Whistleblower (PALADIN Book 1)

I’ve had my fair share of dating mishaps. I’ve been embarrassed before…but not like this. I have never so wildly misjudged a situation in my life. Two days ago, I basically begged Linc to kiss me and he literally ran out of my office.

I still don’t understand what I missed. I haven’t dated in the past year—perhaps I’m out of touch with romantic signals. Is squeezing a woman’s knee and slowly trailing your hand up her thigh the new universal sign for not interested?

To make matters more confusing, this morning, when I walked into my office, lying on my desk was a brand-new copy of War and Peace. Linc left a simple note—

For when you make time.

He didn’t even sign it. He didn’t have to. I haven’t talked to anyone else about Dad and my heaping pile of regrets.

“Holy hell,” Cricket groans as she barges into my office, nearly making me jump out of my skin before toppling out of my desk chair. “What a fucking night.”

I am very seriously considering changing my open-door policy to a please-fucking-knock-first policy. One thing I didn’t take into account is how goddamn sneaky the operatives of PALADIN are. Half of their job is to move around undetected and quite frankly it’s like working in a compound full of lurking cats. You never know when one is going to jump out at you.

“Hi Cricket,” I huff, pressing my palm against my still pounding chest.

“Why are you holed up in here reading a textbook?”

Such a pretty face and a beautiful thick head of hair, but as far as what’s rattling around in her head… I have no clue if Cricket truly has a few screws loose, or if she just prefers for people to underestimate her. Maybe this way it makes it easier for her to strike them down, like a lioness toying with her prey.

“It’s fiction. A novel…”

She scoffs. “I’m kidding, love. I know Tolstoy. Why you’re reading it still remains a mystery.”

“I’m not…yet, anyway. It was a gift from Linc. I mentioned something about my dad and he remembered, that’s all.”

Cricket tiptoes over to my couch and curls up, pulling the afghan I brought from home over her. She likes to hide in here for naps from time to time. She says her office is chilly, but I think she likes the company. I don’t mind, especially because Cricket sleeps like the dead. I’ve worked for hours in total silence while Cricket’s drooled on my couch in a deep slumber.

I cross the room and straighten the blanket over Cricket before settling into the chair across from her. The same chair where Linc almost put his lips on mine.

“May I ask you something?”

Cricket lifts her face to look at me, her green eyes looking especially bloodshot today. I want to ask if it’s a hangover, or from a late night at work, but again—it’s best not to ask for the details I don’t want.

“What’s up?”

“Do you guys…date?”

“You mean Linc?” she asks with a smirk.

“Not just Linc—any of you guys. Do you have personal lives outside of PALADIN?”

She’s quiet for an uncomfortably long time. “I’m sorry, forget it,” is almost on my lips when she finally responds.

“PALADIN isn’t just our job, it’s our only family, our entire life. We don’t have anything outside of it which is why most of our relationships are short-lived.” She clamps one eye shut, like there’s something sour on the tip of her tongue. “Do you understand what I mean?”

“Yeah, of course. It makes sense. My dad was much the same. He never remarried after my mom died. He just focused on work…and me.”

“Oh, Bambi,” she tuts. “I’m sorry. He must’ve been lonely.”

“He had me, he said that was enough. Plus, I’m sure he dated, he was just discreet about it. He never brought another woman into our lives. I think my mom was just…kind of incredible, you know? I don’t think he thought love existed outside of her.”

“That’s beautiful,” Cricket says with a lazy smile. I can sense her exhaustion and I feel a little guilty for keeping her awake with this conversation. “I want a man like that. I want to be someone’s one true love.”

“I find it hard to believe you can’t get a man.”

“Oh, I can get a man,” she assures me. “But I said true love. That’s trickier.” She winks. “But by the way, Linc isn’t your dad.”

“What?” I scrunch my brows in response to her awkward inference.

“Linc doesn’t have some long, lost love he can’t replace. I’ve known him for a long time. He’s never been in love.”

“Oh, well, that’s neither here nor there.”

She purses her lips and her forehead crinkles as she examines me. “I didn’t say he couldn’t fall in love, I’m just saying he hasn’t before.”

“Cricket…” I try my best to act indifferent. “It was just a question. Just my nosey curiosity.”

“Okay, nosey,” she says, then blows me a kiss. “Go away. Let me nap.”

I roll my eyes and leave my office, so Cricket can nap.

Here’s the funny thing about being the unofficial HR for a secret band of assassins who work above the law…

I am not above the law.

I still have to abide by the parking rules of the business complex.

I still get a boot clamped on my tire for leaving work at nine o’clock at night when the sign clearly says, “Free Parking Until 6:00 p.m.”

Glaring at the gray, company-issued SUV, I mentally scream, ‘Fuck my life!” I’m stuck. This is the last thing I want to deal with on a Friday evening.

I’m tired.

I’m so tired.

I should’ve paced myself at work, but I ignored good sense and blew well past my limits. My eyes are dry and aching. My back is stiff. My legs are jelly. I just want my bed.

The silver lining is that nowadays I actually have a friend I can call. Sure, I could Uber, but I much prefer Cricket’s company if she’s around.

Me

Are you around by chance? I’m stuck at work. *tire emoji* *boot emoji*

I’ll give it twenty minutes. If she doesn’t text back by then, I’ll call for an Ub—

“Eden.”

The voice comes from right behind me and my phone goes flying. The glass shatters as it collides with the concrete.

“Dammit!” I shriek and throw an accusing stare at Linc. “Why don’t you guys make noise when you walk? It’s freaking supernatural.”

He steps backward, eyes wide. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

Collecting my shattered phone—it’s clear it’s a goner—I press the power button anyway. Nothing. Just a blank, black screen.

I glance at Linc again, he looks worn. I haven’t seen him since Monday in the office. I went to find him twice since then, to thank him for the book and to apologize for basically trying to seduce him, but he’s been out of the compound all week.

His black button-down shirt is untucked and his pants are creased in the upper thighs. It looks like he’s been sitting for a while. Even his normally neat stubble is borderline scruffy. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just got back into town. Callen’s supposed to meet me here.”

“I think I’m the last to leave. You might have to call him.”

He nods. “Car trouble?”

“Boot trouble,” I complain. He looks at my feet first, then realizes I’m talking about the orange metal contraption around my back driver’s side wheel.

“Turn around and cover your ears,” he commands in a mumble before reaching for his holster. “I’ll take it off.”

“Linc! No!” I place my hands against his arms in protest and then immediately rip them back as if I touched a hot stove. I almost forgot for a moment that our last encounter was what could only be interpreted as rejection. He probably doesn’t want me touching him. “You’ll put a hole through my tire.”

“You underestimate me,” he says with a smirk. “I’m a fantastic shot.”

“Well just in case you’re having an off night, I don’t think I have a spare or a jack.”

He raises one brow. “You can change a tire?”

“Of course.”

“Can you change your own oil?”

I scowl at him. “I can add windshield wiper fluid so that counts for something, right?”

Good grief he’s handsome, especially when he laughs. His smile lights up his eyes and I’m mesmerized every time.

“I’d offer you a ride, but my car is incapacitated at the moment.”

“How’d you get here?” I ask, looking around.

He doesn’t offer an answer, instead, he asks, “Can you pop your trunk?”

As I open the trunk of my spacious SUV, momentarily, I’m appreciative of the size. When Callen first showed me the vehicle, I asked him if he thought I was a soccer mom with four kids. That’s the only way I could justify the bus they issued me. I would’ve much preferred a little sedan in the D.C. traffic. Callen said he’d work on a swap but it’s been weeks, and I’m still stuck with my bus.

However, right now, the trunk of the SUV transforms into a makeshift fort. I push the button to flatten the third row and Linc hops in.

“Are you tired?” I ask.

“Exhausted.” He groans in appreciation as he sits, his legs knocking against the bumper. He’s so tall his feet almost touch the ground. He pats the space right next to him. “Join me?”

“You sure?” I cross my arms, trying to be playful, but the question is genuine.

“Yes?” he asks, looking confused.

“Last time we were that close, you bolted from my office. I don’t want to spook you again, especially because you don’t look like you’re in running condition.” What have you been up to Lincoln?

He sighs as he tilts his head to the side. His blue eyes meet mine. “You want another lie?”

Damn, he’s cute. The killer is cute.

“Sure.”

“I haven’t spent the entire week kicking myself for not kissing you. I don’t regret leaving your office like that at all.”

My heart thuds loudly. I’m too old for these butterfly-infused, childish games, but God does it feel good to have a little hope. “Why’d you leave?”

He pats the space next to him again. It’s a clear trade—I sit, he talks. Of course, I oblige, hopping up to sit next to him, I leave a generous chunk of space between us. He’s not satisfied. Jerking his head to the side, Linc invites me to get closer. I feel a little foolish as I shimmy to his side, but I’m rewarded with his large, warm hand on my thigh. The air is brisk tonight, but between my thick denim jeans and Linc touching me, I think I could break a sweat.

“I wanted to get it right,” he says.

“Get what right?”

“Try not to take this the wrong way, but no matter how I say this, you’re going to judge me.”

“I won’t—”

“You will, but I’m going to tell you anyway.” He squeezes my thigh and the sensation that runs up my spine is nearly debilitating. I could melt into him right now. Linc sucks in a deep breath and blurts out, “In the spirit of being honest, I’ve never been with the same woman twice.” He rushes his words like he’s afraid if he waits, he might not say them.

It takes a minute for me to understand what he’s saying. Then, I can’t help it, my jaw drops. “Wait…you mean you’ve only ever had one-night stands?”

“Yes.”

“So, you didn’t kiss me because you thought I wouldn’t be into a one-night stand?” Accurate assumption. I’ve had exactly two hookups like that in my life. I hated it both times—hated myself after.

He turns his head to the side and locks his gaze on me. “No, not at all. The opposite. I was just hyperaware that how I kissed you for the first time might determine if, and when, I got to do it again…and I knew I’d really want to do it again.”

I try—and fail—to keep my breathing steady.

“I uh…” He rubs the back of his neck like he’s in discomfort. “I choked. Even monsters get nervous from time to time.”

“You choked?” Leaning away, I show him my bewildered expression.

He presses his lips together and gives me an unamused expression. “Are you enjoying this?”

I can’t help but giggle. “Thoroughly.”

His hand trails a little further up my leg and I lean in closer, trying to invite his hand to go as far as it pleases. “Eden, I’ve never cared about a first kiss.” His scorching gaze lingers on my lips. “But I do now.”

My mouth waters and for some reason, my nerves dissipate. All I feel is sheer determination. I want this to happen… Right now.

“Okay,” I say, hopping out of the trunk. “I’ll walk you through it.”

He slides down from his perched position as well, eyes and ears piqued with curiosity. “Walk me through it?”

“Sure. There’s nothing to be nervous about if I tell you exactly what to do, right?”

“Bossy, I like it.” Shooting me an innocent look, he holds out his hands like he’s surrendering. “What should I do with these?”

“Wrap them around my waist.”

He immediately follows orders. His hands are so large, it’s like I’m being wrapped in a warm blanket. “How’s this?”

I teeter my head. “A little lower is fine.”

He trails his hands down my lower back, past my hips, and when his hands land on my ass, he yanks me into his body. “Too low?”

“No, perfect.”

“What now?”

Tilting my chin up, I tap the side of my neck. “Start here.”

My knees nearly give out when I feel his soft lips against my neck. All the intrigue, nerves, and questions about Linc have pooled together in a cauldron, making me a witch’s brew of desire.

He plants a sweet kiss on my earlobe and my legs really do go boneless. Feeling me falter, he wraps one arm around my lower back to steady me as he holds me against his body.

I’m pressed so tight against him I can feel his heart beating. It’s almost pounding as fast as mine. Placing my fingertips on his cheek, I turn his head so he’s staring right into my eyes again. The steely gray-blue gems are whispering secrets… He wants me as much as I want him.

“Now what?” he asks.

I flash him a wicked smile. “How about an odd compliment to set the mood?”

His dimples deepen and I’m glad he likes the games. This is the best part—my favorite part. I love the anticipation, the tickles, the nerves…of falling for someone.

He presses his lips against my forehead. Then my cheek…my other cheek…the tip of my nose. When his lips graze my earlobe, he whispers, “Eden, I like you so much, I think I could make love to you.” I snort in laughter and his eyes pop in surprise. “Was that lame?” he asks.

“No, not at all.” In fact, that might be my favorite sentence of all time now. “I just find it ironic, because I think I like you so much, I’d let you fuck me.” I like the way the words shock him, so I add, “Hard.”

He brushes my hair out my face and secures it behind my ear and then his cool, soft lips are on mine. He’s tender, kissing me like I’m delicate. I nearly lose my head as he trails his tongue over mine and he moans into my mouth like I’m quenching his thirst. He presses his hand against my lower back and wedges it below my jeans, past the waistband of my thong. I feel the bulge in his pants growing as he squeezes my bare ass.

“Let’s get out of here.”

“Okay. Where?” he mumbles into my mouth.

“What if—”

Wait. I feel something cool against my stomach like my shirt has dampened, and I’m horrified when I look down.

My white blouse is smeared with blood. I step back to examine myself. There are red spots and streaks rubbed all across my chest and my stomach.

“Linc, you’re bleeding. Are you hurt?”

He eyes me up and down, his face slowly growing pale.

“Linc!” I clap in his face, concerned that maybe he’s bleeding out and is about to faint. There’s no way I can support his size. Maybe just his head? Don’t let it hit the concrete. “Are you okay?” I ask again.

He shakes his head. “It’s not mine.”

Like a plump grape reduced instantly to a raisin, I shrivel inside when I realize what he’s saying. It’s not his blood. I scour his dark shirt. It’s nearly impossible to make out, but now that I’m searching for it, the damp spots are there.

“Fuck,” he says in a hiss. “Eden.” I take another step back, feeling woozy. “It just happened. I didn’t realize—”

Blinding headlights flash in our direction. At first, I think it’s building security, but then Cricket rolls down her driver’s side window.

“You guys okay?” she calls out from a few yards away.

“What’re you doing here, Cricket?” Linc asks, his eyes still fixed on me.

“Bambi texted me, said she was stuck. Her phone has been going to voicemail.”

They continue to talk but my mind is occupied, deducing the situation. The blood still hadn’t dried, that’s why it seeped into my clothes. That means the amount of time between Linc killing someone to Linc kissing me wasn’t even enough time for the blood on his clothes to dry.

What am I doing? I have a hard time killing spiders. What the fuck am I doing?

“Eden, go straight home and take a long, hot shower. Don’t just rinse. Use soap. I’m…sorry.”

I try to force a smile as I shake my head. “It’s fine. Sorry for what?”

He eyes me up and down. “You look fucking terrified.” Okay, so I’m not fooling anyone.

I try to tell him I’m okay, but I start to feel a little woozy as that image from weeks ago pops back into my head. The pool of blood. The headless bodies. The fear in the prisoner’s eyes. What if… Is Linc capable of decapitating someone? I have to focus on breathing and blinking so the entire parking garage stops spinning.

Just move your feet, Eden.

Just get in Cricket’s car.

I collect my purse and the pieces of my phone before closing my trunk door and locking the vehicle.

“I’m going to go home and get cleaned up and…um…you have to meet Callen, right?”

He nods, accepting our moment is ruined. I wish I could tell him it’s okay, but it’s not. It’s not okay. I don’t want to be wondering who died while I’m kissing a man.

Linc looks so wounded. His eyes hit the ground like he’s guilty, and I feel terrible that I’m the source. I’m not this man’s judge and jury. This is who he is. I know what he does and why he does it. He’s not the problem—I am.

I’m weak. I’m sensitive. I’m whatever word means that I will never get used to the reality that killing is his job… That killing is anybody’s job.

“Linc… I… I just…”

He glances at Cricket in the car and then back to me. He closes his eyes as he runs his hand through his hair. “Go. It’s okay. But…” He shrugs, lost for words again. “Again…sorry.”

I nod and take a step towards Cricket’s car, but then turn around. I can’t leave it—him—like this.

“Linc?”

“Yeah?”

“You did perfectly. It was a really good first kiss.” The best I’ve ever had, by far. He lets out a humorless laugh—both our minds are too preoccupied to enjoy the inside joke. “But I don’t think there can be a second.”

“I know.” He nods solemnly. “Goodnight, Eden.”