When they touch me (Shelagh Milano)

Chapter 39 Artemisia

"What's with her?" He asks me, and I curse myself as I see the green sprinkles in his eyes disappearing.

As he seems to perceive the change in the atmosphere, I'm disappointed to see how fast he adapts to it.

He loses his flirtatious demeanor swiftly and replaces it with his usual caring worry for me.

I should have known. Matthew is always like this, and I should have known that he would immediately react like this.

I should have taken the chance and explained everything to him in bed.

After getting some steam off.

At least I would have been executed with a pleasurable memory on my skin.

Clearing my throat, I pull my hand back, making him look at me even more worried. "Is everything alright?"

"Uh-huh," I answer, trying to force a smile.

After taking a big gulp of my wine, I start telling him the same things I told Fynn in the hospital.

I recite them like I was about to rip off a band-aid.

Holding my head low, afraid to see the same rage in his eyes that I saw in Fynn's, I go through everything again.

His tension wafts over to me when I reach the part of Rick rejecting me, and I can nearly feel his pain as I tell him about my wolf being mean to me.

Clenching my eyes closed, I breathe through the entire time as I empty my heart out to him as if it were some painful medical procedure.

But as my heart and mind goes constantly back to my recollection of Fynn's reaction, I feel it even harder to tell everything as I'm waiting for his reaction panicky.

Or even his immediate rejection.

"This is all," I say, ending my rambling with a deep sigh. "And I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you sooner. But trust me if I tell you that it wasn't some kind of scheme on my side, I was just afraid of you all rejecting me."

Taking another deep breath, I lay my hand on my chest. "I didn't think I would survive it. And I was scared of all the consequences that would come with that."

He continues to look at me silently, while his worried expression has slightly morphed into something else.

And even if it is not that raw rage that Fynn showed me, I don't like it.

At all.

The gears in his head turn nearly audibly as he glares at me before he finally finds the words to speak.

"Why would you say something like this?" He asks, making me look at him agape.

I try to make sense out of the question, but I can only guess what he might be referring to.

His worry has now disappeared completely from his face while he changes into his Gamma-mode, examining every little expression of mine.

I'm quite taken aback by this demeanor of his, as I usually see him as a cute teddy bear. And not like a beast that is ready to swallow me whole any minute.

"What?" My brain is too slow to form an eloquent answer to keep up with his question, and he shifts in his seat.

"Why would you apologize while swearing on the fact that it wasn't a scheme on your part?" He repeats, grimacing.

Rubbing my hands together, I clamp them between my knees as if wanting to get rid of the coldness that he is sending through my heart that goes on distributing it further through my body. "So that you know that I didn't want to trick you into something. That I didn't want to play you." "Why would you think that? Why would you guess that I must be thinking that?" He scoffs, his eyes shooting daggers at me. "Did you think of using it as a scheme before?"

"No," I shout. "Of course not!"

Shaking my head, I gulp, wanting to push down the lump forming in my throat. "I was afraid because there were certain rumors about you and your pack."

"I can imagine," he snorts, making me glare at him.

"Matt!" I exclaim, my desperation growing.

He shakes his head as he rolls his eyes. "And you were so convinced of your 'oh, so wonderful and perfect pack' that you wouldn't ever have a chance to show you otherwise. Don't worry, I get it."

"No!" I protest quickly but close my eyes as I am too fast to answer. "I mean, yes, of course. You certainly have the idea of your pack being the best and perfect as well, right?"

He lifts his brow at me, as my shoulders slump. "Right?"

"I don't know what you want me to tell you, Missy." He sighs, throwing his napkin on his plate. "I didn't think anything about your pack as it came to you. I just wanted to be with my mate. But maybe it is different for you because you have no wolf."

I gasp audibly at the impact his words have on me. It feels like a hard hit into my stomach and my insides turn, making me want to empty my stomach onto the romantically decorated table.

I would never have thought that it could blow up into my face if I told him.

Matthew was actually my last chance of getting at least one of them on my side.

But I should have known.

They do not care about weakness.

This is why their pack members are all so happy and cult-like unburdened.

They are the strongest in the Northern Hemisphere.

And would all cringe at a mate without a wolf.

Without exception.

'You are worthless to them,' Cassy sneers, shooting tears into my eyes.

"I'm being serious. It's all new to me, and my pack had these prejudices regarding your pack. Now I can see that it's all total bullshit. But before seeing and realizing all this I was very afraid!"

Taking a deep breath, I add pleadingly. "I just wanted to tell you because it is right that you know. I will tell Logan and Cayden as soon as I get the chance to as well. I understand if you are disappointed and mad at me. And I'm so sorry!" He stares at me for another heartbeat, but for me, it seems like an eternity.

"What about Fynn?" He asks, his face expressionless.

"Huh?" I blink, making him groan.

"What about Fynn?" He repeats himself. "Does he already know?"

I think about lying to him shortly but eventually nod, making him exhale distressed.

"I told him in the hospital," I answer lowly, and he nods repeatedly while pinching his bottom lip.

"Did he react like an asshole?" He asks, a strange tone in his voice.

I scrunch my nose, shrugging. "If you want to put it like this... Yes, he was really mean."

"Okay," he breathes out and pushes his chair back to get up. "Okay."

I watch him pass me and re-enter my bedroom while my heart breaks.

Cassy is laughing hysterically while I feel myself tear up.

I don't know how much more I can take.

"Matthew!" I call for him while I skyrocket out of my seat.

Throwing my napkin onto the table, I don't know what actually gets me to react like this instead of just staying in my seat in shame and letting go of my tears depressingly, but I can't seem to do otherwise. I can't lose him as well.

Not my Matthew.

As soon as I stumble back into my bedroom, I halt in my tracks shocked.

Matthew is standing there and is looking at me with his head tilted.

His hands are in his pockets as his eyes rake over me, and I take a few steps closer towards him slowly even if my brain screams at me to run the other way.

Cassy fell silent and is now as curious to see his intent as I am.

My heart beats painfully against my rib cage as I wait for him to move or to insult me, and it takes him an eternity to do so.

"Do you want me to reject you, mate?" He asks me, sending a shudder down my spine.