Wild at Heart

I don’t know why I was so surprised to see him. The Moon Goddess knows I beat myself up over his death for months after Derek killed him. But it was Derek who killed him, not me. So why was he staring at me in this weird afterlife and not Derek?

“Emmett—”

“Emma, don’t.” He stopped me. “I already know what you’re going to say, and I don’t want you to say it.”

“What am I going to say?” I asked.

“That you’re sorry.” I sighed quietly, knowing that was the only thing I could say.

“I am.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Emma.”

“How can you say that?”

“You didn’t kill me. You didn’t throw me into the sword either. Derek killed me and he’s atoning for that.” Maybe that was why Emmett was visiting and not Derek. Derek was too busy being tortured in Hell for all the evil things he’s done in his short life. I turned away from him and stared into the white space on the floor. “Emma, will you look at me?” His voice was so soft and comforting.

“Do you regret it?” I asked as my stare stayed put on the floor.

“Regret what?” He asked.

“Ever meeting me.”

“Not at all.” He chuckled at me again. “I can honestly say that I was just as surprised as you to see you standing there.” I finally turned to look up at him.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because this place is only for the guilty.” He looked around like he saw something more than I did. “And you have nothing to feel guilty for.” I felt a weight lift off me like I needed to hear Emmett tell me his death was in no way my fault. I picked up the blame for that night more than I am willing to admit. I lead my pack into battle that night, but they knew the risk. Every one of our Omegas knew there was a chance they wouldn’t come back home and only two of them didn’t make it. The odds were in our favor, but for Emmett and Roland, they got the short end of the stick. “Emma, you’re going to lead a great, long life with Nick. You’re doing a fantastic job as Luna and I know you’re going to continue doing so. You’re right where you need to be.”

“Thank you, Emmett.” Emmett smiled at me and his face slowly began to fade. I squinted my eyes, thinking my vision was going foggy. But it wasn’t my vision. Emmett was slowly disappearing in front of me until his entire form was gone.

I took a few deep breathes to settle my breathing while I waited for this drug to wear off. I don’t know how long I was standing there in the white room by myself, but it was longer than I thought I would be. Maybe it wasn’t instant, and I had to wait for it to wear off before my mind fell back into my physical body? But how long was I going to have to stand here by myself? It felt like hours had gone by, but I knew it couldn’t have been more than ten minutes since Emmett left me. But why wasn’t I back in my body yet?

“Octavia?” I called out to her in hopes that she would do something to wake me up. I was responded with crickets. “Dammit, Octavia, get me the hell out of here!” I screamed to the white ceiling and waited for something in my vision to come into light besides the white walls. Nothing. Perhaps I was too trusting, and she’s trapped me in this world so she could take over my pack. Go to Reginald and kidnap Nick so they could overcome our North Pack. Nick? Nick would never let anything happen to me. He knew where I was, who I was with and what I was doing. If I didn’t come back, he would find me, of that I was sure.

I began walking in a straight line to see how far I could go before I could escape the white walls, but it was like my own personal insane asylum. Nothing but patted walls and straight jackets. I was starting to panic. What if my body just sits in that room while my mind is stuck in here forever? What if Nick couldn’t find a way to bring me back? I’ve already done the coma thing; I wasn’t ready for round two. Suddenly, I felt another presence with me, and my heart began beating out of my chest. He appeared before me and I instantly stepped back, tripping over my own feet and with nothing for me to grab onto, I fell backwards.

“Boo.” He said with a grin on his face.

“Shit…” I whispered.

“What’s wrong, Em? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” That grin that spread across Derek’s face was one I knew all too well.

“Is that supposed to be funny?” I asked. He reached his hand out to me.

“I guess that depends on your definition.” I looked at his hand, slightly convinced that if I took it, my own hand would go straight through his. I’ve never seen a ghost in real life, but I’ve seen the movies. “I’m real, Em.” His voice softened and I reached my hand up to his. To my surprise, he gripped my hand tightly and pulled me up off the floor. His hand was warm and slightly sweaty. I stood there in silence as I thought of words that I could form to say anything to him, but nothing came to mind. I shoved my fist into his chest and ripped his beating heart out with my bare hand, what could I possibly say to him? Derek gave my hand a gentle squeeze and I looked down at it, not realizing he still had a hold on me. I finally opened my mouth to speak, but Derek shook his head.

“Are you going to tell me not to apologize?” I asked him.

“You killed me, Emma, of course you can apologize.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m joking.” He released my hand and rubbed my arm instead. “I know why you did what you did.” He tightened his grip on my arm and gently pulled me close to him. I didn’t resist as he wrapped his arms around me and hugged his body into mine. “I put you through Hell, Em, I’m not going to pretend I didn’t.” He began stroking my hair gently. “I’m sorry for that, and I’m sorry for the way things ended between us.” He kissed the top of my head and I felt a tear escape my eye.

“I’m sorry, Derek.” I breathed into his chest and I was frightened by how real this all felt. If I didn’t know any better, I would think Derek was alive and well.

“Shh, don’t worry, Em.” He kissed the top of my head again. “It’s all going to be okay.”

“How can you say that?” I asked him as another tear slipped from my eye. “How can you say that knowing that you’re dead? You’re dead, Derek, I killed you.” I shook my head. “I killed you.” I repeated softly. He lifted his thumb and ran it across my cheek to wipe the tears away.

“Yes, you killed me, but you also saved me, Emma.” He gave me a small, reassuring smile. “I know how dumb it sounds, trust me, I do, but you really did save me. I feel more at peace than I ever did on Earth. Whether I was in the South, East or North pack, I’ve never felt such peace in all my life.” He cupped my face with his hands and forced me to look up to him. “I may be dead, but I’ve never felt more alive.” I couldn’t help but smile back at him. He leaned down and kissed my forehead gently. “I want you to listen to me, Em, because as much as I wish we could, we can’t stay here forever.”

“I’m listening.”

“Trust Octavia.” I raised my eyebrow at him, confused. Octavia was the last thing on my mind in this moment.

“Excuse me?”

“I know how you got here, and I know I put you through Hell so you’re probably not in the trusting mood, but I need you to trust Octavia.”

“Derek?” I tried to step away from him, but his grip on my arms tightened.

“You have no idea what’s coming your way, but I do.” His face looked desperate. “I know the dangers you’ll be facing, and I wish I could tell you everything, but I can’t. So, I’m going to leave you with this: please, just trust Octavia and Ophelia.”

“Leave me?” I questioned.

“Emma—”

“No, Derek. It’s not enough time.” I shook my head frantically.

“Emma,” he pulled me close to him again.

“Derek, please, don’t go.” The tears began falling again. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for what I did to you.”

“Emma, baby, please don’t do this.” He cupped my face again, locking his eyes on mine. “Don’t blame yourself for this. Please.” I could see the tears welling up in his eyes as I let my own fall free. I hated Derek when I found out everything he did to betray our friendship, I hated him for trying to kill my mate. I hated him for a long time. But I love him. I may not have been in love with him the way I am with Nick, but Derek will always hold a special place in my heart, not matter how much pain he brought to me. And in this moment of finally being able to see my friend after I was the one who took his life made me not want to leave him alone. “You’re going to be okay, Em.” He brushed some of my hair out of my face and slowly leaned down and pressed his lips against my own. A sudden burst of new smells hit my nose and I flung my eyes open. Octavia was in Derek’s place, her lips on mine where Derek’s were. I quickly pulled away and looked at her with confusion.

“I’m sorry.” She instantly apologized as she held her fingers to her lips. I stood up and looked around the room to make sure I was truly back in my physical body and it wasn’t some kind of trick.

“I need to find Nick. Now.”