Wizard for Hire

Felix swore loudly. Alister sauntered into the pub with a satisfied grin on his face. Once assured that Felix was not going to respond with violence, he put his wand away. I felt the pubs clientele tense up. The three men hunched their backs and hid their faces. The old lady with a new mug of beer watched drunkly on, with a terrified expression.

The bar woman Julie who was drying glasses with a manky brown cloth that made me rather regret drinking my beer, announced lazily, “there will be no trouble here.”

“No trouble,” said Alister beaming a wide brilliant smile at Julie who buckled under his charm. “Just a friendly, civil chat.”

Felix swirled his vodka, the one thing I did admire about Felix he was upfront and honest with you. If he was annoyed by your presence, he would let you know. “What do you want?” he spat, before downing his fifth vodka.

“Getting pissed I see, setting a great impression for your young apprentice.”

I could tell that even though Alister was tall, handsome and talented, there was a sense of inferiority compared to Felix that seemed to cloud him. It was as if, Felix had some hold over him, some previous battle that he had lost to Felix. And now, he was trying to prove himself with bluster and bravado.

“How do you feel?” said Alister grabbing my shoulder in a friendly manner. “Now that your master has dragged you into being prime suspect in a double murder investigation, bank break in, and national terrorism charge?”

“Innocent!” cried Felix bowing as if he was a magistrate. “Me lud’”

He was drunk.

Alister’s expression darkened. “Will you shut up a moment, while I speak with your partner in crime.”

Felix leaned across the table to me and whispered loudly. “Don’t worry about him,” he said with a sly grin. “He’s got short wand syndrome.”

With this Felix let out a long, cackling laugh at Alister, that was intended to insult rather than humour.

“If it had failed to escape that stubborn, messed up mind of yours, I might be able to help you.”

“Help us!” Felix cried. “The only person you help is yourself. How would it be in your interests to help me? You’ve always wanted to see me behind bars.”

Alister grinned, I got the impression that he would like nothing better, which made me wonder moreso what previous they had.

“Look,” I said. “We know who is behind all this. The attacks, the murders, everything.”

“Oh so you and scooby-doo over there worked it all out did you?” Alister said as Felix hiccuped. “Find the monster with the mask and it turns out it was the janitor and he tells you what a meddling couple of kids you are?”

He was being silly.

“No actually,” I said. “There is a man who is quite well known, he is a Creep, as in he came to magic—”

“—I know what a creep is.”

“He was the one who broke into the bank and killed the security guard and Kriston. You have to believe me. I wouldn’t lie about this. I saw him, clear as day.”

Alister’s brow furrowed at me. “That’s your evidence is it?”

I swallowed, looking to Felix for support on what to say and what not to say. But Felix wasn’t in much of a state to reply, his eyes were rolling slightly from intoxication. Brilliant. That’s all I needed. Should I tell Alister about the ring? About Vitalies Casino? What did he know already?

Alister broke the silence. “So who is this man that you think is behind all this?”

“He’s called Edward Rappaport, you will probably know him if into politics.”

Alister smiled gaily and ran a finger along the table. “Oh,” he slapped his hand to his head. “I should have told you this at the start really but never mind. The truth is,” said Alister. “That I no longer work for Karen and Bob on this matter. I have a new client.”

“Who?”

“Edward Rappaport,” he said.

Felix choked on fresh air. I too, was similarly perplexed.

“He told me all about you both having some agenda against him, that you attacked him in a cave, that you are trying to frame him for the murders and the break in. And I suppose it was he that blew his way out of a police station?”

“You conning GIT!” Felix cried.

Alister looked malevolent for a moment, but he actually thought he was doing the right thing. “He is our best, highest paying client. And he has paid us handsomely to capture you and get you to admit what you did. He is an upstanding member of the community, a former MP who has been through a personal tragedy. And just because he is a Creep, does not mean you can pin all your crimes upon him and get away with it. You have a past of misdoings. He is a good man. He had also proven that the ring of power belongs to him, he has all the right documents. I know you don’t have your wand or any magic, so if you come quietly with me we can get this over with,” Alister said sighing happily with all intents and purposes thinking he had won.

“Aha!” Felix drunkenly called. “I’ve got it! A plan! I have a plan!”

“Will,” said Alister. “Can you talk some sense into this nut-case wizard friend of yours.”

On the word nut-case, Felix flipped.

“How DARE YOU!” he screamed, slamming his fists on table. With a monumental CRASH, like a crack of lightning, a blast smashed through the pub. I felt the force of it blow my head right back. After the flash of bright white light, I saw Alister who must have flown the length of the pub, getting to his feet and raising his wand.

“Idiot, you just don’t know when you’re beat.”

Felix, now standing, was clenching his fist which was crackling with energy like a sparkler. “And you just don’t know when you’re wrong.”

“You have no choice but to come with me.”

“So you can get all the glory? No chance. Come on Norton, let’s get out of here.” Felix turned to leave. Just as that ominous and very familiar vision of blue lights flashed through the pub windows.

“Too late,” said Alister grinning. “Put your hands in the air!” he cried wand aloft.

Felix grimaced. Slowly, he raised his hands in the air, it looked to be the most painful thing in the world. I did the same. “You see,” said Alister. “Edward wants his ring back yesterday, the difference between you and I Felix, is that I get things done. I’m respected. Whereas you are nothing more than a villain.”

Alister was stepping closer to us, two sets of black handcuffs forming at the end of his wand. The police were at the pub doors. They rattled but couldn’t open them. “The glory is finally mine,” said Alister. “I’ll be rid of you once and for all.”

“Knew it. This is all about jealousy and Jessica.”

Alister stopped dead. “How dare you mention her name.”

“You’re deadly jealous because I can do magic better than you and because of what happened with sweet, lovely Jesscia who—”

Alister saw red. I don’t know who Jessica is or was, but his anger swarmed the room and he flashed his fist at Felix. Alister’s fist connected with Felix’s mouth. At the exact same time, a bar stool wobbled and flew across the room, smashing into the small of Alister’s back.

“AHH!” he roared.

“See!” said Felix standing triumphantly holding his chin. “I can do magic without a wand! Which is more than you!”

Alister’s wand had rolled away along the floor and he stumbled towards it. Felix jumped like a cat after prey, and fell atop Alister. What ensued was a full on bar fight. Fists flew hard and fast. Screams of “Stop it!” were drowned out by the thuds and screams as the two men rolled about the floor knocking lumps out of each other. It all happened so quickly, I didn’t know what to do for the best. All of a sudden Alister took control, his larger frame outmuscling Felix and pulling him by the neck into a headlock. Now he was reaching for his wand.

“This ends now you worthless thieving murdering cheat!” Alister cried.

“No!” I screamed, charging across the floor, kicking the wand under the table and punching Alister hard in the face. He buckled backwards in shock, grip loosening. I hopped back as sharp pains shot about my fist. Alister clutched his nose which started bleeding as Felix jumped up and grinned with a big thank you.

“I’ll get you! Honestly I will!”

“Save your sad cliche’s,” said Felix, walking into the bar area. “Julie we will be leaving via the fire exit.”

I chased after Felix, racing outside, into an alleyway and out of sight.

We jumped in my car, conveniently parked around the block away from police and sped towards home. Felix closed his eyes as I drove surreptitiously as possible. Maybe he was travel sick, maybe he was thinking.

The later proved to be the case, a minute later, he raised a fist to the air. “I know what we need to do.”

“Thank christ for that.”

Upon arriving home, our dismay only increased. Ms McCall was smoking outside the front door. Upon seeing us, she made half the street aware, screeching that she was not letting either of us inside until she was told what was happening.

“And another thing…” she screeched as we reached the front door. “On top of all the commotion and damage you’ve caused, you haven’t even paid your rent!” she screeched as nosy neighbours looked on.

“Please Ms McCall,” said Felix limping slightly, “it’s been a rough day.”

“Rough day huh? I’ve had police coming and going, taking you both away, crawling all over my house! I want my rent, then I want you gone. Both of you.” She grimaced, taking a long puff.

We both tried to reason with her, but for Felix this was a side issue, he would deal with her later. For now, he had to get inside.

“Where you going? Into my house?” she said blocking our entry.

This just got worse and worse.

Felix sighed. “We were working for the police helping them with an investigation.”

“Rubbish!” she screeched. “Why they asking me about ya’ mother?”

“What?” she Felix taken aback.

Ms McCall turned nasty. “What dya’ do to her? Kill her did ya?” she smiled a wide toothy grin.

I half expected to see her go flying through the house and out the opposite window. But this time, Felix was either too weary, or knew that it was in his interest to keep his landlady happy. He smiled. “That’s what I was helping them with, trying to track down her murderer. It’s a very stressful time for me.”

He played it well, his acting skills impressive. In that one sentence, he made the maternal instinct in Ms McCall rise to the surface. She softened and let him pass. “But I want that rent by tonight.”

Going up to Felix’s room on the imaginary third floor, he charged around looking for things.

“So what’s the plan?”

He stopped pacing, picked his lip, thought for a moment and then clicked his finger. “Get showered, shave, and put on your best suit. We’re going to the Casino.”

“Do you reckon they do food?” I muttered as my stomach rumbled.

“Fucking hope so.”

Felix took a look at Harry before we left, he looked fine. “He still hasn’t shit the ring out. I’ve been checking.”

“Hmm,” I mumbled.

“Someone’s got to do it.”

We looked dapper in our suits. Felix had gone for an all black tuxedo, which was rather smarter than I, wearing my best navy suit with maroon tie.

“Plan?” I repeated as Felix took a swig from a nearby bottle and winced.

Felix’s room was a complete mess, owing to the fact that I was the last user of the room, having piled all his stuff on the surrounding surfaces. Now, trying to find his magic, he pushed all the non essential things, like clothes, to the floor. Eventually, he found his wand, with a great hooray! hoisted it to the air, as great orange sparks whizzed out the ends (what did I say earlier about magic not being all colours and bangs?) Then, he kissed the wand and placed it carefully in his inside pocket.

“This is all I’ll take. It’s all I’ll need, all being well,” he said.

“PLAN?” I said again.

He smiled like a salesman. “Trust me.”

“Didn’t we do this trust conversation earlier?”

“Look Norton, not everything has to be about some grand plan. You think I can just come up with something that solves this whole mess in 10 minutes? Sometimes you’ve just got to get out there and try something. Half the time, I don’t even have a plan, but it seems to work. I use my second brain… you know where that is?” He tapped his stomach. “The gut. And my gut, right now, is telling me that this Casino is where we need to be. You with me?”

I took a moment, just to be dramatic. What other choice did we have? It was the last lead left to follow. “Come on then wizard, let’s do this.”

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