SWNOVELS Vital Blindside: Chapter 28
Adam’s words linger heavily in the air.
Everything he said is true. He threw a hard slap of reality right at me, and I’m reeling from the burn left behind.
It’s not a bad burn but one that won’t go away easily.
He was right when he said I hated myself for what happened. I did. And I still do blame myself for the how and for the why, but not for what happened after. I can’t—not anymore.
I know that if I had been paying more attention during that game, I wouldn’t have missed the player headed right for me. I wouldn’t have gotten thrown into the boards, and I wouldn’t have hurt myself. But it was me that chose to come home, and after everything that has happened in the past few months, I would make that choice over and over again.
If I hadn’t come home, I wouldn’t have known my mother was sick. I wouldn’t have been able to help her, and I would have missed out on the time I’ve had with her.
If I hadn’t come home, I wouldn’t have met Adam. Or Cooper, or Willow. I wouldn’t have found a love and a passion for helping athletes like Willow.
My shoulder was never going to get back to what it was. Regardless if I had stayed in Calgary and continued my therapy after my surgery with my previous therapist, I would still be where I am today. Only I wouldn’t have learned what was out there, waiting for me to find.
I can’t say that I’m not still sad. Not still disappointed. How could I not be? I will never get another chance to accomplish something very few have.
The difference now is that I think I can live with that. I can use it to motivate me to be better, to push myself when I need to. The memories will always be there. It’s just time to make new ones.
A weight lifts not only from my shoulders but from my soul. It took months to get to this point, and now that I’m here, I feel like I can breathe again.
My mom shouldn’t spend the few good years she has left remembering me as the broken girl who lost everything and gave up. She should remember me as the one who got up after falling and found a reason to run.
“You really want me to stay at WIT?” I ask softly, finally breaking the silence in the kitchen.
Adam doesn’t hesitate before answering me, eyes shining as sincere as I’ve ever seen. “Yes. Do you want to stay?”
“Yes.” Desperately.
“Then tell me what I can do to make you feel more comfortable with staying. If working with athletes makes you happy, I don’t want you to stop. Especially not because of me.” He winces and clears his throat. His eyes dim, like someone flipped a light switch inside of him. “If a relationship with me would take this chance from you, then say the word and I’ll walk away.”
“What?” I stare at him with my mouth gaped. A cold flush slithers down my body before it’s replaced with a surprising sense of frustration, aimed right at Adam. The words run out of me. “And what about your happiness? When are you going to start putting yourself first? You are worthy of getting everything you want too, Adam. There aren’t always sacrifices you need to make for other people.”
I catch him off guard, and it takes him a few seconds to recover. Once he does, he laughs. He actually laughs. I scowl hard, only making him laugh harder.
“I already have been putting myself first. Don’t you get it? The risk I took letting you meet my son, my friends, getting to know me—that was my way of putting myself first.”
I swallow. “Then why are you prepared to have done all of that for not—”
He shakes his head. “Don’t finish that sentence. You need to listen to me, Scarlett Carter, because as much as I love you, sometimes you make me want to shake some sense into you.”
It’s like someone’s reached inside my chest and taken hold of my heart. My next inhales are wobbly, unsteady. What?
Adam closes the gap between us and takes my cheek in his hand. His eyes shine, no longer dim. They burn bright as he traces my Cupid’s bow with his thumb.
“From the moment you stepped into my office, you swept me up in a tide of grumpy comebacks and frowns that I ached to see flip. I became obsessed with learning more about you, so I did just that.
“I’ve learned that you only ever drink black coffee because you actually like how bitter it tastes. I know that you always tie your left skate before your right because that was your pre-game ritual and you can’t break the habit. I know you can’t brush your curls because when you do, they turn to ‘fluffy strands of frizz,’ and I know that you have a heart too big for your chest. Shit, baby, I haven’t been able to stop learning things about you because I am so incredibly in love with you that I can’t.
“And it’s because I’m in love with you that I would put my own happiness aside to make sure you got everything you wanted in life. If you wanted me to walk away from this—from us—and have you report only to Banks, I would arrange it right now, even if I shattered myself in the process. If you told me right now to find you another job in another province, hell, another fucking country, I would do it if it meant you didn’t lose something you love doing again.”
Tears drip down my face faster than he can wipe them away. I reach for his hands and cover them with mine. He presses our foreheads together and bumps my nose with his.
“I know you would make the same sacrifices for me that I’m prepared to make for you. That’s why you were going to quit, because you were willing to give up something you love to be with me,” he finishes softly.
“You’re the most annoyingly happy person I’ve ever met, but I went and fell in love with you anyway,” I reply, releasing a mangled laugh. Adam smiles before it grows to a full-fledged grin. “You are incredible, Adam, in every way possible. I didn’t think I was ever going to find anything that made me feel the way hockey did, but I found something better instead. I love my job. But I love you more.”
These words feel right. They feel like they’ve been waiting to be said for a while, but I was too full of self-loathing and disappointment to notice them.
“It feels so good to hear you say that,” he breathes before covering my mouth with his in a bruising kiss.
I loop my arms around his neck and pull him closer, kissing him back with an urgency that says everything I haven’t been able to put into words.
This man loves me, despite my flaws and my less than appealing personality. Somehow, we just fit. We were drawn together like magnets from the moment we met. There was no stopping this.
We were inevitable.
Adam pulls open the passenger door of his car for me as I step out. The summer sun roasts my neck and shoulders, making me wince.
He takes my hand and links our fingers together before shutting the door. I exhale a wavering breath and try to collect myself before we head toward my house.
“I don’t know what to prepare myself for,” I admit.
“Do you want me to come inside with you?” He brushes his thumb back and forth across the back of my hand.
I shake my head. “I don’t know how she’ll be once she sees me. It’s probably best if you don’t come in.” Even if leaving his side is the last thing I want to do right now after what happened this morning.
We didn’t spend any more time in the kitchen after our kiss. Mrs. McConnell called shortly after we broke apart and told us my mother was okay. She was disoriented, confused, and embarrassed, but she was okay.
After hanging up, Adam had pecked my lips once more before ushering us back to his room. He helped me find my clothes and, after we were both dressed and ready, drove us here.
My mom’s car is still at the pub from last night, and despite my reluctance, Adam insisted he’ll bring it to my house tonight. My pulse hasn’t steadied in hours, and I can’t help but realize what an odd feeling it is to be so unapologetically obsessed with someone like this.
Adam nods in understanding, although I can tell he wants to push me on it. “Are you ready?”
“I have to be, right?
“No. You just have to try to be. This isn’t an easy responsibility to carry, but you’ve been doing so well already under the weight of it. I’m here to help now, and once we find a caretaker, they’ll help too. You can handle this, Scarlett. I know you can.”
“Thank you,” I whisper, the use of the word we not evading me. His words fill me with enough confidence that I start to lead us to the house. “What time do you need to pick up Cooper?” I ask to distract myself.
We’ve reached the garage when he says, “After lunch. He most likely isn’t even up yet.”
“A late sleeper, huh?”
Adam laughs. “Yeah. I think he’s still catching up on all the sleep he lost when he was a toddler. The kid loved to play cars at two in the morning.”
“Let me guess, you got up and joined him every morning?”
“Every single time.”
I sneak a glance in his direction once we reach the porch to find him staring inquisitively at the flowerpot housing one tall sunflower. “I made that in third grade,” I tell him.
The pot was once a bright orange colour with puffy white clouds and my name scrawled across it, but after years of weather damage, the pot is chipped, and the paint is dull.
“Mom’s kept it on this porch ever since. I’m pretty sure it’s housed every variation of flower known to man over the years.”
Adam looks at me, smiling. “She loves you. Adores you, really. It’s beautiful to see.”
My heart clenches. “Yeah. She does. I feel the same about her.”
He squeezes my hand, and I realize we’ve been standing, stalled, at the bottom of the porch stairs. “Come on, Scary Spice. It’ll be okay.”
“It will,” I repeat, steeling my spine.
We step on the first step together before doing the same with the second. Too soon, we’re in front of the door.
“I’m going to wait in my car for a few minutes, okay? If you need me, just come outside or call me. I won’t leave until you tell me to,” Adam says when I grab the doorknob. Our hands are still linked.
“I don’t want you to go,” I whisper, a lump building in my throat. I’m not sure if it’s fear, but it sure tastes like it.
His expression is sure, decided. “Then I’m not leaving. I’m staying here with you.”
I want him to stay too badly to keep insisting that he go, so I don’t. Instead, I open the door and lead him inside.