Chapter eleven. out of control
I leave the diner at the end of my shift, walking through cars in the lot and heading for the trees. Dinner is in an hour. Mom and Grandma are making a chicken pot pie—they’ve been wanting to make one ever since we arrived in Waindale. Apparently my mom used to crave them as a kid and again when she was pregnant with me. I would always hear about Grandma’s pot pie, how I must try it and must fall in love. All the women in our family learn this recipe by heart. I wonder what else the women in our family have in common.
Dinner is in an hour. Instead of making my way home, I’m weaving through trees like a child running away. I grip my school bag as I rush down a dip in the forest. The sun is starting to fall behind the very tips of the pines, and I consider calling this place Pinedale—or Paindale.
My school bag hits the ground as I drop it from my shoulder. I face the forest with more experience than before, knowing just how to drag Adam’s behind over here. With plenty of time to rethink and rethink our conversation, the one fact that is in bold against the rest is that my feelings are mutual. What would make me run to him in a heartbeat?
My eyes gaze up one of the trees as my fears are shoved in the corner of my mind. I pull off my jacket and leave it with my bag before confronting the thing. I used to climb all of the time when I was younger, so maybe the skill is still inside me somewhere. The low branch on this specific tree gets me off to a strong start. I heave myself onto the rough branch and turn until I’m sitting. After wobbling to my feet, I reach for the next branch. An image of my scraped knees is all I see as I continue on, nearly feeling the cuts haunt me. Grandma has the horrific spray in her medicine cabinet—my tumble on the beach brought me face to face with it once again.
I glance at the forest floor and feel my body clench up. I would need more than antibacterial spray to fix me from a fall like this. Wind tosses my hair in front of my face and my jeans rub against the tree bark. With my arms wrapped around the trunk, I contemplate the possibility of the tree toppling over.
I’m stuck—good. This is what I wanted. If Adam were in trouble, I couldn’t help but run to him. Somehow he knows where I am. Somehow we’re connected mentally and physically, so maybe if I focus on how terrified I am of slipping, plummeting, and shattering, he’ll get the message.
Should I scream his name?
A large gust of wind throws me off balance and has me clawing at the bark. My limbs cling to the tree like a proper animal, and I wonder if I just might shift. This idea doesn’t seem as solid anymore. How successful can I be if I actually fall?
Sounds of struggle and terror flee from my throat. My school bag looks like it’s getting smaller and smaller.
Dinner is in less than an hour and—
“Adam!” I feel him! He’s here! “Adam! I’m here! I’m here!”
For some reason, I expect a large black wolf to appear, but instead, handsome Adam walks from the brush and my mind turns to mush. I tighten my hold around the trunk and stare down at him. His dark eyes peer up at me as his arms cross. Eve has been caught trying to steal the forbidden fruit and he’s ready to point fingers.
“You came,” I call down, ignoring my idiotic appearance. “I thought this might work. Can you read my mind? How did you know?”
“You want me to help you down?” He somewhat asks. It’s obvious what I’ve done, but I can’t tell if he’s upset.
“I didn’t mean to take you from your duties, or, well, I guess I did. Sorry. I just—we really have to talk.”
My eyes focus too long on his arms as I wait for a response. I wonder what they would feel like wrapped around me. I bet he can lift really heavy things. I bet he can get me out of this tree in no time.
“You want to stay up in the tree while you say your piece?” He questions. If I wasn’t biologically engineered to love the sound of his voice, I may just say something smart back.
“Okay. I’ll come down.”
I look to the branch below me and wonder how the heck I can get to it.
“Do you need help, Wrenley?”
As I shakily lower to my butt, I mutter, “Uh—I don’t know.” I swing one leg to the other side of the branch and face the truck with uncertainty. “I think I can—one second.”
He sighs. “Alright. I’m coming.”
My heart jerks in my chest. I look over my shoulder and watch as he effortlessly climbs from the first branch to the second.
“Turn onto your stomach,” he instructs while standing up on the third. He holds onto my branch as I attempt to get both legs on the same side. My body tilts too far forward and I immediately halt
“I can’t. I can’t balance.” My voice is quick. “Oh God. I’m stuck. I’m really stuck.”
“Try again. I’ll hold your leg. You won’t fall.”
Adam suddenly grabs onto me and all air escapes my lungs. It’s like I can feel him through my clothes. I lean forward and bring up my other leg. His grip tightens and my mind runs wild. My foot nearly collides with his head, but I manage to get on my stomach, my muscles starting to ache.
“Now step down,” Adam tells me. As I lower my body down, his arm comes around my waist. My feet barely find the branch. “There you go.”
I hold onto the branch above as he is. We come face to face and I’m sure mine is as red as a rose.
“Um, thanks,” I mumble.
He helps me down the rest of the way and eventually my shoes touch the wonderful, wet, spongy ground of Waindale. I take a deep breath and another and another. Adam looks like he can climb a hundred more.
“Now, what made you do that?” He asks.
As I pick up my school bag and jacket, I say, “We have to undo the bond.”
His jaw clenches. “Did you talk to Vivian about this? Did she explain anything?”
“I didn’t know what to ask. You could have at least told me about the whole Alpha thing, though.”
“If we unmate each other, it wouldn’t matter. That’s not important right now.”
I look directly in his eyes. “What is important? That we just break the bond? That you figure out how you want to do it? I know you told me to wait, but I can’t. My mom wants to take me to a doctor and I—”
“Why?” He interrupts. “Why are you seeing a doctor?”
“She’s worried about me not sleeping. She thinks it’s because of some underlying issue and it’s not like I can tell her the real reason. Well, it’s not like I even know the real reason. I just—I need a conclusion to be drawn.”
“Unmating isn’t as easy as you’re assuming. There’s no way to have a clean break. It’s something that’s worn down over time after staying far away from one another,” he explains. While it’s not what I was hoping to hear, I’m glad he’s educating me on the situation.
“So what are you saying?”
Adam runs a hand through his hair, really trying to decide whether he should speak or not. I hold myself, expecting something painful.
“Now that you know about my situation—someone in my position should have their mate. An Alpha’s mate plays a large role.”
“I know, the Luna. There’s supposed to be one.”
He looks down at me, a little defeated.
“Look, we can stay away from each other. We can try and unmate and maybe—maybe you can get a new mate?”
“It’s a one time deal,” he says, his voice lower.
Guilt overcomes me. “I-I’m sorry. You’re going to be an Alpha, and I ruined it. I took your one opportunity at having a mate. There’s no way around it? There’s nothing to do about it?”
Adam eyes stay on me. He watches me as if I’m suddenly going to have an answer. There’s regret behind his expression, and I feel like I’m missing something. “What is it?” I ask.
“Wrenley, I know all of this is foreign to you, and I don’t expect you to fully understand where I’m coming from at the moment,” Adam starts. “I’ve tried to make this easy for you, to find you a way out. The last thing I want is to sound forceful. I don’t want this to seem like a trap.”
My lip quivers. Dinner is probably on the table. Grandma and my mom are probably worrying about me, wondering why I’m not back from work yet. I have homework—English, reading. What chapters again? Oh God, what were the chapters? I should have written them down, I know I should have, but I was too lazy. If I just took the time to use my planner, maybe I wouldn’t have such problems.
“Wrenley.”
I look up at Adam, my hands shaking under my jacket as I hold it to my unsettled stomach.
“I-It sounds like you... Are you suggesting that we don’t? Don’t do anything about it?”
“I don’t know what this is like for you. On top of everything else, it’s a lot to comprehend, but—”
“I have to go,” I blurt. “I just have to go.”
Adam steps toward me as I move back. Before he can say anything more than my name, I run off through the trees. For once I am the one escaping him, but I don’t feel in control. I’m anything but in control.