Waindale

Seeing him makes me emotional. Everything from Friday night comes flooding back.

“How did this happen?” Adam asks. He comes to the bed and takes off his jacket and then his shirt. He kicks off his shoes and lifts up the blankets.

“We were at the beach. I fell in the water.”

Adam comes under and I try to not fixate on his bareness. “Come on,” he says and takes off my mittens. He sets my chilled hands against his chest and my eyes open wide.

Instinctively, I bring my cheek against his skin and bask in the warmth. I swiftly pull off my socks and my extra shirts and pair of pants. Not caring about our intimacy, I press every bit of my body against him and cling to him like a child to a leg. His arm comes around me and I rest my head on his shoulder.

“How did you get so cold?” He asks, holding me to him.

“Car heater hardly worked. My clothes were all wet,” I mumble.

“I felt something was wrong.”

With my eyes closed, I slowly start to drift off, but as I warm, the reality of our situation sets in. My mind shifts from my icy toes to the silence that fell between us.

“Are we okay?” I ask, keeping my eyes closed.

Adam is quiet for a moment before saying, “I scared you off, didn’t I?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think you did. Things just—I don’t know. Why does this keep happening?”

We lay in silence for another moment. My bedroom door is closed. I wonder when that happened. I wonder about my mom and my grandma just in the other room while I lay with Adam. I wonder about everyone out there and I pretend they don’t exist.

“Stay with me,” he says. “At least I can look after you so you don’t freeze to death.”

My eyes open. ”Adam, I told you, there’s no way I could explain it.”

“Tell your grandmother the truth. Tell her about us.”

“What?” I ask and look up at him.

“I want you with me, Wrenley. I don’t want to go a day without seeing you. I want to know that you’re safe with me every night. I’ll be able to sleep then.” My heart flourishes inside of me, and he says, “We can tell her now, together. And I can try to explain why you need to be with me to both her and your mother.”

I sit up in bed. “I-I don’t know. She won’t understand; it’ll be too much. I don’t want to do that to her.”

“Wrenley—”

“I mean it. She’s lived her whole life not knowing. Maybe it’s best if it stays that way. I feel guilty enough having told my mom. I know that we’re better together—I really do—but I don’t want to drag more people into this.”

Adam sits up as well. The blanket falls from his chest and I can’t help but steal glances at his body.

“Our entire relationship is trying to find a balance between not enough and too much. Living together feels like it will be too much, and what if that only makes things worse? What happened between us Friday night was too much, you felt out of control, and it ended badly. We can’t have too much, and we already know what happens when we don’t have enough.”

Adam peers off to the side, not happy with my answer. “You’re my mate. I don’t like being deprived of what’s mine.”

“What’s yours?” I question.

“To be frank, yes. There isn’t supposed to be too much. I control myself for you. I restrain myself to go at the pace you’re comfortable with, and if I slip up, I can’t help but feel guilty even though it’s completely against my nature.”

With parted lips, I get up from the bed. “I really can’t believe you right now. Tell me that being Alpha has gone to your head.”

“I tried to explain this before. Everything is immediate. There is no pacing or steps to abide by. You’re my mate. That’s it. There’s no reason to dance around it and pretend like I’m your boyfriend.”

“You’re being selfish.”

Adam crosses his arms. “I’ve been the one catering to your preferences. I’ve been playing human for who knows how many weeks. It’s taking a strain on me, Wrenley.”

As I look at him, I can feel my blood boiling. “So what? What I’m comfortable with doesn’t matter because we’re mates? Maybe that’s how it would work if I were one of you, but I’m not. There’s no argument. Either you go at my pace, or we don’t go at all. And if you don’t like that anymore, you can go find a girl of your kind to be mates with.”

Adam is getting worked up; I can tell. His body is stiff, tense.

“There is no one else, you know that. Don’t tell me to go find someone else.”

“What do you want then?” I press.

“I want you to work with me here. Just a little,” he says, his voice louder.

“Work with you? You want me to move in with you like we’re—like we’re married!”

Adam’s eyes widen. He gets out from under the covers. “Wrenley, what are you talking about? What the hell is a human marriage compared to our bodies and souls being bound to one another? This,” he motions between us, “is far more than a marriage could ever be. I’m sorry if that’s overwhelming to you, but it’s the truth.”

My face slowly falls as the panic sets in. I begin to pace back and forth as my hands shake uncontrollably. “I-I—um. You’re just asking a lot of me. I’m only eighteen and I’m already in something that’s more than marriage. It’s just a lot. You’re the person I spend the rest of my life with. No divorces. This is it. You’re it for me,” I mutter to myself. “I sort of knew this, I think. I just never really thought about it.

Vivianne would say things to remind me, but I would just move on. You brought me around the house—our house—and it started to settle in. T-This is it.”

Adam comes before me. “It concerns me when you say it like that.”

“You’re it for me. You’re like my husband but more? More than my husband?”

“Yes, Wrenley. More than a husband. I’m your mate.”

I swallow and look up at him with all my unknowing and innocence out for the world to see. “Oh. Do we love each other? Are we in love?”

“I would say that our bond can be compared to love.”

“S-So you love me?”

Adam looks down at me. “What I feel for you—there’s not a word to describe it. You’re my mate. You’re mine. There’s no way to describe a mate bond entirely.”

“I thought that this must be like love. I couldn’t imagine anything more powerful than this feeling.”

“So are you understanding where I’m coming from? I’m not asking you to agree with what I said, but if you could at least understand why I’m struggling.”

“I mean, the clarity is helpful, yes,” I say. “To be completely honest, like, all cards on the table, I really like it when you say that stuff.”

“What stuff?” He asks.

My cheeks heat up. “Um. Like, um, that you’re struggling. And that you can’t control yourself.” My hands spring to my face, covering my embarrassment and anxiety. “Oh my god,” I breathe, “I can’t believe I just said that to your face.”

Adam gently uncovers my face and holds my hands in his. “You don’t have to be shy or embarrassed.”

“I am. Very embarrassed and nervous and shy and scared. I’ve never talked about it with someone. A-And I’m a little shaky—like my whole body right now is shaking. Um.”

Adam sits down with me on the edge on my bed. I feel his hand rubbing against my back, and I take a few deep breaths.

“I’m sorry,” I murmur. “My anxiety. It wasn’t this blunt before when we talked.”

“There isn’t anything to be anxious about. It’s just me.”

I look at him. “Adam are you serious? Look at you. You’re perfect. You’re literally gorgeous. Your face, your jaw, your body, the muscles, your hair, the little stubble you have that looks so good. How can I not be anxious? The bond helps me feel calm but most of the time I can’t believe that someone like you wants me.”

Adam’s brows raise a bit. He smiles to himself as he peers off. “You have got to be kidding me, Wrenley.”

I press my lips together and try to stand up to escape, but he holds me down. “I can’t take anymore embarrassment today or I really might die.”

He looks into my eyes as my face turns all shades of red. “Come on,” he says. “I have to show you something.”

He grabs my hand, but only takes a few steps to my dresser. He places me in front of it and stands behind me. Just before I question him, I realize that’s it’s the mirror above and not the dresser itself. I shake my head and try to face him, but his hands hold my shoulders in place.

“I don’t think you see what I see, which is a shame. Come on, take a good look.”

“Please,” I beg. “I’m just a girl. I look like an eighteen-year-old girl.”

“You see, to me, you’re beyond anything I could have hoped for. Because, you know, that’s what I used to do with my friends. We would go on and on about our future mates and everything we would want them to be. It was pointless because no matter what perfect girl I came up with, I could never come up with you. And I knew that the second I first saw you. So don’t go and tell me how you’re too nervous to talk to me because every day I’m trying to convince myself that the girl of my dreams is really mine.”

I look at him through the mirror. There’s nothing I could say right now to express how good I feel.

“When I woke up yesterday, and I saw you lying there beside me, I couldn’t believe it. You are so beautiful. I didn’t want you to go. I wanted you to stay there with me so I could hold you and know that you’re safe. I don’t know what I would do if something happened to you. For once, when I saw you there with me, I didn’t have to worry.”

I turn to face him. I bring my arms around him, resting my cheek in the crook of his neck. His arms find their way around me as well, and I say softly, “I don’t want you to worry because I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere. I know you want me with you, and I want to be with you too, but it’s just so complicated. I want to give you everything, but I need time.”

Adam pulls away but brings his hands to my shoulders then the sides of my face. “I really want to be selfish right now.”

“Maybe a little is okay.”

Adam’s shoulders relax. He leans down and brings his lips to mine, not risking the chance that I change my mind. His thumb brushes across my cheek and I open my mouth. My heart jumps around in my chest as I try to anticipate the next move or sensation. His hand slides from my cheek to the small of my back just as my fingers brush against the stubble on his jaw. The pressure increases and a small noise escapes me. He kisses me and all of the world falls away.

I feel the dresser against my back as his other hand combs into my hair. There’s something about it that feels so good and that makes me feel less and less nervous. I relax in his arms and let myself get completely consumed by him. Adam leads the way and I willingly follow. He is well aware of my submission as he breaks away and holds my face in his hands. I take in a quick breath as he looks over my puffed lips. My eyes stay fixated on his.

“I’m going to stop now,” he breathes to himself more than to me.

“Okay,” I say softly, feeling my blood as it continues to rush to my lips.

Adam closes his eyes as his gaze falls to the ground. His hands move to my shoulders, still maintaining a firm grip.

“Adam?” I say. I hear him take in a deep breath. His head lifts back up and his eyes study me. His grip tightens and I reach out to him.

He mutters something under his breath and completely moves away from me. Adam sits down on my bed and leans against his knees. “I’m sorry, Wrenley. I just—”

“Oh no,” I mumble. “I’m hurting you, aren’t I? I know what I said before, but I don’t want you to struggle. I don’t want you to hurt because of me.”

Adam shakes it off and stands up. “It’s fine. I’m fine. No need to worry, okay?”

I nod slowly even though I don’t believe him. A part of me can’t help but recall the night he shifted on me and scared the hell of out me all to gain back control. I don’t want to bring him to that ever again.

A sudden knock at the door steals my attention.

“Wren? Uh, you all warmed up?” My mom calls. The awkwardness of her voice makes me want to topple over. I forgot about everyone out there. God, could they hear? Are they all wondering what in the world is going on? Oh no, what about grandma?

“We have to update you on what’s been going on out here,” my mom says through the door.

I immediately rush and open it. “What do you mean? What happened?” My mom looks past me at Adam. His shirt is on now and I settle. “We were just talking and you know, defrosting. Now what happened?”

“Well, collectively, we tried to explain to grandma why Adam was going into your room, and who exactly Adam is. You know, I don’t know much about them or really him—nice to meet you, Adam—so your friends did most of the, uh, explaining.”

“Explaining?” I question. “What did they tell her? That he’s my boyfriend?”

My mom steps back. “No. They told her the truth. Everything that you told me.”