Wild and Free

(Auden’s POV)

We know who you are.

Watch your back.

The words on that little piece of paper kept me from falling asleep. Well that, and the fact that there was a big gash through my mattress that was uncomfortable to lay on.

Those words had paralysed me when I first saw them. I’d brushed off the random paper on the floor as just another thing in the apartment that had been discarded on the floor. It wasn’t until I was actually forced to confront the mess that I had even considered that there was something written on it, let alone a threat.

I wanted to believe with everything I had, that Mason was right. That whoever those grey wolves were, were the ones that trash my apartment. But with everything that had happened to me, I just couldn’t bring myself to put my trust in that.

How had I let this all happen?

So long I’d gone, relying on my act and the web of lies I’d knitted to protect myself. Two years I’d been on my own, but all of them before had been almost the same but with a pack.

I’d always been on my own. I had to figure out how to survive, even when I didn’t always want to. I’d made a life out of nothing and developed an impenetrable skin. Or so I thought.

So why was it so easy for me to weaken for these people?

In some ways I was telling my conscious that I probably would’ve spiraled into oblivion long ago had I not found Cassie and Holden. But, not having met them, would I have been safer? Not having met me, would they have been safer?

Looking back, up until a few months ago when the Royals came to town, my friends were fine. Maybe it would’ve stayed that way and maybe it wouldn’t but something would’ve changed whether the new pack cam or not.

Eventually the Donnelly pack, the pack that the Royals combined with, they would find out that there was a ‘rogue’ living near them. Of course they’d sniff around for me and even a peek at my school file would send a huge red flag, in the form of my name. When I came to White Chapel I thought I had found my safe haven so I didn’t bother to change my name on my files. Shortly after, I had realized my mistake but it was too late to change it. I hadn’t sweat it a bit until after I found out about the Royals.

In the case that they found me I don’t think that it would be much different than if the Royals found me now except for that possibility that I might be able to lie my way out of it.

As far as I knew, the Donnelly’s temporary Alpha was born into a Beta family so he didn’t have an of the bloodline abilities that a true born Alpha has. In part I’m sure that was what would’ve caused their pack to decline had they not combined but that’s not the point. If their pack had found me out before the Royals came, and tried to interrogate answers out of my, I might have had a chance of lying my way out of it. Whereas now, with Mason’s father and his godforsaken mind reading ability, he would see right through my lies.

Regardless of the ifs and buts, my safe haven wouldn’t have stayed safe forever. Packs would get curious. I would get careless. And either myself or my friends would get hurt. It was unavoidable.

I mean, look at what happened when I got too close. The night of the run in with the grey wolves the twins were almost killed, Riley and Greyson were almost killed, Cassie was almost killed. And it had all been because of me, because of some guys who somehow had caught my scent or something.

That was another thing I hadn’t really thought about in a while, how did they catch my scent?

The leader of the grey pack had talked to Mason about some scent. It was something that I guessed he had been getting since they got here but could never follow. Of course the thought had crossed my mind that it could’ve been mine but the fact that they hadn’t been led to me yet meant that my necklace still worked. If it had been my scent that he and the grey wolves had caught, they’d have me locked up by now.

I guess it didn’t matter. Nothing could change what happened or who I was. My friends would never be safe or live normal lives if I was around.

So I guess that peaked the question, was it worth it?

~*~

Although during the time I’d lived there, White Chapel didn’t get terribly cold, the weather began to warm up more as the days went by. But it wasn’t only the season that seemed to be changing.

After we got my apartment fixed up, or at least enough so that I didn’t feel totally sick looking around, I tried to slowly but surely inch myself away in attempt to get the least amount of blood on my hands when I eventually had to leave.

I had decided that I had overstayed my bounds in White Chapel. It wasn’t safe for me or anyone I loved anymore. I didn’t know where I would be going but I knew that I had to learn from my mistakes and stay away from commitments and anything that could possibly endanger myself or someone close to me.

When I had first thought about leaving, it had been an idea brushed off as rash thinking. Like my mind had been going to the last resort, only in emergencies. But after reading that note and actually seeing the threat I had realized that it was time for a last resort.

The real thing I had been wrestling with was whether or not I should tell Cassie and Holden before I left for good.

On one hand, telling them would give them enough time to adjust and for us to stay goodbye. Being friends for two whole years and going through so much had bonded us so deep that they would not take my plan openly. So giving them time could be a better option than just leaving without saying anything and having them feel insecure about if they were good enough or not…

But my brain was screaming at me that they would be livid and tell Mason that I was leaving. Of course word would get around to Kenzie and Greyson and Riley and then they’d interrogate me or even worse, try to get me to stay.

I had made up my mind. Hadn’t I?

Yes, yes it was the best thing for everyone. Why was it so hard to convince myself of that? I hadn’t even packed a bag yet and was already trying to talk myself out of it.

If I told them they’d have time to say goodbye but they’d tell everyone else and try to get me to stay. If I didn’t then they’d resent me for it. And who knows, maybe they’d try to come after me.

Neither option seemed to end well for me regardless.

I wasn’t planning on leaving so soon though, there were things I had to do in school to graduate a few months early so I would be able to at least try to carry on a life somewhere else.

Just thinking about it was weird. I was prepared for the fact that wherever I went would be different than White Chapel but it didn’t make it any easier to picture myself living anywhere else.

The first step was making sure I had enough money saved to get a new apartment wherever I ended up. I knew I would have to get another job to compensate for living conditions just as I did at the time. I had been picking up extra shifts at the diner to earn a bit more and I had also given up on the thought of replacing my old stuff that was destroyed in the break in. Hopefully Cassie or the others wouldn’t see it as suspicious.

I also had to cut back on the amount of money I spent on food too. Mel had given all the employees a free meal everyday policy so that covered me at least once and I made do for the rest. It would only be for a few weeks. I just had to keep reminding myself of that.

The next step in the process was doing sessions with my teachers after school to make sure I had all the credits to graduate. It was a lot of cramming in information and prepping for big tests I’d have to take but I knew that it was all important. It would be so much easier if I just left but dropping out of high school and not going to college would not get me anywhere. A high school diploma was far better than nothing.

My friends had definitely given me some looks for leaving the group more frequently than I used to but so far they hadn’t confronted me about it. I was just delaying the inevitable.

We were at lunch one day when a certain someone finally said something.

I was finishing up a reading for my AP Gov class at the table while my friends talked and ate leisurely. Sure I had cast a few longing glances at their food but it was nothing that should have given them any suspicion.

Mason slapped his hands on the surface of the table, making everyone jump, “Guys I have to bite first if no one else will. Auden, what the hell is going on with you?” he asked, directing his ever curious gaze toward me.

I looked at him with eyebrows raised, “What are you talking about?”

He shot me a look and met the eyes of the rest of our group who just looked confused, “Am I seriously the only one that’s noticed anything since the break in? You’ve changed and I want to know why.”

“I don’t understand,” Cassie said, looking between me and the black haired boy who was onto me.

“She hasn’t had a lunch in weeks, you pick up double shifts after school and don’t get home until midnight, and everytime I look at you you’re doing some sort of school work instead of talking to us,” he rambled.

“May’s kind of right Auden,” Riley agreed shyly, his slug arm over Cassie’s shoulder. “We never see you outside of lunch and class.”

Greyson nodded, “I mean there’s dedication to school and then there’s obsession. Why don’t you take a break?”

They were all looking at me, eyes of various browns and dark greens making me feel like prey trapped by a predator.

“I’m just as involved in school as I’ve always been, I don’t know what you guys are trying to say,” I denied hoping my acting skills hadn’t waned as much as my trust.

Cassie and Holden traded a glance. Neither of them had said anything, probably having a mental debate about whether they should be suspicious or not as well. I mean they did know me the best.

“I don’t know Auden. You can’t really try to tell us that nothing is different?” Cassie asked hesitantly.

I looked at them with a look of slight disbelief.

“I’m not trying to deny anything,” I said. “I never said I wasn’t different. Sorry that after my home got destroyed for the second time that you thought I wouldn’t be a little different. That’s not my fault.”

Mason shook his head, “That’s not what we’re trying to say,”

“Then what are you trying to say?”

“We’re worried about you that’s all! I don’t think any of your friends here would like to see you get sick from exhausting yourself as much as you have,” He stress the word that had felt like vinegar in my mouth since I made my decision.

Kenzie shared the same looked as her twin, “We just want to make sure you’re okay. We understand that what’s happened the past few months hasn’t been easy, believe us we know. But you shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it.”

Help? That’s what they thought I needed? No what I needed was a life transplant. A place that I could go and a person that I could turn into that didn’t have as much shit to worry about as I did.

“I’m fine. I’ve had a lot of stuff to catch up on and I haven’t had time to make a lunch but I eat at the diner after school-”

“It’s not just today though,” Cassie cut me off. “You don’t eat and it’s starting to show.”

“If you think I’ve got an eating disorder or something then you’re crazy. Just because I don’t indulge indulge myself doesn’t mean I have a problem,” I said, closing my book.

I stood from my seat, “I appreciate the concern but I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me.”

And then I was gone. Again.

~~AUTHOR’S NOTE~~

Guys we’re getting so close to the best parts. I’m so excited! Stay tuned!

Hope you enjoyed!

As always, comment, don’t hate, and read on!

~ you Cheshire Cat loving friend