Unperfect

Max

I glanced back at Mia’s panicked face and my throat tightened so much I actually had to clear it before I could speak.

“I’m not going to chuck you out,” I said, shocked that she would even think such a thing. Quite frankly she was scaring the shit out of me. Her skin was so blue and her hands were so cold it was terrifying. I was on the verge of calling Heath, but decided that the priority should be re-warming her.

She stiffened as I pulled her through into my office. I ignored her bewildered expression as I unbuttoned her sodden coat and threw it on my desk. Before she could protest I put both my hands on her shoulders to sit her down on my small leather sofa. When she was sitting I whipped off my puffa coat and draped it around her. It engulfed her completely. She looked tiny as she blinked up at me. I turned on my heel and prowled out of the office to grab the space heater they kept in the store cupboard for really cold days when the central heating just couldn’t cut it. After I’d dragged it back into the office and set it going at full blast the room was like a sauna in only a couple of minutes.

“Thank you,” Mia whispered and I moved to sit next to her, pulling her hands out from inside the folds of my coat and engulfing them in my own again. They were still cold, but not the full-on blocks of ice they’d been earlier. I was surprised that she didn’t resist, but when I looked up from her hands to her face I realised that she wasn’t fully there. Her eyelids were drooping and her head was nodding forward, her hands gradually went limp in mine – she was asleep sitting up. I took one of the throw cushions and put it at the end of the sofa, then gently moved her so that she was lying with her head on it. Her feet automatically lifted up onto the leather and she curled into a tight ball within my coat, half her face disappearing into it as well. I stood and stared down at her with my hands on my hips, then rubbed the back of my neck for a moment. Fuck it – I was calling Heath.

*****

“What is so frightfully pressing that I have to trek down to your fancy office on the morning after my night shift?” grumbled Heath. “Have you any idea how busy the emergency department is at the moment, big man?”

I rolled my eyes. Heath had always been a whiny little bitch. “It’s important, okay? Medical stuff.”

“Medical stuff does not narrow it down. I–” Heath fell silent as we walked into my office. “Max?” he said, drawing the name out. “There’s a small woman asleep on your sofa.”

“Yes, I know that, you pillock,” I snapped then lowered my voice when Mia stirred under my coat. “It’s Mia. I want you to check she’s okay.’

“Er … why? Did something happen to her?” The note of concern in Heath’s voice made my ears prick up. “Is she hurt?”

“No … well I don’t think so. She … she’s just proper nithered.”

“Nithered?’

I rolled my eyes and muttered, “Southern wanker,” under my breath. “She’s cold, okay. Freezing. Nithered.”

Heath blinked. “She’s cold? You dragged me over here straight after my twelve-hour shift to show me a cold woman? Max, everyone is cold today. It’s absolutely brass monkeys outside.”

I huffed out an annoyed breath. “She’s not just cold, you git – she looked almost dead and felt like ice. And once I warmed her up in the office she fell asleep sitting bolt upright. That shit is weird. Something’s wrong with her.”

Heath sighed but his expression softened when he looked at the small Mia bundle on the sofa.

“Okay, okay,” he murmured, moving to Mia and crouching down in front of her head. “Hey, sweetheart.” He kept his voice soft as he brushed some of the black hair out of her eyes and tucked it behind her ear. Her face, when relaxed in sleep and not tense or anxious or frowning, was actually … beautiful. She had a clear, pale complexion with not a scrap of make-up to be seen. Her brows arched perfectly over her eyes, her lips – when not held in a tight line – were full and formed a perfect bow. She looked like sleeping beauty. The only jarring aspect of her appearance was how cut her cheekbones were, giving her a gaunt, underfed, unhealthy look.

I crossed my arms over my chest. Heath touching Mia was making me feel strangely annoyed. That wave of protectiveness swept through me again and I shook my head to clear it. What was wrong with me?

“Mia?” Heath called again, his voice stronger now. Slowly, very slowly, Mia’s eyes blinked open. With visible effort she focused on Heath’s face in front of her. After a few seconds her sleepy expression cleared and was replaced by shock. She flew up to a sitting position, the huge coat slipping off her shoulders. Before either Heath or I could say anything, she leapt to her feet. Her eyes flicked to the exit then back at us and she froze.

“Mia, I –”

Mia focused on me for a moment, but then her eyes rolled back in her head and she swayed on her feet. I shot forward and caught her before she could crumple to the floor, manoeuvring her back onto the sofa, lying her down, and cocooning her in my coat again.

“See what I mean?” I said to Heath, the snap in my tone making Mia flinch on the sofa. “Shit,” I mumbled as my eyes snapped to her terrified ones. “Mia, it’s okay. Heath’s here to help.” My attempt at a non-threatening tone came out more growly than gentle. I’d never been great at soft and gentle, however hard I tried – my body was just too big, too imposing and my voice was pitched too low.

“Mia, what happened?” Heath asked, his tone managing to be so gentle that I could see Mia relax just slightly, triggering that inexplicable annoyance again. Why did Heath always seem to be able to say the right thing in the right way? He made me feel like a clumsy ogre in comparison.

‘Nothing … er … nothing happened,” she said, her voice hoarse from sleep. She cleared her throat before going on. “I … God. I’m so sorry. I must’ve fallen asleep.”

She tried to push up to sitting again and the image of her eyes rolling back in her head ran through my brain. Without thinking I stepped forward, planted both hands on her shoulders and pushed her firmly back down into the sofa. I hadn’t thought her face could get any paler. I was wrong. And now she was shaking again, not with cold this time but with actual fear. I had succeeded in scaring a woman so badly she was shaking. Did I have to be such a heavy-handed dickhead?

Heath shot me a well-deserved annoyed look and pushed me away from the sofa. I went back a step and scowled down at my shoes. I’d had to wear these bloody uncomfortable Italian leather jobs today as we had that big presentation to give for the museum refurbishment and extension. Verity had bought them for me after I’d turned up to the last one of these meetings in my scuffed, twenty-year-old loafers. I pulled at my collar, which felt too tight around my thick neck. Suits were the devil’s work and I never wore a tie if I could help it. I was infinitely jealous of the green pajamas and trainers Heath was currently sporting which passed for perfect consultant-in-emergency-medicine gear apparently. The irony was that the bastard loved pretentious suits and shoes.

“Sorry about that, Mia,” Heath said, his gentle tone drawing her eyes away from me. “Max didn’t mean to upset you, but you probably should lie there for a bit. You did look like you were going to pass out. When’s the last time you ate anything?”

Mia’s eyes flicked to me again and she did a sweep from head to toe of my outfit.

“Oh no,” she whispered. “Your presentation. That’s why you’re in so early. You’re preparing for it. And I’m ruining everything!” She started to shift as if she was going to sit up again and I took a step forward.

“It’s fine,” I snapped, again not managing to gentle my tone, but it did have the effect of making Mia shrink back into the sofa away from me. At least she wasn’t going to stand up again. I sighed. “Don’t worry about it. Just stop being difficult and let Heath look at you, right?”

She nodded and Heath pulled out some equipment from his bag, then wrapped his hand around her wrist to feel her pulse, took her temperature in her ear, put an something on her finger which flashed up some numbers and took her blood pressure.

“Okay you’ve warmed up now it seems,” he said, smiling at her. “But the question is, how did you get that cold in the first place?” Mia repeated the taking a walk story she’d given me and Heath’s head cocked to the side.

“Right,” he said, drawing the word out in a way that stated she was not fooling anyone. “Did you eat breakfast today?”

*****

Mia

I looked into Heath’s kind, concerned eyes and I felt tired. So, so tired of all the lies. I thought of my jar of peanut butter and the loaf of bread in my backpack and the fact I hadn’t eaten anything other than that for the last three days.

“I … skipped breakfast,” I told him. “Look, this is all a big fuss about nothing. I’m sorry for wasting your time. I’ll just get back to work, okay?”

I could see people had started to filter into the building now, all of them pausing to stare into the office until they were dismissed by a fierce scowl from Max. Having been the recipient of many of Max’s scowls I could understand why his employees scattered so quickly. A glance at the clock showed it was after nine. Bloody hell, how long had I been asleep on this sofa?

Heath was staring at me, something working behind his eyes that I couldn’t put my finger on. Max had crossed his arms over his chest and turned his scowl on me now. Wonderful. The last time I had showered was two days ago when I’d managed to sneak into the gym in the leisure centre down the road. Since dying my hair that god-awful colour it looked dull and grim even at the best of times, but unwashed it was even worse.

My mind flashed back to a time when my make-up was perfect, always. My hair used to fall in the styled, glossy waves that Nate preferred. Ponytails had annoyed him, and the one time I had had more than an inch chopped off he’d gone ballistic. After that I’d learned to keep it long and down at all times. It used to take me an hour and half every day to get ready. Cutting it all off had been one of the most freeing experiences of my life. Hair should be a woman’s pride and joy, her crowning glory. But to me, it was just another weakness to be exploited. My scalp still tingled from the remembered pain.

I would never have long hair again.

But, as these two men stared down at me, I found that there was still a small spark of feminine pride that mourned the fact I looked about as far from an attractive woman as you could get. Which was ridiculous. The last thing I needed was any male attention. In fact, I’d sworn to myself that whatever happened I would never allow myself to be involved with another man. I’d learnt the hard way that you couldn’t trust them. They used their size and their strength to bully and control. It just wasn’t worth it. Maybe if an extremely short, skinny, infinitely kind, totally harmless guy crossed my path I would consider it in a few years. Maybe.

“I think you should take the rest of the day off,” Heath said. “Get some proper food into you and rest.”

My eyes widened as I glanced out at grey sky beyond the office and the drops of rain streaming down the windows. I started shaking my head, so hard that my short hair fell into my eyes and I had to push it back behind my ears. It was time to attack it again with the kitchen scissors I had in my backpack.

“Please, please no,” I begged. I hated begging, hated sounding so fucking weak. But I couldn’t go out into the cold again. Not yet. “I’m fine now, really. I have a ton of stuff to do today. We’ve just had an upgrade on the system for BIM and they’ll need me.” I turned to Max in my desperation and his scowl morphed into a bemused expression. “You’ll need me here. Look, I’ll have a cup of sweet tea and a couple of digestives and I’ll be right as rain. It was stupid to walk this morning but I just didn’t think. I-I-I won’t do it again.”

Heath’s eyes had narrowed and Max still looked confused. I’d reassured Heath repeatedly the other day that I was no longer in my … situation. I’d promised him. Now I could see that it looked as though I didn’t want to go home. That I was scared to go home. What Heath didn’t know was that there was no longer a home for me to even go to.  But in two weeks that would change. And tonight I’d make it to the shelter in time to get a space.

“Is everything ok in here?” Verity flung open the door and our eyes swung to her. “What’s going on? Brother dearest, you know I love you but why are you here so early? Max, we’ve got to leave in ten. Are you ready?”

I knew an opportunity when I saw one and I was going to take it.

“Sorry Verity, it’s my fault I … I felt unwell and Max overreacted.”

Max swivelled and pinned me with a furious look. Hmm, maybe that wasn’t the best choice of words.

“I did not overreact,” he bit out, moving to block my escape path from the office, but I was too fast for him. “I–”

“Anyway,” I said, forcing a bright tone and even managing a smile for Verity. “Good luck today. Although, I know you won’t need it.’

“Well, not with the improvements on the 3D modelling you managed to knock up for the presentation we won’t,” Verity said. “Mia, I’ve never seen anything like it. As long as I can stop this one unleashing his unique brand of northern tosspot I’m pretty sure we’ve got it in the bag.”

I’d noticed that, while Max oversaw a lot of the design side of the business, Verity was the one who dealt with clients. Apparently there had been “incidents” which had cost them some pretty big fish in the early days. It seemed that if Max thought an idea was stupid he tended to let the client know … to their faces, with swear words on occasion. So now Verity said she tried to minimise his face time with people they wanted to do business with. Although, when it was a big presentation and they were bidding for a job like this one, both of them had to go. Max’s suit fitted him to perfection. With shoulders that broad it must have been tailored to his exact dimensions. Objectively he looked stunning. However, the way he shifted in his shoes and pulled at his collar gave the impression of a big, beautiful, grizzly bear forced into a fancy suit and not being at all happy about it.

“I’ll leave you to it then,” I said, sliding further towards the door.

“Mia – ” Max called, but I didn’t look back. I could hear Verity telling him to get his arse in gear. Heath followed me though – right back to my terminal at the back of the office. I had a sixth sense for when I was being followed now – part of my well-honed survival instinct.

“Thank you,” I mumbled at the screen as I fired up my computer, feeling him looming over me but managing not to shrink into my chair.

“Mia,” Heath said softly. “If you need anything. If you need help of any kind. Like I said the other day I can put you in touch with some– ”

“I’m good, fine, great.”

Heath sighed then lowered his voice.

“I could talk to Max and Verity. They would help you, you know. If you needed some – ”

“I’m fine,” I repeated, somehow managing to add some steel into my tone. “Do not discuss what you know about me to my employers. Even I know that that would break patient confidentiality. I might be weak, but I’m not stupid.”

“I never said you were weak, Mia,” Heath said in a quiet voice. He rested his hand on my shoulder for a second, but removed it when I flinched away.

“You’re still not moving your arm properly.”

My mouth tightened but I ignored Heath and carried on logging into the system. The number he’d given me for the physiotherapy department was still in my back pocket. But I’d realised that to book an appointment they’d probably need an address and other details – stuff I didn’t have. So I hadn’t rung them.

“The longer you leave it the more likely you are to lose function. Listen, I know one of the upper limb physios. She can see you … this week even.”

“I can’t– ”

“I’ll book it in and let you know the time.”

My fingers paused over the keyboard and I blinked. “Really?”

“Yes. Look, give me your number and I can let you know when and where.”

I closed my eyes and felt my chest tighten. After I gave Heath my new mobile number I forced myself to make eye contact with him.

“Thank you,” I repeated, only this time it wasn’t a whisper. This time I made sure he would know just how much this kindness meant to me. He nodded, but just as he was leaving he turned back to me.

“Why were you so cold this morning, Mia? What happened?” he asked in a low tone so that none of the other desks would be able to overhear. I looked back at my screen again and remained silent. After a long minute I felt him move away but I didn’t look up.