Waindale

“How was your mother’s?”

It was nice. We went out in the snow for a bit to build a snowman like we used to during Christmas vacation when we would come to visit grandma. I pretended like I was cold, and when we went inside, grandma had made hot chocolate. We watched old Christmas movies and laid on the couch with blankets and pillows and each other. It was nice. It was what I needed. They took my mind off of Adam for a little while, but when the sun set, and I was left on my own in that bedroom, he came back to me. I stared out my window like I used to and prayed he’d show up, and just like old times, he didn’t.

“It was nice,” I say as Adam’s mother brings me inside. “Have you heard—”

“No,” she interrupts. “Nothing. They haven’t found him.”

I set my bag down and sit on the couch in the living room Adam and I never use. It’s the living room where I first sat down with his mother. I’ve been feeling dizzy lately, and tired. It makes me feel human again.

“Ben is coming by soon,” she says, standing before me. “He’ll be updating me on what’s going on. You’re welcome to sit in on our meeting if you like.”

“Is everything okay?”

She nods. “I’m sure. I just want to stay updated. I need to know what’s going on—someone has to take responsibility.”

“Okay. I’d be happy to sit in.”

She eyes me for a moment, causing me to look up at her once again. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Just a little tired. Nauseous,” I tell her, leaning back. “It’s nothing.”

“If you insist.”

“I—I just—what if I went out there? What if I was in trouble? It’s worked before. He’ll come back if he thinks I’m in danger.”

His mother sighs. “You were in danger when he left.”

“There has to be something. What if I was being attacked? What if I was hanging off a cliff?”

“Wrenley, you’re pregnant. Let’s not be so ridiculous.”

“I just—I don’t know how much longer I can—”

“You must,” she says bluntly. “Even if my son doesn’t return for months, you must make it without him.

We hold each other’s gaze. I take in a slow, steady breath before standing up. “I will, for him. Everything I do is for him. I’m going to have this baby; Adam will have an heir, and his pack will be secure.” I touch my small belly and say, “It’s all for him.”

“I assumed, well, I assumed that my son doesn’t know about the baby. He wouldn’t leave if he knew you were pregnant.”

I watch her. She turns away.

“Or maybe that’s what I hope. Does he know? Does Adam know that you’re pregnant?”

“It’s complicated. I tried to tell him before I was completely sure myself, and he didn’t believe me. I was relying on my intuition, but he needs evidence. He needs to see this.” I touch my stomach again, hidden by layers of clothing.

“So he doesn’t know,” his mother clarifies.

I shake my head. “No, I don’t think he does.”

“But you tried to tell him that you thought you might be? And he didn’t believe you?”

“He got upset. He made it very clear that he does not want a baby.”

She pauses for a moment. “Wait... He made that clear? Is that why he left? Because you said you might be pregnant? Believe me, Wrenley, my son understands his position and the demands that follow suit, and I apologize for such behavior on his behalf.”

“Well, no, it’s not that he doesn’t want a baby at all. I’m sure down the line, he expected such things, but just not now. It’s too soon. We’re too young. I’m too fragile. He probably thinks that the baby is going to die. He probably sees no point in trying if I’m just going to suffer.”

This makes sense to her.

Though, I’m not sure what exactly makes Adam protest so resolutely. It must be our age. He’d be right, in that case; we are way too young to be having a baby, but my hands are tied.

Time is of the essence.

Ben comes by, and it’s good to see him. The three of us sit down in the dining room, but while Ben talks, my mind wanders. My eyes stare out the window as my thoughts take over—thoughts about Adam and what on Earth he is doing out there. I wonder how far he is. He must be far because if he was close, he might be tempted to check-in on me. The feeling of his gaze would wake me from the deepest sleep, so I know he doesn’t do so at night when he can remain hidden.

The baby might keep deprivation at bay, but there is an emptiness swelling inside of me. A sensation of pure sadness. The more days that pass by, the more it feels like Adam is never coming back. I pray that if he were dead, I would know. There must be some unbearable pain that comes when your mate dies. The fact that I haven’t felt this pain gives me hope that he isn’t dead. I don’t even know what beast could kill him, well, besides my father. Could that mean—no. That’s an evil thought. I refuse to think it.

Sometimes I watch the doors, waiting for him to come through. I watch the front door, and the back door, and when I’m in bed, I watch the bedroom doors. Every minute I pray that it is the minute he comes through. I watch the doors and I imagine entire scenarios—entire scenes—of what would happen when he comes through. He would rush to me and hold me and kiss me and place his hand on my cheek. I would look at his face, feel his skin with my fingertips. The emptiness would fill, and I would be whole again. Just imagining his voice brings tears to my eyes. God, what I would do just to hear him speak.

“That’s all, I’m sure.”

My eyes leave the window and land on Ben’s face.

“Thank you, Ben, for taking responsibility,” Adam’s mother says. “I don’t know what we would do without you.”

“It’s my pleasure,” he assures her. “Has there been any news? Have they picked up on his scent?”

Her shoulders fall. “No. Nothing yet.”

“I’m sure something will come up soon, that is unless Adam comes back himself beforehand. He must know that staying away for too long could cause irreversible damage.”

“He’ll come back,” I say, finally contributing.

Ben gives me a hopeful smile. I’m not sure if Adam will come back. Either he comes back, or he dies. It will be interesting to see which one he chooses.

“Well, thank you for stopping by, Ben. I must excuse myself. The former Alpha and Alexander will be returning soon, and I want to prepare a meal. Poor things are probably starved after all this searching.”

Adam’s mother stands up from the table, and Ben does so as well, but he sits back down once she leaves for the kitchen.

He asks me, “How have you been?”

“Oh, you know, it’s been hard, but I’m trying to stay hopeful.”

“Adam will be back,” Ben says, his voice steady. “When he gets back, I’m going to kick his ass.”

The corners of my mouth threaten to lift. “Not before I do,” I mutter.

“I just—I don’t understand how he could not only abandon the pack, but you. It doesn’t make sense. He’s a fool for doing so.”

“I’m sure he’s feeling the consequences.”

“Aren’t you?” Ben questions. “Aren’t you suffering? How could he leave, knowing you’d be in pain without him? I’m sorry, Wrenley, I don’t mean to get in your business, but it’s so selfish of him. I-I—it doesn’t make sense to me. Adam would never do something to hurt you; you’re his mate.”

“Whoever your mate is—she’s a lucky girl,” I say, remaining calm despite the emotion and confusion Ben is expressing.

Ben sighs. “Yeah, well, not really.”

“What do you mean? From all you just said, it sounds like you be a loving and loyal mate, Ben. Any girl would be so lucky.”

“I thought maybe Adam told you.”

“Told me what?”

He looks up at me from across the table. “My mate—she passed a long time ago.”

"What? No. How?”

“I felt it when I was around fourteen. It’s hard to explain. It’s a feeling unlike anything I’ve ever felt, unlike anything I’ll ever feel. I don’t talk about it much. I’ve been trying to move on since then.”

My brow furrows. “But—you never met her? You just felt it one day?”

He nods.

“That’s not fair. That can’t just happen.”

“People die,” Ben says. “All the time, people are dying. That time, it was her. The odds were against me, I suppose.”

“What do you do? Is there anything you can do?”

“No, Wrenley. We only get one mate. I know, it’s sad, but I’ve been coping for a long time now. I’m in a better place than I was back then. I’m looking on the bright side.”

I sit back. “I’m sorry. I just didn’t expect—”

“It’s okay, believe me. I’m actually meeting someone after this. Your friend from the academy, Penny.”

"Penny?”

“We’ve been talking. She seems like a nice girl,” he says. “She asked me to go ice skating. Apparently she’s a pretty good ice skater.”

“Penny? You’re meeting with Penny?”

Ben stands up. “I better get going. I don’t want to be late.”

I walk Ben to the door, still in disbelief that this girl managed to land a date with someone previously believed to be a hopeless endeavor. We say goodbye, and when I shut the door, a brightness stays ignited inside of me. She did it. I wonder if Ben told her that he doesn’t have a mate. I wonder if she knows that she actually has a chance.

“Wrenley, was that Ben leaving?” Adam’s mother calls from the kitchen.

“Um, yeah. He just left.”

“Could you come give me a hand with dinner?”

I hurry to the kitchen, and on my way, I glance at the back door. In my mind, he’s there. Adam is standing at the end of the hall, looking back at me with those beautiful eyes. I stop for a moment and stare at the nothingness before me. I bite my lip and force myself to continue on. If I don’t, I don’t know how much longer I’ll make it.