(Un)wise

I sat up, shaking from the details of the dream. More death! Sweat coated my face, not from a fever, but the memory. Why had I dreamed that? I turned and noted the empty cold spot next to me. He’d left me, that’s why. After his sweet comment about holding me in his heart, he’d left me. He knew what I suffered. I weakly swiped at my face, removing the moisture and wishing I could remove the memory. Exhaling slowing, I reflected on what I’d learned. My sister Courage always died young.

Light still shone through the room’s window. I glanced at the numbers on the digital clock. Less than an hour had passed. Two pills and a glass of water waited on the small lamp stand next to the bed. Without hesitation, I swallowed them down. I could have cared less what they were at that point. I’d have taken anything from painkillers to cyanide. I definitely hadn’t gotten the rest I needed.

My stomach ached from sitting up so quickly. I gingerly rolled off the bed and rose to a crouched stand. I hobbled out of the bedroom to look for Luke. I found Michelle waiting on the couch in the living room, but no Luke. She stood when she saw me. Her concern for me was evident on her face.

“Luke asked me to wait here so you wouldn’t be alone. I know you said the dreams were bad, but…”

I looked away from her uncomfortably and wondered how much I’d yelled.

“Luke said he left you some pills.”

“Yeah, I already took them. What were they?”

“Something for the pain.”

Darn.

“Nana and Sam want to talk to you when you’re up.”

“I’m not up yet,” I said as I shuffled toward the bathroom.

Michelle followed me to the door. “They want to know what’s going on. Gabby and I haven’t said anything. But after you left, Sam tried talking to Gabby and they ended up yelling at each other. Clay looked all bristly like he wanted to hit Sam.”

I rolled my eyes, finished up, and opened the door. “And I care why?”

“Sam’s an Elder. Gabby’s—” The door opened with a bang stopping Michelle’s words.

“Gabby’s getting annoyed,” Gabby said, striding into the room and closing the door behind her. “They let you go because you’re hurt, but as soon as you were gone, we were bombarded with questions. They even sent for Luke to grill him.”

I couldn’t help the panicked look that crept into my eyes. It was too soon to reveal everything. It explained his absence, though.

“We didn’t say anything,” Gabby assured me again. “Look, I wasn’t sure who to trust before you got here, but after talking to you, I don’t think we can do this alone. I think we need to talk to the Elders. At least some of them.”

Michelle nodded her head in agreement.

We were all thinking of Elder Joshua. “I’m sorry I left you. I can’t control when the dreams come and go anymore.”

“It’s okay,” Michelle said. “Luke explained that to us.”

“Us?”

“Me, Gabby, Clay, and Emmitt. They didn’t trust Luke alone with us,” Michelle said with an apologetic shrug.

“What did he do to deserve all of this hostility?”

“He stole Emmitt’s bike.”

“And he and some of his friends ganged up on Clay before I Claimed him,” Gabby added. “Luke’s your Mate, right?”

“He is a possibility,” I agreed.

Her frown grew more pronounced. Her eyes flicked around the room. “I’d really like to talk to you alone, again. I have so many questions.”

The door opened. “As do I,” Nana said softly. “But I think it would be best if you sat while we discussed this. I don’t like how pale you are.” She motioned me toward the couch.

“This would be better in the soundproofed room,” Gabby said quickly.

“Of course,” Nana agreed.

As we walked to the room—at a very slow pace because of me—I contemplated where I wanted to start and what exactly to explain. I couldn’t completely trust the Elders with everything I knew. Not yet. I didn’t have the right answers to explain our purpose fully. Sure, we were here to maintain balance between the three groups, but how? I wasn’t sure I was ready to share the who. At least, not until we weeded out the Urbat hiding in the pack. I believed wholly that the Taupe Lady’s warning was serious. The world would burn if we failed. Though I trusted that knowledge, I doubted that anyone else would.

The door to the room stood open. Two other men sat inside. I recognized one. He’d brought up my bag.

Nana made official introductions as we sat. “Bethi, this is Sam and Grey, Elders. People you can trust. Elder Joshua is on his way here. We are missing two others, who are currently assisting in Europe, but we will communicate with them through our link.”

I didn’t say anything about her trust comment.

“Hello, Sam.” So, that was the man who Gabby had argued with. He looked nice enough. Grey hair, neatly dressed. The memory of him eating spaghetti surfaced. He reminded me of my grandpa. I smiled and looked at the other one Nana had indicated. “Grey,” I added as an acknowledgement as he shut the door. “Thank you all for your help. I didn’t think Luke and I would make it here when they all came on us like that.”

Sam cleared his throat, his troubled gaze meeting mine. “We’d never seen anything like that. Our kind…we’re peaceful.”

I nodded. He seemed so sincere. Could the betrayal go deeper than Joshua?

“We’ve had instances where we couldn’t communicate with a few of our kind in the past, but never so many. Can you tell us why they were attacking you?” Sam asked.

Michelle glanced at me, but I didn’t meet her gaze.

“The simple answer is that they were trying to take me back to their leader. There are so many things I don’t know. Who their leader is and what they want to do with me when they get me.” I rested my hands on the table, took a calming breath, and began my careful tiptoe around explanations that would trip me up and darted to the ones that would get me the result I needed.

“But I think it has to do with what’s happening to me. I’m reliving past lives through my dreams. This has been going on for several months. Somehow, those guys learned that I had these dreams and started chasing me. When Luke showed up, I thought he was one. As you know, we were pretty much chased the whole way. Luke kept me safe.” I could feel Gabby’s eyes on me and struggled not to meet her gaze. “Anyway, he brought me here, thinking you might be able to help me.” I couldn’t come up with anything better without spilling that there was a definitive difference between the people at the table and the people who’d chased me.

“Why do they care if you are having these dreams?” Nana asked.

“I’m not sure. The dreams seem like pieces to a puzzle. Some of them are fitting together, but I haven’t fit enough of them together to figure out the big picture.”

“Tell us more about the dreams.”

I regretted that Nana had overheard what I’d suffered in them and hoped she’d let me get away with a vague answer. “Mostly they are the same thing. Something is chasing me or comes to my home. Usually it looks like a really large dog. Then it changes into the shape of a man. Those dreams always end with me dying.”

“You’ve dreamt of us killing you?”

No, it was the Urbat. But I couldn’t say that.

“Not just me,” I said looking at Michelle and Gabby. “I’ve seen their past lives, too. We all die.”

The room was eerily quiet for a moment.

“Why?” Nana asked looking deeply troubled.

I took an easy breath feeling as if I’d just cleared the minefield. “That’s why I was willing to come with Luke. Like I said, some things I pieced together, but there are a lot of ‘whys’ I haven’t figured out. I was hoping I’d find help here, that you’d have more answers.”

Nana, Grey, and Sam shared a look. “We need some time to speak,” Sam said slowly. “Is there anything more you know that could help us?”

He saved me from a complete lie by adding that last bit. There was plenty more that I knew but nothing that would help them. Not until Joshua arrived. Michelle and Gabby watched me shake my head. Neither of them spoke.

“After all of those dreams, I doubted everything I thought I knew,” I said with a shrug.

Sam glanced at Nana. The significant pause told me they were communicating silently.

“Michelle, Gabby, help Bethi to the commons for something to eat, please. Your men are waiting there for you,” Nana said.

“Sure,” Gabby said quickly exiting her chair and moving to open the door. Michelle offered a hand to help me stand. Neither said anything as we left, and I felt relieved. I’d given the Elders enough information to get them off our backs, for now. I just needed to figure out what to do about Joshua. If he had an unusual spark, we couldn’t trust him. But what to do about it?

When we entered a huge room filled with tables and chairs, I only caught a glimpse of it before Clay strode toward us. He stopped just in front of Gabby, preventing all of us from moving any further. The heavenly smells of turkey and stuffing drifted to me as his eyes swept over Gabby’s face. My stomach cramped. This time from hunger.

“She’s fine, big guy, but my stomach’s really hurting. Would you mind—” I didn’t get to finish the sentence before Clay was jostled aside with a growl from behind.

“Move already,” Luke snapped at Clay, scooping me up.

Clay’s eyes narrowed as they settled on Luke. Gabby curled her fingers in his hand. He stopped his glaring and gave her his full attention. “I’m fine. Bethi’s not. We’re supposed to get her something to eat.”

I caught Clay’s nod before Luke turned, almost bumping us into Emmitt. Two little boys circled around him like satellites. Luke huffed, and I reached up to smack the back of his head lightly. “The decisions you make and the words you speak influence the people around you. Be aware of your influence,” I quoted.

His lips twitched, and he looked down at the boys. “Excuse me, please,” he said politely.

They scampered out of his way, and Emmitt stepped aside, his eyes on Michelle.

“Didn’t you take the pills?” Luke asked softly, carrying me to a cushioned chair.

“I took them.” My stomach cramped, and I tried to remember when I’d last eaten. “Nana mentioned something about food.” Instead of setting me in the chair, he sat and settled me on his lap.

“I’ll get it for you,” Michelle called moving toward the kitchen. Emmitt followed closely behind.

Clay moved to the chair across from us and sat, his eyes never leaving Gabby. Gabby perched on one of his knees and smiled slightly when he set a hand on her waist.

“How long have you two been together?” I asked. I really just wanted to know how safe she was. Claimed was good, but Mated was better.

“Clay has been living with me since the end of August.” Her smile widened. “But I just recently Claimed him.”

“Not Mated?” I wondered.

She shook her head. Well, crap.

Michelle returned just then with a sandwich. “Here you go.”

I accepted the plate with a smile of thanks. “How long have you and Emmitt been together?” Taking a bite of the sandwich, I listened to Michelle say they’d been Claimed for several months and were planning a wedding. Another one not Mated. Dangerous business. I glanced at Emmitt who was watching me closely. We were still all ripe for Urbat picking. I wished again that Luke would just give in and at least let me Claim him.

“What about you two?” Emmitt asked.

I shrugged and took another bite. Everyone continued to wait patiently for my answer. Even Luke, the jerk, was quiet. Fine.

“He has a problem with my boobs.” I took another bite of my sandwich.

Luke made a choking noise, and I grinned. “Secretly, I think he’s hoping if he waits until I’m eighteen they might grow a bit more.”

Emmitt’s face betrayed nothing as his gaze flicked between me and Luke. Clay’s whiskers split to show two rows of perfect white teeth. His eyes were on Luke. I didn’t want to turn around to see why. Michelle looked slightly shocked and worried. Gabby was frowning at Luke.

“They’re kinda like the elephant in the room. We’re not allowed to talk about them.”

Luke stood with me in his arms, turned, dumped me—gently—in the chair, and strode away. I grinned at the group.

“That’s usually how he reacts if I do talk about them.”

“So you haven’t Claimed him yet?” Gabby asked.

I snorted. “Nope. He won’t let me. He’s pretty quick to protect his precious neck. I got smacked in the face, like, at least fifty times on the trip here.” I polished off the sandwich with a sigh. That had to have been the best sandwich ever.

“That makes no sense,” Gabby stated. “I was so sure.” She looked in the direction that Luke had walked off and moved to stand. The content, happy feeling left my stomach.

Clay wrapped his hand around her wrist to stop her. I took a slow breath and tried to let go of the anxiety filling me. She was my sister. I would need to depend on her. So why was I so jealous of her and her relationship with Luke?

She turned and met Clay’s eyes. “It’s okay. I’ll be right back. I have to know,” she said quietly.

Michelle shifted uncomfortably in her seat. See, the restless part of me yelled. Even she sensed that Gabby shouldn’t want to go chasing after Luke. I shushed myself.

Clay sighed and let go, but surprised me by following her. She didn’t seem to mind.

“Do you want something to drink?” Michelle asked quietly, pulling my attention back to the remaining two.

“Sure.” I stood to go with her since I didn’t want to sit and dwell on what had just happened.

“The Elders don’t have much to go off of,” she said quietly.

I smiled at her evasive wording. “No. They don’t,” I slowly agreed. “Maybe Elder Joshua’s arrival will help?” I still wasn’t sure what to do about him or how to expose him so he wouldn’t tell the other Urbat that I’d figured them out.

She glanced at me with a slight frown, and I could see her making the connections. “I hope so,” she murmured.

In the kitchen, I had to pause for a moment to gape in amazement. The heavenly smells that dotted the commons intensified as I stepped through the door. Several ovens lined the walls. The counters and stovetops were spread with numerous ingredients and dishes in various stages of preparation. So much food…

An older woman with long blonde hair came over to us. She smiled at Michelle. “Another sandwich?”

Michelle looked at me.

I watched another woman pull a turkey from the oven. The crisp brown skin called to me. “Turkey,” I mumbled in a zombie-like fashion.

The woman laughed and turned to watch the other woman baste the bird. “It’ll be another three hours until they’re done. Eighteen birds in all,” she confided.

Tearing my eyes from the food, I really looked at her for the first time. “Charlene,” I whispered recalling the memory of the girl at school. She didn’t look much different. Sure, a little older, but the face was unmistakable.

“Do I know you?”

“Charlene, this is Bethi,” Michelle introduced us.

Charlene held out her hand. I looked down at it briefly before meeting her eyes again. “I think it’s better if we don’t,” I said softly. She dropped her hand and eyed me curiously. “You have a lot of food to cook, and I don’t want to be responsible for knocking you on your butt. But I’m glad to have met you.” Charlene’s eyes flared in surprise.

“Same here,” she said. “I’ll get you something more to snack on. You look like you need it.”

“You know how it is when you’re on the run. You’re so busy moving your feet you forget to shove something in your mouth.”

She nodded again—the look in her eyes told me she really did understand what it felt like to be on the run—before turning away to get a plate. She loaded it with two pieces of pumpkin pie covered with a mountain of whipped cream, a large scoop of fluffy stuff hiding mini marshmallows, and an enormous square of bread pudding with cranberries.

“This should help,” she said handing over the heavy plate.

Saliva pooled in my mouth. I could only nod as I turned away. My stomach pulled a little as I carried the plate.

“Can I carry that for you?” Emmitt offered. I looked up. Apprehension spread through me. His eyes saw too much.

“Sure,” I said with false ease as I surrendered the plate.

The others had returned and sat in our recently abandoned seats. Seeing Luke sitting there calmly, his eyes meeting Gabby’s in some sort of silent communication hurt me even as those stupid crazy butterflies took flight in my stomach.

“If you’re feeling tired,” Emmitt said softly, “you could take this back to your room.”

I stopped walking and turned to him, meeting his eyes. “I’m not really tired as much as I just want to be alone for a while,” I said honestly, knowing that Luke could hear me. “So going back to my room sounds great. Would you come get me when something interesting happens?”

He nodded and turned to lead the way back.

After Emmitt and Michelle left me in my apartment, I sat on the couch and shoved in a forkful of pumpkin pie. Still warm. I sighed and took another bite. I missed my mom. She made great pumpkin pie when we got together with her side of the family. Cousins, aunts, uncles, my grandpa. I wondered if she was with them. I hoped she was. So many times I had lost the ones I loved. In a way, it helped me now. I still hurt for my mother in this life but also had a numb sort of protection from the hurt. Like scar tissue.

“So you want to be alone, huh?” Luke said as he let himself in and softly closed the door. “A bit rude, don’t you think?”

“No more rude than you running off in a drama queen fit so ‘Little One’ follows you,” I said.

He walked around the couch so he stood before me. His expression was slightly amused. “You’re jealous.”

I wanted to throw my fork at him. “No kidding. Look, either want me or don’t, but stop playing the middle ground. I’m tired of waiting for you.” That wiped the humor from his expression.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I had to suffer through a dream where I was drowned as a baby. If you would have let me Claim you, I’d have more control over the dreams. If you would have stayed by me, I wouldn’t have dreamed that at all.” Well, maybe not, but he didn’t need to know that.

“Bethi, I’m sorry about leaving you. The Elders had questions and wouldn’t be ignored.”

“I won’t be ignored, Luke. Decide.”

“There’s no decision. We are meant to be together. We just need to be patient for a little while longer. When you turn eighteen—”

“Just stop,” I yelled. “Do you hear yourself? Do you even know what you’re saying?” I lowered my voice in an imitation of him. “‘Bethi, I want to be with you, but first I need you to suffer for three more months. Being killed another ninety times—minimum—isn’t asking too much so I can feel virtuous when I allow you to Claim me.”

He bent down in front of me and plucked the plate from my hands. “Bethi, I swear. I will not leave you again. I won’t allow you to suffer another death,” he said softly, brushing the loose hair back from my face.

“I already suffered one too many,” I said, standing. “If you add up all the years I’ve lived across all my lives, I celebrated my one thousandth birthday a couple decades ago. You’re not cradle robbing, you’re grave robbing. Think on that.”

He sighed and stood, too. We stayed like that for a moment. Me glaring and him skimming my face with an increasingly tender look. He stepped close and brushed his finger over my skin, tracing my right eyebrow and then feathering into my hair.

“You have the most amazing eyes,” he whispered.

“I’ve heard that before,” I said, struggling against the hope building in my chest.

He leaned in and my heart started to hammer. The last time he’d kissed me he’d said it wouldn’t happen again. Did it mean he’d actually heard me? Had he changed his mind? My breath caught as I waited for him to close the last inch between us.

“I will do anything for you,” he continued. “Even wait.” He turned his head and kissed my cheek—my flippin cheek.

I started shaking. “Get out. Before I hurt myself trying to hit you.”

He sighed and backed away. “Bethi—”

“No. No more. Go.” I turned my head away unable to look at him.

Stupid idiot.

He left the room. I slumped back into my seat, picked up the plate of dessert he’d taken from me, and gorged myself. Pie, good. Luke, bad.

After the last bite, I settled back with a groan. It felt horrible, in a good way, to be so full again; and it put me in a thoughtful mood.

Once Joshua was here, and we eliminated the threat of further information leaking to the Urbat, we could plan our next steps. Until then, I knew Gabby was watching for a sneak attack. I wished I could talk to her about it but couldn’t risk raising the suspicion of the Elders by sneaking into the padded room for a private conversation. That meant being patient and waiting. Just like Luke had asked me to.

Screw waiting and screw Luke. I went to my room and strapped on the sheath and knife. I hated waiting, and I hated feeling so defenseless physically and mentally. I knew Claiming wasn’t necessarily permanent. I wanted Luke despite his pigheaded hesitation. But maybe I could find someone willing to let me Claim him until Luke was ready. I could care less who I bit. I just wanted the dreaming to stop. At least, the death dreams. And, those would once I Claimed someone. They had in the past. The other dreams were fine, and I could still learn from them.

I left the room and made my way to the commons. On the way there, I heard a lot of laughing and noise coming from another apartment. The door stood open. Inside, Michelle watched as two young boys wrestled with teens just a bit older than me.

“Paul, cheated,” one cried.

“Did not,” the other little boy shouted back.

“Liam. Aden. If you two are going to fight about this, then play time with Paul and Henry is done,” Michelle said.

There was a bunch of whining as the teens stood. I stepped back and waited for them to leave. They noticed me after they closed the door. I smiled. Either would do nicely.

Paul sat across from me looking nervous, his gaze darting around the room. Henry had fled as soon as I’d explained the favor I needed.

“He’ll kill me just to have you back.”

“It won’t come to that,” I promised.

“Yes, it will. You don’t know our ways. He’ll challenge me to the death. I really want to help you, but I won’t have a chance.”

“Please,” I begged. As a Judgement, I knew I held a certain level of attraction for all of them. Why was this so hard then? Technically, I’d been rejected three times now, counting Luke as a single rejection. Maybe I needed to stand up on one of the tables and start shouting it out. Take me! I’m yours!

A dream started tugging at me.

“If there wasn’t anyone else interested in you, I would agree,” he promised me. “But if he doesn’t kill me, my mom will.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I waved away his concern. “If he were really interested, why am I still unClaimed?”

Paul looked unsure. “I’m really sorry, Bethi.” His words held a note of finality.

“Whatever,” I mumbled and stood. When I turned, I caught Luke watching me from a few seats over. My eyes narrowed. He ignored me and looked at Paul, giving him a quick wink.

The dream hit me upside the head with a frying pan, and I staggered as I took a step toward the kitchen. The dizzy wave passed over me quickly, barely interrupting my slow progress. Still, Luke stood and moved to my side.

“Are you all right?” he asked with concern.

“Peachy,” I answered, tugging my arm from his grasp. Whatever dream waited, it waited impatiently. I could only imagine what horrors it wanted to share with me. I met Luke’s gaze. He had the power to change the message it bore just with his presence. Why did he continue to hurt me by keeping himself from me?

“I just need something to drink.”

He gave me a gentle smile that twisted my stomach with wishful thinking. “I’ll get it for you.”

He moved off to the kitchen. I moved off toward the doors.

I meant to go outside to find someone else to beg to be my valentine. Instead, I collapsed in the hall with a dream tripping my feet.

A thin, bare shell of darkness covered my eyes. I could easily see shapes through it. Swirls of grey floated in and out of my frame of vision. Voices whispered. Some sounded like grating, unintelligible noise. Others spoke in clear tones.

Regardless of the sounds of the voices, the message was clear. “Free us.”

Unable to move, blinking but seeing nothing more than shadow, I lay trapped in a hellish unfeeling world.

Then she came. She stood out in vibrant clarity, her taupe grown robbing the surrounding shades of grey of their unique beauty. Her pale face held a kindness I’d never before witnessed.

“Child,” she whispered. “You can see me as the others cannot. Stand strong though you lack Strength. Be calm though you lack Peace. Wait for Wisdom. She will find you.”

Pain burst in the back of my head. “Move!” someone yelled. I forced my small legs to move, taking steps into the unknown with hands outstretched, hoping I wouldn’t fall. Hoping that if I did, someone would catch me.

The dream shifted, pulling me deeper.

I ran through the tall grass, the fronds whipping my face, making tiny cuts as I passed. The dry rustle of the grass behind me marked my pursuers.

I struggled to pull myself from the dream. Why was I always running? Once again, I’d merged with my past-self.

“Come on, little one. Tell us what you saw,” a voice laughed.

A claw raked my back, parting flesh. I screamed in pain and terror.

“Bethi, wake up!”

I woke swinging. The flat of my palm connected with Luke’s face. He looked surprised and quickly captured my hand in his gentle fingers.

Tears leaked from the corners of my eyes as the residual pain lingered on my back. “Get away from me.”

“Bethi, I’m sorry—”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry… Try being something else for a change. Like on time,” I snapped picking myself up off the floor.

Hurt reflected in his eyes as he picked up a glass from the floor and handed it to me. “Here’s the drink you asked for.”

I took the glass and watched him walk away. He was always doing that. Walking away. But then again, so was I. We were hopeless.