A Girl Nobody Wanted

I walked to dad and sat in front of him. Shane sat beside me. “sarah, you may think about why your mom, your brother, and I dislike you so much... You may think we are the worst family one could have. I don't blame you for that. But there is a story behind all these. Shane knows a part of the story. A least he remembers what he had to go through. ” dad said, starting his story... “Both your mom and I were doing great in our carriers those days. We both were from poor families, so we wanted to ean more to have a comfortable life. We actually had the opportunity to earn more with our jobs. Anyway, your mom got pregnant at a time we didn’t expect at all... We were so ambitious with our carriers, so we had to think about what we should do next. However, we finally decided we should go ahead with the pregnancy. But after we do a scan we got to kn we are going to have twins. That made both of us shocked. ” dad looked at both of us. “We were not in a position to have one baby, but we were going to have two... it was kind of impossible. Mom was really pissed off because she knew she would have to make a big sacrifice. Don't get her wrong... She was climbing up her carrie ladder very quickly. She had a great future ahead... Having twins was going to pause her success for a considerable time. we checked the possibility of removing one fetus...” dad said in an apologetical tone. I remembered how mom always said that she wanted to get rid of me when I was in her womb... So what she told was tru “But the doctors said it can harm the other baby as well... Also, he said that there is a possibility of we will never have an children again” dad added. Then that's how I was survived to see the light of the world. But who knows, it could have been Shane as well... They wanted to remove one fetus... “However, we finally made up our minds to face our destiny. We thought that we could put you two in daycare after mom maternity leaves finish...So she doesn't have to resign from her work. But everything went crazy with your birth... Shane w born as a perfectly healthy kid while you were very sick, Sarah...” dad said, looking at me. “You barely survived at the birth... You were so tiny and weak... Doctors said you won't even live for a week... Honestly, th: didn't make us very sad... We didn’t want to have two kids in the first place... So having one of them very sick is totally ou of topic... You were in the baby room for a week, and they didn't even let us touch you because they had to make sure yo won't get infected... However, you survived... But the doctors said we will have to treat you for a few years until you recov completely... They said you need special attention and care... Also, they warned us the treatments would be highly expensive... “ Tears were filled in my eyes. It was like stabbing me right on my heart to hear that my parents didn’t worry when they gc to know that I won't survive a week. I felt like they would be so happy if I died back then... “We were in such a dilemma... We didn’t know what to do..” dad said worriedly. “Your mom wanted to give you to a children’s home because of two reasons. One was we didn't have the required financi stability to support your treatment. The second reason was if we start to do your treatments, she has to stay with you anc take care of you, that means she has to say goodbye to her job. it hurts a lot that my mom wanted to give me to a children’s home, but when thinking logically she had fair reasons. If the didn't have enough money to support my treatments, taking up that challenge must be really tough... I know most of the parents are ready to sacrifice anything for their children, but the way my mom thought was not totally wrong as well... Thinking logically like that could make me sympathize with my mom, but it wasn't enough to reduce the pain in my heart. As a little infant, I didn't even know anything that was going on with me... Even thinking about how my mom wanted to ge rid of me when I was just born, could crush my poor heart completely... Shane held my hand tightly... “But the day they let me hold you in my hand... dad paused for a second and looked right into my tear-filled eyes... “You were so tiny... You were putting a lot of effort into breath... You didn’t even cry... You were looking into my eyes like you were talking with me... That day I decided no matter what happened, I am not going to let you go...” dad said. My vocabulary is not rich enough to explain what I felt... Dad is always kind to me more than mom... Though he never showed me any love or care, I knew he doesn't hate me as mom does... But the way he talked now, those emotions on his voice, made me wanted to run to him and hug him tightly. I didn't become an orphan because he loves me... “I could make your mom agree with me... So we took both of you home... Then started the real battle... Mom had to resign from work. We had to take Sarah to the hospital twice a week, sometimes even more frequently. Sarah was always crying, and it was so hard to feed her... Mom had to put a lot of effort into taking care of her... Shane, on the other hand, was suc an adorable kid... So easy to look after... We wanted to get a full-time maid to help mom with your duties and other housework, but our finances were not that good, even though I was doing two jobs at that time. Therefore, mom had to take care of you two and housework alone. However, with our efforts and treatments, Sarah was getting better day by day When it was time for you to go to the preschool, Sarah was mostly recovered from her illness... But we still had to take he to the hospital frequently and continue treatments. Sarah was a smart girl since the preschool, all the teachers praised h and loved her, that was the only relief we had... When you two were like 10 years old, Sarah was completely recovered... A our efforts were fruitful...“ Listening to my father, my heart was now aching for my parents, not for me... They had to go through so much because of me... Because they decided not to get rid of me... “But like all the good thing her recovery also came with a price... Of course, we had to spend a fortune on the treatments, but other than that there was another side to it..." dad continued... “Neither I nor your mom had even a single minute left for ourselves... We both were working like machines... I left home around 6 am, came back around 10 in the night... I was utterly exhausted every day when I come home. Even at the weekends and holidays, I had to work... Your mom's story was not different... Sometimes when I come home in the night, she was in the same outfit as when I left home... Our house was a total mess all the time... This made us depressed, and v started to fight a lot. Our fights got more serious when we couldn't afford to buy what Shane needs because we didn’t ha enough money... I still remember sometimes Shane would ask for very cheap things, but 1 was not able to buy them, and cried himself to sleep... Shane was not performing well in the school either... We always had a lot of complaints from teachers about him. Sometimes we punished him too... But we both started to feel that Shane was put into this state by us... Especially, your mom felt it that way. We were spending a fortune on Sarah, but we were unable to fulfill Shane's simple wish... Mom loves Shane a lot, and this condition really broke her. Little by little, she started to hate Sarah becau: she couldn't give her care and love to Shane as much as she wanted... * I looked at Shane... He was still holding my hand tightly... His eyes were focussed on dad's face... His face was filled with emotions, but I couldn't separate them for each other and recognize... “When time passed, this situation got worst... Your mom and I spent all our time at home fighting with each other. Your mom finally got sick with severe depression... Even after Sarah got completely recovered, things didn't get back to normal We were completely broke. It was so hard to find a decent job for mom because she was not working for a long time... I to you how talented she was, but none of the companies wanted her in a decent position. She had to start working in a very low position, compared to her last position... Her depression got worst with all these. Doctors advised me to keep her happy every second because your mom's life was at risk too... But I didn't know how to keep your mom happy...” “After some time, I understood the only happiness she got is from hurting Sarah and loving Shane... I had no other optior but let her do that. Deep from my heart, I was also feeling guilty towards the way we treated Shane... We started to pay more attention to Shane and his needs. At that time Sarah was recovered, so we didn’t have many expenses as well... Wit our attention and love, Shane started to show progress, and that made your mom so happy... Mom started to hurt Sarah t get rid of her anger and sadness. She made Sarah do all the household work and beat her for even little things. When I tried to stop her, she got really angry with me, and sometimes she even attempted to harm herself. So what could I do? Your mom had to go through a lot, and I couldn't let her suffer anymore... So I let her do whatever she needs. * “I knew She made Shane even hate you..." dad said, looking at me. “But couldn't do anything... The things we all had to go through was extreme... Anyone who had to go through such a situation can be ended up like this...” dad added. “I didn’t know mom and dad had to go through this much...” Shane spoke for the first time. His voice sounds broken... “I was just desperate because no one loved me... At home, you two always had to spend your time on Sarah... You didn't have time for me... There were days I had to stay at home all alone without even having anything to eat because you two had to take Sarah to the hospital. When we were in school, I was just the dumb brother of smart Sarah... Everyone bullied me, saying that. I and Sarah we both didn't have fancy items like other kids, but since she was bright other students cherished her. But they disgusted me, saying I am poor and I am stinking... When I ask for those fancy items just to get ric of those bullies, dad didn’t buy them for me. Dad even hit me because I asked for things... Eventually, I started to hate yo Sarah... I was just a little kid... I couldn't understand right and wrong..” Shane said, looking down... Then there was a big silence... None of us said anything... So many things were going on in my mind, but I was totally speechless... I don't really know, what you all may think... The way my parents treat me now is fair or not, given the hard time they had But I felt so much gratitude to both of them for all the sacrifices they made to let me live... Because of me, their lives changed radically. They lost most of the things they loved... If 1 was not born, and they had just Shane, their lives would be so much beautiful and trouble-free, there is no doubt in that. On the other hand, Shane... He too had to go through a lot because of me. He was just a little kid, and it must be super hard for him... He was getting pressure from both the school and home... All three of them... Their lives were like a hell because of me... Just because of me...

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