Your Fault (Culpable Book 2)

I was finally eighteen years old.

I still remembered eleven months before that, when I started counting the days until I’d be an adult, able to make my own decisions, able to leave. Obviously, things had changed in those past eleven months. So much so that I could hardly believe it. Not only had I gotten used to living here, but I even struggled to imagine living anywhere else. I’d found a niche at school and in the family I’d ended up with.

All the obstacles I’d needed to get through—not just over those months, but ever since I was born—had made me stronger, or so I thought. Much had happened, not all of it good, but the best thing I’d managed to hold on to was Nicholas. Who’d have ever thought I’d wind up in love with him? And yet I was so madly in love that it made my heart ache. We’d had to get to know each other, to learn to make it as a couple, and that wasn’t easy; it was something we had to work on every single day. Our personalities often clashed. Nick wasn’t easy to put up with, but I was crazy about him.

That’s why I was sad about my upcoming birthday party. Nick wasn’t going to be there. I hadn’t seen him in two weeks. He’d been spending a lot of time in San Francisco those past few months. He had a year left before he finished his degree and was taking advantage of all the doors his father had opened for him. The Nick who got into trouble was far away now. He was different: he’d matured, improved, even if I was afraid his old self might reemerge when I least expected it.

I glanced at myself in the mirror. I’d pulled my hair back over the crown of my head. It looked nice, perfect for the white dress my mother and Will had given me as a birthday present. My mother had gone overboard organizing the party. She said this would be her last chance to play the mommy role because in a week I’d be graduating from high school, and soon afterward, I’d be headed to college. I’d sent out tons of applications, but in the end, I’d opted for UCLA. I’d had enough of moving around and changes; I didn’t want to go to another city, and I certainly didn’t want to leave Nick. He was at the same school, and even if he would probably wind up moving to San Francisco to work at his father’s new firm, I couldn’t worry about that just then. There was still lots of time, and I didn’t want to get depressed.

I stood from the makeup table, and before I put on my dress, I looked down at the scar on my stomach. I stroked that place where I would be marked, forever damaged, and I shivered. The sound of the shot that ended my father’s life echoed through my head, and I had to take a deep breath to keep from losing my composure. I hadn’t told anyone about my nightmares or how scared I was every time I thought about what had happened, how my heart started galloping whenever I heard loud sounds too close by. I didn’t want to admit that my father had traumatized me again or that I couldn’t stop thinking about him right beside me, dead, or the way his blood had splashed on my face. I kept all that to myself. I didn’t want anyone to know I was even more damaged than before, on the edge of insanity, prey to the fears that man had awakened. My mother, on the other hand, was more relaxed than she’d ever been because the fear she’d kept hidden had disappeared. She was happy with her husband: she was free. But I still had a long road to travel.

“You’re not dressed yet?” It was that voice, the one that made me crack up almost every single day.

I turned toward Jenna, and a smile spread across my face. My best friend was stunning, as always. She had recently cut her long hair to shoulder-length. She tried to get me to do the same, but I knew Nick loved my hair long, so I’d left it untouched. It reached nearly to my waist by now, but I still liked it.

“Have I told you already how much I admire that pert butt of yours?” she asked, slapping my ass for good measure.

“You’re nuts,” I said, grabbing my dress and throwing it over my head. Jenna walked over to the safe, just under a shelf of shoes. I didn’t have the combination, I’d never used it, but once Jenna learned about it, she started using it herself, hiding all sorts of stuff inside.

I giggled when she brought out a bottle of champagne and two glasses.

“A toast, to our newly crowned adult,” she said, filling the glasses and handing me one. I grinned. If Mom saw me, she’d kill me, but what the hell? It was my birthday; I deserved to celebrate, right?

“To us,” I added.

We clinked our glasses and brought them to our lips. It was delicious; it had better be—that bottle of Cristal had cost more than three hundred dollars. But that was just how Jenna was. She did everything big, she was accustomed to luxury, and she’d never had to ask for anything.

“That dress is amazing,” she said, gawking.

I smiled and took another look. It really was nice: white, tight-fitting, with delicate lace sleeves descending to my wrists, letting my skin show through its geometric openings. My shoes were fantastic, too, with heels so high, I was almost as tall as Jenna, who had donned a flounced burgundy dress for the occasion.

“There’s a ton of people downstairs,” she said, setting her glass next to mine. I guess she wasn’t in a rush. I needed a drink, though, so I picked mine back up and downed it in one sip, feeling the bubbles pop in my throat.

“You don’t say!” I exclaimed, to conceal my nerves. Suddenly, it felt hard to breathe. That dress was too tight; my lungs couldn’t expand.

Jenna looked at me and smirked.

“What’s so funny?” I asked, envious of her. What I’d have given not to be the center of attention.

“Nothing, I just know how you hate stuff like this. Take it easy, though. I’m here, and I’ll make sure we do it right.”

She kissed me on the cheek, and I smiled at her, thankful. Maybe my boyfriend was missing my birthday, but at least I’d have my best friend by my side.

“Shall we?” she asked, smoothing down her dress.

“I guess we’ve got no choice!”

The yard was completely transformed. Mom had gone all out, renting a white tent full of round pink tables and flashy chairs and balloons. The servers were wearing suit jackets and bow ties. On the far end was a bar and several long tables with trays of every food you could imagine. All this luxury wasn’t like me, but I knew my mother had always wanted to throw me this kind of party. She’d joked about me turning eighteen and going off to college, and we’d talked about what we’d have at the party if we ever won the lottery…and we’d done it! And she had gone totally overboard.

When I went outside, everyone shouted “happy birthday” in unison. I guess they were trying to surprise me. My mother came over and gave me a big hug.

“Happy birthday, Noah,” she said, and as I pulled her close, I was surprised to see so many people lined up behind her. Not only were all my friends from school there, and all the parents Mom had made friends with, but even neighbors and friends of William’s. Uncomfortable, I unconsciously began to scan the garden, looking for Nicholas, the one person who might have calmed me down. But there wasn’t a trace of him… I knew it: of course, he wasn’t going to come—he was in a whole different city, and it would be a week till I saw him again, at graduation—and yet…a small part of me still hoped I might find him bustling through the crowd.

It took more than an hour to greet everyone, and afterward, Jenna came over and dragged me to the bar—to the special section cordoned off for those not yet twenty-one.

“There’s a fancy cocktail just for you,” she said, bursting out laughing.

“My mother is off her rocker,” I said while the bartender served me. He smiled. It was obvious he could barely suppress his laughter. Great. He probably thought I was your typical rich girl.

I was taken aback when I saw the drink. It was served in a martini glass and was hot pink with a rainbow sugar rim and a strawberry garnish on either side. A ribbon was tied around the stem with an 18 embroidered in tiny white pearls.

“It still needs a little something,” Jenna said, bringing out a flask and pouring its contents into our glasses. I’d have to watch out if I didn’t want to be stumbling drunk by midnight.

The DJ was good, the music was varied, and my friends were dancing like they were possessed. The party was a success, no doubt about it.

Jenna hauled me off to dance with her, and we started jumping all over like idiots. The heat was killing me: summer was just around the corner, and you could tell.

From the edge of the dance floor, Lion was watching us, leaning on a pillar and observing as Jenna shook her ass in a frenzy. I laughed and left her with the others. I was exhausted.

“You bored, Lion?” I asked him.

He smiled, but he seemed a little worried and didn’t look over at me.

“Yeah, happy birthday,” he said, as though he hadn’t heard. It was strange, seeing him there without Nick. Lion wasn’t friends with many people in my grade: he and Nick were five years older than Jenna and me, and the age difference was evident. The kids in my class weren’t particularly mature, and our boyfriends never liked hanging out with them.

“Thanks,” I said. “You heard from Nick?” I felt a pang in my stomach. He still hadn’t called or texted.

“He told me yesterday he was up to his neck in work. At the office, they barely even give him time to eat lunch. He did manage to find the time to tell me to keep my eye on you.”

“Seems like you’re keeping it on someone else,” I said, noticing he was still staring at Jenna. She turned and smiled at us both, looking completely, genuinely happy. She loved Lion, was in love with him, couldn’t stop talking about him on the nights when she’d stay over: about how lucky we were, being with two guys who were such close friends. I knew Jenna was incapable of falling for anybody else, and I was glad to know Lion felt the same about her. I couldn’t get enough of Jenna; she was a true best friend, and I loved her. She had always been there when I’d needed her and had helped me understand what a real friend was. She wasn’t jealous, manipulative, or resentful like Beth back in Canada, and she was incapable of hurting me, at least on purpose.

She came over and kissed Lion with a loud pop. He lifted her, and I turned away, dispirited. I missed Nick; I wanted him there; I needed him. I looked back at my phone. Nothing. No missed calls, no texts, no emails. That was starting to piss me off. All he needed were a few seconds to write. What the hell was going on with him?

I walked over to the bar for the twenty-one-and-overs. The crowd there had thinned out, and the guy who’d served me my birthday drink was working with the help of a young woman. I sat down and tried to figure out my approach, hoping I could flirt with him and get an actual drink.

“Any chance you could make me something not pink, but with a bit of kick to it?” I asked, thinking he’d tell me to piss off. But to my surprise, he glanced around, and when he saw no one was looking, he filled a shot glass with clear liquid.

“Tequila?” I asked.

“If anyone asks you, it wasn’t me,” he said, glancing away.

I laughed and drank it down. It burned my throat, but it was good.

When I turned, I saw Jenna dragging Lion off to a dark corner. It depressed me, seeing all my friends hugging and kissing.

Damn you, Nicholas Leister, why can’t I get you out of my head for at least one second a day?

“Another?” the bartender asked. I knew I was overdoing it, but it was my party. I could have what I wanted, right?

Just as I was about to knock it back, a hand appeared out of nowhere to snatch it from me.

“I think you’ve had enough.”

That voice.

I looked up, and there he was: Nick. Nick in a button-down and slacks, his dark hair starting to fall out of place, beaming with suppressed excitement, joyful.

“Oh my God!” I shouted, bringing my hands to my mouth. A smile appeared on his face. My smile, the one he reserved just for me. I jumped into his arms.

“You came!” I shouted, pressing my cheek into his, squeezing him, smelling him, feeling once again whole. He squeezed me back. At last, I could breathe. He was there. Thank God! He was there with me.

“I missed you, Freckles,” he whispered in my ear before pulling my head back and kissing me on the lips.

I felt my nerve endings awaken. It had been fourteen days since I’d felt his lips on mine, his hands on my body.

He pushed me back and looked me up and down.

“You’re gorgeous,” he said hoarsely, grabbing my waist and pulling me close.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, trying to keep myself from kissing him again. I knew we needed to restrain ourselves: there were people everywhere, our parents were there, and their presence unnerved me.

“I wasn’t about to miss your birthday,” he said. I could feel the electricity between us. We’d never been apart for so long, at least not since we’d started going out, and I was used to having him all to myself every day.

“How’d you get away?” I asked, not wanting to let him go.

“Don’t ask,” he said, kissing the top of my head. I closed my eyes in ecstasy, smelling his cologne.

“Lovely party.” He laughed.

I scowled at him. “It wasn’t my idea.”

“I know,” he assured me.

I felt my heart swell with happiness and relief. How I’d missed his smile.

“You want to try the Noah special?” I asked, winking to the bartender, who got straight to work.

“You’ve got your own cocktail, Freckles?” he asked, raising an eyebrow when he saw the pink liquid with its strawberry garnish. His expression was hilarious. “I guess I have to try it…”

The poor thing drank the whole glass without complaining, even though it tasted like melted gumdrops.

I grinned from ear to ear, and he couldn’t resist doing the same. His hand reached out and pulled me in, and he brought his lips to my ear, just brushing the sensitive skin there, and that scant contact was enough to make me feel like I was about to die.

“I need to be inside you,” he said.

My legs trembled. “We can’t. Not here,” I whispered, trying to control my nerves.

“Do you trust me?” he asked.

What kind of stupid question was that? There was no one I trusted more.

He could read my response in my eyes, and he smiled in turn.

“Wait for me behind the pool house,” he said, with one last peck on the lips. I grabbed his arm as he turned.

“You’re not coming?” I asked.

“The idea is supposed to be that no one figures out what we’re doing, babe,” he said, turning around to greet the guests, exuding confidence. I watched him for a few seconds, feeling the butterflies shift in my stomach. I didn’t want to admit that I was scared to go off by myself, away from all the people, in the dark.

I grabbed a shot that was sitting on the bar and drank it, trying to control my breathing. That was enough to calm me for a few seconds. I took a deep breath and walked to the pool, past the tent where everyone was dancing and having fun. I walked along the edge of the water, trying not to fall in, and finally reached the small cabin behind it. On the other side of it were trees, and farther off, you could hear the sea, its waves crashing against the cliff. I leaned against one of the walls, trying to maintain my composure as I heard the guests chattering.

I closed my eyes just before I heard him arrive. His lips covered mine so quickly, I couldn’t say anything. I opened my eyes. There he was, staring at me. His eyes said it all.

“You have no idea how much I’ve missed doing this,” he said, grabbing my neck and kissing me softly.

I melted in his arms.

“I’ve been dying just to touch you,” he continued, holding my waist, burying his nose slowly in my neck. I wrapped my fingers behind his head and brought him back to my lips. We kissed desperately, warming each other like fire, our tongues twisting together and his body pressing into mine. I wanted to touch him, wanted to feel his skin beneath my fingers.

“Did you miss me, Freckles?” he asked, caressing my cheek and looking at me as if I were his gift and not the other way around.

I tried to say yes, but I was breathing so fast that nothing escaped me but a sigh that grew more intense when he planted his lips on my neck.

“I’m not going to leave you again,” he said.

I laughed joylessly. “That doesn’t depend on you.”

“I’ll take you with me, wherever I have to go…”

“That sounds romantic,” I said, kissing him on the jawline.

He cupped my face in his hands. “I’m serious. I’m hooked on you.”

I tried to laugh again, but he silenced me with a kiss full of restrained passion.

“I want to get you out of that damned dress.” He grunted, rolling it up over my waist. As he looked at my tanned skin, I saw desire in his eyes, long buried, fed by the distance and time that had kept us apart.

“I’d make love to you all night long,” he said, his hands sliding under the elastic of my waistband and making me shiver.

“Or do you want to wait?” he asked. “I’d take you to the apartment, but I guess people would notice your absence.”

“You guessed right…” I said, biting my lip. I’d never done it with him in this kind of situation, but I also didn’t want to wait. Nick pushed me into the wall and ground his body against mine ardently.

“We’ll make it a quickie. No one will notice,” he whispered in my ear.

I nodded, and he tugged at my panties until they slipped to the ground.

I brought my fingers up to his tie and tugged until it came loose.

“I want to see you,” I said.

He smiled and kissed the tip of my nose, grabbing my hands and lifting them over his head.

I stood still, watching him as he unbuttoned his pants. A second later, he had pinned me against the wall. His expression was gentle, his pupils dilated, transmitting me a million different messages as he prepared me to feel him inside me. Then he entered me. I’d started taking the pill a few months back, and I was grateful that I could actually feel him without any kind of barrier between us. I moaned, and he clapped a hand over my mouth.

“Don’t make a sound,” he warned me.

I nodded, my nerves taut as a bowstring. He moved slowly at first but then sped up. With every thrust, the pleasure inside me grew. He took his hand from my mouth and touched me where I needed him most.

“Nick…”

“Wait…” he said, grabbing my thighs and lifting me. I closed my eyes, trying to hold it all in. “Let’s come together…” he whispered in my ear.

He bit down on my lower lip, and a wave of ecstasy crested. I couldn’t take it anymore. I moaned, he covered my mouth with his, and I felt him tense and grunt, accompanying me on my journey to infinite pleasure.

I leaned back, trying to control my breathing. Nick was still holding me up.

“I love you, Nick,” I said when his eyes met mine.

“You and I aren’t made to be apart,” he responded.