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289 Ava: Who He Is

The way Lucas watches me is terrifying,

Terrifying, because there’s finally interest in his gaze.

I don’t want to hold hope, because every time I have even the glimmer of it, he says something that crushes my heart. The way he doesn’t even recognize our fated bond kills me. It’s yearning aching in my chest, wanting me to go to him. To claim him. To shake and scream until he

remembers all the pain and all the joy between us.

Instead, I sit there, scratching more vigorously at my arms, and the string inside of me tugst harder, as if trying to get my attention. I ignore it.

“Your scent.”

Glancing at Lucas, who stops talking mid–sentence, I sniff discreetly in the direction of my armpits. Did I forget to scrub? He keeps talking about my smell.

“Do I stink that bad?”

“It’s getting stronger, he confirms, his voice husky.

Maybe this is his way of getting me to leave again. “Do you want me to go?”

“No.”

Oh. Never mind, then.

My heart dances at that denial, though, raising hope high on a flag pole and waving it at the walls I’ve tried desperately to construct around my heart.

“Tell me what you think of me,” he says, shifting his weight as his eyes never leave me. They’re golden and intense, different from the way he looked at me when I first walked in.

Is he finally recognizing the bond?

That would be great.

Memories wash over me. Lucas’s scent, amber and campfire smoke, fills my senses, and I’m transported back to Cedarwood. Back to when he’d found me, after I’d run away from everything I’d ever known.

“You found me in Cedarwood, far from here, I say softly, my eyes meeting his. “After the Gala. I wanted nothing to do with you, but you stuck around anyway. You were determined, and I was just afraid you’d leave me again. Change your mind at any time. But you never once blamed me for how I reacted.

A small smile tugs at my lips as I remember those early days. “You’d break into my apartment while I was at work. Spread your scent around. It should have been creepy, but… it wasn’t. Somehow.

Lucas’s brow furrows slightly, but he remains silent, listening intently.

“You can be so sweet sometimes, I continue, my voice barely above a whisper. “And awkward.

200 Ava: Who He is

too. It’s endearing, really. The way you bend over backwards to keep me happy, to keep me safe.

My throat tightens as I recall darker times. “You saved me from my family, Lucas. You’re the first person to ever do that.”

The weight of everything he’s done for me, everything he’s been through because of me, settles heavy on my chest.

“I respect you so much,” I admit, my voice cracking slightly. “I can’t even begin to understand how you can be so strong, so secure.

in love, especially after… after all the times I pushed

you away.

His golden gaze never leaves mine.

It’s not my Lucas, but at least he isn’t staring at me like I’m a complete stranger. He’s starting to see me, even if he doesn’t see his fated mate. It’s a start, right?

“It feels like life is forcing me to repay a debt, I say, the words tumbling out before I can stop them. “You were always there, waiting for me to turn to you. And now…. now the tables have turned. It’s my turn to wait for you.”

I fall silent, my heart pounding in my chest. Lucas grunts, a low sound that reverberates through the quiet room, but I have no idea what he’s thinking.

“How’d it go?”

Lisa practically pounces on me as soon as I walk through the door, her eyes shining with optimism and the belief that fated mates trump

all.

Groaning, I melt into the couch, my body shivering at the memory of his eyes burning into me. “I don’t know. Every so often, I think he’s getting a hint of the bond. Then he says something so casual that just destroys every last hope I’ve ever held.”

Lisa hands me a plate with half a tuna sandwich and a pitiful handful of chips. I raise an eyebrow at her, and she flashes me a sheepish grin.

“I got extra hungry,” she admits, shrugging. “Wasn’t sure when you’d come home, so I helped myself.”

Home. The word hits me like a punch to the gut. Is this really home now? It feels temporary, but our home isn’t ours any longer. What does it look like now? I’m not sure I want to know.

I pick at the meager remains of my lunch, my appetite suddenly gone. “It’s fine. I’m not that hungry anyway!

eyes

Despite my less–than–stellar report on Lucas, Lisa’s practically bouncing on her toes. Her are sparkling with barely contained excitement, and it’s so at odds with the heaviness in my chest that I can’t help but eye her suspiciously.

“What’s going on?” I ask, narrowing my eyes. “You look like you’re about to burst.”

Lisa’s grin widens, if that’s even possible. “Kellan heard from Sister Miriam,” she blurts out. “They should be back this evening

Hels

280 Ava: Who He is

My heart leaps into my throat. “Selene?” I breathe, hardly daring to hope.

Lisa nods vigorously. “Yep! Your furry friend is coming home.”

A genuine smile spreads across my face. The thought of seeing Selene’s husky face again, of burying my face in her soft fur and feeling that comforting presence in my mind, makes everything else fade away.

“When?” I demand, suddenly full of nervous energy. “What time? Did Kellan say anything else?”

Lisa holds up her hands, laughing. “Whoa, slow down! I don’t know the exact time, just that it’ll be this evening. Kellan didn’t give me many details.”

Tempering my excitement is an impossible task. I need to see her. To know she’s okay.

“So,” Lisa says, plopping down next to me on the couch. “What do you want to do while we wait? We could try to summon that book again, or maybe practice some of your magic?”

“The book, I decide, not needing even a second to choose.

Lisa eyes my plate. “Maybe you need more food first.”

Shaking my head, I settle into a cross–legged position on the floor, smiling in thanks as she tosses a throw blanket over my lap. “Shake me awake if Selene gets here.”

“You know I will.”