We Faced a Goddess

Erik seemed very awkward in Keres’ room. He was quiet and kept glancing around. He leaned against the wall by the window and waited for Keres so he could help her.

“Are you nervous?” I asked.

“In truth,” he said pushing himself off the wall to stand up straight, “yes. I am very nervous. Keres scares me. A lot.”

“She scares you? Is it because of the rumors?” It was odd to think someone was afraid of Keres. She was just a high energy goofball really.

“Rumors? God no.” He walked close to me. “She is the daughter of one of the most powerful clairvoyants. If she’s anything like her mother was she’s pretty intimidating. Not to mention she’s literally the prettiest person I’ve ever seen. It hurts to look at her.”

“You knew her mother?” I said completely ignoring the pretty part. I mean he wasn’t wrong.

“No, of course not. My father did,” he confessed. “He didn’t know her personally, but he knew how powerful she was. She mastered telekinesis which is kind of a huge deal.” Keres entered the room.

“Just like I told Bonni here, you don’t have to be afraid of me.” Keres smiled. “Now, how do you talk to spirits?”

“It just kind of happens.” He walked closer to Keres. “I know it’s kind of different for most people. Like some can just summon someone they want to talk to. Some get called on. For me I see them as regular people, but I’m able to tell who’s alive and who isn’t. If they want to talk to me they can and vice versa.”

“You just let it happen?” She asked.

“Yeah. I guess I’m not really any help here. I was born seeing stuff. I don’t really know how to help someone see. I’m sorry.” Erik apologized.

“It’s fine.” Keres got that bright idea smile that I love so much. “What if I hung out with you! You could see ghosts and I can try to see them too! Like you can tell me if it’s working or not!” Erik hesitated. “Erik, I need this. The only thing I can’t do that my mother can is see and talk to spirits. I need to be able to do this!”

“Wait, you can do the other stuff?” Erik asked. Keres nodded. “Can I see the telekinesis?” Keres sighed. She faced the window and moved her hand up. The window opened and a gust of wind circled through the room. Erik’s face lit up and he grabbed Keres by the shoulders. “That was so cool!” I didn’t realize how tall Erik was until I looked at him by Keres. He had to be at least 6’3” which made me feel even shorter than usual.

Erik stayed over for quite a while. He, Keres, and I sat in Keres room just talking. He told us about his dad passing away because of cancer and how he’s been helping his mother take care of his siblings. We told him about the masquerade and I invited him along for the ride if he wanted to help. He actually accepted. It was weird, but I felt like I met him before. He was really cool and very kind.

I walked Erik out to his car and the sun had already set. I told him to text us when he got home and he was off. The night was cool and crisp. October was shaping up to be beautiful. I sat outside until Aunt Paige asked me to come in because it was getting late. Another day had gone by and we were even closer to the night of the masquerade. Now we had another person to help.

We were going into a battle blindly… We knew who was coming and when but we didn’t know why. We didn’t know if Nemesis would have someone else aiding her. We didn’t know how we could beat a goddess. We were just three weird kids who bonded over the fact we’re weird.

If my parents didn’t die Keres would be facing this alone. Or maybe this wouldn’t be happening. Maybe it’s my fault. I managed to bring Erik into it too. My parents died because of me… I could have been dragging too more down with me.

I didn’t sleep that night… I didn’t feel that I deserved to sleep. I stayed up wallowing in thoughts of self hatred. I kept thinking what if… What if I had looked and saw the car coming. What if my mom and dad were alive. What if I was home deciding my future with Michael. What if Keres never met me and just stayed away from the world. What if Erik wasn’t working earlier. What if I was dead… That thought hadn’t been in my head in years.

Night passed painfully slow. The sun finally rose on Sunday and my phone buzzed a few times. I didn’t answer. Eventually it buzzed again. I still didn’t answer. I didn’t want to move. I didn’t want to think. I didn’t want to exist. Depression had hit me with a bus and left me for dead.

There were knocks at my window then at my door. Keres’ voice called my name. I didn’t answer. I just didn’t answer. I sat on my bed and didn’t answer.

The knocking and calling of my name stopped. The texts and calls didn’t. Monday morning eventually rolled around and I didn’t have the motivation to leave bed. I sat there for another day. I felt numb to everything at that point. No sleep. No thoughts. Nothing.

The sun came up yet again. I managed to at least pull myself out of bed and to school just before fourth period. I don’t even remember what we were talking about in class. The teachers asked if I was alright and I just lied. I somehow ended up in eighth period. I thought Erik was going to die when he saw me.

“Bonnibelle!” He shouted as he jumped over a desk to hug me. A second of realization hit him and he backed up a little bit. “Dude, Keres and I have been worried sick. She’s been on the phone with me nonstop telling me how terrified she was that something happened to you. I was worried to death for some reason. I mean I barely know you but I feel like I know you. Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” I said monotonously.

“Are you sure?” Erik asked. I just nodded then sat and put my head on the desk. Erik took his sweater and placed it over me. It was a nice gesture. I’m not going to lie, his cologne smelt really nice.

“Bonnie?” Keres voice cracked. Erik shushed her. I don’t remember the rest of class. I fell asleep. When I woke up I was in Aunt Paige’s living room. Erik was sitting next to me.

“You know, you said you were okay,” Erik started, “but I think that was a lie.” He cracked a little smile. “So what’s up buttercup?”

“Well…” I hesitated then sighed, “it’s just depression I think. I’m fine but my mind is just like ‘give up and go die what’s the point?’ Mental illness is a pain in the ass.”

“Hey man, it’s totally understandable. Depression sucks. Especially when you’re kind of looking forward to hell in just a couple of weeks. You’ll be okay though. We’re here if you need anything at all.” Erik helped me to stand and walked with me into the kitchen. Aunt Paige and Keres were sitting at the table talking. When Keres saw me she lit up. I didn’t even see her move. One second she was at the table and the next she was squeezing me.

“Bonnie!” She was excited and relieved. “You basically passed out in class. Erik drove you home. Are you okay? What’s been up with you the last few days?”

“Just depression really. I’ll be fine. This isn’t the first time I’ve gone through this.” I didn’t even believe what I was saying. It wasn’t fine and I didn’t know for sure if I’d be okay.

“You will get through this. And We’re here for you.” Keres smiled.

“Can you guys stay over tonight?” I asked Keres and Erik.

“Uh,” Erik hesitated, “if it’s okay with your aunt.”

“I’m fine with it. She could use her friends right now.” Aunt Paige said. Erik smiled. He took my left hand and Keres took my right and we went up to my room.

Rather than sleep on my bed we grabbed a bunch of blankets and pillows to make a fort. There was enough room under for all three of us to lay side by side. I was in the middle. It was nice to feel so secure and loved. They were concerned for me. Erik though, was strange to me. We had just met, but I felt like I knew him before. Soon I fell asleep. After so long without sleep (and I mean sleep not passing out) it felt so nice. Until there was another vision.

I stood next to Keres at the masquerade. She panicked over my arm bleeding. My gown and hers were stained. I heard an angry scream then heard Erik warning us to watch out. He shoved us out of the way…

I woke up and sat straight up. My heart was pounding so loud I thought it would wake Keres. I turned to discover Erik wasn’t there. I heard a flush then the water running in the bathroom. Erik came back soon after.

“Are you okay?” He asked seeing that I was still out of breath.

“Just a vision…” I explained. “I’m fine. This whole masquerade thing is going to be terrifying.”

“We don’t have to go do we?”

“Well, I don’t really know,” I confessed. “Firline told me that Nemesis is after Keres and Ambrus. Even the Loa said something was going to happen. Even if we don’t plan to go it seems like something is going to make us show up… Nemesis is going to drag us out for whatever reason she has.”

“What would Nemesis have against them?” Erik seemed to squirm awkwardly.

“The only theory I have is Ambrus committed hubris. He follows Hecate and Nyx. Maybe he did something to defy them.”

“Please excuse me for a second.” Erik stepped out of the fort and came back a few seconds later. “Sorry, I had to take my chest binder off. I’m not really supposed to sleep with it on.”

“You know, I can’t pinpoint it but I feel like I know you from somewhere.” I said.

“Same here man. Like I feel close to you because it’s like we’ve met before. Maybe we knew each other in a past life.” He suggested.

“Maybe.” I yawned. “We should really get back to sleep. We have school again tomorrow.” Erik nodded and we both laid back down.

I didn’t go to sleep right away. I stayed up to think. Erik was so familiar to me. I like it. I liked him, but I was also in a relationship with Keres. Maybe it was just that I was seventeen and didn’t know what I wanted. Maybe it was possible to like more than one person at a time. After all the heart wants what the heart wants. Maybe it was the impending doom. Whatever it was I was conflicted.