Wrecked (Dirty Air Series Book 3)

Itake a deep breath as I walk up the steps of my private jet.

“Hey jackass, are you planning on going inside or do you want to keep us waiting out here?” Liam calls out behind me.

Sophie laughs.

“Why did I invite you both again?” Clenching my fists, I enter the cabin. Memories flood my head as I check out the seat Elena always preferred. The emptiness in my chest shifts to longing as I assess the completed puzzle.

“Because you’re a good friend and my jet needs a maintenance check,” Liam calls out behind me as he walks inside.

“You should fly commercial.”

Liam mockingly gasps. “You hate me that much?”

I flop into a chair across from Elena’s old one.

Sophie eyes the puzzle, tracing her finger along the edge. “Wow. This is impressive. I didn’t peg you as a puzzle person.”

“He’s not.” Liam slides into the chair across from me.

“Oh.” Sophie’s eyes flare with recognition.

“The things we do for the ones we love.” Liam pats the chair next to him for Sophie to sit.

“Why did you end things with Elena?” Sophie bites down on her bottom lip.

“I’m not talking about this with you both. It’s not too late for you two to catch a flight.” Guilt destroys my mental clarity as I think up the real reason I ended things with Elena. I hate the unsolicited image infiltrating my head of her upset at me, holding back her tears as she lifts her chin in defiance.

Most of all, I hate wondering if I will regret pushing Elena away for the rest of my life. It turns out inviting my friends on a flight is anything but helpful, instead making me frustrated while giving them an all-access pass to my hell.

Liam frowns. “Don’t be a dick to us because you fucked up.”

“Stop.” Sophie pinches Liam’s side.

“No. What’s the use of pussy-footing around this?”

“Because you don’t know other people’s reasons for what they do.”

Yeah, Liam, listen to your girlfriend. I fumble with my headphones, pretending to ignore their conversation.

“Based on how miserable he looks, I don’t think he made the right decision. Someone has to be the voice of reason around here.”

Oh, fuck off. “You don’t know what the bloody hell you’re talking about,” I snap. “There’s a difference between making the right decision and making the easy one. Don’t cast judgments about shit you don’t understand.” Anger feels good. Anger feels so fucking good I want to hold on to the feeling rather than the anxiety pulling me under time and time again.

Liam’s mouth drops open. “I’m sorry. I only want to help you.”

“I don’t want anyone’s help, especially for shit you can’t begin to comprehend, let alone help with.”

Hurt flashes across Liam’s face. “Listen, I can’t understand you if you don’t share what’s going on in the first place. We’re friends, and friends help one another.”

“This isn’t something you can undo with a smile and a big take me back because I’m a total wanker without you speech. Not all of us can be Liam freaking Zander, king of fucking up and still getting what he wants in the end.” My skin becomes hot and irritated, and I rush to stand.

My eyes land on the puzzle. Every emotion rushes through me, making my chest ache as I assess the hot-air balloons. The memory of taking Elena to the festival plagues my thoughts. An image of her—radiant as she smiles at the sky above with the same reverence she saves for me. Of how she kissed me until both our lips were swollen, whispering sweet words into the sky.

The balloons remind me of that stupid, hopeful fool who agreed to a test because of love. Anger and sadness fuse together, replacing the memory with despair.

Before anyone has a chance to stop me, I swipe my arm across the table. Hundreds of puzzle pieces fly through the air, scattering across the black carpet like snowflakes.

Snow-fucking-flakes.

Another memory of Elena’s snow globes assaults me like bullets from an automatic rifle. I clutch onto my shirt as if it can dull the pain echoing through my chest.

I stomp across the puzzle pieces as I walk toward the bedroom at the rear of the cabin, snapping some unintentionally with my boots. The door slamming behind me matches the throb in my chest before I’m met with silence.

Silence isn’t for the faint of heart. That’s where the demons come out and play.

Welcome back, motherfucker.

A soft knock wakes me up. I rise from the bed and open the door to find Sophie staring up at me.

“Hey, can we talk?”

“Do I have a choice?”

Liam calls out from the front of the cabin. “No, you bet you don’t, you fucking asshole. And you better treat my girlfriend with respect or else I’ll smash that cocky-ass grin off your face.”

Sophie mouths sorry.

I pop my head out from the bedroom and meet Liam’s gaze. “I’m sorry for being a dick earlier.”

His eyes soften. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Don’t go getting all teary-eyed on me.” He smiles back as he wipes under his eyes with his middle finger.

I let out a laugh as I open the door wider for Sophie to enter. “Come on in.”

“And keep the door open, Sophie Marie Mitchell! You know the rule about other boys.” Liam’s voice echoes.

She bites down on her lip to hide her laugh. I ignore Liam’s protest as I shut the door behind me.

“I’m sorry for freaking out earlier.” I sit in a chair across from the bed.

“And I’m sorry you’re hurting right now.” Sophie copies me, sitting on the edge of the mattress.

“I still shouldn’t react like that. I’m better than letting an angry outburst control me.”

“We all have emotions. Honestly, I’m grateful you expressed yourself, anger and all, because I think you’ve spent too long hiding how you feel.”

I tilt my head at her. “Why do you say that?”

“Because I’ve been around you for almost two years. Everyone knows what lingers behind the playboy facade is never pretty.”

“And what made you come to this conclusion?”

“I compared how happy you seemed with Elena to how you are now without her.”

I take a deep breath in an attempt to ease my growing worry about Sophie poking into my head. “And?”

“And it’s obvious you love her enough to feel miserable in her absence.”

“Can we not talk abou—”

Sophie stands and walks up to me. She bends down to wrap her arms around my body and tug me into her. “I don’t know why you broke up with her, but you don’t have to face your sadness or anxiety alone. Don’t take the pills. Let us be there for you, and please don’t push us away. Especially Liam. He cares a lot about you and only wants to support you if you let him.”

“I don’t know how to start explaining myself.”

She pulls away and smiles. “That’s the beauty of friendship. We’ll stick around, with or without a full understanding of what’s going on.”

For the first time in a few days, I feel relief. I have friends who care enough about me to not let me fall back into a vicious cycle of pills and drinking to combat overwhelming feelings.

And with relief comes the tiniest flame of hope that I will get through this.

I’ve made it my personal mission to make sure my mistake doesn’t cause Elena any more harm. After fixing her finances with Connor, I need to make connections for her. I start with the team I know best and plan to work my way from there.

Liam set me up to meet with James Mitchell, Bandini’s team principal, and the man who basically runs the show there. He may have graying hair and a few wrinkles, but the man is an absolute beast. I reckon he can out bench press me any day of the week.

James looks at me with stern green eyes before they drop to the paper in front of him. He crosses his legs and leans back in his office chair, hitting me with a scowl. “Why her?”

“Noah told me he doesn’t like the Bandini PR reps. I thought I might as well solve your problem while fixing mine.”

Okay, more like Noah gave in after I explained Elena’s situation because of my mistake, but James doesn’t need to know that.

He raises a dark brow. “Let me get this straight: you fucked up and got her fired, yet you want another company to hire her. I wonder why that is.”

On the outside, I’m the usual Jax, cold and uncaring. But on the inside, I cringe at how far my mess up went that even James knows about it. “She’s a hard worker and knows her shit. My actions don’t reflect her work ethic. Quite the opposite seeing as she lasted almost a whole season around me.”

“Yet you’re the one with a high-paying job while she’s out of one. Funny how the world works.”

“It’s not funny. If you don’t want to hire her, fine. I’ll take her references to Sauvage.”

“I didn’t say that. But tell me, why do you care if I hire her?” He remains stoic except for the smallest twitch in his lips.

“Do I have to spell it out for you?”

“Please and say it slowly to make sure I hear it all. I’m getting old.”

I’m tempted to flip him off but refrain because Elena being hired is more important than my twitchy middle finger. “Liam told me about you.”

“Anything he says is probably a watered-down version of the truth. You best remember that.” James hits me with a full-blown grin this time.

I tap my knee with my shaky hand. “I want her to be taken care of. She doesn’t deserve to lose everything she worked for because of me. I made mistakes—big ones—but it wasn’t my intention for her to lose what she cares about most.”

“From what I’m gathering during this conversation, I don’t know if that’s what she cares about most.”

I frown. “How do you know?”

“If you being here is any inclination of how much you care about her, I have a feeling she feels similarly. Not that I’m out here offering free advice, but if I were you, I’d consider fixing things. I can take a look at her resume and consider her for a job, but it doesn’t change the damage you’ve caused.”

“Consider?”

“Don’t push your luck. Tell her that you love her. Grand gestures like this are sweet and all, but—”

“She can’t know,” I blurt out.

James tilts his head at me. “Now that’s interesting. Why?”

“I don’t want her to know I recommended her for the job—if you decide to hire her, that is.” And I fucking hope he does.

“I’m going to cut it to you straight, similar to how I did with Liam.”

“Fuck,” I whisper under my breath.

“Ah, you’re familiar with my unsolicited advice. Well, allow me to be your surrogate parent for ten minutes, seeing as you’re my daughter’s friend and all. Consider this situation carefully. People are lucky to find someone they love—I mean truly love—once in their life.” He taps Elena’s resume for emphasis. “If Elena is that person for you, put your shit aside and fix it. Shelve the pride, pull out your best apology, and win her back. Mistakes can be forgotten but wasted time can never be earned back.”

His statement hits me hard, and not because of his original intention.

Elena can’t waste her time on someone like me.

Someone who is meant to live a life shrouded in hard moments.

Someone who is never going to have their own kids, let alone be alive for grandkids.

Someone who will never be worthy of her, no matter how much I wish it weren’t the case.

And the last statement is the truest one of all.