Your Fault (Culpable Book 2)

My mother’s silence wasn’t a good sign. It felt like the calm before the storm, and that worried me. I went on packing my bags, getting the last few things, while Jenna sat there counting off all the bad things that were going to happen to me if I went to live with Nick. That was when I realized I would have to start ignoring all her thoughts about our relationship.

Jenna was in anti-romance mode. Since she had split with Lion, she had gone from crying like a baby to adopting a hard-core feminist attitude, and all she could talk about was how women didn’t need men by their sides to go on with their lives, and in today’s world, you were supposed to enjoy your life without being tied down. For several days now, fuck Lion! had been her favorite phrase.

“I was so excited to think that you and me were going to be at the same school, going out at night and pledging at the same sorority and doing all the stuff freshmen do,” she said, helping me box up a couple of things.

“I’m still going to college, Jenna. I’m just going to sleep at my boyfriend’s place instead of in a dorm.”

Jenna rolled her eyes. “Like Nicholas would ever let you go out partying till dawn.”

“Nick’s not my father. I can go wherever I want,” I replied sharply.

“You say that now, but once you settle in, you’ll turn into one of those friends you never see because they spend all their time with their boyfriends.”

I laughed shrilly. “Like you until just a few weeks ago?”

Lifting a book, she looked over at me. “Breaking up with Lion is the best thing that could have ever happened to me,” she said, and I could tell she was trying to convince herself more than me with that remark. “I do what I want now. I don’t have to fight with anyone, except for my stupid little brothers. I don’t have to feel guilty for being the person I am. I got a sweet dorm setup. We shelled out for the private kitchen… Speaking of, you know what I bought myself today?” She hitched up her long tight skirt just slightly. “See these sandals?”

I nodded. I could tell she needed to brag.

“Know what they cost me?”

“No. I don’t want to know either,” I said, folding a blanket to put it away.

“Try six hundred bucks. That’s right! I dropped some cash on these sandals, and I probably won’t even wear them after a few weeks because it’ll be cold and rainy, and I won’t want to get my toesies wet…”

“Smart,” I said, playing along unenthusiastically.

“It is smart because you know what I’ve learned watching my ex-boyfriend work like a dog just to keep the garage open and pay his rent? I learned money doesn’t grow on trees, I learned a lot of people have it hard, but I also realized, if they were me, they’d do the same damned thing. So why am I going to be the idiot who doesn’t take advantage of being born into money? I’ve got everything I want, right? I can buy what I want, choose what school I want to go to, plus, you know my dad just bought a private plane? You heard that right, so if you ever want to go anywhere, just let me know… I’m a millionaire, and for now, money is all I care about…”

Her voice cracked at the end of that phrase, but she dried the lone tear that rolled down her cheek, pointed the book she was holding on to at me, and said coldly, “I’m absolutely fine.”

Like me, but unlike many others, Jenna didn’t like to show her feelings. If one of us cried, that meant we were really doing badly, and I could tell she must have been feeding herself a pack of lies if she now found herself crying in front of me.

“I know you don’t want to talk about it, Jenn, but this is temporary. Lion loves you more than anything, and you know—”

“Don’t go down that road, Noah,” she cut me off. “We’re done, and I’m not getting back on the merry-go-round. We’re from different worlds, so drop it. All I want to hear about right now is how drunk you and I are going to get every Friday and how many hot guys we’re going to meet.”

I didn’t want to remind her that I was taken, so I let it go. She needed to feel she had a fellow party girl at her side, so I’d let her think that. In moderation, of course.

She left soon afterward, and I called Nick. We hadn’t talked since the night before, and I needed to know what time he was coming to pick me up the next day. I had more things to take over, and I needed his strength and the space in his Land Rover.

It went straight to voice mail, and I left a message saying I needed him to come over the next day and he should call when he had the chance.

Just as I was about to undress, shower, and go to bed to spend one last night at that house, my mother appeared. From her face, I could tell an argument was coming.

“I was hoping you’d come talk to me and tell me that what you said over dinner was just a very tasteless joke.”

“It’s not a joke, Mom,” I said, crossing my arms.

She looked at all the suitcases and boxes scattered across the floor.

“I’ve done all I can not to get mixed up in your relationship with Nicholas. I was even willing to accept it. But you’ve crossed a line without thinking once of me or William, and that’s something I’m not willing to tolerate.”

I didn’t like how she was talking to me. She acted like she was talking to a stranger. I realized she was angry, but with that attitude, all her words did were frustrate me further. What gave her the right to tell me how to live?

I was over it.

“This isn’t something I have to talk to you about. It’s my life, and you need to learn to let me make my own mistakes and my own choices.”

“It’ll be your life when you can live independently and you have a good enough job to support yourself, understand?”

That was a low blow, and she knew it. Especially when she was talking about money that wasn’t even hers.

“You’re the one who brought me here!” I shouted, seeing where the conversation was going. “I’m finally happy, I’ve found someone who loves me, and you’re not even capable of being happy for me!”

“I’m not going to let you go live with your stepbrother when you’re just eighteen years old!”

“I’m an adult! When are you going to figure that out?”

“Look,” she said after breathing hard several times, “I’m not going to play this game. I don’t want to argue with you, and I don’t have to, but I will make one thing clear: if you go live with Nicholas, you can forget about college.”

I stared at her, unable to believe what I was hearing. “What?”

There wasn’t a shadow of doubt in her eyes.

“I won’t pay for your school, and I won’t give you money so you can—”

“William’s the one who pays for all this!” I shouted, enraged. She was acting like a total stranger. What the hell was all this about?

“I’ve talked it over with William. You’re my daughter, and he’ll respect whatever I decide to do with you. If I tell him not to send you one cent, then that’s what he’ll do.”

“You’ve lost your mind,” I said, taking in the significance of what she was saying.

“You think you can just have everything you want, but it’s not like that. You get an inch, and you take a mile. Well, that’s over. I’m not giving in anymore.”

“I’ll get a scholarship. I’m going to live with Nicholas. You can keep your husband and your money. I don’t give a shit.”

She shook her head, looking down at me like I was five years old, and I felt a fire burning inside me. This was getting serious.

“You won’t get a scholarship. Legally, you’re the daughter of a millionaire. So stop talking nonsense and acting like a brat.”

“I can’t believe you’re doing this.” I felt a pain in my chest.

She seemed to hesitate for a moment when my lip started to tremble. “Believe it or not, I just want the best for you.”

I laughed. “You’re a selfish bitch!” I shouted. “All you ever talk about is how you do everything for me, but you forced me to leave my country so you could marry a stranger, you promised me a bright future, and now that I’ve finally got all that I want, now that I’m finally happy, you’re ready to take away everything, and you’re threatening to come between me and the one thing I asked you for, the one thing I’ve cared about since we got here a year ago.”

“You can have everything you want; my only condition is you go live in a dorm. It’s not like you’ll never see Nicholas again. Anyway, I’m sure it wasn’t your idea to move in with him.”

“So what if it wasn’t! I’ve made my decision!” I walked to the other end of the room. “If you make me do this, I’ll never forgive you.”

She seemed not to hear my words. She just crossed her arms and looked at me, utterly convinced that she was right.

“College or Nicholas. You decide.”

I didn’t even need two seconds.

“Nicholas.”

A half hour later, my car was loaded up. I couldn’t believe my mother had tried to extort me, especially using my relationship with Nicholas. She had gone into her room after the argument and hadn’t come back out. I didn’t think she even realized how serious I was. But I was mad. I couldn’t care less about leaving the Leister house, and I’d be perfectly happy never to return. There was only one Leister I cared about, and to hell with my mother trying to come between us.

I’d find a solution: I’d get the money, even if I had to work nights.

I called Nick from my car, still sitting in the garage. I’d been trying to get a hold of him ever since my mother had fled to her bedroom. Finally he picked up.

“I’m sorry, Freckles. I thought I’d be back by now, but it didn’t happen.”

Perplexed, I asked, “What do you mean? Where are you?”

“I had to fly to San Francisco this morning. They’ve put us on a super-important case. I thought I’d be able to get back tonight, but it looks like I’m stuck here for a few days.”

My heart ached. He was gone… He wouldn’t be there to give me a hug and tell me everything would be okay. That pain gave way to something harder to bear, and everything I’d been suppressing burst out all at once.

“You’re in San Francisco, and you didn’t even call to tell me?”

“I thought I’d be back today! It didn’t seem like such a big deal. Why are you shouting at me?”

I was seeing red. “What if I went to some other city without telling you? What would you have done?”

I knew I was taking everything that had just happened out on him, but I couldn’t help it just then; I needed it. I’d left everything to go stay with him, and he wasn’t even going to be there to greet me and help me with my bags. He wasn’t there. He wasn’t there, and that was all that mattered to me!

“Okay, goddammit, I get it, but they didn’t give us any advance warning!”

“Us?” I asked, a knot forming in my throat.

Nicholas went silent for a few seconds.

“You’re with her, aren’t you?”

“She’s my fellow intern, that’s all.”

Uncontrollable jealousy clouded my reasoning. “So that’s why you didn’t tell me… You knew how pissed I’d be!”

I heard him curse on the other end of the line. “Could you calm down? You’re acting like a child.”

“Screw you,” I said and hung up.

I tossed my cell in the seat next to me and punched the steering wheel, feeling like a fool. Was this what was going to happen from now on? He’d go to San Francisco with Sophie, and I’d stay in his apartment, broke and not going to school?

Fuck! Everything had gotten so complicated so fast, and the fear of missing out on college made me cry. I hadn’t hesitated an instant to choose Nicholas, but my mother was right about one thing: he was almost five years older than me… He’d be working soon, he’d inherit his father’s business, but what about me?

I had nothing, and I didn’t want Nicholas paying my way through life. If I stayed in that apartment, I’d miss out on so much. I wouldn’t have my independence. I was sure Nick would help me if I asked, but how could I face myself every morning knowing my boyfriend was paying for my home and my studies?

I’d always been independent, and if my mother hadn’t married Will, I’d have just applied for a scholarship somewhere… But now, I was the stepdaughter of a rich big shot, and no one was going to give me a cent. College wasn’t cheap. Even if I worked like a dog, I was going to end up in debt up to my neck.

As my anger faded, giving way to anxiety, I realized that however much I wanted to live with Nick, however much I wanted to remain always by his side, wake up next to him and all those other things, I couldn’t until I was truly independent. My mother was right: even if I was technically an adult, if I didn’t have money to start my own life, she would always have the last word.

From an outsider perspective, it was crazy to go live with him. His mortgage was seven thousand a month! I’d thought that was crazy when he’d told me. I couldn’t even pay a fourth of that; the mere thought of it nauseated me…

My phone rang and rang. I looked at it. Endless missed calls, some from Nick, some from my mom.

But the answer was obvious: Nick would have to wait…at least for now.

I got out of the car and went up to my room. I dug through my top drawer until I found my admission letter and the information about registering for the dorms. I was supposed to confirm my reservation a week ago. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. What the hell would I do now? I sat on the bed feeling my heart pounding as fear overtook me.

Calm down. There’s got to be a solution.

Just then, I heard the front door open. Will had come home early from work, and my mother was probably about to tell him that I’d chosen living with Nick over studying. I took a deep breath. If they were going to come between the two of us, the least they could do was find me somewhere to live. Resolutely, I dried my tears and walked out of my room, ready to put my life in order.

I felt strange when I got up the next morning. The day before, I’d been happy, knowing I was going to live with my boyfriend; now my stomach was in knots as I thought about having to share my home with a stranger. After I’d talked to my mother and Will, he had made some phone calls and had finally found me a spot. My own studio was out of the question at that point, but they did get me into one of the better residences, with a private room and a shared kitchen. Will had seemed satisfied, so I’d assumed it was the best he could do.

I got up and turned on my phone. Nick had stopped calling at 1:00 a.m., a long time after I’d turned off my phone. It may have been childish, but I blamed him for not being there with me… I couldn’t help it; I was consumed by jealousy plus anxious about my mother and school.

I waited for Will to leave before coming out for breakfast. I didn’t want to see him or my mother. While I was finishing my coffee, I got a call from Nick. I decided it was finally time to answer.

“Hello?” I said nervously, chewing on a fingernail.

After a pause, he asked, “Do you think it’s reasonable to go the entire night without responding to me?”

Well, I knew it wasn’t going to be a pleasant conversation, but I wasn’t in the mood to have him pissed at me. Not that day.

“Neither of us is reasonable, so I don’t know how to answer your question.”

“I didn’t call you to argue, Noah, so you can count me out of that game. I just wanted to tell you I’ll be home in a week. The situation here is really different from what they told us at first.”

“Five days?” I asked, knowing how whiny my voice sounded.

“I know. I won’t even be there when you start school. I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t plan to have you move on your own, and I definitely didn’t think you’d be having to stay at the apartment without me, but there’s nothing I can do.”

I took a deep breath. I had to tell him. I had to confess that I wouldn’t be going to live with him. But I was afraid of how he’d react. He might call my mom and start screaming at her; he was capable of anything. I knew it was going to be a kick in the teeth for him, and for that reason, I decided to play along and wait to tell him in person. Our conversation ended with a bit of tension on both sides, and when we hung up, I felt deeply sad.

Two hours later, Jenna and her father came to get me. I was too angry at my mother to ask her to help me move, so when Jenna offered, I accepted with gratitude. I had only seen Mr. Tavish twice before—he spent most of his time traveling the globe—but I knew he adored Jenna, and that’s why he’d canceled all his meetings to take his little girl off to college. He didn’t seem upset about having to pick me up and take my things along with Jenna’s. We needed to squeeze in, but I managed to fit into his car and fasten my seat belt to take off for what was going to be my new dorm.

I had been to the campus before. Nick studied there, and he’d invited me to frat parties or just to come see him. I’d taken my books sometimes and studied for hours in the huge library, marveling at the millions of volumes lined up in order along its shelves. I knew it would be one of my favorite places in the world, but the rest of the university was amazing, too, with its redbrick buildings and its huge green spaces. It wasn’t easy to get into—it was one of the most prestigious universities in America—and I was proud that I’d managed it on my merits alone, without having to ask Will to lend a hand. Once there, I couldn’t help but feel sad that my mother wasn’t sharing the experience with me. She should have been the one bringing me there, not Jenna’s father. I’d also have liked Nick to be there to give me a tour so I could feel that same excitement I saw in all the new students all around us. Jenna was hyper, but I saw sorrow in her eyes, too.

Where were our boyfriends?