Where We Left Off

I stared at the open suitcase, studying the garments rolled and crammed into it like some complicated game of Tetris. The nightie lay on the mattress beside the luggage and it mocked me with its pink lace and sheer, billowy fabric. Heath and I weren’t in the spending-the-night-together realm yet. Though it was nearing the end of June and we’d been seeing each other a little over two months, things were moving slowly. Crawling. I couldn’t say I was upset by that because put together, the two of us had way more baggage than the suitcases we had prepared for our trip.

But a girl could dream, right? Or at least fantasize.

I was surprised when he’d asked if he could accompany Corbin and me to Kentucky for Tommy’s birthday. Most people did not willingly sign up for a four-and-a-half-hour flight with a baby in tow. It was a little like electing to have a root canal procedure or an ingrown toenail dug out. Being trapped in a floating prison in the sky with a screaming baby did not make for a relaxing vacation.

And Heath was definitely on vacation. I knew he was a teacher and that he’d have summers off, but I didn’t think I registered what that meant. Summer Vacation Heath was a night owl. Though he never technically “stayed over,” there were many nights that he left my place when it was, in fact, the next morning, the sun creeping up above the dusky horizon. The hour when the only others on the road were paper delivery boys or those finishing up their night shifts and heading home for sleep.

Since Heath didn’t have a job to get to in the morning, he’d push for just one more episode of whatever our current television series binge happened to be, or just one more game of Scrabble or Yahtzee. Which all ended up with us falling asleep on the couch, our arms intertwined, our breaths in sync as we napped away what could’ve been a deep slumber had we headed to the bedroom, instead.

But that hadn’t happened, and from what I could tell, it didn’t seem like it was on the table or his radar. I respected Heath enough not to pry. There was a line he’d drawn for whatever reason, and I wasn’t about to barrel through it just because I happened to find an incredibly flattering piece of lingerie at the mall this week, on sale no less. Maybe I would sneak up to that line, but I wasn’t going to cross it unless he took my hand and led me there.

“Knock, knock!”

Heath’s voice rang out as he traipsed down the hall. My stomach jumped into my throat and I jammed the lingerie into the luggage, shutting it closed with clumsy fingers that weren’t able to manage pulling the zipper all the way around. When he reached my room, his two large hands hooked the doorframe and his eyes popped open. He looked amazing in his V-neck heather gray shirt and low slung jeans, worn in all the right places. The sunglasses shoved to his hairline were a trendy and sexy touch, too.

“Mallory, why are you sitting on your suitcase?” he asked, pulling down his glasses and bringing one of the arms to his mouth to bite it between his teeth. His brow strained. “Did you really overpack that much? We’re only going to be gone for four days.” He came over and bumped me off the luggage with a push from his elbow and settled his glasses into the deep scoop of the neckline on his shirt. “Here, let me help.”

“No!” My assertion flew from me. I struggled to grab the suitcase from him in a playful tug-o-war. “I’ve got it under control.”

Famous last words, Mallory.

Like a bomb of fabric detonating in the middle of my bedroom, the suitcase burst open, my clothing scattering all directions. My socks landed on the dresser. My jeans, a heap on the rug. And my nightie was now a scarf, flung unceremoniously around Heath’s neck.

“What’s this?” He pulled at a thin strap. When the lingerie fell from his shoulder and its form became recognizable, his face went white. “Oh. Oh, God. I’m sorry.”

I yanked the nightie from his frozen hands and balled it into mine. “It’s nothing. Just pajamas. Didn’t you pack pajamas?”

Heath was still unmoving. “Yeah, yeah. My Superman ones.” There was a shallow quiver in his voice. “Those are not footsie pajamas, Mallory. And here, all, this time, I’d thought you wore a gigantic onesie to bed.”

“So is that the reason why you’ve never joined me in my bed?”

Even if I’d tried, I wouldn’t have been able to stop that question from vomiting out from my mouth. It had been held there for so long, just hanging out and waiting to fly forth when given any hint of permission. Heath hadn’t been ready for it, though, and a look of sheer shock coated his features.

“Wha—what?” He added an extra syllable as he floundered. “Um, no. I mean, I don’t know. It’s complicated, Mallory.”

“Of course. Isn’t everything.” I was tired of the runaround, of using the guise of life’s challenges to keep us from what we really wanted.

“Most things, yes.” Sensing my disappointment, Heath strode closer and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me to him with a tug. “My feelings, however, are not. I love you, plain and simple. Do I want to see you in that?” He nodded toward the discarded garment that lay on the floor. “Hell yes. More than you could possibly know. Do I hope that happens soon? Absolutely.”

I didn’t understand the hesitation, in that case. The cautious way he held off.

“So?” I needed to draw more out from him.

“So …” He lifted a hand and rubbed the back of his neck while he looked down at the floor. “Here’s the thing. If I’m going to have you, I need to know that I have you … forever.”

My ears rang. “Oh.”

He shrugged in the most innocent way. “Yeah.”

“Yeah,” I echoed, still gaping.

“I don’t want to lose you, Mallory. If I make love to you and you end up leaving me, it’ll just be another piece of you to lose. I can’t do that. I wouldn’t be able to move on from that.”

“Why are you so certain I’m going to leave? Why can’t you just trust that I’m going to stay?”

“Because I have trust issues,” he said with a laugh. “Clearly.”

I bent down to collect the clothing from the floor.

“But trust me,” Heath continued. “I will see you in that.”

I wasn’t sure if a full body flush was a real thing, but mine was currently evidence of it. “Maybe I bought it for myself?” I teased.

With all the cockiness in the world, Heath snatched the piece of lingerie from my hands and shoved it into his back pocket as he headed toward the door. Then, without even looking back, he called out, “This is mine and you know it. Just like you are.”

“This is your captain speaking. We’ll be beginning our gradual descent into Louisville. If you can please return your seats to the full and upright positions, as well as your tray tables into the seatbacks in front of you, we will prepare for landing.”

I blinked through bleary eyes, the stale airplane air having dried them shut. Stretching the stiffness from my shoulders, I looked over to the seat next to me and saw the best sight in the world. The one thing I could wake up to every day for the rest of my life.

There, in seat E6, were my two favorite people, cuddled together and fast asleep. Heath’s chest rose under Corbin’s cheek with each content and peaceful breath, and the drool that pooled under Corbin’s parted and pouty lips spread onto the pocket of Heath’s V-neck, soaking the fabric. But they were oblivious to it all. Heath had two protective arms draped loosely around my son, and Corbin had one hand pressed to the hollow of Heath’s neck. I stared at them, wanting to cry.

This could be my future, I thought. This could be our future.

I didn’t get too long to play it out in my mind as the plane suddenly hit a pocket of air, throwing the jet up with a bounce that awoke the larger of the two passengers.

Heath smacked his mouth, his tongue tacky. “Mornin’,” he crooned, his eyes still slivers as he fought the glare of light from inside the cabin.

“Night, technically.”

With a hand to Corbin’s small back to steady him, Heath dragged the other across his eyes to pull the leftover sleep from their gaze. “How long did we sleep?”

“Pretty much since the pilot told the crew to prepare for takeoff.”

Heath slumped in his chair. “I’m so sorry, Mallory. I make a crappy travel partner.”

“Are you kidding me?” I said. “You do realize this is the only peaceful plane ride I’ve had since Corbin’s birth, don’t you? I read SkyMall cover to cover five times, in complete and wonderful silence.”

“Did you buy me any of those wineglass holder necklaces? You know, the lanyard kind?”

I chuckled. “I did not.”

“Shoot, no hands-free wine for me.” Heath pouted his bottom lip out, then glanced down. “Looks like this little guy will be up all night, huh?”

Corbin remained nestled to Heath, unaware of the bustling around him as the plane touched ground and passengers began unbuckling their seat belts and moving about the cabin.

“That huge nap, along with the time change, is definitely going to throw him off.”

Even when Heath handed Corbin to me so he could pull our carry-ons from the overhead bins, my boy didn’t stir. I slipped into the aisle and followed Heath as we departed the plane. Crowds of people scurried around us, the commotion of travel alive with noise.

“Hungry? I could use a Cinnabon.” Heath’s gaze scanned the terminal and he rubbed his stomach in circles. “You?”

“Absolutely.”

Heath got us our sugary treats as I called Nana to let her know we’d landed. She and Tommy had just pulled up to the airport entrance and she said they’d make a few extra loops while we waited for our luggage at baggage claim.

We strapped Corbin into a baby carrier on Heath’s chest and I couldn’t stop looking at the two of them, how Corbin’s little legs dangled and kicked playfully, and how Heath would unconsciously grab and squeeze them as we walked through the terminal.

I’d been in love with Heath before, and certainly loved him now, but this time I fell. Hard. It was the soul grabbing, twisting, crushing intensity that made me feel like I could burst or shatter or explode. Like I needed to stop everyone in this crowded airport and shout at the top of my lungs how much I loved this man standing next to me. Adored him.

I didn’t do that, of course. Instead, I gently slipped my hand into his, and when he looked over to me, I smiled and it felt like the same gesture. I could see in his eyes that he knew, and that was all I needed.

I just needed him to know.