13/13/13

Atbash Feeds His Entrails to The Rat...

Drgs rnztrmzib uirvmwh orpv gsvhv...

Red was currently staring at a giant wang…katjungka! To be precise, a picture of an aboriginal community... right before she saw the naked giant.

Whoops! Okay! that scene makes no sense dose it? Sorry, I lost my place a bit (ruffle through script) okay... here we go!

Red had been sleeping in when Tyrone broke into her apartment. He screamed at her that she was in danger, then her apartment shook. She was thrown across the room like a rag doll, she and Tyrone were knocked unconscious. When they woke up, they found themselves staring through a hole in the wall at a naked 50ft man who was now lying in a vast, newly-made canyon that was now splitting the apartment building in two.

Alax groaned as he dusted off the debris and slowly made his way to his feet. He picked up a piece of said debris in puzzlement. ”How did this knock me out? That shouldn’t be-

Alax shakes his head. ”Whatever, I’ll worry about that later. Right now I need to find Tyrone... Gah! What is wrong with that boy? What kind of moron risks his life for a girl he barely knows?”

Suddenly, Alax wasn’t in the hallway anymore. He was many years in the past on a native American reservation, remembering how another young, moronic boy risked his life for a girl he’d barely known for a week. The same girl that would later go on to become his wife.

Alax couldn’t help but chuckle. ”Like father like son, I guess.”

GRAH!!!

Alax covers his ears from the nerve wracking scream while bracing himself as another tremor shakes the place.

HA! HA! YOU SILLY JERRIES REALLY SKRAGED THE POOCH THIS TIME! YOUR ULTIMATE WEAPON HAS NOW BECOME YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE! AND BY THUNDER I’M GOING TO MAKE YOU WISH YOU NEVER CRAWLED OUT FROM UNDER WHATEVER ROCK YOU’VE BEEN HIDING UNDER THESE LAST 70-AUGHT YEARS!

“Major Whiskey?” Thinks a confused Alax. He looks through a newly made hole in the wall to see a nude giant dust off the remains of the subway station he’d originally been in and run off screaming in a random direction.

SEMPER FI!!!

“Okay... that happened.” Thinks Alax in bewilderment. He then looks down to see the large chasm that now separated both halves of the apartment building.

Alax sighed. “Let me guess. Tyrone’s on the other side?” He said out loud to no one in particular.

Suddenly, he saw a flickering light on the other half of the building. Quickly, he recognized it as morse code.

Dad? If you’re watching, it’s me, Tyrone! I’m here! Went the repeating message.

Alax groaned. “Yeah, that sounds about right.” He admits with resignation. He then pulls out a bullhorn from his backpack and uses it to communicate back to him.

Thankfully, Tyrone and Red were both fine, but Red’s father wasn’t there (what else is new?), and the fire escape, stairs and elevators had collapsed so they couldn’t go anywhere (they couldn’t even go out the front door, there’s nothing but a sheer drop there!). Fortunately, despite the trauma, their side of the building seemed stable.

ALRIGHT! JUST STAY THERE! I’LL GO GET HELP! He shouts through the bullhorn.

A thought occurred to him. OH AND TYRONE?! I’M PROUD OF YOU FOR RISKING LIFE AND LIMB FOR RED! IF THAT ISN’T THE ACT OF A TRUE MAN, I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS!

On the other side, Tyrone beams with pride.

THAT BEING SAID- YOUR GROUNDED UNTIL YOU’RE THIRTY! Shouts Alax flatly, causing Tyrone to deflate.

And so, with that decided, Alax goes off to find a way to get them out of that building. All the while oblivious to the fact that the world around them had changed forever.

Mrs. Robinson turned her back on the mailman to get the money to tip him. She turned around and screamed.

Where was once the postman was now a serpent-man!

A drowsy Mark turned around in his covers to spoon his wife, only to get a facefull of antenna!

His wife had become a cockroach!

GAH! MONSTERS! Screams a man as he flees from his wife and kids who have inexplicably turned into ghosts.

A nearby bystandered looks at this scene in horror. ”Right, no more for me.” Says the bystandered as he dumps his whiskey bottle.

All across the world; similar stories were unfolding, and by the end of the day, 40% of the worlds population had transformed into monsters!

But the worst was yet to come.

After his dad told him to stay put, Tyrone checked on the still very disoriented Red. Who was trying to come to terms with what just happend.

She looked over the broken remains of her childhood home (or more broken than usual anyway. She and her dad were real slobs) and was surprised to find that she didn’t feel as sad as she probablly should be.

No, she had to be honest with herself. This place stopped feeling like home after mom left. Dad tried for a time to undo that, but even he gave up. After that, well, she more or less went out of her way to spend less and less time there. It only got more frequent when she meet Tyrone.

“Hey Red! I got in contact with my dad! He told us to stay put and that he was going to get help!” Said Tyrone as he entered the room.

Red looked at him, then smirked.

“Great to hear, but is he bringing the police or the orangutan’s? Eh, jungle boy?” She commented with a laugh.

It’s only then that Tyrone remembered that he was almost naked in front of his crush. Tyrone flustered as he covered himself.

“Seriously man, what are you wearing?” Asked Red amused.

Tyrone looked at her and then found himself smirking as well. “I could ask you the same thing.” He retorted.

It was also then that Red remembered she was still in her sleeping clothes: boxers, white t-shirt(and very obviously not wearing a bra).

“Touché.” Stated a flustered Red as she too covered herself.

For a moment, neither of the awkward adolescents spoke.

“Okay... This is awkward. Want me to go get us some clothes?” Asked Red.

Tryone bashfully nodded.

Red goes over to the closet. “We pretty much throw all our clothes in here.” She explains as she turns the door knob. “There’s bound to be some old stuff that might fit y-

CRACK!

Red and Tyrone watch in amazement as the whole closet falls through the floor, and the floor below it, leaving Red holding the now broken knob.

Without another word, the two of them quickly, but carefully, backed out of that room.

Alax groans. The streets were too broken and covered with debris to get to the other side on foot, and all the phones were dead, even his cellphone! All he could hear was some weird sequenced static.

Sky comforts him while reluctantly setting up sleeping accommodations for the now stranded Alix.

With night already falling, it was forlornly decided to call it a day and see if they could think of something in the morning. They would of course watch Tyrone’s side of the building in shifts of course.

Red and Tyrone looked at the one-person bed... the only intact bed in the apartment.

Tyrone sighed. “I’ll sleep on the floor.” He offered in (chivalrous) resignation.

Red sighed. “Tyrone, it’s freezing, my heater is probably lying in pieces in the lobby, and you’re not exactly ‘dressed’ for the occasion.” Red had to keep from giggling seeing Tyrone try (and fail) to pretend he wasn’t shivering. “You will get hypothermia if you don’t bundle up soon. Let’s just get through tonight, alright?”

Without another word, the two bashful kids awkwardly scrunch together in the cramped bed, and for a few minutes, they said nothing.

Red chuckles nervously. “Heh, scantily clad kids and contrived coincidences to get them sleeping in the same bed. Throw in a pizza boy and we’d have a stag film.” She jokes in an attempt to make things less uncomfortable, which it didn’t.

A little girl is running from some bullies, frantically looking for an escape route-

ZAP!

The bullies looked around dazed as their prey had apparently vanished into thin air-

Said ‘prey’ was now panting in exhaustion and confusion as she was now on a roof several blocks from where she was.

HELP ME!

Screams a man who had just fallen off the stairs in his house.

He then sees the ground flying away from him instead of toward-

CRASH!

And now he’d flown through the skylight! And was still climbing!

HELP ME! Screams the man again...

The prisoner inmate looks at his melted Maximum-security cell door, then the charred remains of the guard, then back to his hands which were on fire, and yet he felt no pain.

“Interesting.” Thought the sociopath to himself-

BANG!

This was the last thought he had before another frightened guard blew his brains out.

BOOM!

Sadly, the guard had no time to congragulate himself before the prisoners body exploded, leveling the entire prison block.

Stories like this were becoming increasingly more common. At least, to the remaining 10% of the ‘human’ population, anyway.

Red groaned as she woke from her slumber, her eyes crusty with sleep. She felt some fabric near her fingers and quickly pulled it to her face.

rip

She calmy whiped it all away, she opens her eyes and sees the leapord skin fabric. Wha- where did that- Suddenly she was fully awake and horrified! It was Tyrone’s loincloth!

EWWWWW!!! She shouts as she throws it to the other side of the room, which she immediately regrets as she hears Tyrone groaning.

She blanches in panic as he shifts a bit under the covers, but thankfully, everything below the waist remains covered by the sheets, and he remains fast asleep.

Red sighs in relief, then realizes for the first time ever, she was in bed with a naked guy.

Now Red may still be a virgin, but she was far from naive. She’d seen dozens of naked guys(True, it was only when they were skinny dipping, and she was busy stealing their clothes and wallets, but that was neither here nor there).

She frowns and looks down on Tyrone, focusing on his exposed upper body. She looks really hard.

Then she shrugs. ”Nope, no physical attraction whatsoever. Not that physical attraction should be the first priority- Creator knows I’ve meet enough ‘hunks’ who were jerks or had the same character ‘depth’ as a teaspoon of water to have learned that the hard way- GAH! Why am I even thinking about this!?!” She bemoans herself internally.

As if on que. Tyrone turns over onto his stomach, revealing the scar of the blade he took to save her, and that nearly killed him.

Oh right, that. Remembers a now very flustered and conflicted Red.

She groans as she rubs her temples. ”Ohhh, how did this happen? A month ago this was all really simple! Tyrone was just my best friend who had a crush on me (which he was really bad at keeping a secret). In the unlikely event that he ever got the courage to tell me, I would tell him that I’m flattered, but let him down easy by reminding him of our age difference, and even offer to help find him a girl his own age! But now...”

She groaned. She honestly didn’t know what to think or feel about all this. This boy saved her LIFE! And nearly DIED because of it! She couldn’t just overlook that! No, she wouldn’t overlook that! She didn’t want to overlook it!

“Still, where dose that leave me? Yeah, he saved my life, but does that really mean he’s ‘entitled’ to some automatic ‘relationship upgrade’ or whatever? No, Tyrone would never hold that over me! Which, of course, makes me feel even more guilty- GAAH! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO HERE!?!”

She screams to herself as she also lets out a muffled cry into a pillow.

She pants, exhausted. ”Typical. The one guy I know who’s not a douchebag and likes me for me, and he’s three years younger.”

She frowns and looks once more to the boy who’d quickly become the most important person in her life.

“Maybe I could give him a chance and see where it goes from there?”

CRASH!

She turns around and sees the picture frame containing one of the last pictures of her WHOLE family, which had fallen and shattered to pieces.

The symbolism was not lost to Red. ”No, I can’t let what happened to my parents happen between us. No one deserves that, especially not Tyrone.” She thinks somberly.

It was at that moment that Tyrone finally emerged from his sleep. He yawned. “Morning Red, how are you?” Asks Tyrone drowsily as he starts to get up.

“Whoa! Don’t get up! Trust me!” Shouts a flustered Red.

Tyrone looks at her confused. Then, he feels that he has more ‘room’ under the cover than he should and covers himself, embarrassed.

An equally embarrassed Red quickly apologizes and retirieves the loincloth to give back to him. A flustered Tyrone thanks her and changes back into it beneath the sheets.

He cautiously steps back up, while double-checking to make sure it’s back on good and tight.

He then looks over to Red. “Uh, you didn’t see anything did you?” He asks mortified.

Once more trying to diffuse the situation, Red attempts a joke.

“Oh, what’s wrong? Afraid I’ll see that little toothpick you got between your legs?” She teases.

And just like last time, it just makes things worse.

Tyrone somehow goes an even redder shade as he covers himself. “Wha- Who told you that!?” He demanded. “I-it’s a birth defect! My umbilical wrapped around that area while I was in utero!”

Now it was Red’s turn to fluster. “Uh, wow, Tyrone I was just kidding.” She states with awkward guilt.

Tyrone just stares, then he chuckles nervously. “Right... I knew that. I was joking, too.” He lied lamely.

He then turns to the window. ”I wonder if a drop from this height would kill me.”

While the two children dealt with adolescent awkwardness, the rest of the world was dealing with REAL problems.

“Huh, to think I was just a low level grunt a few hours ago.” Thought the human-turned troll as he munched on the remains of his former boss Vini (the head of the New York East side Italian Mob).

He lounged in his chair as he savored his new ‘promotion’. Suddenly, he sees a letter passed under the door. Curious, he picks it up, as did three other individuals scattered across the city.

Sky yawned as Alax relieved her of lookout duty. As she walked over to the bunker to hit the hay, a thought came to her.

She turns back to her husband. “Sweetie? Why are you so worried of the dangers of going to the kids on foot? Doesn’t your ‘condition’ stop that from being a problem?”

Alax turns to her thoughtfully. “Wha? Oh, yeah. I can see how that could be confusing.” He agrees. “But you have to remember that-

Whatever explanation he was about to give was forgotten as both adults turned to the sound of a loud commotion.

They both grabbed a shot gun and ran toward-

“I got him! He was sneaking around in the dark! But I got him!” Shouts Alix as he drags something from the darkness.

Alax face-palms. “Oh, you got ‘something’ alright. States Alax with irritation as he looks down at a brutally beaten and unconscious Mr. Jack.

“Well, how was I supposed to know!?!” Defends Alix as Sky helps Mr. Jack recuperate.

Alax just shakes his head. Personally, he and his wife didn’t think much of Red’s father. The only time he seemed to be at Red’s side was to either bail her out of jail, or get into a yelling match so loud, he could hear it all the way on the other side of the apartment building (the latter was actually the unspoken reason why he and his wife had been willing to give Red a chance).

Apparently, he’d been at work when everything went to pot. Between monsters popping up and going on rampages and panicky people gunning down anything that moves, it was hard to know which group was more dangerous.

Anyway, he thought of Red and tried to navigate through the wasteland that the Big Apple had become, needless to say, he was already in a bad mood BEFORE Alix ambushed him, and hearing what happened to Red-

“She’s in that building!?” Shouts Mr. Jack. Alax nods. “Don’t worry, I’m sorry. I don’t think I ever caught your-

“CARL!” Shouts Carl Jack. Carl Jack? ”Wow, his parents must’ve really- No! Focus here Alax!” Alax says to himself chastising before he turns back to Carl.

“Right, CARL. Don’t worry, in another hour, when it’s light out, I have a couple ideas that’ll get Red and my son-

“Your son?” Interrupts Carl angrily. “Your son’s up there? What’s that horn dog doing in my- OW!

“Oops, clumsy me.” States Sky as she quickly fixes the ‘mistake’ she made to his wounds.

Carl got the message that insulting the child of the woman who was tending your injuries was never a good idea, but that didn’t stop him from shooting an accusatory glare at Alax.

Alax was trying very hard to be civil. “Carl, I assure you, both you and your daughter are in good hands-

BANG!

“I really need to stop saying stuff like that.” Admitted Alax to himself as everyone took cover from the sudden rain of gunfire.

Tyrone had just whipped together all the leftover skrag in Red’s kitchen to make a surprisingly decent breakfast for Red, when they heard the gunfire.

They both ran to the window and watched as multiple groups of people tried to gun down their parents.

“Wha- Who are they!?” Demanded Red.

“Ivan Vladimir; head of the North side Russian mafia. Fresh from an attempted Coup; but his skills at hunting/killing wild animals with his bare hands seemed to be proficient enough to slaughter them all. Pretty impressive... for a human.”

Red and Tyrone turn to the source of the voice, and paled.

“Also Haja Akane; Oyabun of the west side Yakuza. His men also tried to kill him after ‘monstering up’. Fortunately, his Dragon- Sorry, I mean second-in-command turned dragon was quick to stomp it out. I think his name’s Yuri something-or-other.”

The creature stepped forward as he cockily babbled on, causing both kids to tense up.

Then there’s Alberto, head of the South side Mexican cartel. I guess he’s a vampire now, and also there’s that troll that usurped the Italian guy. Whatever, you get the idea.”

Tyrone stood protectively in front of Red. A sight Red might have thought comical if she wasn’t trying very hard not to wet herself.

“Bottom line, The NYC’s biggest crime families are working together to kill ‘The Predator’, and little old me? Why I get you two cuties all to myself!” Laughed the monster that the two of them had last seen that dark night at the abandoned hospital over a month ago.

For it was that creature, no longer bandaged or with both its arms, but still just as terrifying. It looked like he was wearing a roadkill pelt that was five sizes too big, only he had no skin beneath the pelt. The few places where the pelt didn’t cover, made that abundantly clear. There was nothing but sinew, blood, and muscles.

The creature laughed. “What do you think? Is killing a man’s son and his best friend equal compensation for having your arm ripped out? Or is it overkill?”

Then he shrugs. “Actually, who cares? I’m getting me some Alexandria blood today!”

Before Tyrone could question what he meant, the creature lunged!

Alax cried out in pain. The bullet nicked him, and it hurt! They were using magic bullets!

This was bad, really bad. Not only had all the major crime families gathered to ‘whack’ him, but someone had told them his ‘kryptonite!’

It was becoming quite obvious that Alax was out of practice, he was too used to not being hurt by anything. Too used to fighting ‘normal’ attackers. His brother Alix was up to the task, but after years of anger and separation, it was almost jarring to realize how they went from being able to practically read each other’s thoughts, to now being comically out of sync.

It didn’t help that they were busy protecting Red’s cowering father. Sky was doing well, holding her own. She was doing well, but not great.

BOOM!

And of course there was no way they could’ve predicted the bazooka. Both of the Cristos boys quickly took the blunt of the blow to protect Sky and Carl. Although, it didn’t hurt them, it still threw them through the air like ragdolls.

It never ceased to amaze Alax how he could fall from such great heights and then pop back up completely unscathed.

Except in this instant, when he and Alix are quickly pinned down by a dozen thugs, both normal and monster. Alax looked up at the familiar smirking visage of Ivan Vladimir.

“My taxedermist already has a place saved for you in the center of my mansion; you’ll be the crown jewel of my collection!” He shouts maniacally as he presses the barrel of the mystic gun to his forehead.

BANG!