SWNOVELS Chapter CHAPTER SIXTEEN
It had been one month since Bill Pickles’ job had been made a lot harder. It wasn’t that thousands of bounty hunters were now chasing after the same target as him, or even that his best lead had been felled by his foe in a dastardly attempt to sabotage him. No, the difficulty had come from all of the fake ‘tips’ on Mr Morrison’s location that were now floating around.
Bill had spent the entire month flying from planet to planet, on a wild goose chase. One contact had even sent him to a backwater planet in the Veezahn system that was filled with stoned midgets. It had been growing intensely infuriating. Today would be different though. The chatter coming from his corporate contacts were all saying the same thing; Something was happening at Happy World 392 and Mr Morrison was going to be there. Bill was happy with this turn of events, even if it turned out to be another dead end, he could still have a fun day out of it. After all, this was Happy World, one of the ‘happiest places in spaces’. Bill had a soft spot for family fun, he dreamed of one day finding someone with whom he could start a family, that wouldn’t care that he worked for a bank (or that his job involved killing people).
The information he was following up on said that Morrison would be hidden on board a small freight ship, that was set to arrive on the Southern hemisphere around midday, local time. As he didn’t know exactly where on the Southern hemisphere his target would be landing, he had positioned himself in orbit between the Sun and the lower half of the planet. That was 7 hours ago.
The sheer volume of traffic coming and going from the planet’s surface made the task of spotting the right vessel much harder than he had anticipated. Literally ‘millions’ of ships had passed by him in the few short hours since he’d arrived. In an attempt to combat this logistical nightmare, he’d started scanning for freight ships, specifically one’s which didn’t bear a Happy World Logo. This had greatly reduced the number of ships that he had to focus on. Unfortunately, all of the freight vessels he had seen so far were not only owned by Happy World, but had also come from the planet’s surface.
Another hour passed and Bill was getting ready to give up. This was clearly another bogus tip. He may as well make the most of his current locale and enjoy a rollercoaster or two. He turned off his scanners and fired up the engines. As he dropped into a lower orbit, something on the long range sensors caught his eye. It was a freight vessel and not one owned by Happy World, plus it was the first one he had seen heading toward the intergalactic amusement park. This has to be him, thought Bill, a glimmer of hope igniting in his heart. He followed the vessel down to the planet’s surface.
The two ships glided softly down and followed the line of industrial traffic that avoided the public flight paths. What could he be planning, why is he here? Perhaps the isolation his foe must have subjected himself to for the last month had finally gotten to him. Maybe he’d come here to have one last day of freedom before the inevitable.
Whatever the reason, it didn’t change Bill’s intentions; he would wait for the vessel to land, he would walk straight up, explain his business and carry out his contract. Due to the length of time that Mr Morrison had evaded punishment, Bill would have to be quite brutal in carrying out his duties. He took no real pleasure in the act of mutilation but he would have to carry out his job by the book. To accommodate this, Bill had brought what he called his ‘Intestinal Self-Sodomising Kit’. The equipment in this kit would allow him to sodomise Mr Morrison with his own intestines, before posting the picture on the bank’s website for authentication and to remind customers why it is so important to pay your debts.
The flow of traffic he and his foe found themselves in was slow moving. As they shunted forward, Bill’s sensors picked up another freight vessel passing overhead. Typical, he thought with a smile, freight vessels; you spend ages waiting for one to show up then two come along at once. The new vessel had markings that Bill recognised as a syndicate ‘front’, a fake company that would allow them to move without scrutiny. Bill didn’t agree with organised crime, but didn’t feel it was fair to judge them, given the misconceptions that his own career garnered. He watched the vessel disappear over the horizon.
The freight vessel ahead of him split off from the rest of the traffic and Bill followed. He was so excited that his persistence was finally paying off, the atmosphere in the cockpit was palpable. The two vessels landed behind one of the recycling plants, Bill being careful to land out of sight. He grabbed his kit, departed his ship and crept toward the idling freight vessel. He flattened himself against its hull and sneaked around to the emergency access port at the rear of the ship. He hooked a gloved hand around the release handle and pulled.
He heard a soft ‘click’ as the lock disengaged. His heart was beating so heavily, he could feel it in his skull. He primed himself in front of the access port. All he had to do now was shimmy up the port’s empty over-flow pipe and he would have full access to the ship and his sequestered foe. He pressed the opening button and put his head into the pipe.
There was something rancid in the darkness ahead, he wouldn’t let this deter him though, not when he was so close to completing his contract. He crawled further along the narrow tube, dragging his bagged kit behind him with his foot. His 60,000 Cha-ching suit was getting ruined by all of the dried filth he was pulling himself through. He had worn it as a form of celebration for finally getting his target. A choice he still didn’t regret, despite climbing into an ever-growing stench that singed his nostrils. He still maintained that this was an occasion that deserved celebration.
He found himself in total darkness now, but sullied forth regardless. He squeezed further and further up the nausea-inducing pipe until he felt his fingers reach the end. He smiled and pushed the vent cover away. He heard it hit the ground a short distance below him and slid through after it.
He stood up and took the torch from his jacket pocket. He lit it and inspected his surroundings, bringing a handkerchief to his mouth in a vain attempt to block out the, now over powering, stench that engulfed the environment. He dry-heaved against the wall of odour and squinted at his surroundings.
The room appeared to be empty, not just of his target but of anything. There was nothing in this room, no doors, no lights, no windows, nothing? This couldn’t be right, this was the only suspicious freight vessel he’d seen all day. All of a sudden, there was a loud rumbling from overhead. Bill shone his torch up and saw that he was stood beneath a wide, circular opening. The smell was strongest around this hole, but why? His question was answered all too soon, when a torrent of raw sewerage came blasting out of it.
Bill was crushed beneath it and thrown against the wall of the room as it began to pool. He had lost his torch as he was hit but he could feel the disgusting liquid filling the room around him. This was a nightmare. He gasped for air as the sewerage splashed into his mouth, the current dragging him under. He grabbed at the wall finding the entrance to the tube with his slime drenched fingers. He struggled against the liquid filth and pulled himself, headfirst, into the tube. He pulled himself further in, then, he stopped. His arms had become wedged against the sides. The sticky mess of his clothes keeping him trapped fast. His legs were now completely covered by the room full of sewerage. He could breathe but he wasn’t out of the woods yet. The pressure behind him was building.
The four sewerage workers came back out of the building and shut off the sewerage pump. It had been another routine day of waste removing and they were eager to get home to their families. They walked around the ship, a recent rash of escaped slaves had changed their company’s protocols to check for stowaways before leaving Happy World. The worst part of this was the extra time it added to jobs. As they rounded the rear of their freighter, they saw something they didn’t expect.
For starters, the sewerage seemed to be leaking from the overflow hatch. This happened from time to time, so wasn’t the biggest of issues. No, the thing that they didn’t expect to see, was the long, brown streak of excrement that led from the hatch and the man that was lay at the end. He had been fired out like a bullet. The four man crew of sewerage workers hurried over to the man and carefully rolled him onto his back. He appeared to be wearing an expensive suit, or it had been expensive at some point. At least he wasn’t a runaway slave, that would mean paperwork. One of the men prodded the human bullet; he coughed up a mouthful of liquid faeces and fell unconscious. Bill Pickles was down for the count.