimes among the low thrum of voices. The light fell in sheets through the arched windows, and it looked like the morning was promising us a beautiful day.

“Now that you’re up and about, we need to discuss some business,” my father began. “Founding Day is tomorrow, so Nickolas will be arriving tonight. I thought it would give you an excellent opportunity to propose.”

“Tonight?” I’d made my peace with the decision as best I could, but I thought I’d have more time. “How did you even know I’d return to the court today?”

“I didn’t. But it needed to happen either way. He rarely comes to court without cause, and sooner is better than later. You can ask him after dinner.”

Well, he’d tied all that up neatly.

“And . . . I have to ask?”

Father shrugged. “Protocol. You outrank him.” His narrow eyes were on me; he was still angry at me for standing up to him. “And you have a . . . stouter disposition than we ever knew. So, I don’t see you fainting at the idea of taking the lead.”

I wanted to scream at him, to plead for my sweet father to come back to me. There was a man behind those eyes who understood me, who saw my mother in my face. And I missed him so much that I was doing everything I could to not despise this man.

But I was still my mother’s daughter. For her sake, I kept my smile on my face, determined to preserve what was left of our family.

“No, my lord. It won’t be a problem.”

“Good.” He turned back to his meal.

Escalus was true to his word. Cinnamon breads with icing were sitting right within arm’s reach. As tempting as they were, I’d completely lost my appetite.