Your Fault (Culpable Book 2)

My first day at school was better than I could have hoped. The feeling of being in college got into my veins. It wasn’t something I could ignore. Wherever I looked, there were young people laughing, taking furniture out of their cars to carry it upstairs, parents saying goodbyes, flyers about parties, parties, and more parties.

My class schedule wasn’t bad; I was studying things that interested me and not all the BS we had to learn in high school about Newton’s laws or the Declaration of Independence. I wanted books, literature; I wanted to write, read. I was finally surrounded by people who loved the same stuff as me, and the professors, some of them more intimidating than others, only fired our enthusiasm.

I had to admit, I even enjoyed being alone a little bit. I didn’t want to talk to anyone—anyone I knew, that is: not with my mother, not with Jenna, not even with Nicholas, though in each case, the reasons were different. Sometimes leaving everything behind and starting from zero made you see that there were lots of doors open to you.

I’d hardly seen Jenna since she had dropped me off at the dorm. We didn’t share any classes. She wanted to study medicine. I didn’t see her as a doctor at all, but apparently it had been her dream since she was a little girl. We’d texted each other, and she’d told me she was busy looking for a roommate; I guessed living alone wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. I didn’t think she’d have much trouble; for many, meeting new people was what college was all about.

When class was over, and I’d gotten to know my teachers and some people from the dorm had invited me out for dinner, I decided to go to Nick’s place to be sure N had enough food and to pick up the things I’d dropped off there. I’d been trying to put that task off because I knew it would make me sad, but I also wanted to get it done with before Nick was back. I knew we’d have a fight over it, and I wanted to be sure everything was set up in my place before I had to confront him. Plus, that would help me resist the temptation to say to hell with it all and move in with him.

It didn’t take long, but by the time I was done piling all my things by the door, it was late, and I didn’t feel like going back to the dorm. I knew I was cheating, that I’d resolved to be alone and that I shouldn’t keep trying to hold on to something I couldn’t have—at least for now—but I crawled into Nick’s bed, onto his side, and hugged his pillow, breathing in that scent no other person had, which made my body react instantly.

My phone buzzed as a message came through.

Guess you’ve decided to ignore my calls. We’ll talk when I get back. Sleep well, Freckles.

I sighed. Things were weird. It was my fault, for the most part. Stomach quaking, I almost called him to tell him why I hadn’t wanted to talk to him. But I hoped he’d think I was asleep and that was why I hadn’t responded. I put my cell phone under the pillow and closed my eyes, hoping to get some rest.

In the morning, the doorbell woke me. A little disoriented, I looked around, trying to figure out where I was. It rang again, and I jumped up, wrapping myself in a sheet, almost tripping on my way to the door.

When I opened it, I saw two huge bouquets of roses.

“Are you Noah Morgan?” asked the man whose face I couldn’t see behind the flowers.

“Uh, yes,” I managed to say.

“These are for you,” he said, stepping forward. I let him come in, unable to believe my eyes. He left the bouquets on the table in the living room and took a booklet of invoices out of his back pocket.

“Sign here please,” he said amiably.

I did so, and when he left, I stared at the roses on the verge of tears. There was a note, which only made it worse, and I needed all my strength to choke back the sobs.

We both know this sappy shit’s not my thing, Freckles, but I love you with all my heart and I know that when I get back, we’ll be starting something new, something special. Living with you is something I’ve wanted ever since we started going out, and a year later, I’ve finally got the thing I wished for. I hope your first day was wonderful, and I’m sorry I wasn’t there with you to watch you bewitch all your new professors. See you in a few days. I love you,

Nick

I picked up the phone and called him.

“Hey, babe,” he said in a cheerful tone.

I sat on the armrest of the sofa, unable to take my eyes off those beautiful flowers, sky blue, just like Nick’s eyes. I hadn’t even known there were roses that color.

“You’re crazy,” I said with a trembling voice.

I heard noise on the other line, traffic.

“Crazy about you. Do you like them?”

“I love them. They’re gorgeous,” I said, wishing I could jump into his arms and hide from everything.

“How was your first day of school?”

I told him quickly what I’d done, skipping the dorm and my roommate. I’d never been good at hiding things, and I wanted to end the conversation before he found me out.

“I need to go, or I’ll be late to class,” I said, chewing the inside of my cheek.

“I can tell something’s up with you. I don’t know if it’s Sophia or if it’s me having to leave right when you moved in, but whatever it is, I’ll make it up to you, okay?”

I said a quick goodbye and put my phone on the table. I felt horrible, horrible, because I was lying to him and I would be responsible for disappointing him when he got back and realized we wouldn’t live together.

Hating myself for it, I dressed quickly, put out food and water for N for the next few days, and carried my last few things out of the apartment. When I turned off the light, I knew there would be hell to pay when he came back and I wasn’t there.

I had three days to come up with a plan.

I spent the next two days going to class and hanging out with new friends. I’d only talked to my mother once, and that was because she’d threatened to drive down there if I didn’t pick up. Nothing was resolved, things were just as uncomfortable between us as ever, and I didn’t see that changing, at least not until I’d found it in myself to forgive her for extorting me.

I was sitting in the cafeteria talking to Jenna. She’d already found a roommate, Amber, who worked at an IT company in town while taking classes at the same time. She must have been doing all right for herself, if she could afford campus housing on her own.

“When’s Nick back?” Jenna asked as I finished my salad.

“Tomorrow night,” I murmured. I didn’t want to talk about that.

She seemed to find it funny, almost as if she took pleasure in knowing what a difficult spot I was in. “Does he know you’re living with a stranger in a campus apartment yet?”

With a nasty look, I replied, “He’ll find out when he gets here and I tell him. Now I don’t feel like talking about Nick. Tell me again what the plan for tonight is. I still don’t really know what’s up.”

Jenna gave me a sarcastic look, but she couldn’t hold it for long. She got excited.

“These frat guys told me there are parties all over to celebrate the new year. Apparently Phi Delta, the medical fraternity, throws one that’s totally off the hook. I can’t wait to be there surrounded by handsome doctors, people who understand the future is medicine and not physics or literature… No offense.”

I frowned at her, and she laughed, picked up her books, and stood.

“See you in a couple of hours. Pull out all the stops when you get dressed.” She winked and walked off, shaking her hips in that way that drove all the guys wild. Single Jenna was something new, something I just couldn’t get used to. Since I’d known Jenna, she’d been with Lion, but I guess she must have gotten around before then.

Unlike most of the parties I’d been to recently—all held at rich kids’ beach houses—here, I could finally hang out with people from different backgrounds, different origins, different classes. That was the good thing about it being a public university. I’d never felt totally comfortable surrounded by all those millionaires; being rich was new to me, and anyway, as much as my mother insisted that was my reality, she’d just made clear that it didn’t have to be and that she could cut off William’s money at the drop of a hat. Here I felt I could finally fit in. I quickly found Jenna, who was with Amber drinking beer in a corner of the kitchen. I couldn’t believe it when I saw her with a Budweiser in her hand—Jenna, who always preferred Grey Goose or Cristal. I wanted to snap a photo to make fun of her afterward, but she looked so at ease that I decided to play nice.

“Noah,” she said when she saw me come in. I walked over and she hugged me so tightly, she almost strangled me.

It was the first time I’d met Amber, and she seemed as wild as Jenna, almost—just a tad more reserved. She smiled and moved her head to the rhythm of the music while making seductive comments to a boy next to her.

I drank a few beers quickly, and randomly I found myself surrounded by fifty drunk students jumping around a room that had been cleared of all furnishings. The music was blasting, and I could barely hear anything else. Jenna was bumping and grinding against me, and Amber had walked off with the muscular guy she’d been talking to earlier.

“I need to chill for a bit, Jenna!” I shouted as people started to shriek along to a popular song. “I’m going to go to the kitchen!”

She nodded, but really she was ignoring me and immediately joined another group there.

It was hot as hell. I rolled up my sleeves and wiped down my forehead. When I got to the kitchen, they were pouring out a round of shots.

“Hey, new girl,” a guy shouted at me from some distance away. “A toast to the hot chicks!”

Every guy in the circle brought a shot glass to his lips, knocked it back, laughed, and shouted. I thought it was funny, but I didn’t stick around, going instead to the back of the kitchen and leaning against the table. I took out my phone to check the time, and the guy who’d been shouting came over.

“Here,” he said, passing me a shot glass and filling it with amber liquid. “You look thirsty.”

“I don’t think tequila’s the best thing for thirst, but thanks,” I said, accepting it and drinking. It burned my throat, and I frowned in disgust. The boy giggled and, as I watched out of the corner of my eye, leaned in next to me, trying to look aloof.

“What’s your name?” he asked, grabbing a glass and filling it with water.

“Noah,” I said, feeling my head start to spin. I shouldn’t have had that shot—the beers were already enough for me.

“I’m Charlie,” he said. “We’re in the same lit class. I don’t know if you remember me. I’m the guy who usually falls asleep in the back.”

Funny, I actually did seem to remember seeing him.

“What brings you here?” he asked. “You’re not going to find many Shakespeare experts around here. That said, tell me the truth: The science guys are way hotter than the humanities guys, don’t you think?”

I smiled. When he said that, any doubts that he might be straight vanished, and that helped me relax.

“I’m here with my friend who’s premed,” I said with a shrug.

Charlie seemed to enjoy talking to me, and talk he could: he didn’t stop for the next ten minutes, with comments about everything from our teachers to our classmates. I was happy to have a friend my age there. I hated being alone, but aside from him and Jenna, the most I’d said to anyone was a hello or goodbye.

He made a kind of cringey joke about one of our teachers that had me in stitches. A second afterward, he looked over at the door. A guy had just walked in. Almost instantly, he had his eyes on us.

“Great. See that guy?”

I nodded, noticing his unfriendly expression.

“Don’t pay attention to anything he says.”

I wanted to ask why, but it was impossible, the guy was already on top of us.

“Are you a fucking idiot?”

“As I said…” Charlie murmured then, looking at his companion with a smile: “Behave, there’s a lady present.”

“I’m tired of playing babysitter with you. What are you drinking?”

I looked back and forth between the two of them. I’d have preferred to leave just then, but I was stuck there. Charlie was blond, more or less my height, and thin, whereas his companion was a good foot taller than us, with the same blond hair and moss-green eyes. It seemed like this was the last place he wanted to be, surrounded by teenagers, something he clearly wasn’t.

“It’s water, dumbass.” The other boy didn’t believe him and tore the glass from his hand, bringing it up to his nose to sniff it.

Charlie looked smug and amused.

“If you’d stop growling like a rabid dog, I’d introduce you to my new friend. This is Michael, my brother. Michael, this is Noah.”

Michael didn’t seem to care about me in the least. Actually, I’d say he sneered at me, as if I wasn’t worthy to hang out with his brother or something like that.

Just then, my phone rang. I excused myself and walked outside to hear better. My heart stopped when I saw fifteen missed calls from Nicholas, including one just now. I waited for his name to reappear on the screen, then picked up.

“Noah, where are you?”