Waiting For Spring

Marla had left my rooms hours ago and ever since I had been sat before the fire in my sitting rooms, letting my emotions roll through me. Despair bled into anger which burned into hate until all I felt was an overwhelming need to strike something, or someone.

I knew someone would eventually enter my rooms and break through my haze, and when they did, I was ready for them. I was ready to strike first and ask questions after the dust had settled. The anger bubbling just beneath my skin wasn’t going to allow me to wait for an explanation.

Just as the afternoon sun started to dance around the horizon the door to my rooms swung open. Without turning around, I knew the tread of Troy’s boots against my floors as he made his way over to me.

“Is it safe?”

“Depends on what you know,” I shot back, turning my glare in his direction and watching as he stumbled back a step.

“What’s happened?” He looked puzzled by my temper, but I was in no mood to calm myself down.

“I want to train.”

“Rosie, what’s happened? What has Lady Alice done?” He asked, daring to take several steps in my direction, moving himself between me and fire. My eyes tracked his every move.

“I want to train.” I repeated, springing to my feet and darting several steps towards the doors of my rooms. Only to come up short when a warm gentle hand wrapped loosely around my wrist.

“Arlarose, stop.” Gently, he tugged on my wrist to get me to turn and face him, but I refused to look at him. Emotion was welling in my eyes and I didn’t want anyone to see that. “What’s happened?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Has someone hurt you? Mantai reported that Lady Alice has been the only person in your room.” I continued to glare at the wood of the door, willing them to open and for me to be on the other side of them. I just wanted to move, to do something. “Talk to me.” When I continued to stay silent, I heard him release a tired sigh before he released my wrist.

“James doesn’t want you hurt before your brother arrives.”

“I don’t care what he wants,” I hissed, turning on him and pushing up so I was in his face. My fists were clenched tightly at my sides and my face was scrunched up as the fire inside of me roared to life at the mention of the King’s name.

“Ros-“

“I want to train.” I spat, spinning from the Captain and storming in the direction of the doors. After I burst through, I heard the Captain’s footsteps close behind. He ordered Francis and George, my guards, to follow after him as he increased his speed to catch up with me.

“Rosie, don’t you wish to change into your training tunic?” He asked, his voice even.

“No.” He didn’t ask again and nothing more was spoken on the journey to the training fields.

As soon as we arrived, Troy ordered the sparring men to take an early leave for the rest of the day. Then, he positioned my guards at the doors of the training grounds to ensure no one else disturbed us.

I moved straight for the knives and had already exhausted my supply on the target before Troy came to stand by my side. Each and every one of them hit the center of the target.

“What happened Rosie?” He asked, but when I didn’t reply he remained silently by my side as I threw knives at the target until my arms felt limp. Sweat beaded on my brow and slowly travelled down the back of my dress, but I continued to throw.

When the sun had started to dip below the horizon and there was hardly any light to see by, Troy suggested we go inside for dinner and my muscles screamed at me to agree, but I was determined to do anything to stop the pain from tearing my heart from my chest. I wanted to just stop feeling altogether.

When I physically couldn’t lift my arm to throw another knife, Troy was by my side, unwinding my fingers from the blade clenched tightly in my hand. I wasn’t sure when the tears had started but the warmth of Troy’s touch drew the sob that had been trapped inside my chest since the moment Alice had told me of Lady Heron and the King.

Dumping the blades at our feet, Troy enfolded me in his arms and drew me in until my sobs were muffled by the warmth of his chest. Silently, he held me close patiently waiting for my tears to run dry.

As the cool night air seeped through my clothes and burrowed under my skin my body began to tremble and my tears began to slow. Stepping back, I wiped the tears from my cheeks, keeping my eyes focused on the gleaming buttons on Troy’s Royal blue jacket.

Gently, he guided me towards the warm glow of the open doorway to the castle only for me to dig my heels into the dew-covered grass when I saw a familiar figure filling the frame. When Troy tried to push me closer, I spun in his hold and marched back to where I had carelessly left my knives.

Wrapping my hand tightly around the leather hilt of the one closest to me, I straightened, turned to face the King and let the knife fly. As if in slow motion, I watched as the knife soared end over end until it was buried in the wooden door frame, right beside the king's head.

My breathing was labored, but not from exertion, and was coming out in white puffs against the cold night air. Troy stood motionless, his mouth agape as he watched me. I couldn’t see the King’s face as the light from inside cast his face in shadows, but I hoped he was afraid. I hoped he felt helpless and useless and devastated, because then he might be feeling an inch of what I had been feeling since Alice had left my rooms.

Disregarding both men, I stormed across the training grounds, coming to a stop where the king stood stoically in the doorway.

“Move aside,” I demanded, fists clenched at my sides and my eyes looking straight ahead. When the King continued to stand in my way, I repeated my demand but instead of moving he reached for me. In response, I took a step back and my eyes flashed to his, barely registering his confusion before I slammed my fists into his chest.

Shock filtered across his expression as he took a step back, surprised by the force of my blow, and that gave me the opportunity to slip by him. He recovered quickly and his hand shot out again, gently taking my elbow in his calloused-roughened hand and bringing me to a reluctant stop.

“Rose- “

“Leave me be,” I spat, glaring at the hallway ahead, anger welling up inside of me until I felt like it was going to burst from my skin at any moment.

“What has happened?” I hated how calm his voice was. I hated that he was the one who held the power to hurt me when all I wanted to do was be free of him. Yet, there was a mark on my heart, and he was the reason and no matter how hard I tried to scrub it away, it would always be there. Permanently etched into my soul, reminding me of what he had taken from me. “Has someone hurt you?”

Spinning on my heel, in a flourish of muddied skirts and grass stained slippers I advanced on the king until there was barely a breath of air between us, and the only thing filling my vision was his started face.

“The only person who has hurt me, is you,” I seethed, stabbing a finger in his muscle-hardened chest. “You’re a liar, a cheat and a dishonorable man.”

“Rose, please, I don’t- “

“How dare you do this to me. How dare you manipulate my feelings until all I saw was you, only to shatter whatever trust had grown between us. How dare you hurt me this way.” There was a wobble to my voice, and I knew I needed to escape before my voice betrayed me.

“What has happened, my Rose?” The burning behind my eyes intensified at his term of endearment and I knew it wouldn’t be long before the tears that had been threatening to fall were unleashed again.

“I know about her,” I breathed, keeping my eyes on his, daring him to look away first.

“Her?”

“Don’t act dumb,” I spat, my brow furrowing deeper as I clutched to my anger to stop the hollowness from creeping in. “Or is there more than one that you welcome into your bed?”

Color seemed to drain from his face as he processed my words and I felt a wave of disgust rush through me. Every touch, every kiss, flashed through my mind and I felt a wave of nausea consume me.

“You disgust me,” I spat and before he could say a false word in his defense, I stormed through the hallways of the castle to wrap myself in the safety of my own rooms. Francis and George had followed me closely through the castle but said nothing as my tears started to fall freely down my cheeks.

When we reached my doors, Mantai and Sam had returned, both their eyes trained on the tear tracks running down my cheeks. Francis and George disappeared down the corridor, probably to get some sleep before their next shift, or gossip about my erratic behavior. Apparently, castle guards were good at talking about what they see around the castle.

A sob tore through my chest when I reached for my door, and my body seemed to fold in on itself with the weight of it all. Instead of entering my rooms, I collapsed on the floor in a pool of skirts and tears.

Not even seconds later, a strong arm wrapped around my waist and lifted me from the ground. Safe in their arms, I buried my face in Sam’s neck, letting the sobs roll through me as he carried me into my rooms.

Marla was inside and immediately started fussing over me when Sam set me down on my bed. He watched me from my doorway before ducking back out to guard my rooms again and I instantly missed his soothing presence.

Marla got me up on my feet and out of my dress. With little help from me she got me ready for bed and pulled my wild hair into some sort of braid down my back. Then, she ushered me into bed, tucking the covers under my chin before pressing a motherly kiss against my forehead.

“Sleep well, Arlarose,” she murmured, running a hand over my hair as my tired eyes started to droop closed. “It will be brighter in the morning.”