Chapter 20
“Poor Polly,” Mom says, shaking her head, after I just told everyone about how my girl accidentally spilled her coffee in my car. We’re all out at Remington and Erin’s place for family dinner, and I’ve been giving everyone a quick rundown of what happened when we were in Paris and after we got home. “I bet she was beside herself.”
“I felt bad for her,” I agree, and take a sip of my beer. “I assured her that it was fine, and it’s been cleaned since then, but she was pretty upset. Personally, I kind of thought it was funny.”
“It’s just a car,” Holly speaks up. “I spill stuff all the time, and my mom and dad always say that it can be cleaned up.”
“That’s right,” Erin says and leans over to kiss Holly on the head. “Sometimes, things get spilled. No biggie. But the important thing is that you two had a fabulous time. I haven’t seen Polly since you got back.”
“I did,” Summer volunteers. “Briefly. She was…tired.”
Summer stares down at her plate and starts shoveling in the food, as if she already regrets saying as much as she did, and now it’s my life’s mission to find out what’s going on.
I haven’t heard from Polly at all over the past few days since I picked up the car. She’s not returning my calls or texts, and it’s driving me fucking crazy.
“When’s your next home game, Jake?” Brady asks my kid, who sits up tall and smiles like a loon.
“This Friday,” he says. “It would be cool if you guys wanted to come.”
“We’ll all be there,” my dad replies and winks at Jake. “You’ll have the loudest cheering section BVHS has ever seen.”
“Legit,” Jake says with a wide smile. “I’m starting this week and everything.”
“Because you’re brilliantly talented,” Millie says. “And they’d be stupid not to start you.”
“Well, duh.” Jake grins at my sister, and I want to hug her to thank her for being so awesome to my boy.
They’re all amazing with him.
“Hey, Jake,” Johnny says, “can we go out back and toss the ball after dinner?”
“Me, too!” Holly insists.
“Sure,” Jake says. “I could use some practice anyway.”
The kids, excited at the prospect of playing outside after dinner, hurry through their meal, and when we’re all done eating, are excused from the table.
“I’ll call you in for dessert in a bit,” Erin calls after them as the back door slams behind them. “I love Jake. He’s so good with the kids.”
“He’s good at a lot of things,” I reply with a nod.
“Then why do you keep leaving him here to fend for himself?” Remington counters, speaking for the first time.
“Rem—” Mom starts, but I lift my hand and hold my gaze on my older brother’s.
“What in the hell are you talking about?”
“Someone has to go stay with your amazing kid constantly because you’re out of town. Can’t be bothered to stay home and take care of your responsibilities. Which is pretty typical for you, but now you have someone else to take care of.”
“You’re out of line,” Brady begins, and I shake my head.
“Does my kid look like he’s low on attention or confidence or love?” I ask Remington and feel the proverbial knife twist in my back the way it always does whenever Rem decides to take some shots at me. Which is pretty much always.
The rest of the table has quieted, their gazes moving between us.
“I think he deserves better,” Rem replies. “Sure, you can give him all the money in the world and a nice house, but you’re never here. When you are here, you’re in your office.”
“You don’t know what I do or when because you don’t fucking talk to me,” I counter. “I’m the villain in your story, end of. I spend a lot of freaking time with Jake. Besides, it feels pretty hypocritical for you to throw this in my face when it wasn’t all that long ago that your kids spent more time with Mom than they did with you because you were too busy running a goddamn ranch.”
“Don’t fucking start—” Rem’s voice has raised when Dad stands and slams his hands on the table.
“Enough!” His face is red as he stares at both of us, disappointment written all over his face. “I’ve had it up to my goddamn eyeballs with the two of you swiping at each other. I don’t care how old you are, I won’t have it. You’re both excellent fathers, both run good, loving homes, and you’ll shut your mouths on the subject.”
“I love my kid,” I say, my voice calm again. “More than anything. If you have a problem with the way I parent him, you can come to me in private, and we’ll have a conversation.”
Rem’s eyes narrow on me, but he doesn’t say anything in reply, and finally, Erin stands and says, “Who wants some pie?”
“I do,” Millie says. “Let me help you cut it.”
“I’ll open a bottle of wine,” Mom says as Summer stands to join them. “God knows I need it.”
When the women are out of the room, Brady sighs loudly. Chase shakes his head.
Dad continues to glare at us.
“I’ve told you,” I begin, speaking to Rem, “that I’m sorry for what went down after Holly was born. I didn’t handle it well, and I wasn’t there for you the way you needed me to be, and I can’t go back and change it. I would pay every goddamn penny I own if I could.”
Rem smirks, but I keep talking.
“I regret it every day. It’s the only thing in my life that I regret. But I can’t fix it. All I can do is continue to apologize, even though you won’t accept it, and be here. I have a life here, and I’m not going anywhere.”
“Unless the mood strikes, and you get on your fancy plane.”
“I have a job.” My voice is weary now. “And that takes me away for a few days at a time. And yeah, I took a vacation, for the first time in my adult life, with a woman that means a lot to me. Jake understands. The family has helped me immensely.”
“He hasn’t done anything wrong,” Chase says, speaking up. “And just like you, he’s doing the best that he can.”
“We all are,” Brady puts in. “And if you think there’s even one of us who minds helping out, or who wouldn’t do the same for you, you’re an idiot.”
Rem sighs and drags his hand down his face. “I apologize for saying what I did in front of others.”
And that’s the only apology I’m going to get.
“Fine.”
Dad sits as the girls return and set dessert on the table, and I can hear Erin calling out the back door for the kids to come in and get their share.
When we’re finished eating, Summer and I offer to clean up the kitchen since we didn’t help cook, and I take on the task of rinsing dishes and passing them to Summer to be placed in the dishwasher.
“I haven’t heard from her in days.”
Summer sighs. She doesn’t have to ask who I’m talking about. Polly is her best friend, and we both know it.
“She walked into a mess when she got home.”
“She said something about that.” I pass her a salad bowl. “But she hasn’t even texted back. You said something at the table about her being tired, but you were going to say something else.”
She blows out a breath and leans on the counter. “Ryan, Polly is like a sister to me. I can’t betray her confidence.”
“I’m not asking you to. I just want to know that she’s okay.”
“She is. I will say that she was a little overwhelmed on that first morning, and she was tired from the jet lag, and she wanted to talk. She didn’t say anything bad.”
That, at least, sets my mind at ease.
“Just give her a few days to catch her breath.”
I nod, and then Remington walks into the kitchen, and Summer frowns.
“Okay, I’m not going to lie. You two and all of your shit make me uncomfortable, so Remington can help with the dishes.”
She wipes her hands on a towel, and then she’s gone.
“Way to scare the women,” I say and return to rinsing dishes. “Did you come in here to tell me that I never should have adopted him? That he’d be better off without me?”
“Jesus.” Rem blows out a breath and shuts the dishwasher, paces away and back again. “I didn’t mean any of that.”
“That’s what it sounded like.”
“I shouldn’t have said it, okay? Jake is great, and we all love him.”
“I know.” I turn to look at him now. “I know you do. You treat him as if he’s been here since he was born, and I’m grateful. He loves being part of this family. He asked if he could change his last name to ours.”
That makes Rem pause. He blinks and shoves his hands into his pockets.
“Do you have a problem with that?”
“No! Fuck no. He should have our name because he is ours. Jesus, Ry.”
“What? Why wouldn’t I assume that you’d think that? You can’t stand me, and we both know it.”
“No, I—”
“So, I won’t come to dinners anymore. I’ll send Jake and make up excuses about work.”
“No. Damn it—”
“I love you.” I turn to him, and now it’s time for me to shove my hands into my pockets because I don’t know what else to do with them. “You’ve always been my best friend, until…well, until. I didn’t know what to do, and I didn’t feel like I had a choice.”
“You did—”
“I know that now. But six years ago? I didn’t. I’m sorry. I hate that one decision lost me my big brother. But I can’t have you resenting my kid for it. One of these days, you’ll slip and say something in front of him, and he already carries enough baggage from a past that he didn’t ask for. I won’t ever have you making him feel insecure about this family, Rem. So, I’ll stay away because that’s what makes you the most comfortable.”
“For fuck’s sake.”
“Looks like you’re doing the dishes by yourself.”
I walk out of the kitchen and smile at Jake, who looks my way. I see that Chase, Summer, and Brady have already left, so it won’t be weird when I suggest to Jake that we follow suit.
“You ready, buddy?”
“Sure. I have homework. Which is stupid.”
“I hate homework, too,” Johnny says with a knowing nod. That boy has started idolizing Jake, and I think that’s pretty damn cute.
“Everything okay?” Jake asks when we’re in the truck and headed back to the ranch.
“Sure, why wouldn’t it be?”
“It seemed kind of tense when we came in for dessert.”
I shake my head and silently curse my brother. “Nah, it’s all good. Thanks for humoring the little ones.”
“They’re okay,” he says. “Hey, are you sure it’s okay that you have to take on the afternoon chores now that I’m doing football? I could quit and go back to handling it.”
“Are you implying that I’m not as good as you at taking care of my own horses?”
I glance over in time to see him grin. “Yeah. Because I am better than you, old man. But for real, you’re busy.”
“So are you, kid. It’s fine. Besides, football will be over before we know it, so I say you just have fun. I like doing the afternoon chores.”
“You do?”
“Sure. It gets me out of my office and into the barn, and just like you, the horses are my therapy, so it’s all good.”
“Does that mean we don’t have to go to real therapy?” There’s hope in his voice, but I shake my head.
“No way. We’re going next week.”
“Well, damn.”
“Hey, baby girl,” I croon to Lullaby and lean in to kiss her nose. I wasn’t lying to Jake. I do love being out with the horses. I have since I was a kid. My dad and Rem always called me the horse whisperer.
So, I take my time mucking out their stalls, filling their water troughs and feed bags, and then because I’m not ready to go inside, I take a turn with each of the horses, brushing them down and checking them over to make sure there aren’t any injuries or insects causing trouble.
Ladybug nuzzles my shoulder, asking for extra pets and maybe an apple. I just happen to have one, so I offer it to her, and she happily munches away.
“You’re just a precious girl, aren’t you?” I pet her neck and kiss her cheek. “You’ve been good for our boy. Jake sure loves you.”
Her head comes around at the sound of his name, and I smile.
“Yeah, you love him, too, don’t you? All of you do. I think you’ve helped each other heal from some shit that no one should have to deal with.”
I brush her back, enjoying the feel of her hair under my palm.
When the horses are cared for, I pull my phone out of my back pocket to check it and then swear when there’s nothing from Polly.
It’s been five days without even one word from her. Summer advised me to let her catch her breath, but I’ll be damned if I’ll let her ghost me.
If she’s decided that a relationship with me isn’t what she wants after all, well, she can damn well say it to my face.
Grimly, I make my way back to the house. It’s starting to get dark, and Jake should be home from practice soon. He’ll want dinner and to tell me all about his day and about how excited he is for tomorrow night’s game. So, there’s no time now to go find Polly and figure out what’s going on.
I’ll go to her store tomorrow morning, right after she opens, to have a talk with her.
When I get to the house, I see Mom’s SUV parked in the driveway, and I pick up the pace, waving when she steps out of the vehicle.
“I was just going to call you to see if you were home,” she says with a smile. “I guess I should have done that before I drove over here, but it didn’t occur to me.”
“I was finishing up at the barn. You have good timing. Come on in.”
“Okay. I brought you and Jake dinner. I just have to get it out of the back seat.”
“I can do that.” She opens the back door, and I fetch a big insulated bag and raise an eyebrow at her. “How many are we feeding?”
“You’ll have leftovers for tomorrow,” she says with a laugh. “I made some clam chowder and fresh bread. There’s salad, too.”
“Sounds delicious. Thank you.”
I follow her into the house and then to the kitchen, and Mom sits on a stool by the island as I unpack dinner and set the pot on the stove to heat it up.
“Jake’s not home yet?”
“No, ma’am. He should be on his way soon, though. What’s on your mind?”
“What’s going on with you and Polly Allen?”
I pause and look at her in surprise. “Excuse me?”
“I know you’re both adults, and I think it’s wonderful because I’ve always loved that girl, but I’d like to know. I assume it’s serious, since you flew her across the world and bought her a bunch of fancy things.”
“It’s serious on my part,” I confirm. “But I haven’t talked to her much lately. She’s been busy.”
“Are you going to marry her?”
I frown and cross my arms over my chest. “I was not expecting this conversation today.”
“I know. I would have asked at family dinner, but unlike your older brother, I don’t like putting my children in the hot seat in front of an audience.” She smiles widely. “So? Marriage? Babies? I’m not getting any younger, you know.”
“Mom.”
“What?” She simply holds my gaze, not ashamed by this line of questioning in the least. I think I get my gumption from her.
“I don’t feel comfortable telling you that I love her when I haven’t even told her that yet.”
Now Mom’s face goes all mushy. “Oh, that’s sweet. And what are you waiting for?”
Good question.
I turn on the burner under the chowder and then face her. “You know, not everyone falls in love in the span of a weekend and ends up married just a couple of months after that.”
“I was lucky,” she agrees with a nod. “But you’ve known Polly a long time. Her brother is your best friend. It’s not like you started out as strangers. Is the sex bad?”
“Mom!” I toss my head back and laugh, and she smiles back at me. “I’m not having that conversation with you.”
“I think Jake would be an excellent brother.”
“I think you’re rushing things.” I walk around the island to her and kiss her temple. “I love you, Mom.”
“I love you, too, my sweet boy. I’m sorry that Remington is so hard on you. You don’t deserve that.”
“He would say that I do.”
“You mark my words: If anyone else in the world spoke to you the way he does, he’d punch them out.”
“Probably.”
She rests her head against my chest and hugs me close. My mom has always given the best hugs.
“I hope you two work it out.” She sighs just as Jake comes in and sees us.
“Whoa, what’s wrong? Gram? What’s going on?”
“Nothing, buddy.” I smile at him as Mom pulls away from me and walks over to fold Jake in her arms for a big hug.
“I just wanted to see two of my favorite men and bring them some dinner.”
“Do I smell clam chowder?” Jake’s eyes brighten at the idea.
“You do,” she confirms.
“That’s legit. You’re the best gram ever.”
“I do my best.”