Waiting For Spring

There was a moment, however brief, that I revelled in the attention of the King. Now, every step I stomped in the direction of his rooms sent fury pumping through my veins. The sadness and disappointment were both emotions I could do without, but there was no stopping their chill from seeping into my heart.

When we finally reached the King’s room, I was a mess of conflicting emotions. There was so much uncertainty about what was waiting for me on the other side of the doors. I was equally likely to yell and rage as I was to burst into uncontrollable sobs.

“Your Highness,” Troy prompted, resting a gentle hand on the small of my back and before I could stop it a hot tear fell freely down my cheek. As quickly as it fell, I wiped it away. “Are you ready?”

Nodding, I stepped towards the opening doors, straightening my spine and squaring my shoulders. I wouldn’t allow the King to see my weakness no matter how chaotic I was feeling on the inside.

“Arlarose.” I startled, taking a step back into the corridor as the King’s booming voice bounced off the walls of the room. He was quick to rise from where he sat by the fireside and in the blink of an eye he had covered the floor between us. I barely had a chance to take a breath before he had pulled me inside and the doors were falling closed behind me with a soft snick.

“Let go,” I snapped, stepping out of his hold as soon as the doors were closed. He regarded me for a moment, and I kept my eyes carefully averted from his. I didn’t want to see his face; I didn’t want to feel his hands and I most definitely did not want to hear his excuses.

“Please, my Rose- “

“I am not your anything.” I hissed, clenching my fists tightly by my sides and wishing I had my knives to throw. I hadn’t had much practice with moving targets, but I was happy to give it a try. “You are a liar and a crook. You made me out to be the criminal when all along you have been crafting the greatest con of all. You don’t love me as you say.”

“I love you more than anything in this world, my Rose,” he began earnestly and before I could contest his claims he continued, “You have been misinformed and I hate that you have been thinking of me this way. I hate that I have given you cause to doubt. I have been a fool from the moment you arrived and I’m tired of trying to keep you at a distance. I’m tired of the games I am forced to play.”

“Do you truly believe I would trust your pretty words when there are so many that have seen your transgressions?” I demanded, not for a moment allowing my heart to absorb his words, because my heart would welcome him without hesitation but luckily my head wasn’t nearly as reckless. I hated that the first time a man told me he loved me; I had no choice but to see his words as lies. How could they be anything else?

“What have you heard, m-…Arlarose?”

“Why don’t you tell me everything? Keeping secrets has led you to this. Do you really think you should continue to tell me half-truths?” I challenged. The King, sensing his defeat seemed to mull my words over. He was watching me closely and I could only speculate on what was running through his mind, but I knew the only way out of this was with the truth. I would take nothing less.

Finally, letting out a tired sigh and running a hand down his weary face, he gestured for me to take a seat before the fire.

After a moment of hesitation, I stalked towards the seat and sat on the very edge. Ready to leave if what he had to say wasn’t what I wanted to hear.

He sat down heavily across from me and rather than look at me, he levelled his gaze on the flames dancing in the fireplace, his body slumped and defeated in the plush armchair.

“I assume the rumors you have heard are those pertaining to Lady Heron as she is the only woman, apart from you, who has ever had access to my rooms.” I nodded my reply, but my input didn’t seem necessary as he continued without acknowledging me. “She was my contingency. Her family is very wealthy, and her father is Mayor of the town closest to our border with Paca. It is of great strategic importance.

“I first started courting her last spring. She has been attending my court for several years and with no hint of finding you, I had no choice but to appease my advisors by appearing to be seriously searching for a bride. People become very anxious when the line of succession is uncertain and without an heir, there is the chance of a power struggle if something sudden was to happen to me.”

The King seemed to sink further in his chair as he spoke, and I couldn’t remember a time I had seen him so out of control. His brown eyes showed defeat and his equally brown hair was dishevelled and pointing in all directions.

It was becoming hard to keep my heart still in my chest. It was hard reminding it that we needed to feel no sympathy for this man. It was almost impossible to keep my hands trapped at my sides with the temptation to run them through his smooth as silk hair. I had felt it once and I wanted to feel it again, but then I remembered what brought us to this moment and it was easy to build the walls around my heart again.

“I needed her father’s cooperation on the border to ensure my men had access to the high pass through the mountains and a steady flow of food and supplies to the front lines.” He continued, his fingers resting lightly against his chin, trailing across the stubble there.

“I had resigned myself to a loveless marriage. The best I could do for my people was to find a marriage that would be most advantageous for the country. Aligning her family’s wealth with the crown would ensure our coffers were always full.” Suddenly, his eyes flicked to mine and there was an intensity to them that caused my heart to stutter in my chest. “Please believe me Rose, if I had known you were in my own town, I would have never even entertained the idea of taking anther for my wife. Every moment I was with her I felt as if I was betraying you.”

“But I was here and still you were with her.” I frowned. Sitting straighter, a determined gleam in his eye, the King reached across the distance between us and took both of my hands in his.

“We were keeping you a secret; we were trying to keep you safe. I couldn’t stop courting her until your identity was revealed.” He implored me to believe him, but nothing was going to stop the betrayal that was burning in my chest.

“But you lied to me. You never told me about her. The entire time you were playing with my heart and my emotions, you were doing the same with her. She was in your chambers,” I hissed, fire licking every word I spoke. He could explain every detail of his betrayal, but nothing could change what had happened.

“We never shared more than a kiss,” he tried to placate, and I felt like my world was shattering all over again. “I just had to keep up appearances. Every minute with her was a minute I wanted to be spending with you- “

“Funny, because when I first arrived you barely had time for me and any time we did spend together was you scolding me.”

“I was terrified,” he shouted, springing to his feet with his hands buried deep in his hair. My arms crossed defensively over my chest and I didn't think about how much I missed my hands in his. I couldn't think about it.

“Of me?” I scoffed, shuffling deeper into the cushions of my chair.

“Of losing you,” he breathed, dropping to his knees and unwinding my crossed arms so he could hold my hands. Instinctively, I tried to pull them away, but he held firm. His eyes were wild as they bore into mine and I felt something deep inside of me shift. It felt as though a boulder had been shifted and water was allowed to flow freely for the first time.

“The first time I saw you was like a dream,” he began, releasing one of my hands to trap a loose curl against my cheek. “Then every time after, I had the overwhelming sense that it would be the last I saw of you. You had disappeared so suddenly the first time I was sure it would happen again. And it did. You disappeared back into the town, and I was sure this time I was broken beyond repair because this time you chose to leave me.”

“I didn’t know you,” I whispered, resting my hand against his, pressing it more firmly to my cheek.

“But I knew you and have known you since the day you came into this world. You are as much a part of me as flowers are a part of spring. Without you, I cease to exist. I have been in an endless winter since the day you disappeared. Without you, I was forever waiting for the first bloom of spring.”

“If I mean so much to you, why do you treat me like an object waiting for your command. I have more value than a trinket on your arm.” I glowered, taking his hand from my cheek and pushing it back towards him.

“I am a king,” he frowned, “It has always been my job to lead. Alone.”

“If you truly loved me, you would trust me enough to share the burden, not just hide me away. I’m worth more than that.”

“I don’t want to lose you Arlarose,” he all but begged, clasping my hand tightly in both of his. His eyes were wide and frenzied, almost like he was afraid if he blinked, I might not be there anymore.

“If we continue on this course, you already have.” Still on his knees, the King gently pressed his forehead against the folds of my skirts while still holding tightly to my hand in both of his.

Feeling the sadness and loss washing over him in waves, I couldn’t resist the urge to run my fingers through his hair any longer. Gently, I buried my fingers in his brown waves, taking as much comfort from him as he was taking from me.

A knock pulled us both from our thoughts before the doors burst open violently. Instantly, the king was on his feet, putting himself between me and the door. While I was slower in my response, I got to my feet too, searching for something to use as a weapon when I heard Troy’s familiar voice speak.

“They breached the north and the south wall this time. It was a coordinated attack.” His breathing was labored, and he was heavily strapped with weapons. A bow across his back with a quiver of arrows, a sword at his hip and an impressive collection of knives strapped across his chest.

“Casualties?” The King asked, any softness from his tone evaporating. He was all hard edges and cold calmness.

“No weapons were drawn. Both groups surrendered as soon as they were surrounded.” King James, turned and reached behind me, drawing back with his sword and sheath. He quickly fixed it around his waist, not even casting a look down at me.

“Take me to them,” he ordered, walking towards Troy only to stop moments later, turning back to me.

I couldn’t even imagine the look on my face. It was probably a mix between curiosity and fear. Who were these people invading the palace and were they here for me? Maybe the world already knew I was here, maybe Troy had been right all those weeks ago and people were coming to steal my life from me.

“Rose, breathe for me, my love.” Gentle hands cupped my shoulders and suddenly the room and the man in front of me came back into full focus.

“I-I can help.” I stuttered glancing over at Troy as he moved in our direction.

“I know, my Rose,” the King smiled, stretching out a hand to Troy. Without hesitating, Troy freed one of his knives and placed it in the King’s outstretched palm.

Gently, he took my right hand and placed in the hilt in my palm and wrapped my stiff fingers around it. His hands held tightly around mine and leant down to press a warm kiss against my forehead.

“We have them locked in the dungeons, and they can’t harm anyone from there.” I nodded my understanding and he stepped back from me only for my feet to follow.

“You stay here Rose,” the King explained, nodding at Troy who seemed to already know what the King was thinking. “Mantai and Sam will be with you,” and the two entered the room as if they heard their names being spoken. “Then, when I return, we can continue this discussion.” Again, all I could manage was a nod and watch as the two men left the room, the door closing softly behind them.