Watching You: A Novel

Bess didn’t come into school on Monday.

Jenna felt a growing sense of alarm as the day wore on. She approached Ruby awkwardly in the home room at lunchtime. ‘Where’s Bess?’ she asked. ‘Is she sick?’

Ruby shook her head. ‘No,’ she said, ‘don’t think so.’

‘Do you think she’s OK?’

‘Yeah. I’m sure she’s OK. She’s probably just bunking off.’

Jenna said, ‘Yeah. Maybe.’

‘What’s going on with you two, anyway?’

‘Hasn’t she said?’

‘No,’ Ruby replied. ‘Just said it was something personal. Between you and her.’

Jenna was surprised. She’d assumed Bess would have told everyone everything. Discretion was not one of her key attributes.

‘Are you going to sort it out?’ Ruby asked. ‘Because it’s really doing our heads in.’

Jenna shrugged. ‘I hope so,’ she said.

Bess did come in the next day. She looked tired and unapproachable. Jenna watched her across the sports field during triple PE that afternoon. She was fidgety and edgy, looking like she had somewhere else she needed to be. She saw her go up to the assistant coach after a few minutes and say something to her. She saw the teacher look at her intently for a moment before nodding tersely and gesturing with her head towards the school. Bess grabbed her hoodie and her water bottle and walked quickly into the building.

Jenna jogged over to the assistant coach. ‘Miss, my tampon’s leaking. I need to change it really badly.’

The teacher grimaced at her. ‘Isn’t that something you should have dealt with before triple PE?’

‘Yes, miss. I know. But I only changed it an hour ago. I thought it would be OK?’

‘Go on then,’ the teacher muttered. ‘And be quick.’

She ran as fast as she could towards the doors and flung them open. She peered into the girls’ changing rooms but they were empty. Then she tried the girls’ toilets located a few metres up the corridor towards the main hallway. They appeared at first to be empty, and she was about to leave, but then she heard a shuffling sound from one of the cubicles and peered down to spy a pair of child-sized feet in pink Adidas trainers.

‘Bess,’ she hissed. ‘Are you OK?’

The shuffling sound stopped and there was a beat of silence before Bess called out, ‘Who is that?’

‘It’s me, you twat. What are you doing?’

‘What do you think I’m doing?

‘I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking. You looked all weird out there. Thought you might be ill.’

‘Yes,’ Bess replied, after another beat of silence. ‘I’m not feeling good. Feeling a bit sick.’

‘Do you want me to get someone? Shall I get the nurse?’

‘Are you literally stupid?’

Jenna sighed. ‘Can you come out then? So I can see you?’

‘No.’

‘Oh, FFS, Bess. Just come out. This is daft.’

There was a protracted silence and then she heard the lock slide back and Bess stood before her looking extra small and very wan.

‘What’s going on?’ she asked.

‘Nothing,’ said Bess.

‘What’s the matter with you?’

‘Nothing.’ She paused. Then, ‘I think I might be pregnant.’

The room spun around Jenna’s head for a moment. Her eyes closed and when she opened them Bess was still standing in front of her and still, she assumed, possibly pregnant. ‘What do you mean?’ she asked, ridiculously.

Bess was a virgin. They were both virgins. Neither of them had the slightest interest in sex, in being penetrated by boys, in doing that. Both of them thought they would lose their virginity when they were eighteen. It was what they’d said. For years. Jenna felt something slipping away from her, a sad sense of loss, of having been in the wrong place all along. She felt like an idiot.

‘I don’t know what I mean,’ said Bess. ‘Just that I’m two weeks late. I feel bloated. My boobs.’ She cupped them tenderly and peered down at them. ‘They’re so sore.’

‘But …’ Jenna started. ‘I don’t get it. You haven’t even got a boyfriend.’

‘A boyfriend?’

Jenna stared at her, desperately. ‘Bess,’ she said. ‘Who have you had sex with?’

‘No one,’ she said. ‘I didn’t have sex with anyone. It’s an immaculate conception. OK?’

‘Bess! For fuck’s sake! Talk to me!’

‘I can’t. OK? I just can’t. And anyway, I’m probably not pregnant. It’s probably just PMT. My period will start tomorrow. Probably.’

‘Meet me after school,’ said Jenna. ‘We’ll go to Boots. Get you a test. Yes?’

Bess nodded. Then shook her head. ‘No,’ she said. ‘I can’t. I’m busy.’

‘Busy doing what?’

‘Nothing, all right?’

Jenna sighed. ‘OK, then, I’ll buy you one and bring it in tomorrow. We’ll do the test at breaktime. Yes?’

‘Yeah,’ said Bess. ‘OK.’ There was a brief silence and then she said, ‘I’m sorry. For what I said about your mum. You’re not like your mum.’

Jenna smiled and pulled her friend towards her for a hug. She felt Bess wince and pull away.

‘Are you OK?’

‘Yes,’ said Bess. ‘I’m fine.’

‘Are you hurt?’

‘No,’ she said. ‘I told you. I’m fine.’

‘Shall we go back to class?’

‘Yeah. OK.’

They left the toilets together, hand in hand.