A Pinch of Cinnamon

Nick’s POV

“I... love...you.” My heart is shattering as those faint words are whispered from her lips. How did it come to this?

“Spencer!”

“We need a transfusion, or we will lose her!” The doctor yells at the staff who were all aiding in keeping my heart and soul alive.

I can’t lose her.

She can’t leave us.

I can’t live without her.

“We need you to leave.” A nurse was frantically ushering me out of the room.

“No, I need to be with her! I can’t leave her alone!” I desperately try and keep myself by her side. I clutch her hand as if my presence alone would bring her back to me.

“Sir, the doctor and staff need to focus. We can’t have you in here. They are doing what they can to ensure her safety so please don’t make it harder.” The nurse pulls me out of the room. My hand slips from Spencer’s.

I glance back to see Spencer’s white face. She was lying on that cold table; alone. People were frantically attaching more things to her. I see blood dripping from a blue drape on her abdomen. Dripping onto the white floor.

I can’t take my eyes off it. It’s so red against the white background. That’s her life. It’s what is keeping her living with me, with our family. And now...it’s just running out of her. Killing her.

The nurse continues pulling me out just as I hear the staff shout.

“She’s flatlining!”

I crumple. Sliding down the wall just outside her room. The nurse, not able to hold me up, watches me awkwardly.

I put my face in my hands and just sob. Uncontrollable, gut wrenching sobs. My heart is in that room.

Don’t take her. Not her, please. I’m not normally a spiritual, religious person but right now, I pray.

I pray, and beg, and plead with whatever higher form there may be. Don’t take her from me. Don’t take her from us.

Please.

This can’t be happening. She was fine just minutes ago. Tearing up over the faces of our new babies. She brought them into this world. What if the world decides to take her from me in exchange?

I can’t live without her. What will Jayden and Octavia say? How would I console them?

How can I be strong enough to be there for them when all I want to do is cry?

“Is there someone I can call?” The nurse softly whispers.

I nod shakily. I give her the number for my mom. She needs to know.

“How about we go see your new babies? We still need their names for their birth certificates.” The nurse tries to take my mind off the fact that my wife is currently dying.... or dead.

No.

I shake my head free of those horrid thoughts. I can’t think like that. She will be fine. I need her to be fine.

I tremble as I get to my feet. The nurse is right. I can’t see clearly in my grief, but I’m not helping Spencer’s case by possibly distracting the staff.

Just before the nurse leads me away, I thought I heard a constant, steady beeping coming from her operating room.

The nurse keeps pulling me forward before I can be sure.

She leads me to the NICU where our babies are. She updates me as we walk.

They are fine. They need a little supplemental oxygen but are remarkably healthy for how early they were born. Usually, babies born at 30 weeks need to be on a ventilator to aid them in breathing. But our miraculous twins didn’t need this. They have feeding tubes in to help make sure they get the right amount of food. But otherwise, don’t have many complications. They will need to stay in hospital for a few weeks to a month depending on how well they continue to grow. We need to ensure they won’t have complications.

My Spencer gave her all to make them healthy for birth. There has never been a stronger person than her.... she has to make it.

I put on a new mask and covers for my shoes before entering the room. I try clearing my mind so I can be present for my children.

My breath hitches as I see them. They were so fucking tiny!

They were each about 3 pounds. Their tiny little fingers were grabbing onto one another since they were in the same incubator. Like they were seeking comfort from each other.

I look at my baby girl. Reaching into the incubator to touch her delicate skin. I trace her tiny palm with my finger and shakily inhale a breath as she grasps my finger tightly. Such a strong little grip. My little Addison.

I move to her brother. He was slightly larger than her but otherwise looked similar. I repeat the process with him, smiling tearfully as he grips my finger as best, he can. My little Aiden.

How does she do it? Spencer carried these two as long as she possibly could. She kept them safe and nurtured.

My smile fades, thinking of her on that table. I need to know what’s happening.

“Sir? A woman named Judy is at the front desk asking for you.” The nurse interrupts my thoughts. I glance at the clock on the wall, slightly shocked to see it’s been almost an hour since I entered the NICU. I must have been truly lost in thought.

Walking to the front, I see my mom and dad frantically pacing. Thoughts of Spencer, lying on that table, flatlining, come rushing back full force.

“There he is! Nick!” My mom calls.

I reach her only to collapse in another wave of staggering grief. She desperately tries to keep me standing, even having my dad try and help. Unable to, she instead kneels beside me.

“Sweetheart.” She whispers brokenly as she watches me break down. My parents have never really seen me cry before.

“Baby, what is it? What happened? They wouldn’t tell us, just that we needed to get here. Are the babies okay? Spencer?”

I sniffle, trying to calm my tears. “She...she...” I start crying again, unable to speak the words out loud.

My mom grips me fiercely. Gently rocking me a bit like she used to do when I was little.

I take a deep breath. “She started.... started hemorrhaging. They made me leave. They made me leave her all alone! Why did I leave her all alone?” I cry out. My Spencer. I left her by herself.

“Oh, my baby boy.” My mom cries on my shoulder and I see my dad try and contain the tears building in his own eyes.

“She flatlined right as I was forced to leave.” I mumble through my tears. My mom and dad gasp in shock.

“I don’t know what happened. A nurse took me to see the babies. They are fine. Tiny but fine. Spencer made sure of it.”

“No. No that can’t be right...she has to be okay.” Mom mumbles shaking her head disbelievingly.

A few hours go by with no word. I’m slowly going insane. Any time the doors open I jump up thinking it’s about Spencer, only to be disappointed.

They haven’t come out to say she’s dead so that’s good.... right? Or maybe they just don’t know how to tell us.

I’ve taken mom and dad to see the twins who they obviously fell in love with. My sister came to stay with the Jayden and Octavia when my parents were first called. Luckily, she had moved closer and only lived thirty minutes away from us now. We didn’t tell her yet what was happening. Just that there were complications. I didn’t want to distract her while she watched the kids knowing that all she would want is to race to the hospital. But I can’t have the kids come yet. Not until I know what’s going on. After about four hours of pacing, my parents head home to relieve my sister so she can head into her afternoon shift at work.

The door opens and a doctor walks out.

He sees me and walks straight towards me. It was the same doctor who was with Spencer.

I leap to my feet. “What’s happening? Is she okay?”

“She is stable.” Those three words from the doctor’s lips send relief skyrocketing through my body. I sink back to the floor. My legs were trembling too much to stand anyway. I wish my parents were still here. I need to tell them as soon as I can.

“She hemorrhaged badly and flat lined twice, but we were able to revive her. We did a blood transfusion, but we were forced to do a hysterectomy in order to save her life.” I nod, the doctors image blurring from the tears of relief gathering in my eyes.

She’s okay. I almost lost her... twice, but she is okay.

“Can I see her?” The doctor nods and has me follow.

“We had to give additional anesthesia, so she is still asleep at the moment. It could be a few days before she truly wakes up. Her blood work has improved since the transfusion but she’s not out of the woods just yet. We will also need to manage her pain once she wakes up. We will need to keep her admitted for several days once she wakes to ensure no further complications will arise.” The doctor stops at a door and gestures before telling me he will give me privacy.

I slide the door open, taking a deep and shaky breath, and enter.

The constant steady beep of her heart monitor greets me first, causing a sense of relief and peace.

She’s still pale but more beautiful than ever. IV lines run into her arm, wires attach every which way, and oxygen tubes running into her nose. Her chocolate waves of hairs are splayed about her pillow. She seems so small in that bed.

Maybe it was just how still she was. The rise and fall of her chest as she breathed and the steady beep of her heart monitor were the only things telling me she was still present in our world.

She hadn’t left yet.

And she won’t leave, if I have anything to do about it. I need to wait until she wakes up to call my parents. I don’t want to give them false hope. The doctor said she was still classified as critical because of how much blood she lost and the fact that she flatlined twice.

I drag a chair beside her bed, slumping into it before reaching to grab her hand.

She’s cold. I rub her hand between my own trying to give her some of my warmth.

“You scared me so much baby. I thought I was losing you. Don’t ever do this to me again! I don’t think I’d survive a world without you in it. You’re my heart and soul, the love of my life. You are more a part of me than I am to myself. You keep me breathing. Please, baby wake up.”

I spend the next several hours simply watching her sleep. Memorizing the lines of her face. The slope of her nose and the small freckle on her chin. The steady beep of the heart monitor is the only sense of relief I seem to have. It’s late evening by now. The kids must be close to going to bed by now.

I just want her to wake up. I kiss her hand that I haven’t let go of, holding it to my face, pretending she was cupping my cheek like she always does.

“Don’t leave me.” I whisper. Suddenly I feel a tiny pressure against my skin. My head snaps to hers. She looks the same. Her breathing comes at the same pace, her heart rate is just a tiny bit higher. Her eyes stay closed.

“Spence? Baby, please wake up. Squeeze my hand again.” As soon as the words left me, another tiny pressure squeezes my hand.

“Yes! Baby, yes wake up! Please. Come back to me.” A few more moments pass.

“Come back to me.” I mumble over and over. Like a broken record, it seems like those are the only words I can speak now.

The minutes pass. I hang my head onto our clutched hands. Did I imagine it?

“I’ll... always.... come back... to you.” A melodic whisper reaches my ears. I snap my head up to see Spencer struggling to open her eyes.

“Oh my god. Baby.” She finally succeeds, squinting at me in the semi-dark room. I sob with relief. I smother her face with kisses, trying to memorize the feel of her skin against mine. Of her lips against my own.

“You scared me so much, baby. I thought we lost you.” She squeezes my hand.

“I could never leave you. You and our family are my life.” She murmurs softly, her words slightly stuttered and slurred. She is still quite drowsy.

Suddenly, her eyes become more alert as she frantically glances around the room. Her hand wanders to clutch at her now empty stomach.

“They are fine, sweetheart. They are perfect.” I kiss her gently, knowing she was afraid they hadn’t made it. She sags in relief.

“You never cease to amaze me. You are the strongest woman alive.”

I know the next several months will be challenging. She will need to heal and come to terms with her hysterectomy, and we will have two tiny newborns to take care of.

It will be hectic. But I wouldn’t change it for anything. My prayers were answered. Spencer wasn’t taken from us and we can continue to enjoy our family and life itself.

It’s another new beginning.

A/N

There we have it! Be honest, who cried! Can I see some hands 🙋🏻‍♀️ 😂. I hope you enjoyed it. There will probably be one final chapter at some point just to wrap up the story as a whole. Again, this is not edited.

Also, I am not a medical professional (at least in the human world) so I don’t exactly know protocols for things like this. I try my best to make my stories as accurate as possible so let me know if something isn’t how it is in the real world! Thank you to all who read, vote, comment, and follow! You guys are the best!