We, who Survived

I did not bother trying to socialize with Hawk. Did not even bother leaving our new bedroom when Fern told me they were going hunting. I just pulled the smoke-scented blanket closer to my chin and wished them good luck with the hunt. Fern did not ask anything, only made sure I was comfortable and kissed my lips then left, closing the door halfway.

For once, since it happened, I was left alone with my thoughts. No Fern or Gem to distract me from the flood of horror-filled memories wanting to be seen. Just me and the chain holding back those awful thoughts.

When I eventually dragged myself out of bed, it was to start the fire and add more to my journal.

As I drew the serpent that killed poor Brandon, I let my mind wander over the course of time our walk took to get to the Trident base. How could I have been so blind towards Spark’s actions? Why did no one try to warn me about his feelings? Then there were the times he kissed me, held me or slept next to me. I thought it all was chalked up to me being in a fragile state and he did not want me to get hurt.

I blamed it all on that, me choosing to push his emotions to the side, not even thinking that he could like me that way. But when Fern came into the picture, I could easily see his feelings, his want to be with me. Though, he made it very clear from the beginning with the way he talked and treated me.

Maybe me leaving Spark involuntary made him go crazy? I couldn’t really remember after Fern pulled Spark off me and we ended up leaving the room, but I sensed he regretted it or felt that what he did was wrong. Well, I hoped he did because he would never have a friendly relationship with me again. Hell, Fern would not let him come anywhere near me for sure. But I wanted him to see how strong he made me and how weak he would become with the guilt.

“Please hurry back Fern...”

By the time the brothers returned, the rain was heavy against the closed shutters. Gem had returned a few minutes before and was licking herself clean by the fire. Parish had never left, choosing to cuddle against my leg when I made myself comfortable by the fire. I had finished up on both my encounter with the serpent and its terrifying drawing, only staring into the fire helped remind me of the events and screams.

Hawk was set to getting our food ready while Fern sat behind me so I could lean back on his chest. He had taken my journal and was reading the latest entry, his chin resting on my shoulder.

“Oceania Reptilica,” Fern said out of nowhere, his thumb tracing the drawing. “That’s what the serpent’s name is. Our ancestors say it came out from the water when it was year two of being left on New Earth.”

“The fourth day of us walking to the base we unknowingly walked into one’s territory. Carly’s beet friend paid for our ignorance,” I said softly, taking his hand and running my finger across the lines in his palms. “It was the day after the Crawler bit me. We thought our trip would have no other blips in it.”

“You’re lucky it was only one. Reptilica like to stay in pairs since they mate for life,” Hawk commented, making me press myself into Fern’s chest. “That or the Beary.”

“What is a Beary?” I asked, lacing my fingers with Fern’s.

“They only inhabit our valley and the one over. A Beary is an evolved bear with the hide of an armadillo covering its back as well as a long-armoured tail that helps it hang from trees. They hunt both on the floor and in the trees, mostly tending to strike from above, jumping and tearing their prey into pieces,” Hawk explained, looking curiously at me as he handed me two bowls of stew.

“How did it get its name?” I took the bowls hesitantly, giving one to Fern.

“The first person to be killed by one was called Barry but his wife misspoke his name and shouted Beary. After that, the Beary was born. It can be as fearsome as it is sometimes stupid,” Fern answered, lifting the bowl to his lips and drinking. I followed, enjoying the warmth it flooded my body with.

The conversation slowly petered out after that. There was no need to ask any more questions about strange animals and their strange names. No need to talk to Fern but to enjoy his body being around mine. And there was no need or want to converse with Hawk. It was a comfortable silence that I had no want in breaking.

When I did get up, it was to go for a bath with Fern. Hawk said he would be going to bed. I didn’t care, it made me stop worrying about where he would be. I could enjoy my bath with my hot boyfriend. After that, Fern massaged my back while I lay on my stomach, making it click in several places. The bed was a simple platform lifted up on thick timber legs, the mattress nothing but a hide drawn tight over gentle wooden struts underneath. With extra furs that we had brought with us, it was not so bad, though it was not as good as the one back in the village.

Yawning, I stretched and turned onto my side to gaze up at Fern. He looked tired, black circles underneath his eyes and an exhausted grin on his lips. Folding my arms under my head, I attempted to grin back in a way that said I was okay.

“Can you hurry up and lie down so we can cuddle?” I mumbled, pouting. Fern chuckled then did as I asked, his arms coming around my waist and pulling me flush against him. I cupped his cheek and pecked his lips before getting comfortable and closing my eyes. Fern blew out his candle no doubt awkwardly, hugging me to him.

We did not have to say anything, we both knew what the other would have said anyway. With that, we fell into a peaceful sleep or for Fern that is.

The flashbacks were stronger at night, faster than slower to remind me of every single detail. How Spark smelt, the words he said, the feeling of him entering me. Then Fern coming in with Zed and Jacob. The amount I cried, how my body felt like it was being burned. How I hated it, wanted it to stop, couldn’t make it stop...

I gave up on sleep at some time in the morning, deciding to untangle myself from Fern and leave the room. The main room allowed dim light through the cracks in the shutters, sending the room into a grey glow. Opening the door, I walked out onto the deck and leaned against the railing.

The valley below me was pooled with mist, the cool temperature making me shiver in delight. I hadn’t come out here alone before and now I was chiding myself for not doing so sooner. It was so beautiful in its serene frozen state. It was too early, no birds chirped and no forest creatures grazed nearby on the hills exposed from the misty waves. I knew if Carly was here with Max, she would have dragged both of us down to the creek to examine all the plants and try to catch the fish. Maria, Jae and Joon would have been on either side of me, watching on in amusement. Charlie and Dean would be in their own little world while sitting on the steps talking about-

“Couldn’t sleep?” Hawk’s voice ripped me out of my peaceful thoughts, making me tense and glance over my shoulder.

“Y-yeah,” I muttered gripping the wood under my hands. “I g-get nightmares easily.”

“Fern didn’t mention that when we were hunting,” Hawk said, coming to lean against the railing. “What village are you from?”

“I am not from one around here.”

“Maybe I have travelled through it? There are many outside of the valley.”

“No.”

That had Hawk silent for a long time before he clicked his tongue. “Why not tell me then?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t,” I responded, holding the wood even tighter, my knuckles turning white. “Please leave me alone.”

“I can see what you are doing. This little game of yours might be working on Fern but will not work on me. Why don’t you stop spinning the wool over his eyes?” Hawk narrowed his eyes at me, stepping forward so he could look even more intimidating. “What mountain village set you up to this?”

“I-I told you I am not from any villages around here,” I stumbled over my words, taking a step back and crossing my arms. “So, can you leave me alone? I’m going back to bed.”

“Sure, but stop playing the victim card. Fern will get tired of stringing your sorry ass along sooner than later. Might as well come clean now Mountain Rat.”

Gulping, I hurriedly brushed past him, wanting to get back to Fern as fast as possible. Almost breaking into a run, I closed our bedroom door behind me and climbed back into bed, right back under Fern’s arms. Burying my face into his chest, I clung to him.

“You’re cold, what’s wrong?” He asked sleepily, his arm coming up so he could rub his face.

“You need to tell your brother I’m not playing the victim card,” I said, my voice slightly muffled by Fern’s tunic, tears dampening the material. He was silent, digesting my words.

“Hawk called you out for being fragile?” His voice held a sharp edge to it, anger clear underneath. Nodding, I clenched his tunic into my fists. “I’ll talk to him later; you need me right now.”

I sighed as he squeezed me to him before I felt him kiss the top of my head and rub my back.

“Don’t let his words get to you, you have all the right in the world to be like you are now,” Fern whispered. “You will become stronger in the long run.”