What Memory Remains

Zenapharr gazed into the mirror, still awestruck at how completely different his face looked. He gently traced his hand over his cheek, jawline, and neck. It seemed so surreal to look back at a different person. The train shook a bit on the track, and he held on to the sink for balance. Thinking back on the last year, he thought of how different things were. He was on yet another mission , blissfully unaware of how shrouded his past was. Now here he was, riding with his brother whom he’d thought died years ago to repay a favor for the man who had saved their lives.

“Never simple,” he muttered as he straightened himself.

Making his way back to the car, his eyes skimmed over the people wandering about the train. They barely glanced over him, and it felt so strange to know people looked right at him and hadn’t the faintest idea who he really was. A man at a drink station nodded at him, and he returned it. He reached up reflexively and touched his ears and thinking how strange it was for them to be shorter and rounded. The most prominent feature he had as a half-elf were his ears, and it saddened him a bit to be reminded that a part of him was lost.

Returning to the train car, he found Sade fast asleep which irked him. Feeling a bit of joy in it, he slammed the boxcar door shut loud enough to wake him. Sade jerked awake and almost fell out of his seat in the process. Zenapharr chuckled, only to have his brother toss a coin at his head in anger. Sade only got angrier as the Seraphim caught the coin and tossed it lightly back to him.

“Why was that necessary?” Sade huffed, putting his coin back.

“If it was necessary brother , it wouldn’t have been any fun.”

“Scalawag. How much longer have we got before we arrive?”

“Only an hour and half or so. Glad one of us is getting any sleep, though.”

“So that’s why. You can’t sleep?”

“Not really. Not since my escape--”

“Leave out the ‘e’ word, okay? Everywhere we go, we’re going to see a bounty for your return to jail. I still have to think of an excuse for why I just happened to leave a week after your escape. Siren and Minerva are even working together on this one.”

“I thought they hated each other.”

“Normally, but considering your magical prowess, they needed the help of someone with any magical talent available to assist in your capture. May the Creator help us if they have any clairvoyants working with them.”

“It’s going to take them a while to find someone with adequate enough power. That’s the ironic nature of a continent that hates magic. You create a group of people who specialize in magical law enforcement, only to realize you need to learn to use magic to fight magic. Clairvoyant magic is the most difficult of them all, so they’re going to pull in resources from Latheria. Imagine how easy that’ll go considering they both thought they were going to decimate each other not long ago.”

“….point taken. At any rate, I can’t but feel paranoid. I’m shocked I’ve slept any.”

“Well there’s an easy solution if you’re worried about getting your immunity taken away.”

“What’s that?”

“Stay with me after this. Imagine…two long lost brothers reunited and going on adventures—“

“No.”

“Why? Don’t you want to make up for all those years? I mean, look at the hell we’ve been through. I think you deserve some traveling time.”

“I’ve traveled plenty in my life already. So have you.”

“But this is different, Sade. We’re not acting on orders, just doing our own thing. Mercenaries for hire, who can choose what tasks they want to take on. You said you wanted to do it yourself.”

“I did but…things have changed.”

“Care to elaborate?”

“Zenapharr, I…..I’m engaged.”

“You’re what?”

“I’m engaged. Remember the elven girl who took care of me at Priotus? I went back to see her. With all that was going on, I needed someone to talk to. Anyway, we’ve been spending alot of time getting to know each other and....we love each other. Ever since I came back to check on you, I’ve written her letters every day. We’re arranging a marriage.”

“Wow….I had no idea. That’s….exciting.”

“It is , isn’t it?’

Sade smiled, imagining his new life with his bride beside him. He waited for Zenapharr to respond, but his brother only looked away.

“ Zenapharr?”

“What?” The edge in his reply was all Sade needed.

“What’s wrong? Are you not happy I’m getting married?”

“It’s just….I just got you back, after all these years. I don’t want to lose you again.”

Sade crossed the car and put his hand on his brother’s shoulder.

“I want you to understand something, Zen. Me getting married…this changes nothing between you and I. Your new identity is full-proof. As far as other people are concerned, you’re my ‘new friend.’ I want you to be welcome in our home anytime. This is not me starting a new life and leaving you behind.”

“So why does it feel like it?”

A silence hung in the air before Zenapharr continued.

“I want to believe you, brother I do. It’s just that your plans have already changed. We were going to travel together, making up for lost time. What else is going to change? I don’t have anything against the idea of you getting married but, what if it changes you. I don’t want someone else to compete with.”

“Compete? Really? You think that’s how it is? Look, I know this is hard for you and I’m sorry for all that’s happened. As far as I’m concerned, NOSRAD is responsible for all those people you killed. There was nothing wrong with you before that Injection. We will make up for lost time, brother I swear it. There are always trips we can make together throughout the year. You can even live with us until you figure out…”

“I couldn’t do that.”

“Either way, the invitation is open. We will have our time. I was very reluctant to do this with you now, but I’m doing it. Do you realize what I’m putting at stake? I could be interrogated the moment I arrive home. That could make things more complicated for me, but I’m willing to do that for you. Do you understand?’

“I think so…I’ll try anyway.”

“Good to hear. Besides, I’ll need a best man at my wedding.” At this, Sade nudged Zenapharr’s arm.

“Better start looking, then.”

A grin crackled ever so slightly, and Sade chuckled.

“So, tell me again, Zen—“

“Brien, that’s the name you gave me. Wouldn’t want to let it slip around the wrong people.”

“Okay, Brien….why is finding this buried treasure of Luke’s so important? How do we even know it’s still there?”

“First of all, it’s in a remote location so there’s no way someone could just stumble upon it. Second…I’m not sure. You ever get that feeling that you have unfinished business, or like you’re forgetting something? It’s like that just…more important. I feel like we owe it to him…he did save us anyway. Hmmm.”

“What?”

“It’s odd, saying that made me think of how I kept hearing the words ‘you can only save yourself.’ It was said exactly like that. From the Shade, from Alice, even the Seraphim said it. Perhaps it’s some kind of prediction?”

“Well, that’s an easy one. It’s talking about the hold they had on you. The Seraphim…it possessed and controlled you, but in the end it was you that broke free. Just you.”

“Yeah….perhaps that’s it. I just….I just wish I could have—“

“I know what you’re going to say, so stop it right now.”

“….but there must have been—“

“I said ‘stop’! We both did everything we could to save that girl. It simply wasn’t her fate.”

“It wasn’t her fate, how can you make that so simple? Just believe that, and all will be well?”

“The most powerful realizations in life are the most simple. You can’t change fate, it simply is. And even if you tried to…the universe knows what you’d do and that outcome was already slated. Don’t you see? Just because you didn’t know you would change your mind doesn’t mean nothing else knew that you would.”

“So you’re saying that everything has a pre-determined path, and nothing can change it?’

“Exactly.”

“What about Alice’s visions of the future? We changed that, didn’t we?”

“ I think that is different. If her visions truly were the future, they would happen regardless of what we did. What she was able to see were the possible outcomes, which is entirely different.”

“I suppose…but we still changed something, didn’t we?”

“Perhaps, but the control of our future is nothing but an illusion. The universe and the One who created it, know everything just as an author knows the beginning and end of his story. No matter what the characters do, it is predetermined by someone who orchestrates and knows how it all ends.”

“Never thought of it that way before…so what is the point of Alice’s death? What does it mean in all this?”

“I don’t know, Zenapharr. But I can tell you this…you’re asking the wrong question.”

“So what’s the right one?”

“You should be asking yourself how you can use her death for good. How you can try to take something tragic and terrible, and turn it into something good, unselfish, and beautiful. You know, there’s an obvious example in our own lives. Do you think Mother died in vain, just a coincidence? I don’t think so. Mother’s death remained in your memory for a reason.”

“And what was that?”

“To strengthen you. To help you fight the urges that tainted Seraphim blood gave you. How many times did you see Alice and see yourself in her?”

“Every time.”

“That’s right. And it made you look out for her interests.”

“It wasn’t completely unselfish, though. I wanted the same thing as her.”

“A normal life…a family.”

“Maybe that’s why I want to marry so badly…to feel normal. Esepcially after knowing my whole childhood was…..”

“Yeah, I get it.”

An awkward silence filled the air before Sade spoke again.

“Speaking of childhood, my memories have started coming back.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. That brainwashing I went through really did me in. Once I read about it, I tried to remember something about you and I as kids, but nothing came. It was like a fog settled in my brain. It even hurt…all I could think about was those false memories they implanted. Remember when Vera had control of me at the facility when you were possessed by the Seraphim?”

“Barely, but yes.”

“Well she had to take over my mind to overcome that codephrase she used, and when she was inside my head I think she did something. Ever since that day, more and more true memories have been coming back. And something struck me recently.”

“What’s that?”

“You were supposed to receive the Injection before me.”

“What?”

“It came in bits and pieces but…I caught on to the fact that mom wasn’t sick. I knew they had done something to her…and knew they would do the same to us. You were too young to notice it all but, I was very suspicious of what Dr. Pennington was doing. So one night, I pretended to be sick and attacked one of the guards. We got so close to escaping…but they caught up to me. They were so angry at what I did….that was when they decided to move me to the other facility.”

“I don’t remember any of that…”

“Not surprising. They said they would do some memory repression on you as well, not to mention the Injection itself has effects on memory too. How villain-like, explaining all their evil plans before they do something horrid to me.”

“You….tried to save me…and went through hell because of it all.”

“Of course…it’s what family does.”

Zenapharr said nothing, but Sade saw the warmth in his brother’s eyes, and it told him everything he needed to know…

Hours later, Sade and Zenapharr congregated at a short brick wall in a wide open field, seemingly in the middle f nowhere.

“I need another drink,” Zenapharr reached out his callused hand to Sade. He was handed a tin canteen of water to which he gulpe down.

“Slow down, Zen. I know it’s hot, but you don’t want to get sick out here.”

“No, it’s (gasp) not that. I mean, I’m hot it’s just…I’m thirsty like this anyway. Heat just made it worse. How close are we?”

“Very. I just hope it’s wide enough. Dig a foot too much to the right or left and—“

Ironically, he was interrupted by the metal-on-metal-clang of Zenapharr’s shovel.

“Thank Heavens….I was going to have to take over for you soon.”

“Oh shut up and help me get this out.”

Zenapharr and Sade furiously brushed the dirt off what soon showed to be a metal lid. Together, they pried a tin box from the ground and wiped all remaining dirt for a better look.

“Nothing ornate or special about it, is there?”

“Sure isn’t. Shall I do the honors?”

“Certainly.”

Zenapharr procured a small metal key and unlocked the padlock. Upon opening, they found a considerable stack of Nostromian bills. They looked at each other, not believing how much that Luke had put aside.

“This would set you for life 5 times over,” Sade marveled. “I’ll give NOSRAD one thing, they paid well at least.” This turned Zenapharr’s gaze. “Okay, okay I didn’t mean it.”

They shuffled through the money for a moment longer when something flat and white caught Zenapharr’s eye. He plucked it out of the pile and looked over two pieces of paper clipped together. The one in front was hand-written script that said “I’ve always had this with me, but I don’t know where it came from. Somehow I know it’s very important. Perhaps whoever finds this can make sense of it.” Zenapharr looked it over again and checked the back but there was no further writing.

The second piece of paper was noticeably older and worn. Despite it’s very faded writing, there was something very familiar about it to Zenapharr.

“Sade….does this remind you of anything?”

“Err….no I don’t think so.” He leaned in and squinted.

“It’s hard to place but…I think I’ve seen this before. I wish it wasn’t so faded though. From what I can read though, it’s instructions…..for some kind of device.”

“Where do you see that?”

“It’s right here.”

He pointed to a small group of symbols, and Sade raised his eyebrow.

“You can actually read that? Like in words you understand?”

“Yeah, can’t you?”

“No, those are symbols I’ve never seen before.”

“Really? That is most odd.”

Forgetting momentarily about the money, they studied and puzzled over the parchment.

“Wait….I know where I’ve seen that.”

“Where?”

“The letter….that letter you wrote me when you went after Vera and Krane.”

“What are you talking about? You could read my letter just —”

“No, not that part! The symbols behind what you wrote! Something was taking over you , and there was all those symbols and what seemed like gibberish….I think it was an actual language! And for some reason, you can read it now.”

“Think it has something to do with the knowledge that Seraphim tempted me with? I thought it might have been taken away. “

“Sounds plausible. Maybe some of it stayed behind, like an imprint.”

“Maybe but…that’s impossible ….how could it be the same letter?”

“ Perhaps it’s not but….maybe we could do more for Luke than before. Apparently he had no idea why he had this. If you could decipher the meaning of it all, maybe we could get some closure. I think that would do more for his ex-wife than a pile of money.”

“I don’t know, Sade. If he meant to give them the money, I’d hate to…”

“I’m not saying we’ll keep it. We can just hold on to it for now. Until we can find more answers.”

“How?”

“I still have that letter you wrote! If it’s the same….and I’m not sure how it could be….you could decipher the entire thing and maybe get some answers.”

“Sade, I don’t know. I just want to get the money to her and…”

“You wanted to spend more time together, right? Well this is it! Luke wanted to give his wife something that mattered, which to him was taking care of her. We could do even more by figuring this out! If it leads to nothing, we’ll just give her the money anyway. What do you say?”

“I see why you became an agent now. Can’t back down from an intriguing case.”

“Never could.”

“ I suppose….but I’m sleeping on the way back.”