Chapter 33: The One Who Almost Got Away (1)
Liza groaned as Alice nudged her with her foot again. They had been going over this for the past week and even though Liza wanted nothing more than to acknowledge the truth in Alice's words, she was still hesitant. I had been almost a year and a half from her break up with Steve. She was over him. She hadn't lamented on loss of her almost perfect relationship with Steve for as long as she thought she would have. They had really fallen out of love, she guessed. She had seen Steve's picture in a magazine with some super model, the magazine claiming them to be an item now, however instead of feeling jealousy she had merely felt a slight tug of missing her friend. She had instead focused her attention on Jonathan sitting in front of her, stuffing his face with cupcakes she had brought. They had been flirting with each other for months now. An occasional wink, a suggestive remark, smooth comments by Jonathan making Liza blush and of course his sincerity which was pulling her in every day. As she grew closer to Jonathan, she realized that he had turned out to be a better man, than he was before.
"What is holding you back, Liza?" Alice asked already knowing the answer. "You know what it is Al. I don't want the history to repeat itself and even if I do like him, it won't matter anyways, he doesn't feel like that about me anymore." Liza said. "Have you seen the way, he looks at you? He would take a bullet for you Liz and I would have never asked you to give him a chance again if I hadn't seen him change. In any other circumstance I would have stopped you from going to him again, you know how I feel about what he did to you, right?" Alice said. Liza knew all about how Alice felt about her history with Jonathan, after all Alice had been the first person she had gone too after finding out about Jonathan's infidelity. It had been Alice who had cursed out Jonathan, who had implored Liza to leave Jonathan and who had been Liza's support system when she had refused to leave him determined to make their marriage work. Alice despite of being Jonathan's sister, had supported her all the way and even after their contact had been reduced to emails and occasional phone calls, she had remained like a constant in Liza's life. Liza knew that she could trust Alice's judgement of Jonathan but what she couldn't trust were her own reactions.
What if she became one of those jealous girlfriends? She had been cheated on and betrayed once, she was sure that every night Jonathan stayed at the office, her mind would go to the nights she had spent alone crying in her pillow. Was she even capable of putting that amount of trust in Jonathan again? She had definitely gotten close to Jonathan but could she afford to love him? All the questions and doubts clouded her mind, making it difficult for her to get past her wariness and hesitation. Liza sighed and plopped down on her bed, resting her head against the pillow.
It would be a lie to say that she wasn't attracted to Jonathan or that she hadn't began to fall for Jonathan. It was difficult not to fall for him when he was proving at every step that he had changed and had become a better version of his old self. More trust worthy, more mature and more stable. He still had that smile she had fallen for years ago and their history felt so distant that she was tempted to give in. Her heart pounded whenever she was near him, blushing like a school girl, flirting like a teenager. He made pulse race and filled her with an all-consuming fire. These were fancy words but they were true. It was a difficult choice and she was afraid that she would choose the wrong one.
Jonathan paced back and forth. His mind was on the verge of exploding. He and Liza had been flirting back and forth for quite some time and even though he had resolved that he would stay by her side only as a friend, he couldn't stop his feelings from crawling through the barrier he had created his heart and brain. It was wrong of him to think like that, he shouldn't be flirting with Liza, he shouldn't be going down that path again especially after knowing how he wrecked her the last time, but it was nearly impossible to hold himself back from Liza. The words she had said a few years back still echoed inside his head, deterring him from taking a step towards Liza. He didn't want to hurt her again. He was sure of his feelings and he was sure that he wouldn't ever make the mistake of breaking her trust or even hurting her again but he had no idea how Liza would react if he made a move towards her, had it been a few years back he would have confidently predicted her reactions but now, she had changed way too much, her old self only remaining as a shadow. He was no longer the same reckless man he had been before, he understood consequences of his actions and he knew that in allowing himself to love Liza, he was running a risk of losing her friendship too and it was a risk he wasn't willing to take.0000