Wedding Day Massacre

The event was worth crashing just for the reward of the booze alone. Cindy was considering blowing off the evening altogether until Paula convinced her that she would never be forgiven.

“Taylor would’ve found a way to get you back. Skipping out when she made you a part of the wedding is a cardinal sin. One that you would have lived to regret forever,” explained Paula.

“Nobody needs me. Stupid formalities. You’re a fucking bridesmaid too. She would’ve had one still,” Cindy replied, glancing behind the bar again.

She argued but knew Paula was right, which was why she ultimately showed up. Cindy didn’t want to rock the boat and, in turn, have a vindictive little bitch like Taylor scanning endlessly for the next window of revenge.

Taylor was incredibly talented at finding ways to ruin special things if motivated to. Even though it was a hangover, not some malicious intent that was squashing her desire to attend the reception, none of that mattered. There were no excuses with a girl like Taylor, this is how “friends” in their circle thought—in a cycle of fear.

Thankfully, she was glad she’d come. Not just for the alleviation of any ill will, but also the open bar and overall epic presentation of the event. After two drinks, the harsh troubles of the prior night’s alcohol poisoning had vanished and she was on her way to two nights in a row! She threw back the entire cosmo in a single gulp and batted her eyes at the bartender, as if showing off her swallowing technique.

“I’d fuck the shit outta him,” Cindy confided in Paula without filter.

“What does that phrase even mean? I never really understood it or took a moment to think about it. Is it implying that you’d fuck long enough to actually shit yourself?”

“It’s a great question, I think it’s about making the other person shit themselves though. Fucking the shit out of yourself would have to be a solo effort but, to your point, I’ve had some marathons in my heyday and never had a guy shit for me.”

“Me neither…”

“Should it feel a little disheartening? Because that’s kinda what I’m getting now… Are we just another couple of inadequates?” Cindy’s joke was just that. They both shared a roaring laugh for a tick, yet somehow, a smarting melancholic feeling of insufficiency legitimately began creeping into the atmosphere.

“So, let’s place our bets, what’s the expiration date on this thing? It already smells a little funky to me and it hasn’t even started yet,” Cindy asked, feeling it was best to swap the subject.

“Well, I think seeing that throughout this entire ‘relationship’ Taylor has nailed more wood than a carpenter, I’d give it six months. Seven tops. Is that fair?” Paula asked.

“Absolutely. Great minds think alike,” Cindy said, knocking the edge of her glass a little harder than she needed to into Paula’s.

Cindy took a big gulp of the drink and made a sound of elation before continuing. “That should be just enough time for her to get some money. I mean, look at this fuckin’ guy, he’s not her type. It doesn’t make any sense. He’s so nice and plain, she’ll fucking ruin him.”

“She already screwed it up with Don, he was no idiot. He knew exactly what she was up to. When that talk of a prenup started, she bailed with the quickness. I guarantee she gets her money this go around though,” Paula surmised.

“See, here’s the weirdest thing though. I think Sebastian is even smarter than Don was… I mean, he knows she’s never around. He knows she’s up to no good. If you’re aware of that, why would you attach yourself to someone who’s such an obvious pitfall?”

“I don’t know, maybe he’s just not the jealous type? Love can make people do some crazy shit, but more than likely it’s because Taylor gives stupendous deepthroat and has a really nice ass.”

“And a perfect tan…” Cindy continued, letting more than a smidge of jealousy surge.

“How does that bitch get her teeth so white? That smile…” Paula’s disgust was an obvious self-reflection.

“She really does, I mean, look at her,” they both paused for a moment, admiring the rear of her tight dress that made her figure pop. Then they moved onto the other checkmarks of sexiness that they’d just mentioned. Taylor was simply stunning, and the resentment amongst her girls was real.

As she clawed at Sebastian’s tux seductively and they kissed, Cindy couldn’t help but wonder aloud, “Why are we friends with such horrible people?”

“Because being around awful people makes us feel better about ourselves, you know this. Plus, it’s a lot more entertaining. Being good just isn’t any kind of fun…”

The bartender set a couple of fresh drinks in front of them and flashed his ridiculously perfect dimples for a quick second. “Drink up, I’m sure you already know, it’s all on the house. If you get thirsty again, I’m your guy, I’ve got anything that the two of you beautiful girls want.”

Paula and Cindy each set their empty glasses down and took hold of their new ones. Paula looked back to the attractive drink pourer, “I guarantee we’ll be back, handsome. Maybe it’ll be for more than just drinks next time…” Paula took Cindy by the hand and led her away.

“Where are we going? We’re right where we need to be,” Cindy wined but still slowly complied with the direction.

“Let’s just go to the table for a few minutes, it looks like they’re finally bringing out the food.”

“But I legit think he could be the guy…”

“Who?”

“The one that finally shits for me,” Cindy said, no longer joking.

Paula scrunched up her face as they closed in on their seats, “How romantic.”