Unperfect

Max

“Dad, what the fuck are you doing?” Teddy snapped as I walked towards them. My ears were still ringing with Mia’s words. Yaz, Teddy, Heath and Verity rushed forward.

“Where is she?” Yaz asked, frowning up at me. “Why haven’t you brought her out?”

“She didn’t want to come with us, Yaz,” I said, my voice tight with anger. “She’s made her choice and it wasn’t us.”

“Ugh!” Yaz shouted, surprising me with a punch to my arm, her fist was small and sharp and, just like when we were kids, surprisingly effective. “You are such a total knobhead! She doesn’t have a choice. Are you blind?”

“She wants what he can give her,” I told her. “Limos and houses with security guards. You didn’t see her in there. She didn’t even look like our Mia.’

“Of course she still our Mia,” said a furious Teddy. “Have you completely lost it? You need to go back in there and get her.”

“She said she couldn’t be bothered with ‘my shitty kid who’s not really my kid’, Teddy,” I replied, then turned to Yaz. “She basically called you a loser and your flat a tiny hovel. She doesn’t care about us.”

“For fuck’s sake she didn’t mean any of that, you stupid sod,” Yaz shouted. “And I am a loser. Who cares? You were supposed to take her away from that abusive arsehole. Tell me something, Max, was she tapping in there? When you watched her before you approached did she seem happy and relaxed? Or was she wearing a fake smile and tapping? Things you know very well she only does if she’s distressed.”

“But …” An image of Mia standing next to Nate flashed into my brain. Perfect, beautiful, untouchable in that long white dress but, yes, she was tapping two of her fingers on her other wrist, there may have been a smile on her face, but it looked fixed and it didn’t reach her eyes. Another image of her upper arm covered in finger mark bruises intruded and felt my heart clench in my chest. “Shit,” I muttered.

“She’s not Rebecca, Max,” Yaz said and I closed my eyes, letting out my breath in a short exhale. “She loves you. You know she does. She doesn’t care about any of this other stuff.”

Yaz was right. I’d let Rebecca’s rejection colour how I viewed Mia’s. It was as though Mia telling me I wasn’t good enough had propelled me back to the bad place I’d been in when Rebecca left me – brought back all of that insecurity. Then I remembered then what Marnie had told me, about how Mia had said the most hurtful things she could to her sister, just to make sure she left. To make sure she stayed safe. Christ, I was an idiot.

“We’ve got to get over her leaving us, Dad,” Teddy put in. He was staring at me now with a steady gaze. “I can’t go around being a tosser and trying to push everyone who actually cares about me away anymore, and neither can you. We’ve got to get our shit together.”

I put a hand on his shoulder, gave him a shake and then a slap on the back as I nodded.

“Bloody hell, look at this!” Yaz cried as she passed me her phone.

“Yaz, for Christ’s sake I’m not sure now is the time to–”

“Watch it!” she snapped.

“Oh my God,” Teddy breathed out as he started at her phone. I snatched it from her and frowned in confusion at what was playing on the screen. Nate was on stage with Mia and the bloody Prime Minister. He was accepting an award then thanking Mia. I stiffened as I watched what unfolded next. Mia saying “No’ into the microphone, Mia being wrenched backwards by her bad arm by that arsehole and literally thrown to one side before running off the stage.

“When was this filmed?” I demanded, tearing my eyes off the screen to look up at the exit from the building.

“Just now. It’s a video of the event online from just now that’s going viral.”

I shoved the phone back at Yaz and took a step towards the road which separated us from the event venue. Cars were streaming in both directions. I was about to launch myself into the middle of the road and stop traffic when the double doors were flung open on the building opposite and Mia shot out down the stone steps.

“Mia!” I shouted and she paused mid step to look up. When she caught sight of me her face melted into relief and her hand went up to the centre of her chest. I moved forward, waving my arms to stop the oncoming car, which screeched to a halt in front of me. When I was in the middle of the road, a large limousine pulled up in front of Mia. She glanced down at it and frowned, taking a step backwards just as Banks appeared out of the building behind her. I managed to stop the cars again and ran across the road. But by the time I reached the pavement, Banks had got Mia. He grabbed a fistful of her hair at the back of her head, wrenched open the door of the limousine, and threw her in. I made it to the passenger door of the limo just as it was pulling away. The windows were tinted and I couldn’t see inside. I slammed my hand against the glass but it glided out into traffic and away from the curb.

“Fuck!” I shouted, both my hands going to the back of my neck as I bent forward at the waist. “Fucking hell!”

“Quick,” Yaz cried, grabbing my arm. “Come on. This way.” She was dragging me back towards the building

“Yaz, what are you doing? I’ve got to go after her. We’ve got to call the police.”

“Did you see the look on that dude’s face?” asked Teddy. His face was pale and for the first time in ages he looked like the little boy I used to know.

“She’ll be fine, Ted,” I told him, pulling back from Yaz to flag down a cab.

“She will if you listen to me,” Yaz said. “We won’t catch up to them if we travel normally. We need to cut through the traffic.’

“And how do you suppose we do that?” I asked, trying to shake her off my arm.

“With them,” she told me, pointing at the four police motorbikes surrounding the Prime Minister’s car.

Mia

“How dare you embarrass me like that?” I heard Nate’s ice-cold voice as if it was coming at me down a dark tunnel. My vision started to narrow, and small dots danced in front of my eyes as I clawed at his hands which were wrapped around my throat. The soundproof partition was up between us and the driver so even if I could have called out for help it would have been useless. “You’re my wife. I gave you everything,” he hissed, “Did you think you’d be able to walk away again? That I’d ever let that happen?”

I realised then that deep down I had known he wouldn’t have ever let me go. That our agreement had been a fantasy. I think I’d always known that someday it would come to this. In public, Nate kept a handle on his violence most of the time, but it was always lurking there, under the surface. Being urban, sophisticated, and charming served him well in his rampant pursuit of power. Having me on his arm fitted into that as well. He might control me, hurt me, beat me down, but he wouldn’t normally do anything to jeopardise his handle on power. However, I always knew that if I pushed him far enough he had the potential to shed all that urban sophistication and go fully murderous on me. Just as he was finally doing now.

His hands tightened around my throat, and I felt my vision start to fade. At least now it would be over. No more nightmares. No more hiding. I would be at peace. But, just as I let that acceptance wash over me and felt my hands, which had been clawing at Nate’s, start to go weak, I had flashbacks of a different kind:

Yaz, testing her reflexology out on me – telling me that she was cleansing my kidney as she put pressure on my insole then rolling her eyes when I burst out laughing (my feet were always ticklish).

Teddy’s eyes, shining with happiness last week after he’d received his acceptance to Cambridge for computer sciences – sweeping me up in a tight hug and swinging me round, whilst telling me how he would never have been able to answer the interview questions without me practising with him.

Verity, picking up my peanut butter sandwich with the tips of her fingers like it was contaminated with toxic sludge, binning it and then dumping a latte and a fancy patisserie roll in front of me.

Heath, lecturing me about my physio exercises for my shoulder. Demanding he see the range of movement in the pub every week after rugby. Muzzing my hair on the top of my head with his large hand, and smiling down at me when I regained a few inches of extension with it.

And then Max … Max lifting me up in his arms when I was ill. Max realising when he was blocking the exits in a room and moving so that I felt more comfortable. Max pulling me into his side gently on the sofa, always checking that I was okay, that I didn’t feel enclosed or panicked. Playing with my hair as we watched Stranger Things, hating Love Island but watching it anyway. Cupping my cheek and kissing me – always one light brush of the lips first before searching my face to check it was okay before he deepened the kiss. Max’s kindness, his smell, his strength, his loyalty, his humour, his honourable nature, his sense of justice, his genuine love for the environment and his desire to make it better, and the way he cared so deeply about his family, his friends, his dog.

It wasn’t so much my life flashing before my eyes, it was what made my life worth living now. I’d survived. I’d even managed to be happy. The abyss wasn’t better than the life I’d built. I wasn’t going to go quietly into the night.

If you’re pinned and there’s no way out, go limp, Teddy voice filtered into my brain. It went against all my instinct, but I did it. After a moment, the pressure around my neck eased. I was desperate to start gulping in air again but forced myself to resist the urge. The dots inside my eyelids faded away and I felt the strength return to my arms. The car was slowing and for some reason I could hear sirens outside, but I focused on my survival.

Repeat after me, Teddy’s voice continued. Throat, eyes, balls. I clenched my hand into a fist at my side as Nate’s fingers loosened even further. Then I moved. My arm shot up in between his and I throat punched him. As he was choking I brought knee up and in sharp contact with his groin. Just as he let out an inhuman noise of pain the car ground to a stop. I scrambled to turn around and managed to get the door open.

“You fucking bitch!” Nate choked out as I flung myself out of the car, landing hard on the road surface on my hands and knees. There were blue and white flashing lights everywhere, and multiple headlights blinding me. I blinked into the brightness and pushed up onto my knees, but before I could manage to stand my head was jerked back violently by the hair and I was pulled towards the car.

“Let her go!” My eyes flew to that familiar voice, and I saw Max running towards us. Nate’s hand tightened on my hair. I glanced back at him. His eyes were crazed and he was snorting like a cornered bull. My vision was adjusting to the headlights and I could see that they were coming from police motorbikes.

Surrounding us were at least eight police officers, armed police officers. And Nate still had my hair in a death grip. There were trained men pointing guns at him and telling him to let me go and he still carried on hurting me.

He was such a dick!

A stupid, self-centred, narcissistic excuse for a human. And I wasn’t enduring a second more of him and his bullshit. A policeman had caught up with Max and was trying to hold him back, but a 15 stone, rugby-playing Max was a difficult beast to control. He broke free and started towards us again. I made a decision in that moment. Nate wasn’t going to touch my Max. He was never going to touch anything I cared about ever again. I bent my good arm into a tight unit, drew it up and back across my body and then put my full body weight into an elbow strike, right into the centre of Nate’s face. I heard his nasal bones crack and he fell back from me, releasing my hair. Then I ran. But I’d forgotten about the fucking heels Nate had made me wear and I tripped after a couple of steps. So of course, of course my Max caught me. Just like I knew he would.